‘What?’
‘I think they’re too small.’
Oh, God, kill me.
With Jacob in his Batmans and dressed once more, they trooped to the kitchen. Maybe she’s hungry. He put Carrie into her chair. She roared. He picked her up and sniffed her. Oh, dirty nappy alert! He walked back up the stairs to his daughter’s room and changing table.
‘Dad, where’s my breakfast?’ Jacob called from downstairs.
‘In a minute!’ he shouted down.
‘But, Dad!’
‘Jacob, give me a minute.’ Where’re the nappies? Where the hell are the nappies? Oh, okay, here they are. Right, nappy wipes. Where are the wipes?
‘Oh, sorry, Carrie, Daddy didn’t mean to put you down on the cold wipes.’ Okay, clothes, she needs clothes. Anything will do. ‘Carrie, if you just stop crying Daddy will finish dressing you and then you can have a lovely bottle.’
‘She eats food in the morning like me. I eat food in the morning,’ Jacob said, suddenly standing by his father’s side.
‘Okay, okay,’ Gerry said, leaving his daughter in a fresh nappy and a T-shirt. ‘Let’s go.’
‘Dad, you can’t leave her with no pants.’
‘Jacob, are you hungry or not?’
‘I told you I was.’
In the kitchen Carrie threw her food around but she had stopped crying. Gerry was happy if one spoonful in four made it into her mouth. Jacob was eating his breakfast in front of another episode of Scooby-Doo.
Just as Gerry was about to take a bite out of a slice of toast he heard Jacob crying. ‘What’s wrong?’ He ran into the sitting room to find Jacob’s upturned bowl on the floor and his breakfast all over him.
‘Back upstairs.’ Melissa, this is not funny.
Mrs Rafferty arrived at eight thirty on the dot.
‘Mrs Rafferty.’ Gerry smiled. ‘Welcome.’
‘Thanks,’ she said, looking at him strangely. ‘Where’s Melissa?’
‘Seville.’
‘She never told me.’
‘That makes two of us.’
‘Oh,’ Mrs Rafferty said, nodding, before giving a little wink. Oh, yeah, I’ve seen this before. She’s blown a gasket, and he’ll be lucky if she doesn’t bankrupt him.
Gerry handed her Carrie, who was covered in orange gunk. ‘I’m sorry, I know she’s supposed to be dressed but if I don’t leave now Jacob will be late for playschool and I’m never going to make it into work.’
Mrs Rafferty nodded. ‘No problem.’
‘Right, Jacob, get your schoolbag – come on, let’s go.’
‘Gerry.’
‘Yes.’
‘Maybe you should get dressed first.’
Gerry looked down at himself. I’m standing in front of Mrs Rafferty in a pair of jocks. Sweet loving Jesus!
There was a car waiting for them at the airport. A man with a sign reading Harri Ryan was standing by the gate. Melissa went ahead and conversed with him until they reached the car. It was a limo.
‘Fancy!’ Melissa said, grinning.
The driver opened the door and the ladies stepped inside. Within seconds they were on their way.
‘He speaks English,’ she said. ‘Nice man, he used to be in the army.’
‘You were only talking to him for two minutes.’
‘I have a gift,’ she said, playing around with the remote control. ‘Some TV?’
The Hotel Hacienda Benazura’s white walls climbed from deep green grounds into an azure sky.
‘Wow!’ Melissa was looking out of the limo window with her guidebook in her hand. ‘It says here it’s a tenth-century farmhouse. Stunning, isn’t it?’
Harri smiled and agreed. ‘It’s beautiful.’
The car stopped at the hotel entrance. The driver got out and opened the door.
‘You’re a gentleman, Dario,’ Melissa said.
Harri smiled at him. ‘Thank you.’
‘You’re welcome.’
‘You see? Dario doesn’t bite.’ Melissa giggled.
‘Well, you did make me promise,’ he said to her, and they both laughed.
Jesus, they were only talking for two minutes.
