by Shan
“Nobody cheated that I know of, but we were doing good until the nigga told me he sold the house, stopped the construction on my shop, and was looking for a house in Dallas. He didn’t even discuss any of that with me. I was under the impression I was coming back to Miami after I healed; at least that’s what he’d been telling me all this time.”
“Oh wow, so you just gonna stay here and let your husband go to Dallas all by himself?” Brian asked and shook his head.
“Yes, I wanna open my shop back up and finish school.”
“Well open a shop up and finish school in Dallas. Girl don’t let your husband go out there all by himself like that,” he said.
I shook my head and looked over at Starr who obviously felt the same way but didn’t express it verbally. She leaned back in her seat and crossed her legs while I sat there feeling like no one in the world understood how I felt.
“I’m tired of moving Brian and I’m tired of moving my kids from place-to-place. The only family I have besides my dad is here and you’re here. I miss you!”
Brian extended the blunt in Starr’s direction and looked at me like I’d lost my mind. I knew if anything he was going to speak his mind no matter how I felt about it. More than anything, I wanted someone to tell me I was right in the way I was feeling. I was right for wanting to have my own and wanting my husband to respect the fact that I wanted and needed to have my own-my own identity. I loved being Tamar’s wife but I didn’t always want to be known as just the wife of the Notorious Tae.
“Girl you married a hustler so when that nigga say move, you best move. No matter how many times out of the year he says y’all moving,--you need to go. Simple as that. Tae and I haven’t always seen eye-to-eye, but I know for a fact that he takes care of home and does it well. If you have to go to Dallas to open up a shop and finish school, then do that. Stop letting your stubbornness and dumbness get in the way of that. Seriously, you gonna find someone else in your bed and then you’ll be crying and mad.” Starr said and took a puff of the blunt.
“Mmmh, and you know that nigga will replace you quick, fast, and in a hurry. You saw how he had your sister when he thought you were dead. Moved that reporter bitch up in that big-ass mansion when y’all split up; so what you think he gonna do this time?” Brian asked with a roll of his neck. “Now, if you ain’t trippin’ about it, then shit I say stay here and open that shop back up boo. I can always use the extra money.”
“For real. I was thinking about spending the money to get me another one, but hell if you wanna open yours then be my guest. I know you’ll let me work there right; I mean being we don’t get along all that well?” Starr laughed and I couldn’t help but crack a smile.
She passed the weed in my direction and I gladly accepted it. I took in a deep toke and walked around Brian’s coffee table to take a seat between the two of them. This honestly felt like old times when we used to all sit back and do the same damn thing--smoking, eating popcorn, and just chopping it up. I missed this a whole lot.
“I don’t know. I just want Tae to respect the fact that I can get money on my own and aspire to be more than just his wife and a mother. I’m not trying to be a homemaker. Perhaps I will go to Dallas. I don’t know,” I sighed. “But anyway. What the hell you got going on and how the hell are you able to afford this big ass studio apartment?”
I looked around at the expensive furniture, the elegant décor, and all the big and pricey paintings that lined the wall; and knew this shit didn’t just come from doing hair. Brian was doing something major.
“I run errands for your boy and he pays me pretty well to do so.” Brian snapped his fingers and snatched the blunt from my hand. Confusion set in while I stared at Brian and waited for him to explain.
“What boy? And what kind of errands are we talking about?”
“For Tae-and don’t play crazy. That nigga ain’t sending me grocery shopping,” Brian responded.
“Brian please do not tell me Tae has your ass running drugs for him. What the hell? Are you crazy?”
“No, I ‘m not crazy! Look, when that shop burned down, I started doing hair out of my house to make ends meet. When that wasn’t enough, I started doing a lil’ something extra that almost got me killed. I ran into Tae down on the Ave when he was doing business with the construction folk. He told me then he was stopping work on the place and that it wasn’t gonna open back up. I was desperate and he offered me a way out. Trust me, this is not what I want to do with my life. I love doing hair and nails but it’s not enough to pay my bills and it damn sure ain’t enough to put me up like this.” Brian motioned his arm around to put emphasis on his living arrangements.
