Mean Crush

by K L Wood

T: I would, but I don’t want to hurt my mom’s feelings, either.

  P: Heading over now. I’ll think of something on the way.

  I tossed my phone aside and set the Kindle on my lap. By the second chapter, Paige knocked before opening the door. She winced as she looked around. “Why is it so damn dark and stuffy in here?” She threw open my shades and opened a window before plopping down on the bed next to me. “Sorry I’m a little late, but I had to make sure everything would be a go before I offered.”

  “Offered what?”

  “My mom said the last renters at the vacation house left this morning, and she has nothing booked for two more weeks. You’re more than welcome to stay there if you need some alone time.”

  I sat up, looking down at her. “Seriously?”

  I’d never even considered that they’d let me stay there without at least one of our parents around.

  She reached in her pocket and pulled out a key. “It’s yours for the week.”

  I grabbed the sacred metal to my freedom and hugged her. “You are the bestest friend in the history of best friends.”

  She fiddled with her bracelet, avoiding my eyes. “You may not like me as much after what I’m about to say.”

  I sat cross-legged, preparing myself for something about Reed. Paige knew that he was the reason I pretty much ruined my chances with Mark, but I didn’t tell her. She guessed that all on her own. I didn’t deny it, but I made it clear I didn’t want to talk about it.

  I narrowed my eyes. “What is it?”

  “I know you don’t want to talk about Reed, but—”

  “Yes. About as much as you don’t want to talk about Bryant.”

  Paige glared at me with the fury of a thousand blue suns ready to burn Bryant out of existence. The week after I’d told Reed I didn’t love him anymore, it was the same week Bryant had broke it off with Paige. His excuse? He needed some space to “find himself.” Which meant to have sex with other girls since she was his first and only.

  Paige hated Bryant even more than I hated Reed. I at least could handle someone mentioning his name or updating me with his work without a death stare. But I loathed being in the same room with him. Ever since the Tyler incident, he had been colder and icier than he’d ever been…especially when I brought home a new boyfriend when he happened to be visiting. For some reason, he seemed to hate Mark the most.

  And without even trying, Reed won again on that one.

  “I’ll make a deal with you. I will give you one free pass to get real with me about Bryant, and I promise to answer truthfully…if you let me have some truth time with you about Reed.”

  As much as I wanted to ignore that the man even existed at all, I knew I had to face this sooner or later. And Paige offering a fair exchange was more than huge for her.

  I let in a long breath and let it out, giving her my full attention. “Okay.”

  Paige kicked off her shoes and folded her legs to sit across from me. I smiled, remembering us talking like this as teenagers.

  “Remember when we were little and the ice cream truck came to our neighborhood? How it would take me forever to pick out what I wanted?”

  I chuckled. “Yes, it was annoying.”

  “Or how you hate shopping with me because I like to browse and touch and explore my options?”

  I nodded. I really did hate shopping with Paige.

  “And how you knew since the age thirteen you wanted to be an editor for romance books, and I wanted to be a singer, actress, fashion designer, make-up artist, own a salon, and god knows what else?”

  I tilted my head. “If your point is that I know what I want and you don’t most of the time, I get it.”

  “And there was also a time you wanted Reed.”

  Now it was my turn to give her the death stare.

  “I know you think you want Mark back, and I know you said you like predictable and comfortable and safe…but don’t you find it really weird that you were set on building a future with Mark, and right when that moment came, you freaked out and questioned whether or not you really wanted it?”

  I tensed. “It was a momentary lapse of insanity.”

  Paige raised an eyebrow. “The truth.”

  That roller coaster of emotions I called Reed began to seep into my heart again. Even though I hated him, he still did things to my mind and body and heart that I loved and loathed at the same time.

  Deep down, a part of me still loved him and probably always would.

  But I couldn’t go there with him again.

  “I want to move on from him,” I whispered. “I just don’t know how.”

  She took my hands in hers. “Tabitha, I know you didn’t share everything with me about whatever relationship you had with my brother over the years, but the one thing I do know? Both of you have some serious unresolved issues.”

  I huffed. “Do you really think Reed and I could sit down together, have a nice, calm chat, and resolve them?”

  She laughed. “Probably not. Although I do think you should try. Throw it all on the table because whatever you were doing before obviously didn’t work.”

  I snorted. “Not happening.”

  She threw her hands up. “So what’s your solution?”

  “Wallow in my misery. Read books. Stop dating altogether.”

  And hopefully win back Mark.

  She crossed her arms. “If you want to get over Reed for good, you’re going to have to open up some old wounds and face them.”

  “Have you done the same with Bryant?” I challenged back.

  “No, this truth time is about you right now. You can be real with me another day when you think I really need to hear it.” She cocked her head, worry filling her expression. “What happened when Mark asked you to marry him was a big deal. You need to face that. And if you do want to really move on from Reed, you need closure, because you obviously didn’t let go of him.”

  Her words hit hard like a punch to the gut, but they were precisely what I needed to hear. If Mark ever did give me that miracle second chance, he deserved at least that much. I had to give him my whole heart, not just part of it.

