by K L Wood
Tabitha was out cold by the time I pulled in front of her house. I gently nudged her. “You’re home.”
She moaned and snuggled even tighter against the seat.
I tried shaking her a little harder. “Tabitha, wake up.”
“Sssleep here,” she mumbled under her breath.
Great. There was no way in hell I was going to wake up her parents and have to answer a lot of questions on why she was passed out in my arms, so I took her to my house instead. Paige wouldn’t care if Tabitha slept in her bed. It’s not like she didn’t sleep there countless times growing up.
I parked in the driveway and went around to the passenger side. After unhooking her seatbelt, I lifted her into my arms, and she nestled into my chest, wrapping her arms around my neck. I loved the feeling of her there; it was deeper than warmth. Kicking the door shut with my foot, I headed toward the house, realizing I couldn’t get the key out of my pocket with her like this.
“Tabitha, if you don’t wake up right now, I’m hoisting you over my shoulder,” I warned.
She responded with a half snore.
Tabitha wasn’t heavy, but the dead weight made it a lot more difficult to maneuver her body into another position. She let out a giggle when I lifted her over my shoulder, and I had the urge to smack her on her ass for giving me this much trouble. I had the feeling she was awake enough to walk on her own. With my arm across the back of her thighs securing her in place, I slipped the key out of my pocket and unlocked the door. Doing my best to be as quiet as possible, I headed down the hallway, but not before her flailing arms knocked over a picture frame on the end table. Another giggle came out of her. I sighed out in relief when it fell to the wood floor without the sound of glass shattering. I opened Paige’s door and flopped her down on the bed.
Her eyes fluttered open, and there was a shit-eating grin spread across her lips. “Where are we?”
I crossed my arms. “You know damn well where we are.”
A small pout circled her lips, and I had to run a hand down my mouth to keep from smiling.
“I didn’t want to go home,” she admitted. “But I really am tired.” She looked up at me with doe eyes, and her hair fanned out across the bed.
My dick jumped at the sight of her like that, and I rubbed the back of my neck. “You need water or anything before I leave?”
She propped up on her elbows. “You’re going back to school now?”
“In about nine hours, so I’d like to get some shut-eye if you don’t mind.”
Her face fell, and my heart fell along with it.
“Thanks for taking care of me.” She sat up and reached for her ankles to undo the strap of her shoe. She struggled to get it undone, and with a frustrated sigh, she hid her face in her hands.
“I’ll do it.” I knelt down and took her foot in my hands, my fingers shaking as I undid the buckle and slipped off one heel then the other. I looked up to find her sliding off my hoodie, her hair a slight tangled mess as it fell back over her bare shoulders. The fact that I couldn’t touch her was straight-up torture.
“Can I keep your sweatshirt?” she asked.
“It’s too big for you.”
“It’s perfect.” She held it cradled in her lap, and I didn’t have the heart to take it back.
“Sure, I have plenty anyway.”
“Did you know I wanted you to be my first?”
My heart stilled. I did already know that, but hearing Tabitha say it now as an eighteen-year-old young woman instead of a fifteen-year-old pubescent girl writing her thoughts in a diary was having a very different effect on my mind and body that I wasn’t sure how to deal with yet.
I smiled, brushing it off. “Yeah, when you were a hormonal mess of a kid.”
She looked deep into my eyes, no trace of humor or amusement, and I got the feeling that she was about to get very real with me.
She reached out and cupped my face, her fingers trailing the edge of my jaw. “I still want it to be you.”
I could barely move, let alone breathe. I knew this was wrong. I knew I should break this up, but Tabitha’s touch was hypnotizing, and I didn’t realize how much I craved it until now.
She leaned in, her other hand gliding around the back of my neck. There was a slight hesitation as our faces were inches apart, and I inhaled the heat of her breath. The moment her lips crashed into mine, all sense of logic cracked and burst like a dam. My hands slid up her calves and over her thighs until they gripped her waist.
A soft moan escaped her lips, and my eyes popped open.
What the hell am I doing?
I ripped my mouth from hers. “You’ve been drinking. You should sleep.”
“I don’t even feel it anymore.”
“We both need sleep,” I said in a near whisper. She nodded, and I stood up. “Do you need anything before I go?”
“No, I’m good. Thanks.” She crawled toward the head of the bed and snuggled into the pillow. I wanted to tell her she should change out of her dress, but I thought it best not to open that can of worms.
