Walking Into The Unknown

by Ginny Dye

  In the past, riders had prepared for tournaments with months of practice. None of today’s knights, except for Amber, had been able to do that. They had ridden for fun. Now, those who had failed in their quest were lined up along the arena fence, cheering on the remaining competitors.

  There were only five riders left now —Earl, Susan, Amber, Catherine and Carrie. Earl looked surprised to still be in the field, but he was clearly eager to win. Carrie shared a grin of triumph with the remaining women competitors, and then turned her attention back to the list. She could almost hear Robert shouting her on to victory. Her mind told her he wasn’t in the crowd, but she couldn’t stop herself from scanning the faces just to be sure. She swallowed the tears back. Nothing could blur her vision.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, the third tilt is about to begin. The rings have been reduced to one inch in size,” Thomas called out. “You have before you five very talented knights.”

  The start flag waved, and Susan tore down the list on Admiral. Carrie couldn’t be sure, but it looked like she only got two rings.

  “Knight Carrie Borden!” her father called.

  Granite and Carrie, linked as a single unit, thundered down the list again. Carrie, her mind calm and focused, watched as all three rings slid onto her lance. She trotted to the judges’ table and nodded her acceptance of their congratulations. Her father’s voice broke through her concentration.

  “What you are seeing here today is the reason women were banned from competition for so long,” Thomas said, his face wreathed in a proud smile.

  The crowd laughed and clapped loudly. Only then did Carrie look around. Susan, Amber and Catherine were the only other knights still with her. She glanced over and saw Earl joining his family. Her eyes widened with both surprise and delight that this year was going to be almost identical to the year before, with the exception being that she had every intention of winning this year. “May the best female win!”

  “May the best female win!” Amber laughed.

  “May the best female win!” Susan echoed.

  “May the best female win!” Catherine hollered, her fist raised in defiance.

  Carrie was not happy to be first in line. All she could do to insure her continuation was to capture all three rings again. She cleared her mind and settled deeper into her saddle. “Good boy, Granite,” she cooed. “We’re going to do this for Robert. I know he is watching.” Granite’s ears flicked to show he was listening, but her gelding’s entire concentration was on the list stretched out before them, his muscles bunched tightly in anticipation.

  Not waiting for her signal, he surged forward the instant the flag swooped down, giving them a precious advantage. Carrie caught her breath, ignoring the fatigue in her arm from holding the lance, and set her eyes on the first ring. They were so minute that she could no longer tell whether she captured any of them. They raced to the end of the tilt before Granite slowed and turned toward the judges’ table with no urging from her. Carrie threw back her head with a joyful laugh when she realized all three rings were on her lance.

  “Congratulations!” Moses called.

  “You did it, Carrie!” Rose yelled, waving wildly.

  Carrie grinned at them and nodded to the cheering crowd. When she returned to the starting gate for the final tilt, only Amber was still in the competition.

  “It’s you and me again!” Amber crowed. “Just like last year.”

  “That it is,” Carrie acknowledged, feeling a twinge of nervousness for the first time as the pressure of her vow to win settled in more heavily. Amber was completely confident in her ability to capture rings of any size, and Eclipse seemed to have a smug look on his face. Granite snorted and bobbed his head. Carrie felt the nervousness dissipate as her horse assured her they could handle whatever was waiting for them. When she closed her eyes she could once again see Robert’s face filled with pride. The look of love was undeniable. Every nerve in her body settled into firm confidence. She was not riding to win—she was riding for the husband she adored.

  The crowd’s noise had died away to a silent hush as the new rings—just a half inch in diameter—were placed on the tilt. Everyone seemed to hold their breath collectively. “Good luck,” she murmured to Amber as her father waved for the girl to advance.

  “You, too,” Amber replied, her eyes staring forward. The flag waved. Eclipse seemed to float down the list.