  “I’ll think about it,” I finally said. “I promise. But there’s no way in hell I’m having any heart to heart with your brother, not after the way he treated me for the last five years. If he wants to make up, then he needs to apologize and start acting like a human being.”

  She chuckled, shaking her head. “You’re not so innocent yourself.”

  “He started it.”

  “So be the grown-up and end it?”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Truth time is officially over.”

  Reed

  I pulled up in front of my parents’ home in my brand new RV. Well, it wasn’t really mine; it was a loaner, sponsored by the company for my cross-country road trip. But she was a real beaut, maybe even a little too luxury for my taste, but it could withstand a lot of weather conditions and had everything I needed. My mom ran outside before I had a chance to step down the stairs.

  “Reed!” She opened her arms and crashed into me with a big bear hug. “I missed you so much.”

  “Missed you, too, Mom.”

  My dad came out with his hands stuffed in his pockets but soon opened his arms for a hug as well. “It’s good to see ya.”

  “You, too.”

  He cleared his throat and nodded to the RV. “Pretty fancy.”

  “Yeah, a little too fancy, but she’ll get the job done. Want to see the inside?”

  “I do!” My mom went to the door and opened it, my dad following behind. She gushed over pretty much everything. “It’s like one of those tiny homes you see on Home and Garden TV. This is incredible.”

  I rubbed the back of my neck. “It’s a bit of a monster for traveling, but I figured I can rent a car or truck if I need to gain access to smaller, rougher roads.”

  My dad shook his head. “You know, when you told me this is what you wanted to do six years ago, I thought it was a long shot.” He pat
ted my shoulder and smiled at me. “I’m proud of you.”

  “Thanks.”

  “So, where’s your first stop?” Mom asked.

  “Maine, and then I’ll travel down the Northeast for a bit, then toward the Midlands until I reach California.”

  “You’re not heading south?”

  “No, lots of people go to Florida and other parts of the South. Texas and New Orleans are big tourist places. I’m taking on more of the places that aren’t so touristy.”

  “Alone?”

  I laughed. “Yes, Ma. Alone. I’m a big boy.”

  She wrung her hands. “I know, but stay safe and call every now and then to let us know how you are.”

  “I will.”

  She patted my cheek like I was a little boy. “Come on in for supper. I made your favorite: spicy chicken mac and cheese.”

  I couldn’t wait to dig into that. “Sounds perfect. I’m starving.”

  Our dinner conversation consisted of my parents asking me a hundred questions about my trips and the places I’d been since the last time I came home over a year ago. It wasn’t anything particularly new. When working for tours, I see the same places over and over again. At first, my eyes were as wide as saucers, but the past couple of years, I’d been venturing on my own outside my usual work routine. I knew it was time for a change. I started building up my blog with new locations I’d found. Eventually, Paige talked me into finding sponsors who’d pay me to do what I really wanted to do: work independently and plan my own trips. Paige’s YouTube channel was doing great, and she made more money than I did. With her help, I got a sponsorship deal with a huge RV company.

  “When do you plan to start your trip?” Mom asked.

  “Tomorrow.”

  “Oh.” Disappointment hung in her voice. “So, you won’t be around for our Fourth of July vacation?”

  “Not this year.”

  By the look in her eyes, I could almost hear her saying, “Or the year before that and the year before that.”

  I picked at the macaroni with my fork. “How’s Auntie Sam and Uncle Derek?”

  “Good. They’d love to see you before you leave.”

  I wanted to ask about Tabitha, but the words felt lodged in my throat. Last I heard, she and Mark were living together.

  My mother cleared her throat. “Did you know Tabitha was trending on social media last week?”

  The fork stilled in my hand. “No. Why?”

  “Mark asked her to marry him…” She sipped her wine, her eyes on me.

  My jaw ticked. “And?”

  She winced like her wine went sour. “Well, she didn’t really give an answer.”

  “She didn’t say anything?”

  My mother sighed. “He asked her at Fenway during the seventh-inning stretch.”

  Jesus.

  “She said no?” I asked.

  “She said she was going to get a hot dog and took off.”

  I dropped my fork and full-out belly laughed. My mother smirked and slapped my arm. “Stop, it’s not funny.”

  “Oh, it’s fucking hilarious.”

  “Watch your mouth!”

  My dad failed at hiding a smile. “It was kind of funny, but poor Mark. That must have been humiliating.”

  Good.

  “It’s his own fault for asking her in front of thousands of people with smartphones.” I shoved a healthy helping of macaroni in my mouth and swallowed it down with a gulp of wine. “Who the hell shares a private moment like that in front of strangers? Tabitha would hate that to begin with. And since when did she become a baseball fan?”

  “Mark’s a season ticket holder,” my dad said.

  For fuck’s sake. Was there any of the real Tabitha left? Mark wasn’t a dick like her other boyfriends, but I hated that she kept changing herself to accommodate him. She didn’t need to change a damn thing for anyone.

  “Mark broke up with her, as you might imagine.” My mother rose an eyebrow while stuffing macaroni in her mouth.