It was for damn sure nice; I didn’t know whether or not I should be mad because Tamar hadn’t mentioned a word to me or because Brian hadn’t said anything either.
“So you knew he was stopping construction on the shop?” I raised a brow and waited for him to answer.
“Yeah, but I wasn’t aware that you didn’t know, so don’t go thinking I was withholding info honey.”
“Well, this morning before I came here, I went and met up with some developers and found out how much it would cost to start the work back up, as well as to expand it to what we discussed previously. They gave me a quote and said once I obtain the building, redo my licenses, and a down payment, they would begin the work. Now I know what y’all saying about going to Dallas with my hubby but that’s something I have to consider deeply. Even if I do, I’m still gonna open my shop-especially now that I know you’re a damn drug dealer Brian. I’m not having that,” I laughed. “Maybe I’ll go to Dallas, open a shop there, and let you run this one. I don’t know. It’s a lot to think about.”
I stayed at Brian’s house for another few hours, catching up on life, and getting to know more about my old friends. Surprisingly, before I left, Starr asked me for my number and said she would be keeping in touch with me.
While we were talking, she told me she no longer blamed me for Keylan’s death; and she realized it was the fault of the person that pulled the trigger. It was good to hear that because some days I still blamed myself for what happened to Keylan; and I know that anytime Tamar thought about it, he sort of blamed me too.
Had I not slept around with Brandon, then possibly none of this would have happened. I can’t say that Keylan would still be here but it was possible that Brandon wouldn’t have been the one to shoot him. Keylan was in the life and his life could be taken from him on any given day.
However, it was difficult not to feel like I was somewhat responsible for his going to an early grave. Nonetheless, I was glad that Starr was cool. Hopefully, we could become best friends again.
18 JAMIR
I pulled my black-on-black Crown Vic onto Marsalis Ave, and parked at the second house on the left side. It belonged to a bitch named Kita who agreed to let me and my bro set up shop and peddle nickels and dimes out of all day. Kita was a hustler and did whatever she had to do to take care of herself and her three kids who lived with her mother.
It was bitches like her that the hood appreciated. No matter what one said about her or how they felt about her, niggas like me needed her. We respected her kind and whenever we came across one of them, we treated them hella good.
I blew my horn and sat back in my seat as I waited for Justice to come outside. He was really getting used to this hustlin’ shit and was liking it a little more than I had hoped. Honestly, lil’ bro had been a natural, taking to this street shit far better than I had in the beginning. Niggas was respecting his hustle and showing him mad love.
I opened my door and poured out the guts of a cigar into the street and filled the inside with some Kush. Justice made his way out a few minutes later holding on to a bottle of vodka and rocking a big ass smile. He hopped in the car and I rolled off and quickly cut the corner.
“So what’s up? How did e
verything go?” I asked and lit the tip of the blunt.
“Cool bro, I got this. I don’t need you checking on me,” Jamir chuckled and opened the vodka bottle and took a huge swig from it.
“Where you get that from? You drinking now?” I inquired.
“Kita gave me this shit and I do a whole lot of shit that you don’t know about Jamir. I ain’t no kid no more man.”
“Yeah, but you ain’t even hit eighteen yet and shit it just seems like you doing so much so fast. Can you slow down a little bit?” I joked but was as serious as a heart attack.
“Slow down? Bro, I’m just getting started. Tae said if I keep things like this and keep proving to him how loyal I am, that I would soon be getting major paper on a bigger scale. He said I ain’t seen nothing yet.” Justice beamed and took another swig from his bottle.
I passed the blunt in his direction and felt a twinge of jealousy poke at my heart.
“Oh yeah? I see you and Tamar do a lot of talking when I’m not around. Got you doing jobs without running that shit through me first. I don’t know if I’m cool with that or not.”