Matt spent a lot of the morning in his hotel room walking around in circles. Alfio sat contentedly on the patio reading a Spanish newspaper.
‘Just sit,’ he said.
Matt appeared and leaned on the balcony. ‘Do you think it’s too soon for this trip?’
Alfio smiled. ‘She isn’t a new girlfriend.’
‘Aware.’
Alfio laughed. ‘It’ll be great.’
‘We’ve only had a few hours together and now I’m dragging her to Seville.’
‘She wanted to come.’
‘I just want her to like me.’
‘She’ll like you.’
He sighed. Alfio smiled to himself. He wasn’t used to his boss being out of control, especially with women. It was interesting to watch.
Matt disappeared into his room and returned having changed his jacket.
‘Is this better?’
‘She won’t care about your jacket.’
‘Alfio!’
‘It’s better. Can I get back to reading now?’
‘If you don’t want to be disturbed, read in your own room.’
There was a knock on the door.
‘She’s here,’ Matt said, clapping his hands together and exhaling in a manner reminiscent of a fighter about to enter the ring.
Alfio got up and came into the room.
Matt opened the door, revealing Harri and Melissa.
‘You must be Melissa,’ he said, shaking her hand. ‘Welcome to Seville!’
‘Thank you, Matt.’
Do not flirt with him.
‘Harri.’
‘Hi,’ she said.
He turned to Alfio, then back to the girls. ‘This is my sidekick, Alfio.’
Alfio approached to shake their hands. ‘Don’t be scared,’ he said to Harri. ‘I speak English.’
Harri’s confusion was written clearly on her face. How does he know?
‘Brendan mentioned something,’ Matt said, laughing.
Melissa was busy staring out the window. ‘Would you look at that view!’ She walked out on to the balcony. ‘Can anyone else smell orange?’
Alfio followed her and they had a discussion about the local orange blossoms.
Matt sighed. ‘Is this okay?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Being here. Is it okay?’
‘It’s nice,’ she said. ‘As long as you don’t point out how short I am, that I have an evil look or that it’s really weird I’m not athletic.’
He laughed. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Apology accepted.’
The hotel had won some food awards, and as it was early evening and the bar had a beautiful outside area, they ate there.
‘I could live on tapas,’ Melissa declared, and looked at her watch. ‘What time is it in Ireland?’
Gerry’s secretary knocked on his door and entered. He pointed to the phone to show he was on a call. She knew he was. He’d been on the same call for forty-five minutes and his nanny had been on the phone three times. She held up a sign.
YOUR BABYSITTER IS LEAVING YOUR HOUSE IN 15 MINUTES.
‘What?’ Gerry shouted into the phone. ‘No, sorry. No. Ah, Ernest, could I get back to you with those figures? Something’s just come up here and, ah, it needs my immediate attention. Okay. Great. Great. Great. Okay. Great.’ He hung up and looked at his watch. ‘No. No. She should stay until five.’
‘Not on a Wednesday,’ Lorraine said. She pointed to the phone. ‘She’s on hold.’
‘Oh, God, it’s Wednesday. Shit!’ He grabbed the phone. ‘Mrs Rafferty, I’m so sorry! I forgot it was Wednesday … No, I understand your time is preciou
s. Yoga is very important.’ He sighed. ‘The best I can do is forty-five minutes … Well, maybe there’s a later class … Okay, I’m leaving now.’
‘So I’ll cancel your meeting with Noel?’ Lorraine queried.
‘Fuck!’ Gerry cried. ‘Yes, fuck it!’
He was met at his front door by a very pissed-off Mrs Rafferty.
‘I’m sorry! I hit prime-time traffic.’
‘I’ve missed my class. I might as well have stayed on.’
Well, why didn’t you, then, you old witch?
She left after he’d apologized some more.
Carrie had a tooth coming through, which, Mrs Rafferty pointed out, accounted for her bad humour. Jacob was bored with Scooby-Doo, it was raining and he wanted to go swimming. Gerry was stressed out past the point of no return from sitting in traffic and needed a drink. He poured himself a gin and tonic and sat on the sofa, undoing his tie. Carrie started to cry when Jacob hugged her too tightly.
