“Is it working?” he queried.
“Little bit. It feels like you’re not playing fair.”
“I’m not trying to play fair,” he said in a voice that made me utterly breathless, my pulse careening out of control.
So I did the only thing I could think to do. I sank down slowly next to him on the bed and reached out to feel his chest muscles. When my hand made contact with his skin, he made a strangled sound and then immediately looked embarrassed. “Sorry. For some reason that surprised me, even though I was anticipating it. It’s been a long time.”
“Longer than twenty-four years? Because that’s how long it’s been for me.”
“No, not that long. But it feels like I’ve been waiting an entire lifetime for you to touch me like this.”
That sent my blood pulsating in my ears, but I kept touching him, dragging my fingers across his skin. I watched the way his muscles responded to me with tiny twitches. He was both strong and soft at the same time, and I found the juxtaposition infinitely fascinating.
“I think I’ve created a monster,” he said, his wry voice low and delicious.
“Is that a bad thing?”
“It’s an excellent thing.”
I moved up to his shoulders, which were sprinkled with moles and freckles. I found myself playing a very adult game of connect-the-dots with them. Then I leaned forward to kiss his corded muscles that contracted under my lips. I outlined the shape of his rock-hard biceps with my hands, trailing down to his forearms.
“You’re being very thorough,” he said.
“I have a lot to explore.” I crawled behind him, ready to investigate his back next, to see what I’d only glimpsed in Las Vegas. But he didn’t seem to have the same amount of patience that he normally did.
“Kissing you. Now,” he demanded as he turned to face me, and I was only too happy to let him. There was that faint echo of fear before his mouth was on mine, colliding into me like a massive wave crashing onto a beach, but there was no hesitation from either one of us. No gentleness or tenderness, either. He was like a roaring fire that I could only barely contain, barely resist. He was going to consume me.
And instead of that scaring me, I wholeheartedly embraced it, the way his mouth was ravaging mine, how he pulled me against him so tightly. We’d really hit the ground running, full throttle. This was more than a kiss. It was like he was going to devour me, and it was utterly intoxicating.
He broke off midkiss, his breathing heavy. “Sorry, sorry if it’s too much,” he said, like he’d only barely remembered himself and was trying to get back under control.
Problem was, I wanted him this way. I knew he typically held back, kept himself in check, to make sure I was all right. But here and now . . . he didn’t have to worry. I was on board for this ride. There was an undeniable thrill that I could render him this mindless and needy. “No. I like it.”
Twin brown flames burned in his eyes. “Tell me when you want me to stop.”
Never was what I was going to say, but his mouth was back on mine again, insistent and strong, parting my sensitized lips, sending lines of fire down my nerves. My abdomen tightened, filling with heat and want. The attraction I felt for him was so . . . chemical. Intense, overwhelming.
“You taste like sugar,” he murmured against my lips, and I wanted to tell him that he tasted like heaven, but he was kissing me again. He was also laying me back against the bed, moving to hover over me.
He hesitated again, and I was the one who made the decision. I reached up to his shoulders and pulled him against me, and sighed with sheer pleasure at his massive frame being pressed against mine, the way we complemented each other and fit together. I wrapped my legs around his, intertwining us like two pieces of yarn being woven together, and was rewarded by his breath catching.
Liking that sound and wanting more of it, I pressed my lips to his throat, moving my hands into his hair so that I could scrape his scalp with my fingertips in the way that I knew drove him crazy.
Sure enough, he shuddered against me and made another strangled groaning, growling sound and his mouth was on me again, kissing me once, twice, three times, and then outlining my jaw before moving to work on my neck. The heat moved up from my stomach into my chest until it almost hurt to breathe. He didn’t seem to be having the same problem, as his breaths were hot on my skin, and I felt a pull deep and low that had me moving to capture his lips with mine again.
“Now I think I’m the one who’s going to have an anxiety attack,” he muttered.
