“Yeah, I understood that. Still, that has not a damn thing to do with you and me.”
“It has everything to do with me!” she yelled.
“How?” I wasn’t understanding. Yes, it was foul as hell what our parents did, but that didn’t affect the feelings I had for Chanel, or even Jason for that matter. He was still my best friend, and Chanel was still the woman I wanted in my bed at night, and waking up to in the morning. With her stubborn ass.
She rubbed her forehead, obviously feeling frustrated. “Because it does.”
“Nah, Chanel. You’re one of the best lawyers in this damn city. ‘Because’ isn’t a good enough explanation.” I was growing pissed, too. I knew she was using this to put distance between us. I could feel it.
“Because!” she yelled. “He was my goddamn father, and he couldn’t be bothered while I was growing up. He was too busy running around with any woman who’d have him. As long as that woman wasn’t his wife.” She stepped closer to me. “And knowing your mother was one of those women is just too much. I don’t want any part of this.”
The words were like a knife slicing through my chest. I grit my teeth. I ran my hand down my jaw and let out a sardonic laugh. I took a threatening step toward Chanel. She backed up, and I took another step. We did that until her back was against the wall next to her front door.
“You’re fucking full of shit.”
She gasped.
“You know it, and I know it,” I continued. “That shit between our parents has nothing to do with us. You and me.” I pointed between our chests. “Fuck all that bullshit in the past. You’re trying to put distance between us, and you’re using this shit to do it. I’ll only allow you but so long to keep this up.
“Right now, I’m going to go check on my mother and give you space you so clearly want, but this ain’t over by any stretch of the imagination.” I pressed a hard kiss to her forehead before throwing her door open and stalking down the hallway. I fucking hated how out of control this woman made me feel. I usually had no problem keeping it cool and collected on the outside. Even in the most strenuous business negotiations, I rarely lost it, but this thing with Chanel. At that moment, I was feeling more pissed off than I had in a long time, and I knew it was because I felt out of control.
I met the waiting driver of the town car downstairs at the front of Chanel’s building. Instead of directing him to my home, I gave him the address of my mother’s house. If I wasn’t going to get the answers I wanted from one woman tonight, I might as well get some answers from the other woman in my life.
****
“Hey baby, I figured you’d be over sometime tonight,” my mother greeted as she opened the door.
I took in her weary expression. She’d changed into a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. In her eyes shone of the shame she was feeling. That hurt more than anything, knowing my mother felt shame or embarrassment. I stepped over the threshold and pulled her into an embrace.
“Hey, Mama.” I removed my tux jacket and threw it over the coatrack next to the door.
“Tea?” my mom asked as she headed toward the kitchen.
“Yeah, sure.” My mother always made tea when we needed to talk.
“You know where the honey and lemon are.”
I turned and grabbed a pre-sliced lemon out of the drawer in her fridge and the honey out of one of the cupboards above the sink. It was silent as we let our tea cool down. I sat on a stool across from my mother.
“The renovators did a good job in here,” I said, as if this was my first time seeing her kitchen since she’d moved back in. Although, the last time I had seen it was with Chanel, and my mind had been otherwise occupied. Thinking about Chanel reminded me of the reason I was there so late in the first place.
“You want to tell me what happened?” I asked.
My mother’s eyes lifted to meet mine as she lowered her tea cup. “I didn’t go there tonight to start anything. I would never do that. You know that, right?”
“Of course. What happened?”
She stared off into the distance. “John at work had to cancel, so at the last minute, I was asked to stand in for him. Anyway, I knew you’d be there. I didn’t know Elliott and his wife were going to be there. It’s been a few years since I last saw him. At one point in the night, he asked to speak with me. We found a private—well, what I thought was a private hallway. He wanted to know if I’d told you about what happened between us. I told him of course not. I guess he was concerned about Chanel finding out, since you and she…” She trailed off, looking at me. “But well, she’d been in the bathroom I guess, and you know the rest.”