‘Jacob!’ he shouted, frightening Jacob, who was only being nice.
His son started to cry. Gerry considered joining his children. Not even one day down, but Melissa had made her point.
George was led to his table by the maître d’. He shook Brendan’s hand and sat.
‘I ordered a glass of house red while I was waiting. I hope you don’t mind,’ Brendan said.
‘Not at all.’ George smiled. But we’re not drinking house with our meal. It was odd that neither man felt awkward and idle chat was unnecessary. It was odd that, although they had only met once, they felt like old friends. I know you.
Brendan laughed when George talked about his youth, growing up with Harri as his twin and the way they still were now. ‘When we were five I jumped out of a tree.’
‘One of your broken legs?’
‘An arm. Harri ran into the kitchen and instead of telling Mum that I was in a heap in the garden she punched her in the knee.’
Brendan laughed. ‘Punched her?’
‘She thought if she punched her and ran out that Mum would follow her and that was exactly what happened. Mum chased her, screaming about her knee, until she stopped at my feet with Harri pointing. She’s never been good in a crisis but somehow she always muddles through.’
‘Seeing her brings Liv back and it’s hard,’ Brendan said.
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Oh, don’t be!’ He shook his head. ‘The best things in life are hard won.’
‘I don’t get it.’
‘Seeing Liv in Harri hurts but it also brings great joy.’
‘She must have been a good friend.’
‘She was only seventeen but I think she was the best friend I ever had.’
‘I don’t know what I’d do if I lost Harri.’
‘You’d mourn her and then you’d move on.’
‘I wouldn’t want to.’
‘No, you wouldn’t.’
‘And Matt, has he moved on?’
Brendan grinned. ‘Matt’s dad lost his wife when Matt was a kid. He never got over it. He became bitter and twisted. Matt swore he’d never be his dad and he’s not. He’s a good man, kind, and he loves life. He also loves women!’ He laughed. ‘Maybe a bit too much and, yeah, he still loves her but he’ll find his way.’
Brendan got into a taxi outside the restaurant and rolled down the window. ‘We should do this again.’
‘Absolutely.’
‘Good night.’
‘Good night.’
George watched the car disappear down the road. Oh, crap, I really like you, and Harri’s going to kill me.
25 April 1976 – Sunday
At the start of the month my tummy was sticking out and staying out and it was getting way too hard to cover up so now that I’ve stopped being sick I’ve decided the best thing to do is to eat all around me so that I’ll look fat. Skinny arms and legs and a big belly is too obvious but fat arms and legs and a fat tummy and a big jumper just might get me through. I’ve been eating and eating and eating. Mam even made a joke about it the other day. I couldn’t believe it. We were in the kitchen and she said that if I ate any more I’d burst and she thought it was funny because she laughed and that was really good to see. HE was there too but he was hung-over and listening to something on the radio.
Dave called in the other night. He said he had something to tell me and he was very serious. He asked me to go on a walk so we went around the town. He said he’d seen HIM with another woman and they were kissing outside the Pole. I told him I didn’t care and I hoped he’d go off with whoever she was and leave us. I pity her, though. She hasn’t a clue what she’s getting herself into. He thought it was a bit weird that I didn’t care but then he doesn’t know the half of it. He said he liked me with a bit of weight on. I nearly died. He said Sheila thought I should know and that he was glad he’d told me. Sheila’s so funny – she’s in school with me every day, she’s my best friend and she gets Dave to tell me. People are odd. I mean she knows I hate HIM. In fact, that news really has cheered me up. I feel like celebrating. I think I’ll have a bun.
I was over in Dr B’s the other evening playing chess. He thinks if we keep playing I’ll discover I really do like it. WRONG. Anyway, we were playing and I was giving out about some stupid annoying rule involving a basic pawn strategy or some other shit and out of nowhere he was crying!!!!! The man he’d been going out with didn’t want to see him any more. He’d said Dr B was messed up and told him he should get help. Dr B is not messed up. I told him I’d love to find that man and give him a good talking-to. That made Dr B laugh. I asked him why his friend said those mean things.