“What the fuck you saying I gotta get permission from you first before I make some money. Yo’, blood gave me like twenty stacks for that shit. Way more than you’ve ever given me,” Justice stated defensively and my mouth dropped open in shock.
“Twenty stacks? For what? What the fuck did you do for twenty stacks Jus?”
“Man nothing. Just know that I’m handling my own and I don’t feel as if I need to come to you before I get money. If you need me to help you out around the house with the bills and shit like that, then I will. But I’m thinking about moving out and getting my own place in a few months.”
“Word, so you gonna move out on me?”
“I don’t know yet. I’m thinking about it. Shit with you and E about to have that baby, y’all gonna need that extra space anyway. I ain’t tryna be in the way of that.”
“Be in the way? Damn kid, this sound like Tae talking rather than you. What did he tell you, that you had to get your own place, or that you should get your own place?”
“Nah, that man ain’t told me nothing like that. I just feel like maybe I should. Why we even talking about this right now?” Justice reached out and turned the stereo up and began to bob his head to the Yo Gotti that bled through the system.
Curiously, I nodded my head and figured maybe it would be best for me to talk to Tamar regarding the conversations and influence he’s having on my little brother. I didn’t have anything against Tamar, but hell I’d raised Justice since he’d been born, and I damn sure wasn’t trying to have some nigga come between the bond we have.
Justice was my little brother but I looked at him like a son; a son that I didn’t want another man persuading him unless it was okay with me. I pushed the Crown Vic through the streets, puffed on the weed, and tried to let the conversation go for now. But a lot of what Justice was spitting was bothering me.
I reached over and cut the music down and handed Justice the blunt.
“What did you do that for that twenty stacks Jus? Had to be some kind of favor,” I said planning on not letting up until I got an answer.
“I did what I had to do Jamir. It ain’t nothin’ you need to worry about.”
“What you mean it ain’t nothin’ I need to worry about? A fuckin’ stranger paying you that kind of guap is something I need to worry about! You don’t know what the fuck you doing Justice; you just gettin' started in this game and this shit will eat you up and spit you out alive if you’re not careful.”
“Well I’m being careful and ‘cause I’m just getting started don’t mean I don’t know what I’m doing. If Tamar felt like I wasn’t ready, then he would’ve never given me the responsibility! He knows I’m a man and can handle my own. Why the fuck it’s taking you so long to see that?” Justice yelled and his words started to slur a little bit so I knew the weed and alcohol was getting to him.
“What? Did he have you knock somebody off for him? To prove that you’re a man-as you say? Is that what it is Justice? You killed somebody?”
Suddenly, there was an eerie silence that fell between the two of us. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Justice bringing the bottle back to his mouth. Anger took over and I brought my hand up and slammed it across Justice’s face causing the bottle to hit the window and shatter into pieces.
Vodka spilled down the glass and Justice covered his face with both of his hands trying to catch the blood that dripped from his nose and lip. I pulled the car over to the side of the road, placed it in park, hopped out, raced around to the passenger side door, and pulled it open.
I jerked Justice out of the car and frantically searched him for the pistol that he pulled out so zealously the other day. If this nigga really did kill someone like I suspected, then I’m quite sure that it was the pistol his dumb ass had used to commit the crime.
“What the fuck Justice? Did you kill someone!?” I bellowed and snatched the .357 from his pants.
Justice stared up at me with malice in his eyes but didn’t answer my question. He tried to get away from me but I held onto him tightly. I raised my fist and was prepared to punch him in the face if he didn’t open his muthafuckin’ mouth. “Did you kill someone Justice?”
“Yeah nigga! So what?”
“What the fuck Jus? Who? Have you lost your damn mind? Who the fuck was it?”
“Man, I did what I had to do. I went to him to let him know I wanted to get paper but he was acting like I wasn’t trustworthy. He wanted me to prove my fuckin’ loyalty and I did. He knew you wouldn’t do it, so he had me to take care of it.”
