Kayla swiveled, gazing into the murky void of the trees. Her birth mother had been running through a forest, much like this one, with thick-branched trees, evergreen bushes, and the silvery light of a crescent moon. But it couldn’t have been the same forest, because this one also had magic that made colorful mushrooms sprout from stone and palm-sized fireflies light up the night.
“Something happened at Dahlia’s, didn’t it?” Fay whispered.
Kayla tensed when she heard Fay coming closer. “It was nothing,” she said.
“What you did back there didn’t seem like nothing.”
Kayla spun around and forced a lopsided smile onto her face. “Can’t a faerie enjoy herself at a revel? Because that’s what faeries do, isn’t it?”
Fay wrinkled her brow. “What are you talking about?”
“I’ve been lied to my entire life.” Kayla’s voice cracked. She paced a few steps and then paused again. “Because my parents aren’t my parents. I was given to them by faeries. Faeries! Guess I am one of you now.” She scoffed. “No need to play any more tricks on me or try to enchant the stupid human, because I’m one of you! Because I’m fucking adopted!” She screamed the last word so loud that it echoed through the woods, but she didn’t care who heard it. She wished her mother could.
“Kayla…” Fay reached out a hand.
“No, please, stay away!” Kayla took a step back, tears springing to her eyes. “You’ve just made this all much worse.”
“I didn’t mean to…” Fay’s shoulders dropped. “Kayla, let me be there for you. Please.” She took a step toward Kayla, and another, until she was close enough to pull Kayla into a hug.
Kayla let her. She collapsed against Fay’s shoulder, burying her face at her collarbone, and cried. A sadness she hadn’t known before overwhelmed her, and she wept for the parents she never knew and would never meet. She wept for her missing father too.
Fingers smoothed out her hair, and she felt soft lips brush the top of her head. Fay let Kayla lean onto her, waiting for her to calm down. Fay didn’t talk, and she didn’t force Kayla to say anything either; in that moment, Kayla knew she didn’t want to be anywhere else.
When the tears had dried on her cheeks, Kayla pulled away from the embrace but kept one hand on Fay’s waist. “Thank you.”
Fay brushed a lock from Kayla’s cheek. “If you really are a faerie,” she said, “then you’re the worst one ever.”
And despite of it all, Kayla smiled. It was brief and didn’t reach her heart, but it was a moment’s distraction she needed.
Fay wiped a tear from Kayla’s cheek with her thumb. “It answers some questions, though.”
“How so?”
“For one, it explains why you can see through Glamors,” Fay said. “Or why our food has no effect on you. But this also means…” Her gaze dropped, and she paled. “Kayla, your watch! It’s hurting you, isn’t it?”
“It’s nothing,” Kayla said, which was a lie that stung her tongue, and she coughed.
“You should take it off.”
Kayla drew her hand back, protecting it with the other one. “No, I can’t. It’s all I’ve got left of my dad…” Her adoptive human father. It still sounded strange and utterly wrong.
“I’m not asking you to get rid of it,” Fay said. “But if you keep wearing it on your skin… it’ll hurt a lot more than it does now.”
“I know.” Kayla gritted her teeth, forcing back the tears. “But it’s too soon.”
Fay nodded, but the worry didn’t leave her face. She cast a glance back over her shoulder. The faintest sound of music and laughter floated toward them. Fay turned back to Kayla. “Why did your parents leave you in the mortal world?”
Kayla exhaled. “They were fleeing.”
“From Titania?”
“Probably.” Kayla shifted on her leg.
“Then they must’ve known her,” Fay said. “I wonder how… no one’s seen Titania ever since the battle.”
“Well, no one you know.”
“That’s true.” Fay fell silent again, gazing off into the distance for a while. Then she looked back at Kayla. “Where are your parents now?”
Kayla swallowed. Fresh tears were welling up in her eyes. “I don’t know, okay? Maybe they’re dead…”
Pain flashed across Fay’s face. “I should not have asked you this,” she said. “You are in distress and overwhelmed.”
