Chapter Fifteen
I made it to Mr Matthews’ suites after a very compelling chat with Dougall. I had an appointment almost immediately. The general practitioner, who I saw with Jessica, must’ve thought I was in urgent need of treatment.
The waiting room certainly didn’t comply with the mind of an obsessive person. In the middle of the room was a small wooden table covered in stacks of magazines. The magazines looked like a tornado had erupted. They were tatty edged and plonked on top of one another like they were sitting in a recycled bin ready to be thrown out.
The reception desk left a lot to be desired too. There was a bell on top in severe need of a polish and a filing rack drastically overloaded with papers. Maybe it was all in aid of my visit. Maybe Mr Matthews had come out of his office and said to the receptionist, ‘make it look as disorderly and messy as possible. We’ve got another crazy, obsessive tidy freak coming in’.
I opened my book to try and stop myself from thinking about the mess. I wished Sam were with me. She was the only one I found easy to talk to. We had our comfortable silences where we were both quite happy not to talk. We were certainly having one of those silences now. I hadn’t spoken to her in two weeks.
A man came into the waiting room. He was tall with brown hair and blue eyes, quite nice-looking. Terrible clothes though. Brown cords and a green shirt. He looked like the type of guy who rode his bike to work, took doorstep sandwiches in a brown paper bag for lunch to work and who smiled at every passer-by in the street.
‘Hello, Keisha, would you like to come in?’ he said holding an arm out to his door.
His office was modern with a homely feel. There was a worn black leather couch in the corner. Orange cushions with leafy folds coming away sat at either end. There was a bookcase full of old and unkempt books. His arrangement was awful. Some books were lying on their backs and some weren’t even closed properly.
Definitely a ploy to irritate me, I thought. He probably said to his receptionist, ‘and don’t forget to go into my office and mess everything up. This girl’s really crazy and in urgent need of therapy.’
I had started putting myself into some kind of category, a segregated group dissociated from the rest of the world. It was odd because I hated stereotyping. I even thought about creating a secret sect for obsessive freaks and calling it the Obsessive Freaks Society. One could only become a secret member if they complied with the Seven Deadly Obsessions.
1.Pride - thou shalt be obsessed with small imperfections like creases in clothes; wanting everything symmetrical.
2.Envy – thou shalt be so obsessed with someone you would go through their garbage.
3.Lust – thou shalt sometimes have highly disturbing obsessive sexual thoughts and images.
4.Gluttony – thou shalt fear some foods are bad and must be avoided.
5.Anger – thou shalt have obsessive violent impulses or images you think could be real.
6.Greed – thou shalt be obsessive in collecting everything.
7.Sloth – thou shalt never be lazy. An obsessive person is never slothful.
‘So tell me about Keisha Morgan,’ Mr Matthews said as I sat on the couch and he sat in a chair behind an old wooden desk.
I hoped the couch hadn’t had anyone dirty sitting on it. I tried not to think about it.
‘About myself. Um, well I came here today because I can’t stop my mind from ticking over and over, and I thought you might be able to help me.’
He smiled and leaned back. ‘Well, I’m pleased about that, Keisha, but I want to know about you as a person. What you do, the things you like, your hobbies, your favourite subjects, pets – those sorts of things.’
‘Well, I um – I don’t have any pets. I like reading and listening to music. My favourite subjects are Biology and English.’
‘Good. What sort of music do you listen to, Keisha?’
‘Mainly contemporary music, and um, I know this might sound a bit odd but I like classical and opera music as well.’
He frowned. ‘Why would that be odd? I have a daughter of fourteen and she loves opera music. Her favourite opera is La Traviata.’
Mr Matthews seemed very nice but when was he going to get to the nitty gritty?
‘What sort of books do you read?’ he continued.
‘I like science-fiction mostly but I’ve started getting into philosophy lately.’‘Yes, philosophy can be very interesting. I like ancient philosophy myself. I find it really interesting to see what made our ancestors tick. Greek philosophy is my favourite.’ He put his hand through his hair and said, ‘brothers and sisters, Keisha? Do you have any?’
