by Jane Porter
“I’ve always been,” she retorted, shivering at a gust of icy wind. “And what are you doing here? I’d think this would be the last place you’d want to be.”
He peeled his suit jacket off and moved to drape it around her shoulders but she took a swift step back. “No, thank you,” she said shortly.
“It’s thirty one degrees. I can’t have you freezing.”
“I won’t be out here long enough to freeze.” Her chin lifted. She stared him down. “Why are you here? What do you want?”
“You,” he said bluntly.
“Too late.”
“And my son.”
“I’ve never kept him from you.”
“Not true. You stopped bringing him to see me, and wouldn’t let my brothers bring him for a visit.”
“The prison visits were giving him nightmares.”
“Seeing me scared him?”
“Leaving you each visit destroyed him.” Her lips pressed thin. Her eyes shone emerald, the black mascara on her lashes wet. “He needed to be protected. He needed to be a child….innocent, free, happy.”
“And so you stopped coming.”
“I gave TJ his childhood back.”
Her gaze locked with his, fierce and defiant, and as much as he hated what she was saying, he respected her position. “You should have told me that,” he said. “At least I would have known what was happening and why.”
Her shoulders hunched against another gust of icy wind. “I asked your brothers to explain.”
He glanced up at the darkening sky. There were no clouds, and no snow in the forecast. “My brothers know better than to get involved when it comes to you and me.” He thrust his jacket at her again. “Please put it on.”
“I have to go inside. Lawrence is waiting.”
“And TJ? TJ is still my son?”
“Of course he’s your son.”
“And you’ll let him come see me on weekends…stay with me on the ranch?”
“Well, eventually, maybe—I mean—he’s just five, Trey.”
“I know. I’ve missed out on four of his five years. I don’t want to miss anymore—” he broke off as the church doors crashed open and TJ bolted outside.
“Mom! Momma!” he cried, racing towards McKenna with Lawrence hot on his heels.
“Stop, TJ,” Lawrence said sharply, racing after the boy. “Stop! TJ, listen to me.”
But TJ wasn’t listening and he didn’t stop until he’d flung himself against McKenna, his arms wrapping tight around her waist. “I wanted to see Dad,” he said, pressing his face to her tummy. “But Lawrence wouldn’t let me.”
“Come back inside with me, TJ,” Lawrence said, putting his hands on TJ’s shoulders. “It’s cold out here and your mother needs to talk.”
TJ shrugged a shoulder, shaking the hand off. “She’s talking to my daddy.”
Lawrence’s jaw tightened in exasperation. “Come inside, son.”
TJ squirmed away, glancing shyly at Trey. “I want my daddy. My real daddy. Him.”
Chapter Four
‡
TJ’s innocent words made McKenna go hot then cold. Lawrence must be beside himself. She was beside herself. Nothing was going today as she’d expected.
“I’m sorry,” she said to Lawrence.
He just shook his head, uncomfortable, and probably offended.
She swallowed hard, confused and conflicted. She should reprimand TJ for being rude to Lawrence, but how could she get angry with TJ when he was staring up at Trey in shock and awe?
“Give us a minute, hon,” she said softly to Lawrence, reaching out to take his hand. She gave his cold fingers a squeeze, hoping he wouldn’t feel rejected. “Let TJ have a minute with his dad.”
But Lawrence wasn’t in a mood to be placated. He was annoyed, embarrassed, and yes, deeply offended. “His dad?” he echoed, angry and surprised. “Since when has Trey Sheenan acted like a dad? Since when—”
“Lawrence,” she choked on his name, cutting him short, squeezing his hand again, expression pleading. She couldn’t do this now, couldn’t fight with Lawrence, not on their wedding day. But she also had to be sensitive to TJ’s feelings, and for that matter, she wouldn’t shame Trey in front of his son. “I know this is hard, but let me handle this. It won’t take long. I promise.”
Lawrence pulled his hand from hers. “Everybody is wondering what’s going on out here. Everyone is worried about you, McKenna.”
“They don’t need to be worried. Everything’s fine,” she answered.