  Carrie was being waved forward before she knew it, and before she had any idea how many rings her competitor had captured. Last year she had lost to Amber by one ring. It would not happen this year. She gripped the lance tightly but kept her touch on the reins very light. “We can do this.” she said, and then closed her eyes for a brief moment. “This is for you, Robert,” she whispered.

  Again, Granite surged forward with no signal from her. Carrie homed in on the rings but wasn’t sure if she had captured any of them. She had ridden more on instinct than sight. When Granite reached the end and turned to trot over to the judges’ table, she couldn’t see any rings on the end of her lance. Her heart sank as she realized she had missed them all.

  “Two rings!” Mark called out as Amber presented her lance to the judges.

  Carrie opened her mouth to call out her congratulations, but Abby stepped forward and pulled two rings off her lance.

  “Two rings!” Abby called out, holding them up triumphantly. She leaned close to Carrie and whispered. “My bet is on you and Granite.” There was a slight pause before she added, “And on Robert.”

  Carrie laughed with relief and incredulity as she saw the two glimmering rings in Abby’s hand. “It’s a repeat of last year,” she murmured, straightening. “Only it is going to end differently this time.”

  “Now this is what I call competition!” Thomas yelled, his voice tight with excitement. “I don’t believe I’ve ever seen tighter competition than this. Well,” he added, “not since last year. Knight Carrie and Knight Amber are going to battle it out again.” He raised his hand. “May the best female win!”

  “May the best female win!” the crowd roared back.

  Carrie rode up close to Amber. “You’re amazing,” she said quietly. “Robert would be so proud of you right now. He loved you so much.” She reached out to touch Amber’s shoulder. “May the best female win.” Just as it had the year before, the simple statement had become the mantra of the day.

  “May the best female win,” Amber replied in a husky voice. “Robert would be real proud of you, too. We both love you a whole lot.”

  Carrie smiled, and then focused on the list when Amber was called to the starting line. Once again, Eclipse seemed to float rather than gallop down the list. Amber was but a small speck carrying a very large lance.

  Completely relaxed, Carrie advanced to the line. It didn’t matter how many rings Amber had captures. She felt embraced by Robert’s presence. “Show them what you can do, Granite,” she called, letting out a whoop as they sprang forward. It all seemed effortless as she felt, more than saw, the rings slide onto her lance. She allowed the broad grin on her face as she turned and trotted to the judges.

  All the judges were standing quietly beside the table as Carrie reached them. She smiled as Abby and Mark approached the final two competitors.

  Abby reached for her lance. “Three rings!” she called out with unmistakable pride.

  The crowd held its breath as Mark reached for Amber’s lance. “Two rings.” he called. “You did a fine job, Amber, but Carrie is the winner this year!”

  The crowd exploded with applause and cheers.

  Carrie turned to wave her appreciation, not caring now that there were tears blurring her vision. “I love you, Robert,” she said softly as she raised her lance in triumph.

  Thomas’ voice broke through her celebration. “Congratulations to Knight Carrie Borden. This evening, she will have the honor of crowning the King of the Ball.”

  Carrie gasped. The King of the Ball. She hadn’t even considered that when she set out to be
victorious. Her stomach clenched as she tried to envision even attending the ball. How in the world could she crown a king who was not Robert?

  Chapter Three

  “You did it, boy.” Carrie stroked Granite’s neck as he munched his grain happily. “You carried Robert to victory, and then you carried me.” She could hear sounds of the Harvest Festival floating in through the barn’s open doors, but the confines of Granite’s stall gave her the sense of privacy and seclusion her heart yearned for. She inhaled deeply, allowing the sweet smell of hay to carry her back to memories of childhood, when life was not the complicated mess it was now. When Granite raised his head to stare into her eyes, Carrie wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his silky mane.

  Granite’s snort alerted her that someone had invaded her sanctuary. Carrie fully expected to see Amber or Susan when she raised her head.

  “Hello, Mrs. Borden.”