I smiled and looked down at the floor – a tough one. ‘Yes, I have three sisters – well, two actually.’
‘Oh? So you have two or three sisters?’
‘It’s a complicated story but I’ve always grown up with three sisters until a few weeks ago when I found out my oldest sister is actually my mum.’
He didn’t seemed fazed at all. He smiled, leaned forward and put his hands on the desk.
‘Aren’t all family tales complicated, Keisha? I think it must be really something to find out your sister is your mum. So do you get on well with your sisters? Are you all like peas in a pod?’
‘No, definitely not, but I’m beginning to understand them more lately so I have more tolerance for them now. I get on best with my oldest sister, Sam. She’s actually my mum. Then there’s Jessica. I get on well with her but nothing special. Then there’s Alex. She’s the black sheep of the family.’
‘Well, it sounds like you are all very different girls, which is good. We wouldn’t want you all to be the same now, would we? That’d be too boring. And what about your mum and dad?’
‘Mum died when I was eight and Dad is lovely. He does so much for us all, too much sometimes. He works in a pub.’
‘Does he? I’m sorry about your mum though, Keisha.’
I liked Mr Matthews but he seemed to be forgetting why I was there.
I didn’t come for a general chinwag.
I could do that with my mind.
‘So what do you think of this office, Keisha? I watched you walk in and you eyed it up very carefully. You paid particular attention to the books over there. Did you want to look at any?’
‘Er no – no, that’s okay. I was looking at them for another reason.’
‘Oh, really? What’s that?’
‘Because – because I thought they look untidy.’
He looked at the books and smiled. ‘You’re right, they could do with a tidy up, Keisha. I’ll have to do it on my day off.’
There was a short silence while he took notes.
‘Excuse me, Mr Matthews. I don’t mean to be rude but you do realise I’m here to be treated for my obsessions. You haven’t really asked me anything about them yet.’
‘Keisha, I know, but before we get into that I want us to be comfortable with one another. I want you to get to know me and I get to know you. Do you think it’s okay to do it that way?’
I nodded.
This shrink was good.
‘I’m pleased you agree. So, Keisha, if someone were to write an article about you and what you’re like as a person what do you think they’d say?’
‘I guess they would say I’m kind and probably mature. Perhaps a bit too deep for my own good. I’m definitely a thinker and I tend to cut off at times with my own thoughts. Most definitely a perfectionist but I always try to do good things for people.’
He continued to ask me questions about myself. I felt very comfortable talking to him about my fears and phobias. I even told him about my fear of hurting Sam. He didn’t frown once but sat and listened, mostly with a smile on his face.
‘Well, I’m sorry, Keisha, but we have to finish here for today. I want us both to start progressing with the Cognitive Therapy next time you come in, that’s if you feel comfortable enough with me. I’ll let you
have a think about it for a while, but I’m glad you came to see me.’
‘Oh, yes, I would definitely like to come back. Should I come the same time next week?’
He smiled and said, ‘yes, that will be perfect. I just want to give you some homework to do for me though. Don’t worry, it’s nothing like Chemistry formulas. I just want you to walk on the curb some time for me. Do you think you could do that?’
I knew I had to do it. Anyway, I’d been through enough panic attacks to know they didn’t last.
‘Yes, it’s going to be hard but I have to do it.’
‘Well, I’m glad we agree. I look forward to seeing you next week, Keisha.’
‘So, how did it go?’ Jessi asked almost too eagerly as I walk into the kitchen. She and Dad were at the table with cups of coffee.
‘It was good.’
‘Really? So you felt comfortable with this doctor?’ Dad asked.
‘Yeah, he seems really nice and we got on well.’
‘That’s fantastic, Keish. Do you think you’ll go back to him?’ Jessica asked.
‘Yes, I have an appointment to see him again after school next week.’
Jessica stood up and came over to hug me.
She was bordering on being the head of her own hug support group with a mission statement like, ‘if you’re in a muddle come for a cuddle’.