“Oh. I wouldn’t want that,” I teased. “We could stop.”
“Um, no,” he growled, and I laughed. But then his lips were touching mine and all of my laughter instantly stopped.
As his mouth skated over mine again and again, he sent blood rushing to every part of my body. It was a little like being caught up in my own personal earthquake. Everything was off-kilter and out of control, except for him. He was rock solid and constant, just as he’d promised, and I clung to him as my head grew dizzy with sensation, my eyes blurring and unable to focus.
He reached down with one hand to grab at my hip, pulling me against him, but we couldn’t get any closer. I got the inclination—it was what I wanted, too. To melt into him so that we couldn’t tell where one of us ended and the other one began.
His heartbeat raced against my chest, and I hoped he could feel mine, too. He pulled away to look down at me, and for a moment I wondered if I’d done something wrong.
“I love it when you make those sounds,” he murmured, and I tried to figure out if what he was saying was true, because I hadn’t realized I’d been making any noises.
“What sounds?”
He had on a rakish grin that sent warm shimmers down my back. “These breathy whimpers that mean you can’t get enough of what I’m doing. It drives me insane.”
“Oh. Sorry?”
“Please don’t apologize. It is a hundred percent my pleasure.”
He ran his lips over my ear before sucking gently at the bottom of my earlobe, and I couldn’t even make fun of him for saying dumb things because my eyes were rolling back in my head and my veins were all throbbing.
“Just like that,” he said in a satisfied tone.
“I’ll get you back for that,” I said, definitely making some kind of whimpering, breathy sound.
“I hope so.”
I ran a finger lightly over his chest. “So what would happen next? In this teaching experiment of ours?”
There was a look of brief confusion in his eyes, but he put it away. “You’re asking me what should happen next?”
“Uh-huh,” I said, and my entire body tensed in anticipation of his response.
“Well”—he leaned down to kiss the tip of my nose—“I would kiss you a lot more, and then I’d reach up”—he brought up his right hand—“and I would do this.” He unbuttoned the top button on my shirt.
I didn’t say anything.
He undid the second button, but still I stayed silent.
Then his fingers hesitated, and I saw the teasing light fall from his eyes. “Juliet, I don’t know how much self-control you think I have, but we are pushing right up against that line.”
“Just kiss me,” I told him, almost not caring what happened next. I just wanted to be with him.
He did as I requested, devastating my mouth and invading all of my senses.
I became aware of a ringing sound. It was my phone. I wanted to ignore it. Given how clever he was with his lips, I really, really wanted to ignore it. But what if it was important? The only people who called me in the evenings were my mom and Shelby.
“Noah, hang on.”
He rolled to his side, and I got up on barely functioning legs to make my way over to where I’d left my phone. I was pulsating with a jittery energy that demanded release. I saw that it was Allan calling. I put my fingers over my well-kissed and slightly throbbing lips and answered it.
“Hello? Allan?”
“J
uliet?” He sounded completely distraught, like he’d been crying. I instantly sobered up and turned toward Noah, my eyes wide. He picked up on my distress and sat straight up in the bed.
“What’s wrong?” he mouthed.
“Allan? What’s happening?”
“We were out at dinner, and Shelby said she was feeling dizzy. That she’s been feeling dizzy for the last few days, and we were going to go home, and on our way back to the car she fainted.”
Every last bit of color drained from my face; my heart thunked to my feet. That was exactly what happened when Shelby was diagnosed with leukemia. The dizziness, the fainting. This could not be happening again. It could not.
“What did the doctor say?” I asked.
“We’re still waiting on the test results. They’re going to call her oncologist when they get them back.”
I heard the pain and desperation in his voice; I was feeling the exact same thing. “Where are you?”
“We’re at Patterson Memorial Hospital. We’re in room 1119.”
“I’m on my way.”
Noah was already throwing his shirt back on. “What’s going on?”