“If everything was fine, you’d be in the church, McKenna, not out here with your—” Lawrence shot Trey a caustic glance, “ex.”
The doors of the church swung open again. “You okay, honey?” Aunt Karen called to her.
McKenna looked up and Aunt Karen, Rory, Quinn, Paige, and Troy Sheenan had all crowded into the doorway. Paige looked anxious, Aunt Karen indignant, Troy troubled, and her brothers ticked off.
“I’m fine,” she answered, checking her irritation. “We’re almost through here and I just need everyone to go back inside and let me finish speaking with Trey—”
“And leave you alone with that convict?” Aunt Karen demanded. “I don’t think so!”
Trey shot McKenna’s aunt an incredulous look. “You think I’d hurt my girl?”
Lawrence stiffened. “She’s not your girl anymore, Mr. Sheenan. She’s my wife—”
“Not yet your wife,” Trey corrected, “still just a bride.”
“If you’d let us finish the ceremony, she’d be my wife.”
Trey’s dark head dipped, conceding the point. “True.”
Aunt Karen wagged her finger at Trey. “Why aren’t you in jail?”
“Got out early,” Trey answered, smiling faintly. “Good behavior.”
“Hah!” Karen snorted. “Don’t believe that for a second. You probably broke out. They’re probably looking for you now.”
His lips curved higher. “With guns and dogs.”
“I knew it!”
“It’s good to see you, too, Karen.”
“Ha!”
Lawrence shifted his weight, arms folding across his chest. “Karen’s right. What do you want?”
Trey’s smile faded. “Nothing from you.”
“Then perhaps you’d be kind enough to go? As you might have noticed, we’re getting married today, and it’s a day we’ve looked forward to for a very long time.”
“I respect that, sir, I do,” Trey answered. “And it looks like a lovely wedding. The candlelit church is a very nice touch. But I’ve waited two years to see my boy, and I’d like just a few minutes with his mother to sort out our son’s future.”
“Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but nobody’s going to be able to sort out TJ’s future today.” Lawrence managed an apologetic shrug. “And certainly not now, in this courtyard, when we have guests waiting inside.”
“I hate to inconvenience your guests,” Trey retorted. “But if I could just speak to McKenna without the aunts and brothers and onlookers, we could be done in just a few minutes.”
Lawrence turned red. “And what’s so important that it has to interrupt my wedding? This is my wedding, sir. I think you forget yourself.”
Trey didn’t move, but McKenna felt him tense, energy shifting, muscles coiling. “This isn’t about me, Larry, this is about my son, and I’m sorry you’ve got to cool your heels, wait five minutes for my girl to become your wife, but I need to know he’s going to be okay—”
“Okay? TJ has it made. He’s going to have the best of everything with me—”
“But he won’t have me,” Trey shot back.
Lawrence looked smug. “Exactly.”
“No more,” McKenna choked, stepping between them, arms extended, a referee in the ring. “I can’t do this. I won’t do this. Not today.” She looked at Lawrence, tears in her eyes. “Don’t provoke him,” she whispered. “Please don’t make this worse than it is.” Then she looked to Trey. “And you,
stop throwing your weight around. You’ve been gone four years. You don’t get to waltz in and demand your parental rights. If those rights were so important to you, you wouldn’t have thrown us away in the first place!”
Both men stared at her, expressions grim.
“You are not dogs,” she added, “and TJ is not a bone. Respect me, if you can’t respect each other!”
Lawrence stepped close to mutter, “It’s only difficult because you’re letting him be difficult, McKenna.”
She lifted a brow. “He’s TJ’s dad.”
“Only in name. You and I both know he’s never tried to act like a father—”
“I’m not going to argue about this now. And I refuse to embarrass TJ, or Trey. This isn’t the time.”
“But you’ll embarrass me?”
“No!” She winced at the gust of frigid air, goose bumps peppering her arms. “I thought you of all people would understand how important this moment is for TJ, and how important it is that we protect his feelings—”
“He should know the truth about his dad. He should know Sheenan is no good, and has a criminal record a mile long—”
“That’s not true. The only time he’s ever been in trouble was for fighting,” she protested through chattering teeth. She was cold all the way through. “Now, I’m freezing, and I’m sure you’re freezing and we both would love to be inside and getting married. So let me send Trey on his way, and you go tell our guests that I’m coming, and we’ll still have our wedding day, okay?”