‘So what sort of things did he talk to you about?’ she asked sitting down again.
‘Jessica! I’m not supposed to discuss that with you. All I can say is that he was just very nice, more like a friend than anything, and someone I could really talk to. He’s given me a task to do though.’
‘Oh? What’s that?’ Dad asked.
‘He wants me to walk on the curb.’
‘That doesn’t sound hard. I’m sure you’ll be fine, Keish.’
For Dad maybe it was fine but for me it was almost equal to lying on the train tracks not knowing when the next train was going to come.
‘Well, I guess it’ll help you though, right?’ Jessi asked.
‘Yeah, I guess so. By the way, where is Alex? I haven’t seen her for a few days.’
‘I don’t know. Since she told us about Stan she has been trying to avoid us. I thought when I had that heart to heart with her everything would be fine, but now she’s gone deeper into her shell. I don’t know what to do about it,’ Dad said.
‘Oh no, that’s bad. Hopefully, she’ll come round soon. Maybe it’s just going to take time. Anyway, I’m going up to my room. I’m tired,’ I said and left the kitchen.
I went back to school the following day and was the most nervous I could ever remember being. I could hardly breathe as I walked up to my locker.
And when I walked into Biology I heard a group of girls at the back whisper about me. I tried not to pay attention as I sat in my seat next to Dougall.
‘See, it’s not so bad, is it?’ he said.
‘It is, Dougall. Look, they’re all talking about me. Can’t you hear them?’
‘I know, but it won’t last long, trust me. Once they’ve got something new to talk about they will. They have to keep up with their gossip, Keish. You know what they’re like.’
He was right.
Kids always needed something to gossip about.
Why couldn’t my life hurry up so I didn’t have to contend with this bitchiness?
I set my books in front of me in a neat pile and parallel to the desk.
Mr Matthews hadn’t worked miracles yet.
‘Keisha, you’re back. How are you?’ my teacher asked.
‘I’m good thanks.’
I was lying.
I wasn’t good.
Sam was still in a coma.
My father was a rapist.
And Alex was living in a cave.
Dougall looked at me and sighed. He knew.
‘So, how did the psychotherapist go yesterday, Keish?’ Dougall asked when we were sitting outside the library having lunch.
‘Cool, you remember the correct name for him. Most people just call him a shrink or a doctor. But he was really good and treated me just like a friend.’
‘So I did a good deed then?’ he smirked.
‘Ha ha, you think you were responsible for getting me to go see him, don’t you?’
‘Of course. No-one else was going to get you to go, were they?’
‘I’ll have you know I actually thought about going back to a shrink even before you mentioned the CT treatment to me.’
‘Yeah, I’m sure you did. And you love Chemistry. Not!’
‘I was! Don’t you believe me?’
‘Of course I don’t. I got you along to see that Mr Matthews.’
‘Fine, have it your way, but I know.’
We joked and laughed for the rest of lunch, the first good laugh I’d had in a long time. It felt good.
When I was closing my locker door at home-time I was so shocked to see Craig standing behind it. He was smiling too.
‘Hi Keisha, it’s good to see you back at school,’ he said.
He extended the right side of his mouth to reveal a tiny dimple. Oh, so cute.
‘Oh, thanks,’ was all I could manage.
‘That’s cool. Well, I’m off to play footy now. I just wanted to tell you that it’s good to have you back.’ He extended the right side of his mouth even further and ran up the corridor to his friends.
I was speechless.
He had spoken to me.
Craig had spoken to me.
Craig Foerster had spoken to me.
‘Hello. Earth to Keisha. You look a bit flushed. You okay?’ Dougall asked waving a hand in front of my face.
I didn’t answer. I was still watching Craig.
‘Keisha? Hello?’ Dougall said waving more frantically.
‘Er, yes, sorry. I um just got a preoccupied.’
Dougall looked down the corridor, spotted Craig and looked back at me.
‘Yes, and I can see why. I really don’t know why you like that dropkick. He loves himself way too much. Look at him.’