“Shelby fainted and has been feeling light-headed. Those were her first symptoms last time, and it’s why she went to the doctor and got diagnosed with cancer. She needs me. I have to get to her.”
“Ray’s still got that blown tire,” Noah said, getting on his phone. “If we can wait half an hour—”
“I can’t wait that long.” The need I felt to be by her side, to support her through this, nearly wrecked me. I got on my phone, too, checking both the Uber and Lyft apps. There were no cars available because of this festival. There was a lump in my throat, but I refused to cry. I had to be strong, to see what the doctor said. “There’s no ride-share cars, either. What are we going to do?”
Determined, he took my hand. “Come with me. I’m going to get you there.”
“How?”
He took me by the shoulders, looking deep into my eyes. I could see how much he meant what he said next. “Trust me. You’re my battle buddy. I’ve got your back, and I promise that I’m going to get you safely to Shelby’s side.”
Some detached part of my brain wanted to ask him what a battle buddy was, but he pulled me after him and I followed. We ran down the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator and hurried through the lobby. When we got to the half-circle driveway out front, there were no taxis that I could see, but there was a young woman about to get into her car.
Noah rushed over to her. “Hi. Weird question—are you a Duel of the Fae fan?”
It took a second for her to register who he was, but her mouth dropped open and I understood all too well when she temporarily lost her ability to speak. “You’re . . . you’re . . .”
But he was too impatient to wait for her to get there. “Yes, I play Malec Shadowfire. I’m Noah. What’s your name?”
“I’m Nicole. Wow, it’s so great to meet you!” Her eyes flickered to mine, but she seemed to mentally dismiss me.
He shook her hand. “Is there any chance I could get you to drive me and my friend to the hospital? I could pay you.”
“Are you okay?” she asked, her eyes big. I noticed she didn’t ask if I was okay. To be fair, she probably didn’t care.
“I’m fine. There’s someone there we have to see right away.”
“Of course. I’d love to drive you. And don’t worry about the money. Just having the chance to talk to you would be payment enough!”
She got into her car, and he turned to me. “I’ll sit up front and chat with her.”
It occurred to me as I climbed into the back seat that this woman could be a complete psycho and kidnap us and tie Noah up in her basement while making him read lines from Duel of the Fae. But there was no time to worry.
Nicole didn’t seem all that partial to the speed limit, which was good in our current situation. She and Noah talked in the front seat, mostly about inane movie stuff, while I rocked in the back, promising God that I’d do anything if Shelby would be okay.
I’d even be willing to give up Noah, if that’s what it took. Because for some reason this felt like some personal punishment for me being a liar for so long.
I just kept whispering the word please. She couldn’t die.
We rolled up to the emergency room entrance at the hospital, and both Noah and I opened our doors. I heard him thanking her.
She got out of the car, too. “Wait! Can I get a picture with you?”
I saw the pained look in his eyes. “Go,” he told me. “I’ll catch up.”
Maybe I should have waited, but I couldn’t. Right as I got to the elevator bank, one of the elevators opened, like it had been waiting just for me. I took it up to the eleventh floor and looked for the door numbers until I found Shelby’s.
She was alone in her bed, looking so small. Allan wasn’t in the room.
I rushed to her side. “I’m here.” Noah had gotten me to the hospital, just like he’d promised. “We’ll get through this.”
“Everything’s okay,” she said, putting a hand over her stomach. “I’m just having a baby. Allan’s out calling his parents right now.”
“What?” For some reason that did not compute.
“They got the blood work back and the doctors didn’t see any evidence that my cancer had returned and it’s supposed to be virtually impossible for me to get pregnant naturally, but I am definitely pregnant. That can apparently cause fainting and light-headedness, too. So this is a literal miracle. I’m going to be a mommy.”
At that my tears finally started to fall; I was so thrilled for her. I knew how much this meant to her. She and Allan had already talked about adopting children because they thought they wouldn’t be able to get pregnant on their own. I leaned over to hug her, making sure not to squish her stomach. “Congratulations. You’re going to be the best mom ever.”
