by John Mancini
Chapter 2 -- A DAY AT CHURCH
Will squirmed around the pew in church. Will thought, I’ve got to pace myself. Since he entered fifth grade, he no longer got to go down to the Happening, but had to stay for the entire Church service. The whole hour. 60 minutes. 3600 seconds.
Before fifth grade, he only had to last for half the service. The Happening was this place where the little kids went and you watched videos - not the kind they got at Blockbuster, but they weren’t all that bad - or drew pictures or other things. It was kind of a break - and in Will’s mind, a well-needed one after the tension of sitting still for the first half of church.
But it was all different now. No Happening. The whole service. The whole shooting match. The whole enchilada. Will tried real hard to pay attention, but it was hard to sit still for the whole service. Especially during the services when there was special extra stuff going on like Baptisms or Communion or those people ringing bells or when there were special announcements or speakers.
One good thing about it being the first Sunday in Advent was that they had people from the audience light the Advent candles. Will remembered this
from last year. It was kind of like Amateur Night. It also had the benefit that it wasn’t very time consuming like a baptism.
This week, they were having the Smalls family light the candle. Will was NOT a fan of the Smalls family. Never had been; never would be.
Wally Smalls always seemed to show up in William’s class. And if William was NOT a fan of the Smalls family, he was definitely even less a fan of old Wally. Because Wally seemed to like more than anything to pick on Will.
Smalls was definitely not small. In fact, he was huge. He was the biggest kid in the 5th grade. Will figured he must be at least 5 and a half feet tall and probably weigh a hundred - maybe a hundred and twenty pounds. Will figured that he might even weigh more than his brother Joey. Smalls looked like that older brother "Buzz" in the movie Home Alone.
Every time he saw that Smalls kid, he made a comment about Will. "Hey Will…Nice pants…Did your Mommy pick them out?" "Hey Willy-Boy, that’s a real nice haircut. Did you get your head caught in the lawnmower?" Or the one that got Will really mad…"Hey Mans-Weenie, were did you get those four eyes?"
The rest of the family was no great shakes in Will’s mind either. The little sister, Sally Smalls, was 6 years old and just as mean as Wally. She was in Erin’s class. Erin said that one time, Sally had written in a library book, which was to Erin a high crime and misdemeanor. Another time, Sally had taken somebody’s milk at lunch and put a bug in it that she found on the floor. And another time, believe it or not, Sally took a fruit roll-up and stretched it real tight over another kid’s face so that his entire face was covered with what looked like a second skin. Except it was green on account of it being a lime fruit roll-up. She said she did it because the kid was looking at her funny. Erin tried to never look funny at her.
The Mom was kind of strange looking, too. Mrs. Smalls had sort of a rundown look. Will figured that nobody could blame her for that what with having Wally and Sally for kids.
Will watched them all parade to the front, right up to where the Advent candle was sitting right there next to the Baptismal font. The first thing Will wondered was how on earth this gang got to light the Advent candle. Will wondered who they must have paid off to get this assignment. Or maybe what secrets they knew about the minister that they traded in exchange for acting like big shots up by the Advent candle. It seemed like it would only be fair if God zapped them with a lightning bolt or at least made them trip on the way to the front.
Will wondered what would happen if they lit themselves on fire when they were lighting the Advent candles. And if they did, would they put it out with the water in the Baptismal font? And would people think that was not a holy thing to do since it was Baptism water? And where did they get that special water, anyway? And would there be some kind of reaction if holy water from church mixed in with that evil Smalls gang? Like in the Wizard of Oz when the wicked witch of the West melted into the ground?
These were the kinds of deep theological questions that troubled Will in church.
Once the Advent candle lighting was over, Will drifted off for a few minutes. He perked up when they sang hymn Number 53, "What Child is This?" Some might think it was because he enjoyed the melody. Some might have thought that he enjoyed the organ playing that went along with the song. Some might have thought that Will enjoyed the voices around him.
But truth be told, Will liked hymn Number 53 because of a line he had noticed way back when he was only seven years old. William had noticed that the second verse went like this: "Why lies He in such mean estate, Where ox and ‘a word that Will wasn’t allowed to say that means donkey’ are feeding?" Will was amazed that they would allow a word that means "donkey" into a church book. It wasn’t the Bible, but it was a church book. Will figured somebody must have slipped up when they printed up the hymn book. He bet they got in trouble for not proofing their work.
After Hymn 53, Will faded out again for a while until the sermon. Will tried to pay attention to the sermon because first of all, he figured he might get something out of it. But more importantly, Mom and Dad asked questions when they had dinner on Sunday night about what Joey and William thought about the sermon. It used to be in Happening days, William didn’t have to worry about such things because he was usually pleasantly coloring while the sermon was going on upstairs. Joey was the only one who had to put up with the sermon inquisition. But now he did, too. And since Joey always seemed to have some sort of big shot comment, Will had to at least have something to throw into the conversation.
The minister said, "Today we will be reading from the first chapter of the First Letter of Paul to the Corinthians." Hmmm, thought Will, again thinking deep theological thoughts. I wonder how many letters old Paul wrote, and who these Corinthians were anyway? He figured there were perhaps four of them, just like the Smalls. Corey and Cara Corinthian, and their children Cabell and Caroline. Thinking about it a little more, Will thought the Corinthian family must be pretty bad characters, not unlike his buddies the Smalls family, if a guy who wrote the Bible had to write them personal letters just to get them to behave.
Focus, Will. Remember: Tonight there will be questions about this!
"We can see and understand only a little about God now, as if we were peering at his reflection in a poor mirror; but someday, we are going to see him in his completeness, face to face," read the minister. "Now all I know is hazy and blurred, but then I will see everything clearly, just as clearly as God sees into my heart right now."
Oh, brother, thought Will. What the heck is this about? Looking in mirrors? Not seeing things well? Will look over at Joey, who seemed to be taking every-thing in. He probably had already figured out the whole thing and would have some sort of big shot comment at dinner.
Depressed about the whole thing, Will drifted off for a few minutes, but kept one ear tuned to the minister, hoping to pick up some hints for tonight’s discussion. He decided that tonight he would go on the offensive, and try to beat Joey to the punch.