“How the fuck he figure I wouldn’t do it? Get my seventeen year-old little brother to handle the shit-what kind of shit is that Jus? You should’ve come to me first. Why didn’t you come to me?”
“He wanted to make sure he could trust me. Besides I knew if I came to you, that you would try to stop me. It’s not a big deal Jamir. I handled that shit and it’s over with. I handled mine Jamir. You ain’t gotta worry about me,” Justice said with assurance.
I stared into my brother’s blue eyes and noticed his skin was becoming pale like it always did when he was upset. Justice was what I called a mystery nigga. Looking at him you knew he was black but it was a mystery as to what else he had in him. My mother never really mentioned his father and that nigga never came around. For all we knew, he was a white man that Ma probably sucked and fucked for some smoke money.
“Who was it Justice? Was it somebody I know? This is why I need you…”
“DeAngelo-Remember when DeAngelo first introduced us to Tamar. He told us Tamar was trying to put him on like he doing us now, but DeAngelo went against Tamar. He gave him like six kilos and DeAngelo kept the shit for himself and didn’t pay up when he was supposed to. Tamar wanted to show him, and any other nigga that wanted to try him, a lesson. He was gonna have Black take care of it, but I did it instead.” Justice finally removed his hand from his nose and rubbed the blood that had dripped into his palm onto his shirt. “When I heard about what DeAngelo did, I was ready to handle that nigga. Tamar wanted me to prove my loyalty and to us that was the perfect way to do it.”
The name DeAngelo was all I heard Justice say. My heart fell into my chest; I lost balance, and fell against the concrete. The gun that I held onto fell to the ground and my breathing quickened uneasily. Tamar had my little brother kill my baby mama’s little brother.
I had said a thousand times and made even more promises to E that I would take care of the nigga that killed DeAngelo. I promised her the first chance I got, I would put a few in his skull whenever I planted eyes on him; but how could I, when the nigga responsible was my fucking little brother?
***
With all the blood
in my body pumping a thousand times over, I headed down the halls of the Omni Hotel until I reached the end of the hall where the Presidential Suite was located. I pounded my fist on the door and impatiently waited for him to answer.
My heart felt like it would leap out of my chest. The only thing that played in my head was hearing Justice say he had killed DeAngelo. He murdered DeAngelo for twenty thousand dollars and Tamar was the one who had paid him to do so. I felt betrayed in the worst way.
How could the two of them do some shit like this to my girl, let alone me? Tamar knew exactly who DeAngelo was, which was why he didn’t ask me to do the deed.
“Jamir, what are you doing here?“ Passion started once she opened the door but I cut her off and rushed into the room.
“What the fuck my nigga? You paid…” I started but remembered Passion was still here. I turned to her and pointed toward the door, “get the fuck out!”
Passion placed her hands on her hips and looked at me intensely ready to argue with me. However, I guess she noticed this was not the time to fuck with me. Before she grabbed her purse and left the room, she rolled her eyes and looked over at Tamar who held a cell phone to his ear.
No sooner than the door was securely closed, I turned my attention back to Tamar. He didn’t attempt to get off the phone or even acknowledge my presence.
“A’ight, well let me know something as soon as possible. I might have to get the wife to bring you the dough until I get down there. I got some shit to handle here that need my attention, but I should be able to touchdown no later than Saturday,” Tamar said and nodded his head.
He looked at me and suddenly wrinkle lines appeared in his forehead and a smug look covered his face. The diamonds in his mouth sparkled off the light in the room and blinded me. I had to slightly turn my body so I could clearly see his facial expression without obstruction. “Cool. Hit me up soon as possible,” he said.
Tamar ended his call and tossed his cell to the side. Before he stood and walked in my direction, he grabbed a cigarette from the table which was next to him. He stopped directly in front of me and lit his cigarette, then took a puff, and blew the smoke in my face. “You were saying?” he asked in this cocky ass tone that I didn’t like.