He said he’d talked to him about his fear of going to Hell. Father Ryan has been adamant that if he acts on his desires that’s where he’ll end up. I told him not to worry, that Father Ryan says that to everyone, even married people if they use contraception. So if he is in Hell he’ll be there with the rest of us. He laughed again but you could see he was worried. I get worried too sometimes. Maybe I will end up in Hell and if it’s half as painful as double science on a Friday afternoon it’ll be pretty bad. Anyway, I told him that if he wants to debate good and evil and whether or not he’s either, he should stick to doing it with Father Ryan, not when he’s in bed with another man. He went red and said he never mentioned where the conversation took place but I could tell. He told me that life would be very dull without me, which was a really nice thing to hear.
Seeing as he was so open with me I was desperate to tell him that I was pregnant but I’d promised Matthew so I didn’t. I hope he forgives me.
25. It’s my trip to Seville and I’ll cry if I want to
The Palace of Exhibitions and Conferences with its gold-domed roof looked like something you’d see in Star Wars. There was a little man-made lake outside, reflecting its grandeur and beauty. The place was packed with people, horses and livestock. Harri felt a bustling energy come from the floor and fill her from her feet up. Every inch of the place was draped in colour. The arenas were spectacular, lined with red earth, and on display were Spain’s most beautiful horses. Some were pure white and stood out against the colourful background. Matt, Harri and Melissa had watched the show-jumping, driving and dressage, moving from arena to arena, part of an ever-increasing throng.
Matt was busy explaining to Melissa the difference between Pintabians and Arabians so they walked off together, leaving Harri and Alfio by the ringside where judges were viewing stallions from a particularly successful stud farm in northern Spain.
Alfio leaned in to stare at one particular horse. ‘You see his natural ease of disposition?’
‘I see him standing there.’
He laughed.
‘I think they’re beautiful, though. I was always so afraid of actually having to get up on a horse that I never really took the time to look at them,’ she added.
‘Is that how you feel about foreigners too?’
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‘Ah!’ she squealed, and he chuckled. She joined in. ‘Maybe.’
She asked him about himself and he told her about his background growing up on a stud farm in Argentina, then about his champion polo days and about the accident that had ended his career. He told her about his love of training and how he’d met Matt in Uruguay and that when Alfio had called him a year later, heartbroken and in need of work, Matt had flown him to Ireland straight away. ‘He’s a good friend,’ he said.
Harri was more interested in his story of heartbreak, and after a few protestations he told her about Maria, the love of his life, who had left Santa Cruz for a physiotherapy job in Buenos Aires. When Harri asked him why he hadn’t gone with her, he replied that his whole life was in Santa Cruz.
‘So why are you living in Wicklow?’
‘Because after she left, I couldn’t stay there.’
‘So why didn’t you follow her to Buenos Aires?’
‘I did,’ he admitted, ‘but it was too late. She had found someone else.’
Harri established that Maria had been really annoyed with Alfio for not supporting her in her dream after she had invested many years in supporting him and his polo playing. She also confirmed that he had waited eight months before following her, so realistically a girl who looked half as good as he had described would be dating by then. What she didn’t understand was why, if Maria was the love of his life, he didn’t just go for it.
‘Go for it?’ he repeated.
‘Call her, tell her you still love her, you were stupid and you’d move to the end of the world for her.’
‘It’s been two years.’
‘So what have you got to lose?’
She allowed him to think about what she’d said. That’s what I’m doing. James, batten down the hatches, I’m coming to get you.
Melissa and Matt were seated at the bar in the hotel.
She was charmed by him and yet she had started to fret a little about the family she’d abandoned.
‘Call them,’ he counselled.
‘If I call, Gerry will tell me something terrible. I’ll freak out, get on a plane and that will defeat the purpose.’
‘But you can’t relax,’ he pointed out.
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