I nodded. “Mama, I get that part of the story. What I want to know is what happened before? You had an affair with my best friend’s father?” That was what I couldn’t comprehend. This was the woman who’d taught me everything I knew about being a good human being, doing right by others, and living by one’s moral compass.
“I don’t know what you want me to tell you, Xavier.”
“How about the truth? Let’s start there.” There was an obvious bite in my tone, but I kept it respectful. She was still my mother. The woman who made me the man I am today.
“Uh, it started while you were away in college. Elliott and I knew each other, of course, through you two boys, but nothing had ever happened. I knew his reputation and knew he was very much a married man. But a few years after you moved away for school, he and I took on a client together. I was asked to come in and help with the accounting of one of his clients. He and I ended up working well together, and one thing led to another. It lasted for six months, but I broke it off when I realized what I was doing. I just got caught up. You were out of the house, and I suddenly had all this free time, and I began compensating with work, and then him. But I saw him out with another woman one night—a woman who wasn’t Chanel’s and Jason’s mother—and realized how trifling my behavior was. We’ve rarely spoken since.”
I blew out a breath, pushing my cup to the side. My anger and disappointment began to subside. I understood better where she was coming from. She’d focused so much on raising me and getting an education, and then working hard so she could take care of me, that she’d never dated. It must’ve been difficult for her when I left home to have so much free time all of a sudden, and no one to give it to. And shit, I knew Elliott’s ass. We all knew his reputation. He was a smooth-talking, charming dude.
“And that’s why you tried to warn me about getting too attached to Chanel?”
My mother hung her head. “Yeah. With Chanel, I saw how you looked at her. I knew if you two kept spending time together, eventually there’d come a time and place where Elliott and I would be forced to confront the elephant in the room.” She reached across the island counter to cover my hands with her own. “I don’t have anything against her. I like Chanel, and I can tell you do too. I was just selfish. I didn’t want you knowing my shame. I’m sorry, son. I never want my actions to compromise your happiness.”
I chuckled, although I wasn’t feeling happy about shit. “Yeah, well, it might be over,” I sighed.
“What? Why?”
“Chanel. She’s pissed. No, she’s hurt, and she’s claiming she can’t deal with this, or rather, with us,” I admitted. Just saying those words had me flexing my fists again. I knew Chanel’s ass was lying. Even if she didn’t know she was, I knew her pulling back had nothing to do with our parents’ bullshit.
“Aw, baby, I’m sure she didn’t mean that. Just give her some time to cool off.”
I nodded, agreeing with my mother’s words, but remained silent.
“I’m going to head home.” I stood, moving around the island to give my mother a kiss.
“Are you sure you should be driving this late? You still seem upset.” My mother’s forehead creased with worry.
“I have a driver for the night. I’ll be fine,” I told her, patting her arm. “I’ll give you a call in the morning.” I turned and made my way to the front door
. I was beat and didn’t need any more company for the rest of the night, unless it was the stubborn woman I’d left earlier, but I knew that wasn’t happening.
Chapter Nineteen
Chanel
“I swear, you’re intentionally fucking this up.”
I grunted, wishing I’d never answered the phone for Gabby’s ass. “Hello to you too,” I answered.
“Yeah, whatever. Listen, what the hell are you doing?”
“Um, right now I’m relaxing in my comfortable bed, watching a little TV, and enjoying a nice after-dinner snack.”
“A.K.A. your ass is in a pair of thick-ass pajamas, re-watching Lemonade for the billionth time while eating a pint of Rocky Road.”
I frowned as I lifted the remote to hit pause on Bey’s Lemonade right in the middle of Serena’s dance in “Sorry”. I also looked at the pint of ice cream that sat on the stand next to my bed.
“Wrong. It’s Haagen Dazs’ Red Velvet ice cream,” I mumbled.
“So, when are you going to get off your ass and go call that man of yours? No, better yet, forget a phone call; show up at his place in those heels you wore to dance class last week and lacy negligee. When he opens the door, don’t say anything, just drop to your knees and give him the best head he’s ever received in his life.”