  Carrie blinked her eyes as she fought to pull herself back to the present. Resentment at the intrusion was tempered by surprise. After several long moments, she found her voice. “Hello, Mr. Wallington.”

  “I’m sorry to intrude,” he said.

  “You’re not intruding,” Carrie murmured as she managed a smile, though she was quite sure it didn’t reach her eyes. She had liked Anthony Wallington when he purchased all the year’s foals in August, but she wanted nothing more than to be alone. Since that was not going to happen, short of her being rude, she chose to examine him more closely. She had been completely oblivious to his appearance two months ago. Anthony was slightly taller than Robert. His slimmer build spoke of wiry strength. He was nowhere near as handsome as Robert, but there was a certain appeal to his flashing green eyes and thick sandy hair.

  “I understand you are to be congratulated,” Anthony said warmly.

  Carrie cocked her head and stared at him.

  “The tournament?” Anthony prompted.

  “Of course,” Carrie replied, embarrassed he had found her in such a distracted state. “I’m sorry. I’m afraid I was thinking of something else.”

  “I understand,” Anthony said, his deep voice managing to sound both powerful and soothing.

  Carrie felt a flash of her old resentment. “I’m afraid you don’t, but thank you.”

  Anthony regarded her for a moment, and then smiled sympathetically. “Understand how hard it is to lose the person you love? Understand that any kind of a victory is dulled by the reality it cannot be shared the way you want it to be?” He walked over to cross his muscled arms over the top of Granite’s stall door. “I actually do understand that.”

  Carrie caught her breath. “You lost your wife? I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

  “No reason you should have known,” Anthony replied in an easy voice. “It’s been almost two years now, but it can still hit me at any moment.”

  Carrie wasn’t sure if she should ask the question foremost in her mind, but she couldn’t stop herself. “How did she die?” She wondered if the fact that Robert had been murdered somehow made his death more unbearable.

  “Victoria died giving birth to our son,” Anthony said, his eyes revealing the pain his words brought. “He lived only a few hours before he joined her.”

  Carrie sucked in her breath. “I’m so sorry,” she managed, swallowing back the tears that wanted to come. She tangled her hands into Granite’s mane as she fought to regain control of her feelings. She hated talking about Bridget, but she wanted Anthony to know. He was one of the few who could understand. “My daughter was stillborn the same day Robert died.”

  It was Anthony’s turn to take a deep breath. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry, Mrs. Borden.”

  Carrie was relieved to see nothing but compassionate understanding radiating from his face. There was none of the pity she had come to dread. “Do you still miss your son?”

  “Every day,” Anthony said simply. “I will never forget the feel of his tiny body in my arms. The doctors could not tell me what was wrong with him, but I knew when they first put him in my arms that he wouldn’t live long.” He paused and stared down at the barn floor. “I was holding Tim when he took his last breath.”

  Carrie’s heart ached for him. She knew the best gift she could give him was understanding. “Bridget died before I could hold her.” She fought the deluge of feelings her words brought. “I never saw her. They had to bury her before I regained consciousness.”

  Silence held the barn in its grasp. There was simply nothing else to say after such heartbreaking revelations.

  They were saved from having to come up with words when Amber rushed into the barn.

  “Carrie! Have you decided yet?”

  Carrie fought to pull her mind back to the present. “Decided what, Amber?”

  “Who you are going to crown King of the Ball tonight?” Amber stopped and stood up straighter. “You’re Mr. Wallington, aren’t you?”

  Anthony smiled, as relieved as Carrie to have a respite from their conversation. “I am. And you are the very talented trainer who is taking care of all the foals I bought a few months ago. It’s good to see you again, Amber.”

  Amber smiled brightly. “It’s real good to see you, too, but aren’t you early? I don’t have all of them quite ready for you to view yet.” Her face crinkled with concern.

  “Not to worry. I was supposed to arrive tomorrow, but I ran into Matthew and Janie Justin at the train station. They insisted I ride out with them today. I’m happy to wait until tomorrow to see the foals.”