Seconds ticked by. Lawrence ground his teeth together, then shook his head. “I don’t like this.”
“I know. I don’t either. But he’ll be gone soon and everything will be fine. I promise.”
Lawrence stalked off, and ushered the gawkers in the doorway back inside.
McKenna waited for the tall wooden doors to close before turning to Trey, who’d wrapped TJ in his suit jacket.
“Your timing sucks,” she said bluntly.
His broad shoulders shifted. “I tried to find you last night. I didn’t want to do this today.”
“When did you get out?”
“Yesterday.”
For a moment there was just silence, and the cold air whistling through the valley. McKenna was so chilled now she wasn’t sure she’d ever feel warm again. “Who told you?”
“Troy. Just before we reached Marietta.” He exhaled. “I wished you’d told me. A letter…just a few lines…”
She said nothing. He was right. It would have been the right thing to tell him. The decent thing. But her relationship with Trey wasn’t easy. Her feelings weren’t simple, nor easily managed, at least, not when it came to him. The only way she’d been able to move on was to do it full stop. Cold turkey.
It’d hurt like hell. She’d suffered, especially as each of his frantic letters arrived, but she’d reached the end of her rope. She had nothing left. Not for him, or them. She barely could keep it together for TJ, and that was the only thing that kept her from falling apart completely.
TJ needed one whole, healthy, available parent.
He needed her to be the whole, healthy, available parent. He depended on her for everything.
And so she stopped reading Trey’s letters. She took down Trey’s photos. She boxed up his extra jackets and boots and things he’d left at the apartment and dropped them off at the Graff Hotel, leaving them for Troy to deal with.
And gradually TJ stopped asked about his dad. They stopped discussing Trey. There was no mention of a dad, or a dad in prison. It was almost as if Trey had never been in the picture.
But seeing TJ and Trey together in the courtyard, McKenna knew she’d gotten it all wrong. TJ hadn’t forgotten his father. It might have been two years since he last saw his dad, but TJ knew exactly who he was, and where he’d been, and from the wondrous look in his blue eyes, it wasn’t going to be easy peeling TJ out of Trey’s arms.”
“TJ, honey,” she said. “We need to go back inside. We still have the wedding and the party after—”
“Is Dad coming?” TJ asked hopefully.
“No, honey.”
“Why not?”
“Because he’s not…invited.” Her stomach felt heavy, as if she’d swallowed a rock.
TJ wrapped his arm around Trey’s neck. “Can I invite him?”
“No, babe. But you’ll see him again…” Her voice faded. She struggled to smile, her eyes hot and gritty. It hurt to look at TJ and Trey together. “Soon.”
“When?”
She blinked, clearing her vision. “After Christmas, after we get back from Disney World.”
“Can Daddy come?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“It’s…a honeymoon.”
“But—”
“TJ, no.” Her voice cracked. “Now say goodbye and don’t be sad, because you’ll see your dad in early January.”
“Your mom’s right,” Trey said gruffly, putting TJ down. “No need to be sad. I’ll be here when you get back.”
TJ clung to Trey’s fingers. “How long will you be here?”
“Forever,” Trey answered.
TJ frowned. “You’re not going back to jail?”
“No.”
“What about the dogs? Will they get you?”
Trey crouched down and stared TJ in the eyes. “That was a joke. Your great aunt Karen was being funny. There are no dogs. No one is coming to get me.” He clapped his hand on TJ’s shoulder. “I’m home, son. For good.”
“You’re going to live with us?”
“With you and Mom and Lawrence? No, bud. I’ll be at the ranch. Grandpa’s ranch. You know, where Uncle Dillon lives.”
“TJ doesn’t go out there much,” McKenna said quietly, uncomfortably.