  Any smile I had left my lips. Another guy dumped her. I got that Mark had a damn good reason, but this was Tabitha’s seventh rejection in five years…eight, if she included me. Could I blame her for trying to change and please someone enough to feel wanted?

  “Did she give a reason why she didn’t accept?”

  My mother shrugged. “No. She said it caught her off guard and she got cold feet, but I’m not so sure about that.”

  “Why?” My mother was an intuitive woman and could read people better than most, so I trusted her opinion.

  “I don’t think Tabitha is being honest with herself about it. She talked about marriage with Mark before and seemed so certain about it. Tabitha was always the kind of girl who knew what she wanted…even as a kid. It doesn’t make sense that, when the moment came, she froze like she did.” She eyed me while taking another bite.

  I forked through my macaroni. “Her life. Her choice. She’ll figure it out.”

  My mother sipped her wine. “Maybe, but I think she needs a little nudge before she does something she’ll regret later. What if Mark ends up taking her back? I’m not sure that’s what she needs now.”

  This marriage talk felt like a vice clamp around my heart.

  Instead of continuing the Tabitha conversation, I decided to change the subject. “Oh, I wanted to ask if it was all right if I stayed at the vacation house for a few days. I want to write about where I spent part of my childhood summers.”

  “Of course you can stay.” My mother grinned. “In fact, I think you should make it your first stop. Start from the beginning. It’s only just next door to Maine, anyway.”

  My dad nearly choked. “But didn’t you say T—”

  Mom smacked his arm, giving a warning glare. “It’s fine.”

  “What? Are you renting it out or something?” I asked.

  “No, they left the other day.” She smiled, sipping her wine. “No renters scheduled for another two weeks.”

  Something was off.

  “Are there any non-renters staying there?”

  My mom sighed. “Yes. Tabitha…and she’s all by herself up there.” She gave me that pleading look as if I had the cure and was refusing to hand it over. “Her mom and I really wanted to join her, but we can’t get the time off work, and since you’re planning to go there anyway…”

  I pointed my fork at her. “You are an evil, manipulative woman, you know that? Stop playing matchmaker, because it’s not going to happen.”

  I ruined my chances the day I broke her heart.

  She huffed and dropped her fork on her plate. “I’m not playing matchmaker. Do you have any idea how painfully awkward it is when you two are in the same room? It’s practically unbearable.”

  My dad huffed in agreement.

  “I know you have a complicated history,” my mom continued, “but it’s time you both get over it and clear the air. Enough is enough.”

  She was right, and it was long overdue. I knew that. But it never felt like the right time. Not with the parade of fucking idiots she called boyfriends by her side.

  “If she went there to be alone after a breakup, I’m not intruding.”

  “Just think about it. Tabitha could probably use the company.”

  “I doubt I’m the company she’s looking for.”

  As much as my brain said no, there was an inkling of a nudge wanting to burst through. Curiosity, maybe? What would be her reaction? Would it end in disaster, or could we finally clear the air and start over?

  16

  Surprise Guest

  Tabitha

  I was not staying in bed. I was going to get up, take a shower, and get dressed like a normal person who wasn’t depressed over a breakup. Then I was going to make breakfast, go to Cathedral Ledge, and treat myself to lunch. After that, I could walk some trails.

  Lots of sunshine, that’s what I needed.

  I jumped out of bed, determined not to wallow in misery.

  Like Paige said, I had so many other thing
s going great. I worked at a small publishing place…yes, I mostly edited cookbooks and self-help books, but it’s a start. Before I knew it, I’d be handling romance novels. I had plenty of great people in my life who loved me. I was doing just fine no matter what came to be.

  By the time I finished my tea and breakfast, I was ready to take on the day. I opened my phone and started my “Upbeat” playlist and plugged it in before heading out of the driveway. The sun was already warm on my face. I could tell it would turn into a hot day, but temperatures would still be cool enough for a few more hours.

  I drove the familiar winding road up the mountain and parked by the trees. It felt strange to come here without my family or Paige…but I didn’t feel weird about Reed not being here anymore. The last time he was here, we sat in his lair, and he told me he was leaving for Europe.

  There were more people around than I liked, but I still made the rounds to the fence to look over the cascade of green trees down the valley below. I inhaled the scent of pine and noticed how the air seemed a little thinner but so pure. My shoulders tensed as a toddler screamed at the top of his lungs. The sound pierced straight through my skull, giving me an instant headache.

  I walked away and decided to take a familiar path up a huge boulder. Another cliff came into view that wasn’t fenced in. Most people didn’t bring kids into that area, so I figured I’d be safe to just sit for a while and enjoy the view.

  As I climbed up the rock, I looked down to see a group of friends just about my age lying down, laughing, and looking over the edge upside down. I smiled, remembering how Reed and I would do that when we came here. It gave our parents a heart attack, but we did it anyway. Paige didn’t go near it since she didn’t do so well with heights.

  A wistful sadness rushed over me at the memory. I hated that Reed and I were the way we were, constantly bickering or, worse, ignoring each other as if we weren’t even in the same room.

  My run of bad luck in love and horrible choices of men started with him.

  And yet, a part of me still loved him.