I ducked my head, smirking. “Gabby, I’m not doing that.”
“Why not? You owe that man an apology and some good head. It’s been a week since you last talked to him over some shit having to do with neither one of you.”
“Oh my God! Why does everyone keep saying that? It does have to do with me. He was still married to my mother! Do you know how many times I had to hear her sniffle and smile through watery eyes because her husband couldn’t keep it in his pants? Ugh!” I squealed, throwing myself against my tufted headboard.
Gabby was silent on the other end for a while.
“Chanel, you know I love you, but get the entire fuck outta here with that nonsense.”
That’s my Gabby. Never one to bite her tongue, even to spare hurt feelings.
“You’re upset with your father, take it out on him. You can’t get past shit from your childhood, seek a damn therapist. But none of that qualifies you avoiding the man you love.”
“Wha—?”
“Yeah, I fucking said it. The man you love. And that’s what scares you, isn’t it? You’re using your father and his mother’s affair as an excuse to protect yourself from falling even deeper for Xavier. But here’s the thing,” she paused for dramatic effect, “it’s already too late. You’ve fallen for him, and I’m pretty sure he feels the same way. So, tell Gabby what you’re really afraid of so we can sort this out.”
I hesitated, looking at the television screen and around my bedroom that’d seen better days. I hadn’t been up for cleaning much that week. I’d been avoiding Xavier’s calls up until two days ago when they stopped. Even that scared the hell out of me. Maybe he was finally giving up on me, which had been my fear all along. That was what this was all about.
“I’m scared,” I admitted, just above a whisper.
“We’ve established that. Now tell me what you’re afraid of,” Gabby retorted, sounding like a damn therapist.
Again, I hesitated, feeling embarrassed.
“What if I do fall completely for him, and he loses interest in me?” I questioned.
“Well, the first part of your question has already happened.”
I sighed, shaking my head, not wanting to confirm the truth of her statement.
“And the second part?”
“Why would he just lose interest in you, Chanel?”
Because that’s how it was with the men in my life.
“Gabby, no man has ever remained interested in me for every long. Hell, my first serious boyfriend cheated on me with my then-best friend, and they’ve been married for nearly a decade now. My next boyfriend-turned-fiancé started out being all about me, acting like my best friend, and then when he knew he had me, he became more interested in controlling me than being with me.” I bit my trembling lip. I’d been working on healing from my past relationships, especially after seeing Ethan and Lamont recently. I still hadn’t told anyone about my meeting with Ethan, not even Gabby.
“But that’s not it, right?” Gabby prodded.
“No, that’s not it. I probably would’ve gotten over those sooner, but they weren’t the first, Gab.” I paused when my voice broke. “My father. He wasn’t controlling or pretending to love me and then manipulate me, like Ethan. He acted like I wasn’t there. Like I didn’t exist.” I wiped away the tear that managed to escape. “I spent days wishing he’d come home early to make it to one of my recitals, or call my mother and tell her to have me picked up from school to spend the day with him, the same way he did Jason.”
God, I hated the way that shit still made me feel. I didn’t want to be the envious little sister who resented the relationship her brother had with their father. Nor did I want my father’s dismissal of my very existence to still have such a hold over me, but no matter how much I didn’t want that to be my reality, it was. And it’s also why I felt that a man like Xavier Grant could never want anything to do with me long-term.
I sobbed to Gabby over the phone, still trying to fight these emotions that made me feel so weak but they refused to stop.
“Well, this feels familiar,” I said in between sobs.
Gabby gave a lighthearted chuckle. “Yeah, for some reason your ass ends up crying on my damn phone.”
We laughed, and I wiped away the last few tears, feeling lighter. Releasing heavy emotions that’d been bottled up for so long had a way of doing that, as if a weight you didn’t even know you’d been carrying was lifted.