The moment I left and closed the door, I leaned against the wall, roping a hand through my hair. How did I let that happen? I knew she was the one who kissed me, but I sure as hell responded. She was still in high school, for fuck’s sake, and I was a junior in college.
“Reed?” My mother stood at the end of the hallway, hands on her hips.
“Yeah?”
“Come into the living room,” was all she said before walking away.
Not good.
My mother sat on the couch with only one lamp on next to her on the side table. She gestured to the chair across from her. I didn’t argue, just sat down. My mother knew how to deal with me and always got straight to the point.
“Was that Tabitha?”
“Yes.”
“Is she drunk?”
“No.” It was the truth. “Just tired.”
Her expression was more worried than angry. “Did something happen to her?”
“Tabitha and what’s-his-name broke up, and she called me to take her home but fell asleep on the way, so I brought her here.”
“Okay. Thank you for taking care of her.”
I nodded, got up off the chair until she held up her hand to stop me. “You do know she still has a crush on you.”
I didn’t answer.
“And from the way you’ve been behaving around her lately, I’m beginning to wonder if maybe you have feelings for her that extend beyond brotherly affection?”
My feelings for Tabitha was no one’s business but mine.
Heat rushed up my neck and into my face. “I care about her, if that’s what you mean.”
“I know she’s legally an adult, but she’s still very young…”
“I know that.” Guilt crept up my spine. Why didn’t I pull away from her touch when I had the chance?
“Don’t get me wrong, if sometime in the future you two ended up together, I would love that, but right now, you both are on very different paths. Tabitha deserves to explore and find herself in college. It’s the first time she’ll be away from home.”
“I get it,” I said in a flat tone. Her words started to dig under my skin, pissing me off. Didn’t she know I was already thinking these things over and over again? If I didn’t give a shit, I would have fucked her by now.
“And you need to be careful. Tabitha isn’t just some girl you date. She’s like family. You have to be darn sure it’s what you want, or holidays and reunions will get more than awkward for all of us.”
As much as I hated to think about that one, she was right. I needed to be the adult here and set boundaries. “I get it.” I stood up. “I’ve got to leave for school in the morning, and I really need sleep, if you don’t mind.”
She pushed herself off the couch and gave me a hug. “If it’s meant to be, it will be when the time is right.”
It will never be.
7
Will You Be My First?
Tabith
a
I traced my fingers over my lips, still feeling that kiss. It was just how a kiss should be, though not quite perfect. There was so much behind it, like he’d been holding back for a long time and was just finally beginning to let go. I somehow knew if he had allowed himself to be fully in the moment, it would have been the kiss to end all kisses. Perfect and transcendent.
It was then I made a decision: Reed was going to be my first. Maybe not tonight, or tomorrow, or even months from now, but one day, it would be him.
After all this time of me thinking he was blind, he truly did see me.
Reed
I didn’t say goodbye. I didn’t know how to face her after that kiss. I couldn’t see that hopeful look she’d have in her eyes, like something had changed between us. She would be right, though. Something did change, but I had to nip it in the bud before it got out of hand. I stared down at her text again.
T: You left without saying goodbye.
She sent it over three hours ago, but I still hadn’t responded. My departure looked like a dick move, and I hated thinking that it hurt her. The feeling of a hundred-pound weight on my chest hadn’t let up since the moment I’d left. I thumbed through my phone.
R: Something came up, and I had to go earlier than expected. You were still in bed, and I didn’t want to disturb sleeping off a hangover. ;)
T: I’m not hungover. I wasn’t drunk when you put me to bed. I meant everything I said.
Not good. Time to end this now.
R: About that, I’m sorry I let things get out of hand. That should have never happened.
T: I wanted it to happen.
R: Tabitha, you’re only 18, going off to college in 5 months. You’re a kid. Enjoy it while it lasts.
T: I’m not a kid! Stop seeing me like I’m some stupid teenage girl. I’m not.
R: Yeah, all grown up, still playing on a pubescent fantasy about having sex with your best friend’s brother. It’s not going to happen. You’re like my sister, for fuck’s sake. I call your parents Auntie Sam and Uncle Derek.
T: That would make me your fake cousin, not sister. But we aren’t related, and it isn’t some pubescent fantasy. If you do think of me as your sister, that’s pretty messed up, because if you kiss your actual sister goodnight like that, then the two of you have some explaining to do.
R: We are not having sex. Ever.
T: Are you trying to convince yourself or me?
Wasn’t she supposed to be all shy and reserved and giddy about this shit? She’s a damn virgin.
T: Whatever, I’m sure there are plenty of guys who wouldn’t mind taking my V-card. Maybe I’ll post an ad on Craigslist.