Oh I was looking alright.
‘He just came up and spoke to me.’
‘And what did he say? How good it is to see you back?’
I looked at Dougall. Viewing Dobby after looking at beauty certainly wasn’t easy on the eyes. ‘Yes, that’s right. Why?’ I said.
‘He says that to all the girls. He just likes to think he’s Mr Cool and that all the girls fancy him.’
‘No, he’s never really spoken to me before, Dougall. I really think he was being genuine.’
‘Alright, believe what you like, but I’m going home now. Are you coming?’
‘Yeah, sure.’
I was still in shock.
Craig Foerster had spoken to me.
Craig still wasn’t out of my mind when I was sitting at the dinner table. Jessi asked why I was so happy and I told her I was excited about starting my new treatment. Alex was at the table too and asked me why I had a permanent smile on my face.
‘I don’t believe you, Keish. That kind of look has only one answer and that’s love. I think you’re in love, Keisha.’
She was always interested in other people’s love lives and even more so their sex lives.
‘Keisha, it’s nothing to do with that. Please just drop it.’
‘Whoa, look who’s getting defensive. I bet it is. What’s his name?’
‘Come on, please stop it, Alex. There’s nothing going on with anyone.’
‘I’m sure there’s not. Come on,’ she said tickling me.
‘Okay, okay. Please stop it! His name is Craig.’
She started laughing and making fish-lips.
‘Keisha and Craig sitting in a tree – K-I-S-S-I-N-G,’ she sang and smirked.
‘Okay, Alex, that’s enough now. Can’t you see the poor girl is getting fed up with it?’ Dad said.
‘You’re no fun, Dad. I could have said F
-U-C--.’
‘Okay, that’s enough now, Alex. Please, no swearing at the table.’
Before I went to bed that night there was a knock at the door. ‘I’ll get it,’ I shouted. I was still thinking about Craig and secretly hoping it would be him. I imagined what I’d say to him when I saw him standing there on MY doorstep.
‘Oh hi, Craig, it’s so great to see you. Why don’t you come in?’ I would say.
‘Oh um, that’d be great,’ he would say nervously.
I would lead him into the lounge and offer him a drink.
‘Thanks, Keisha, but um there is a reason I’ve come around.’
I would act surprised and ask him what.
‘Well, it’s hard to say this but I can’t stop thinking about you. I’m in love with you.’
‘Oh, Craig,’ I would say and go over to him to sit on his lap. Then his lips would meet mine and we would kiss passionately.
‘Wishful thinking,’ I thought trying hard to lunge back down to reality as I opened the door.
It wasn’t Craig at all.
‘Mr Matthews,’ I said. I felt my eyes getting wider. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Keisha?’ he said. He looked confused. ‘I – I didn’t know you lived here.’
‘Well, er, yes, I do, but what are you doing here?’
‘I um – I came to see Jessica.’
What was happening?
Was he shrinking her too?
Was that why she had been so ‘cuddly’ lately?
‘Why?’ I asked.
‘Well, we’ve been seeing each other for a little while.’
‘What?’ My mouth was gaping now.
‘Yes, we have been but I had no idea you knew Jessica.’
‘She’s my sister.’
I turned around and called Jessica into the hall. She came out of the kitchen and smiled.
‘Oh hi, Jerry. So you’ve met Keisha then?’ she said.
‘Yeah, we’ve met alright. He’s my shrink, Jessica,’ I said.
I was angry.
She looked at me and frowned. ‘Yes, yes, I know. I knew he was a really nice guy and that’s why I suggested to your GP you see him.’
‘So why didn’t you tell me?’ I asked.
She paused before saying, ‘because – because I knew you wouldn’t go to Jerry if you knew we were seeing one another.’
She was right.
It was unethical.
I ran upstairs while Mr Matthews – Jerry – called out to me. No wonder she had become so compassionate, so understanding lately. She was in a relationship with a shrink, my shrink of all shrinks.
Again I felt betrayed.
I couldn’t see him anymore.
*****
Forty Scrubs Page 15