“I’ve never been so confused in my entire life,” Kayla said. She laughed a little as she rubbed fresh tears from her cheek. “I can’t believe this is true… I mean, my dad must have known and he never told me? God, probably no one told my brother, either.” She clenched her jaw, her cheeks turning hot. “And my mother! She tried so hard to keep me away from the faeries, so I couldn’t find out she lied to me.”
Fay wrapped Kayla into another hug. “Maybe that was their way of trying to keep you safe.” Her hand was traveling up and down Kayla’s back in circular strokes. “Do you still wish to find your adoptive father?”
“Of course, yes. He’s my dad… and I-I need to know… what happened…”
Kayla was crying again, but the tears were silent. They stood without talking for a while and Kayla listened to the sound of birds in the trees and Fay’s breath in her hair. Then they untangled a little, but only so much that they could look into each other’s eyes.
There was that freckle in Fay’s iris again.
The tips of their noses touched, and Fay brushed her lips against Kayla’s for the briefest of moments. And then again and again, until Kayla pressed her lips hard onto Fay’s mouth.
Fay gasped, but she didn’t stop kissing back. Kayla rose to her tiptoes and buried her fingers in Fay’s wild locks. Fay wrapped her arms around Kayla’s waist, pulling her closer, and her hands were trailing Kayla’s body, her touch burning hot.
Kayla wished it would never end.
But she stopped kissing Fay just long enough to murmur, “You’re the only person I can still trust.”
Fay stiffened and pulled back a little. Kayla untangled her hand from Fay’s curls, and as she lowered it, she brushed over Fay’s shoulder blade, feeling hard, scarred skin underneath the thin dress.
They broke apart.
In the dark night, Fay’s face looked like marble, cold and impenetrable. But her eyes told an entirely different story and in them Kayla saw raw pain. She saw Fay’s entire world shatter into a million pieces.
Dread curdled in the pit of Kayla’s stomach. She stepped back, staring at Fay. “What’s wrong?”
Fay couldn’t bear to look at Kayla. They were standing a few feet apart, not as close as they had been a few seconds ago. Fay’s eyes were burning with tears, and she kept her gaze locked on a tree behind Kayla.
“Who hurt you?” Kayla asked, and Fay flinched.
She remembered Ophira asking the same question. Back then, she’d held it all inside of her.
Fay glanced at Kayla. Her skin was awash with pale moonlight and her long, black hair tumbled down her shoulders in waves. A few leaves still stuck to it, but it didn’t matter; Kayla was the most beautiful person in this world and any others. Her deep blue eyes—which Fay now noticed were tinged with purple—rested on Fay with a warmth that she did not deserve.
If she’d been less occupied with her own guilt, she would have noticed the small changes in Kayla, the way her ears slightly tapered now, and how she moved with the grace of a faerie.
It was her fault Kayla had to endure all this pain.
At last, the wall Fay had built years ago, the one keeping all the memories locked up, cracked. The words spilled from her mouth. “My father…”
“Your…” Kayla’s eyes widened, and Fay knew she hadn’t wondered about him before. “You mean, the king?”
“No.” A few tears trickled down Fay’s cheeks and she let them. She had no strength left to keep them back. “He’s… not from here.”
“What do you mean? Where is he?”
“He’s…
gone.”
“Oh, Fay…” Kayla’s feet made no sound as she took a step forward.
Fay flung up her arms. “Don’t. Please.” Her chest tightened with the pain of a language that used to be hers. “I do not deserve your sympathy.” For a moment, her tears ceased as heat flushed through her body. “I failed you.”
“Why would you say that?”
Kayla’s voice was oddly calm, but Fay saw her shiver. Something deep down told her to go to Kayla, to wrap her into her arms and to hold her close. To protect her from any harm.
And another voice told her she was the one causing Kayla pain.
The heat inside of her swelled, crushing her lungs. Then the words were pouring from her mouth, like water crashing through a dam.
“I am not who you think. They call me the Seelie Princess, but I am not it. I am a fraud.” She allowed herself one glance at Kayla, who watched her with a frown. Fay swallowed and kept going before she lost the courage to do so.