“I’ve never felt safe in love, you know?” I said after a while.
“Maybe Xavier is it. Maybe he can be your safe space, but you won’t know it if you keep running.”
“And if he’s not?” I retorted.
“Then you still got me.”
“You’re the best. You know that, right?”
“I know,” she giggled. “You gonna be all right?”
“Yeah,” I nodded.
“All right, later.”
I sat, wiping the few tears that continued to fall for another minute before grabbing my laptop from the other end of my bed. I quickly brought up the Edible Arrangements website to have a bouquet delivered to Gabby at work. I really couldn’t ask for a better best friend, and she deserved to know it.
After that was done, I threw out my tissues and now melted ice cream. I went back to my bedroom to retrieve my phone, wondering if I should call Xavier or just show up on his doorstep like Gabby suggested. It was a Saturday night, so there was a chance he could be out at one of his restaurants or worse, on a date of some sort. I shuddered at that thought and forced it out of my mind. If he were out with someone else, it would be my damn fault, and I’d have to deal with that, but I’d made up my mind that I was going to see him. I’d take a quick shower before changing out of my pajamas and into something enticing. Not the lingerie Gabby suggested, but something I knew would…
“Bzzzz.”
My phone vibrated from the bed, interrupting my thoughts. Crinkling my brow, I picked it up, and my heart rate increased at the name that popped up on the screen.
“Anne Marie, what is it?” I answered. It was nearly nine o’clock at night on a Saturday. I knew something had to be wrong for her to be calling me.
“H-he’s been drinking again, threatening Noah and me.” The fear in her voice was palpable.
“Is he there with you?”
“N-no, he left, but I’m scared he’ll be back.”
“Okay, pack a bag I’ll be there in fifteen minutes to take you to the shelter.”
“Okay.”
****
My heartbeat became erratic as I climbed out of my car, which I’d parked a few houses down from Anne Marie’s. I’d double checked as I drove past to make sure her husband’s
car wasn’t there. I didn’t know how much time we had before he returned, or where he’d gone in the first place. At that moment, my concern was getting Anne Marie and Noah out of that house and to someplace safe. I knocked lightly on the door, looking over my shoulder when I heard a car pass. I blew out a shuddering breath when I saw it was just a neighbor pulling into their driveway.
“Chanel?” I heard someone whisper on the other end of the door.
“Anne Marie? It’s me, open the door.” I watched as she peeked through the door curtain. When she verified it was me, she unlocked and opened the door. My stomach dropped when I saw what her husband had done to her face. Her right eye was swollen shut and the entire side of her face swollen and red, the beginning of an ugly bruise forming.
“Where’s Noah?” I asked, pushing through the door.
“I-in his room,” she stuttered, barely able to get the words out on account of her swollen jaw.
“Did you pack your bags?”
She nodded.
“Okay, go get Noah. I’ll get your bags. Where are they?”
“In my bedroom. Upstairs to the right.”
I started to take a step and paused. Everything in me was telling me not to go farther inside the house. My instincts were telling me to turn and run in the opposite direction, but I couldn’t leave Anne Marie or her son like this.
I shook off my reservations and followed Anne Marie up the steps, and took a right when she went left. I heard her getting Noah up and telling him we were leaving. I opened her bedroom door and quickly spotted her bags on the bed. Just grab them and go! Everything in me was shouting for us to get out of there as soon as possible. My body began to shake so bad, it took me two tries to even grab the straps of the bag and put them over my shoulder.
But by then, it was too late.
Before I could turn around, I heard the distinct sound of a gun cocking. I froze, fearing what I’d see before I turned around.
“You’re not taking my family anywhere, bitch!” a very angry Michael growled behind me.
I close my eyes, praying this wouldn’t be my last night on earth. Slowly, I turned to see Michael holding a .22 caliber gun to my face. I looked up to meet his eyes, and that was even scarier that the gun pointed at me. He looked deranged, a man taking his last stand at trying to hold onto the little bit of power he had.
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