  “Matthew and Janie are here?” Carrie asked, before her eyes narrowed. “How do you know Matthew and Janie?”

  “I met Janie a few weeks ago when I was in Philadelphia on business, but I’ve known Matthew for years.” Anthony replied. “I worked with Abby after her first husband’s death, and Matthew was watching out for her then. It took both of us to keep her out of trouble sometimes.” His eyes glinted mischievously. “She was quite determined to create a stir in the Philadelphia business scene.”

  “Which she did extraordinarily well.”

  Carrie spun around when an amused voice boomed through the barn. “Matthew!” she cried. “It’s so good to see you!”

  “Not as good as it is to see you.” Matthew grabbed her in a hug, and then held her back to stare down at her. “You look wonderful.”

  The last time Carrie had seen her old friend, she had been a grieving mess. His words to her had helped her begin to find the path back to her old self—at least as much of her old self as she would ever be. “I’m better,” she said. “Where is Janie?”

  “In the house waiting to help you get ready for the ball tonight.”

  Carrie looked away from the steady warmth in his eyes. He knew how hard this was going to be for her. She both welcomed and hated the sympathy.

  “You never answered my question,” Amber said impatiently, moving to stand in front of Carrie. “Have you decided who will be King of the Ball tonight?”

  Carrie gazed down at her, unable to think of an answer. She couldn’t assure Amber she would actually even be at the ball. She grasped at an idea that flashed in her mind. “What about you doing it?”

  “Doing what?” Amber asked, confused.

  “You choose the King of the Ball tonight,” Carrie said, suddenly sure it was the answer she needed. “I really don’t know who to choose, and you came in second place. I will relinquish my choice and let you make it.”

  Amber gazed at her with wide eyes. “I can’t do that, Carrie,” she said in a very serious voice. “It wouldn’t be right.”

  “Why not?” Carrie pressed, desperate to be freed from the decision.

  “I didn’t win,” Amber said earnestly.

  “But—”

  “No,” Amber said. “It wouldn’t be right. You beat me today because you were riding for Robert. No one should choose the king but you.”

  Carrie didn’t bother to ask how the little girl knew she was riding for Robert. Amber always just knew things. “I can�
�t,” Carrie finally murmured.

  “Because Robert chose you as his queen when the two of you first met?” She reached up to take Carrie’s cold hands. “Rose told me about it,” she confided. “And Rose told me you wouldn’t want to pick a king.”

  “She’s right,” Carrie said quietly.

  “She might be right,” Amber agreed, “but that doesn’t make you right.”

  Carrie was caught by the intense expression on Amber’s face. “Why not?”

  Amber pursed her lips and gazed at Granite for a moment. “I heard my mama talking about you when you were in that real dark place. She said that you weren’t even half living. Now you are, but don’t you see? You weren’t even going to ride today, and then you came out there and beat me.” She glanced over at Matthew and Anthony. “That was a real hard thing to do.”

  Carrie bit back her desire to chuckle, glad to see the two men were listening seriously.

  Amber turned back to Carrie. “You can’t win just halfway, Carrie. Whoever wins the tournament must pick the king. If you don’t want to start half living again, you have to win all the way.”

  Carrie had no idea where Amber got her wisdom, but she knew the little girl brought Robert back from the brink of death twice. Carrie stared into Amber’s eyes for a long moment, and then nodded. “All right,” she said.

  Amber grinned even more brightly. “Good! Now, who are you going to choose?”

  Back to this again. Carrie shook her head. “I don’t have an answer yet,” she replied. “But I don’t have to know until tonight. You’re going to have to be satisfied with that for right now, Amber.”

  “Yep,” Amber answered. “I reckon I can be satisfied with that. We’re about to start eating. That’s the real reason my mama sent me in here.” She flashed a satisfied look at Matthew and Anthony, turned, and ran from the barn.

  Silence lingered for several moments.

  “Is she always like that?” Anthony asked. “What an amazing little girl.”