“I told you once that a person can have more than one name. Here, they call me Fay. They treat me as the Seelie Princess. As Ophira’s daughter. But it has not always been like that. My mother called me Aoife…”
“Your mother—?” Kayla began, but Fay continued without a pause.
“She was the younger sister of Queen Eyela, Ophira’s mother,” she said. “And when my mother fell in love with a human, she went to live with him in the mortal world. They had me and I grew up in Chicago.” Her eyes were now brimming with tears, her vision blurred. “But most faeries cannot bear living in the mortal world for too long, and my mother died. I came to Tír na nÓg, where the queen took me in as part of her family.”
She paused, waiting for Kayla to say something, anything. Kayla stood still, her face a gloomy mask.
“At first I was the new faerie, a relative of the Royal Family who had returned to the court,” Fay said, her voice trembling. It was as if listening to a stranger. “But when the rumors of the Unseelies’ return arose, everyone grew restless. They feared Titania would try to take the crown from Ophira, like she tried all those years ago when she killed their father. If she killed Ophira too, then there would be no one left who could bear the crown.”
She sucked in a deep breath and folded her arms to her chest. “Anyone can wear the crown, but not all can bear it. Only the descendants of the first king are worthy of the crown, and if someone who lacks Royal Blood wears it, they will go mad. If Titania truly changed, she cannot have the crown, ever. It would destroy her and she would take the kingdom down with her. Ophira needed an heir, and since I am related…”
Fay sniffled and rubbed a few tears from her face. She noticed Kayla had retreated a few steps and was refusing to look at Fay, instead staring at a spot on the ground.
“They wanted to cast a spell on me,” Fay said, more tears trickling down her cheeks, “that could transform my blood into Royal Blood. But that spell… It would have changed everything. History would have been re-written. If I became the Seelie Princess, I would have had to leave my old life behind, forget all about it, forget where I have come from, my mother…”
Fay’s throat constricted, threatening to force back all thoughts and feelings once more. But she couldn’t keep going like this. She needed to tell her.
“I am telling you all this so you understand why I had to do it. I wanted to tell you the truth so many times, but… but there was too much at stake for me. I could not abandon the memories of my mother just like that. I couldn’t—”
“What did you do?” Kayla’s voice echoed through the empty clearing.
Fay shrank back. The hurt in Kayla’s voice sent a burning hot pain through her chest. “I… I didn’t…”
“Tell me what you did!” Kayla cried.
Fay’s eyes filled with fresh tears. “It was no coincidence that we met that night.” Though Fay was finally telling the truth, the words still stung her like they were a lie. “Ophira had a vision, through that stone in her crown, of a girl who would unite the Seelies with the Unseelies. She told me that if I found that girl and brought her to the court, we might make peace with the Unseelies again. And then I wouldn’t have to become the Seelie Princess. I wouldn’t have to give up my memories. So I went to Chicago… and when I brought you here, we saw that the acorn you were carrying was sent by Unseelies, and we thought perhaps—”
“You knew all along,” Kayla said, her voice trembling, “that the Unseelies have my dad?” The reproach and hatred in Kayla’s voice froze Fay from the inside and all she could do was nod.
Within the blink of an eye, Kayla was as close as when they had kissed, and she slapped Fay across the cheek.
“You lied to me!” Kayla roared, blinking back tears. “All this time, promising me you were on my side, telling me that faeries couldn’t lie and I could trust you. It was all just a game to you!” She turned to leave and Fay reached for her, hesitating.
“No, Kayla, please. It’s true that faeries can’t lie. But… I’m not any faerie. I’m human too, and… I should never have lied to you!”
Kayla spun back around. “And I should have never trusted you.” She gave Fay’s shoulder a good shove, and Fay staggered back, stumbled over a root, and fell to the ground.