Trey glanced at her for a split second, expression inscrutable, before returning his attention to TJ. “You’ll live with your mom and Lawrence, but you’ll see me. Evenings and weekends…whenever we can work it out.”
TJ frowned. “But why do we have to live with Lawrence if you’re not in jail anymore?”
“Because your mom loves Lawrence.”
“But you’re my dad.”
“Yes, and I’ll still be your dad, even when—” Trey broke off, took a deep breath, finishing, “—they’re married.”
“I don’t know why they have to be married if you’re here.”
Trey clasped TJ’s face in his hands and pressed a swift kiss to his forehead. “When you’re grown up, you’ll understand.” He stood, and looked at McKenna. “I’m going to want to see him, Mac,” he said roughly, using his nickname for her. “I need you to promise me that you won’t keep us apart.”
“I’d never do that.”
“Or let Lawrence keep TJ away,” he added.
“He wouldn’t do that, either.”
Trey’s laugh was low and mocking. “I don’t believe that for a second, and neither should you. I want a promise. A cross your heart promise.”
A cross your heart promise. That was the promise they used to make to each other…
Cross my heart, I promise to always love you…
Cross my heart, I promise to one day marry you…
Cross my heart, we’ll raise our baby together…
She swallowed hard. “I promise. Cross my heart.”
He nodded, apparently satisfied. “Now go inside before the two of you freeze to death.” And then he was off, walking to his truck at the curb, his black dress shirt billowing from an icy blast of wind.
*
Trey was halfway down the front steps when TJ let out a shriek and came running after him, his shoes ringing on the pavement. “Daddy, wait! Wait!”
“Stop, TJ!” McKenna’s voice rose, short, sharp, firm.
“Daddy, don’t go!”
Trey kept walking. He couldn’t stop. Couldn’t turn around. Couldn’t look at his son or see his face, or those bright blue eyes. Couldn’t let himself remember how good it felt to hold TJ in his arms, his son
safe warm and good and still so very innocent.
TJ’s innocence mattered. He was just a little boy. He deserved good things, and good people. He deserved to be protected. Which was why Trey had worried all these years, worried that while he was in prison McKenna and TJ were vulnerable. He’d worried about their safety, and their financial security. He’d worried that without him there to protect them, something horrible might happen, just as it had happened on the Douglas ranch when McKenna was just a thirrteen year old girl.
Trey shuddered at the curb’s edge, his heart and mind in conflict.
McKenna needed Trey to walk away now. But did TJ?
Would leaving now be the right thing for his son?
He hesitated on the curb, hearing TJ’s fast light steps behind him. The boy was running, his breathing ragged.
It tore at him, wounding him.
His boy running after him, wanting him, and he just leaving…
“TJ!” McKenna shouted again, louder, more frantic.
Teeth grinding tight, Trey stepped off the curb and into the street. He had to honor McKenna’s wishes. He had to respect her. He had to be a man of integrity—
“Dad!”
TJ’s panicked scream filled the air as Trey opened the truck door and climbed inside the cab even as he wondered how did a man live like this? Survive a life like this? He felt cursed. Broken. He loved McKenna and TJ but it didn’t matter. He’d screwed up. Messed up. And he was always going to pay…
“Daddy!” TJ’s voice rose higher. “Wait! Wait for me!”
Trey had just put the keys in the ignition but now he froze, shoulders hunching.
Wait.
Wait for me.
But that was all Trey had done, the past four years. Wait, and wait, and wait.
The pain roared through him, hot, blistering. This was hell….pure hell…
And then suddenly TJ was there, climbing into the truck, his arms wrapping around Trey’s neck.
“Don’t go,” TJ begged, voice trembling, “not without me.”
Prison was bad, Trey thought, heart on fire, but this was so much worse.
This…there were no words for this…
Trey held TJ tight, breathing in his son’s warmth and sweetness, aware that TJ belonged with his mom. By law, TJ belonged to his mom. There was nothing he could do at this point. Nothing he could do but reassure TJ that he loved him, and would always love him. “I can’t take you now, son,” he murmured, “but one day it’ll be different. One day we will be together and do fun stuff together. Hiking and fishing and camping. Sports, too—”