R: Yeah, right.
T: You think I’m kidding? Watch me.
Now she was messing with me. I knew that, but a little inkling of doubt sat there festering. What if she did something that stupid just to spite me?
No. I wasn’t taking that bait.
Another text flung up five minutes later. It was a Craigslist link. My heart was ready to pop out of my chest as I tapped on the link.
Will you be my first?
You gave me a ride home after a disastrous prom night. You danced with me beneath the stars so I wouldn’t feel sad about my night going so awfully. When you put me to bed, I kissed you, and you kissed me back. I told you I wanted you to be my first, but you wouldn’t because I’d been drinking. I’m eighteen and legal. I’ve known what I wanted since I was fifteen. It hasn’t changed. I’m going to have sex before I go off to college, whether it’s you or not.
So I’m asking…will you be my first?
With flames soaring through my veins, I typed out another text.
R: Take it down!
T: Answer the question, and maybe I will.
R: No. Now take it down.
T: No. You can’t tell me what to do.
R: Tabitha, please. Take it down. My parents know I drove you home. And do you realize the predators that scan that site? I’m asking you, please take it down.
T: Deleted.
I tapped the link to make sure the ad was gone and breathed a sigh of relief.
R: Thank you.
T: Can I ask you something?
R: You can, but it doesn’t mean I’ll answer.
T: Do you still see me as a fifteen-year-old girl?
R: No, I see you as a young woman still in high school who is embarking on four years of college.
T: Is that why you won’t do it with me?
I couldn’t help but smile at her choice of words.
R: Why do you want to “do it” so badly before college?
There was a long pause before texting bubbles surfaced.
T: Did you have sex before you went to college?
R: This isn’t about me.
T: It’s called a conversation, Reed. It’s a yes or no question.
R: Yes.
T: Why?
R: That’s different. I’m a guy.
T: Oh, so it’s all right for a guy to want to experience sex? Are women supposed to be chaste and protect their cherry, like it’s some sacred fruit that only the best can taste?
What the fuck? How did our conversation get to this level?
R: I’m not discussing this with you.
T: The question you should be asking is not why I want to lose my virginity before college. It should be why I’m asking you to be my first.
I ran a hand down my face. The truth? I really did want to know why, but I wasn’t sure I was ready for the answer.
R: Why do you want it to be me?
My finger hovered over the send button, and I regretted it the moment I hit it.
T: Because last night, I realized you really do see me. And no one really sees me. Not Paige, not my parents or yours. No one. Except you. I’m not asking for commitment. And I really don’t want to give it up to just anyone. Statistics show you don’t end up with your first. I’m not naive enough to believe that it will be some fairy tale with a happily ever after. I just want to look back and smile once in a while without cringing about the choice I made.
My heart hurt at her words. I knew what it felt like not to be understood. And I would never fuck her to get off. I would make love to her…but what I couldn’t do was fall in love. I liked having Tabitha the way things were before last night and without the complications of sex. And the last thing I ever wanted to be was her late-night booty call one day. I couldn’t handle that.
R: I’m flattered, and I don’t mean that in a condescending dickhead way at all. It means a lot.
T: But…
R: I would love to be your first, but sex complicates things, and with our families so close, I suspect we’ll see each other for years to come. I don’t want things to ever get awkward between us. I’d rather have you as a fake sister than nothing at all.
T: Fake cousin, but it’s okay. I get it.
R: Are you saying that because I rejected you or because you really do understand?
T: Can it be both?
R: Yes.
T: It’s both.
I had the most profound urge to trail my fingers along her face and kiss her forehead.
R: I know you have the right to do with your body whatever you wish, but please consider not “doing it” with some asshole just to get it over with. There will be someone who truly sees you, and if that’s what you want for your first time, wait for that. You obviously sense when someone does see you.
T: Thanks, Reed.
R: Anytime, and I mean that.
8
Pookey Bear and Monkey Butt
September 1st
Text
To: Reed
From: Tabitha
T: Spent my first night in the dorm. My roommate is okay, I guess, but she’s played “All About That Bass” like ten times since we moved in. I’m ready to toss her speaker out the window.
R: Ouch. I feel for you, I really do. Classes don’t start until the third. What does your RA have planned?
T:
I don’t know. Some game night, I think.
R: You’re not going?
T: Nobody is going to that. There’s a big party tonight. I’m going to check it out with my roommate and a few girls across the hall.
R: A party where?
T: You’re not going to like it. Does it matter?