She was crying happy tears. “I wish my mom was here to see this.”
“I know. I’m sorry she’s not. But for what it’s worth, your baby is going to have the world’s best aunt, and I’m going to love them with everything I have.”
And it was in that moment that I realized no matter how much things might change between me and Shelby, no matter what challenges and obstacles we were going to face, we would still get through them all together. Adding new people to love along the way.
In this case, a very tiny person.
And one oversize one. The person who made sure I was here for this, who did whatever he had to do to get me to my best friend because he knew how important it was to me.
I couldn’t deny it any longer. A rush of warmth washed over me, and I could feel my cheeks flush. I was in love with Noah Douglas. I knew it as clearly and as plainly as I’d ever known anything. I wanted him in my life now and forever.
I maybe even wanted to make tiny people with him.
And none of that terrified me.
Allan came back in the room, carrying his cell phone. “My mom’s on the phone. She’s excited. She wants to talk to you and apologize.”
Shelby’s eyes sparkled with happiness and I left them alone, glad that Satan’s Evilest Minion had finally come around at the prospect of being a grandmother. I found Noah in a small waiting room, a few doors down from where Shelby was. He was on his phone.
“I want you to find out who is the best oncologist in the state. No, it’s not for me. But this is important. Find out who that person is and get them on the phone.”
I put my hand on his arm. “Hang up.”
“Kyle, I’m going to call you back.” He studied my face. “What’s going on?”
“She’s not sick. She’s pregnant.”
His whole face lit up—you would have almost thought she was having his baby. “That’s fantastic!” He picked me up like it was nothing, swinging me around once.
I laughed, and when I felt my feet back on the floor, I told him, before I lost my nerve, “I need to talk to you. There’s
something I have to say.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
He sensed the people watching us before I did. I was too busy trying to work up my courage. I needed to tell him the truth. About everything. “Come with me,” he said, leading me into an empty hospital room and closing the door.
Maybe if I told him the love thing first, the lie wouldn’t seem quite so bad. Now that the moment of truth was here, my nerves felt jangly and I shook my hands, trying to get some feeling back into them. My heartbeat was violent in my chest.
“Hey, what’s going on?” he asked, his concern evident in every line of his beautiful face.
“What’s a battle buddy?” I blurted out, my brain stepping in to create a diversion.
“In the army you’re assigned a partner to keep an eye on both in and out of combat. It just means I’ve got your back and nothing’s going to happen to you on my watch if I can help it.”
My heart melted at his words. “You did that tonight. You took care of me and got me exactly what I needed. You’re always doing that. Taking care of me.”
“You take care of me, too. In ways you don’t even realize,” he said, holding my hands in his.
Why was this so hard? It was so much more difficult than I’d thought it would be. Maybe I should find a way to ease into it. “Tonight . . . I can’t even tell you what this meant to me. You finding a stranger to drive me here to see my best friend. And I—I—”
I was such a coward. Such a coward.
But still I kept talking, trying to find the words I could actually say. “I don’t know how you feel about things and if you only want to be friends I understand, because those were the rules, right? Just friends? But at some point everything changed for me and I don’t know when that moment was, but I . . . I want more. I want to be in a relationship with you. I kind of feel like I have been in one and just didn’t register it.”
He didn’t say anything, so I just kept talking. “I thought I was happy with my life. I had my mom and my best friend and my business and I didn’t need or want anything else. I can’t believe how wrong I was, how I was missing you before I ever even met you. We click. You get me. Hanging out with you is my favorite thing. You’re so strong, smart, funny, kind, generous, talented, and a million other things that make you one of the best people I’ve ever met. You’re my person and I want you in my life. If you don’t, I understand, and this is a lot to spring on you and I’m sorry about that and if you want to stay friends I’ll do that, because you’re so important to me and—”
The Seat Filler: A Novel Page 25