Jagged roots cut through Fay’s dress and skin. She swore, scrambling back to her feet. “Kayla… We are still looking for your father. I never lied about that. And I never meant to keep the truth about why I brought you here, but Ophira—”
“I don’t care about Ophira,” Kayla hissed. “You chose this.” Her eyes were so dark they were pinpoints in her pale face, shooting daggers at Fay. “Stay away from me.” She took off running, a blur of black hair as the trees swallowed her up.
Fay sank to the ground. She sobbed and wept in a way she hadn’t done since her mother had died. All the guilt came crashing down on her, heavy on her heart and lungs. She drew in ragged breaths between sobs, but the feeling of suffocation persisted.
She deserved this.
She deserved to never hold Kayla again, to never kiss her again. She deserved to feel miserable.
As Fay let all the pain wash over her, she thought of her mother and what she would say to her. Would she be disappointed in Fay for lying, for deceiving someone like this?
Then she remembered the day her mother had told her she was a faerie.
“I wish I could have told you sooner,” her mother had said, pressing Fay close to her side. “A part of me did not want you to know, because being a faerie is not always easy. But your father… he made me tell the truth, you know. That is what I like about him. He believes in honesty and that all people are good at their core. Humans, they can lie but often choose not to. Faeries always try to find a way around the truth. But you are half-human, my little Aoife, and you should never forget that part of you. Never forget that you have a choice.”
But she had forgotten. She’d been so desperate to please Ophira, to be loyal to her queen. From the moment she’d set foot in the Seelie Court, the burden of protecting a whole kingdom had weighed her down. And she’d tried so hard to do good for her people and to preserve her mother’s legacy. In the process of it, she’d abandoned everything that made her human.
She hadn’t noticed that until she fell for a faerie girl who had been human all her life.
28
LEAD ME ASTRAY
Kayla burst into her room, her heart thundering in her chest. She grabbed the wooden box from her nightstand and hesitated. Where should she put it? It was too bulky to fit into the tiny bag Abby had given her that night they went out. But she couldn’t leave it here. It was all she had left of her birth parents.
She took out the letter and the necklace and stuffed both in her pouch. Her phone and the acorn were still in there too. What else?
It was no coincidence that we met that night.
Hands shaking, she pulled out the drawer at her vanity table and reached for her dagger, Cosaín. The hilt sent an icy jolt through her body. She shrugged of
f the thought of Fay carving into the wood with care and crammed the knife into the pouch as well.
Ophira had a vision, through that stone in her crown, of a girl who would unite the Seelies with the Unseelies.
After slinging the pouch over her shoulder, Kayla stormed from the room without looking back and dashed down the hall. The first hint of a new dawn trickled in through the floor-to-ceiling windows, driving away the shadows of the night.
We are still looking for your father. I never lied about that.
All this time, Kayla had thought she was Ophira’s guest, but you didn’t force guests to stay put, to do whatever you told them. Kayla wasn’t a guest; she was a prisoner. The sooner she left, the better. She turned a corner and—
“What are you doing?”
Kayla stopped dead. Deirdre was running down the corridor, her rose-blond hair coming loose from the knot piled on top of her head. Before Kayla could even think about moving, Deirdre grabbed her hands and pulled her into an alcove.
“Talk to me,” Deirdre said in a low voice. Her face was inches from Kayla’s and her brow wrinkled in concern.
Beads of sweat trailed down Kayla’s spine. “I’m leaving.”
Deirdre’s eyes widened. She stepped back, dropping her hand from Kayla. “The queen does not want you to leave.”
“She made that more than obvious,” Kayla said. “But I don’t want to stay here anymore.”
Jaw clenched, Kayla stared into Deirdre’s eyes. She’d never noticed that Deirdre’s irises were the color of liquid brass. There was a small scar just underneath Deirdre’s left eye.
“I cannot disobey my orders,” Deirdre said. She didn’t sound entirely convinced of her own words.
“It isn’t safe for me here.”
“What are you talking about? The queen promised to protect and help you.”
“That’s what she wants you to believe.” A shiver crawled up Kayla’s body, from the toes to her fingers. Kayla glanced past Deirdre, down the corridor. It was empty. For now.
Seelie Princess (The Crown of Tír na nÓg Book 1) Page 23