by Anna Paige
“I think there’s going to be drama either way, don’t you? I mean, Skylar and Kaiti both have contracts through the end of the season. How the fuck do we expect that to work, even if we can convince Kaiti to come back?”
He shrugged and gave me a smirk. “I’m thinking we keep a kiddie pool of Jell-O on standby. You know, in case of a cat fight.”
“Jesus, and you wonder why I don’t trust you with this. You have the mentality of a twelve-year-old.”
“And the girth of a blue whale,” he chuckled as he slid into the passenger seat.
Fucking hell, this was the guy who wanted to be in charge of covert ops?
I was so screwed.
Eighteen
Kaiti
Please make it stop!
I was curled up in the corner of the locker room, screaming for help that I knew would never come. People had flooded into the room from all sides and were pulling at me, tugging at the towel around me, trying to expose me for the camera because they wanted more. They weren’t satisfied with what they’d already seen. They wanted an encore.
A repeat performance now that I was all grown up.
Teachers and students, all familiar faces, jeered and laughed, pointing and spitting on me, calling me disgusting.
Bryce was there in the crowd, shaking his head as he counted the money he’d charged as admission to the little scene he’d created.
Evie was there too, pushing people away, trying to help me but being overrun as more spectators surged into the room, like a tidal wave of hate.
I didn’t see Gavin in the crowd, though I called his name between sobs.
I’d pushed him away, told him not to come back, and he hadn’t.
Why had I done that?
“Kaiti, he can’t get in! You have to let him in!” Evie shouted as she was swallowed by the crowd.
And I cried even harder as the last scraps of fabric were ripped from my body.
Not because they were winning, but because I didn’t think I could let him back in.
And that meant I had already lost.
I woke with a start on Evie’s couch, my heart pounding and a cold sweat coating my body. It was still dark, and Evie was sound asleep on the love-seat across from me. She hadn’t left my side this whole time.
God, I loved her for that.
I reached over and picked up the navy ball cap from the coffee table, clutching it to my chest. Lying back on my pillow, the tears I’d been fighting all night surged forward as I caught a whiff of his shampoo in the fabric.
Dream Evie kept chanting in my ear.
“You have to let him in!”
I wanted to let him back in, but dammit, I didn’t know how.
I just don’t know how.
As my face crumpled, I covered it with his hat and sobbed.
“Would you please eat something? You’re going to make yourself sick.” Evie had resorted to nagging as if she didn’t know that was the least likely way to get me to do something.
“Not hungry.” I was looking at some old sitcom on television. Looking, not watching. It was something to do to keep her from nagging until she found something else to be worried about and suddenly here we were anyway. Dammit.
“You have to be hungry. You haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday and it’s long past dinner time.”
I glanced out the window, surprised to see that the sun had indeed set. I had no idea where the day had gone. None. I couldn’t even remember getting off Evie’s couch since yesterday, but I assumed I had since the cushion under me was dry and my bladder wasn’t screaming to be emptied.
Autopilot.
Had to be.
“You look like you’re doing a complicated math problem in your head. You good?” Evie plopped in the recliner to my right. She folded her legs under her and it rocked back and forth with the motion.
I nodded absently. “I think so.”
“Ready to snap the hell out of it yet? You’ve taken enough turns on the self-pity-go-round, time to get off.”
I eyed her, taking issue with her patronizing tone. “Bite me, Evangeline.”
She raised a brow. “You’re either finally coming out of this shit or you’re hangry. Either way, it’s an improvement over staring at that god-awful show for hours on end.”
I flipped her off.
She laughed and went to the kitchen, calling out to me as she rummaged around. “Dinner is on the way and I’m making my triple layer chocolate peanut butter pie. You’ll either eat it or fucking wear it, Miss Bitchy. Understand?”
I flipped her off again, not that she could see.
“And you can cram that bird up your cranky ass,” she called happily.
As I listened to her whipping cream cheese, peanut butter, and melted chocolate into something bordering on orgasmic, I considered my options and tried desperately not to check my messages.
I didn’t think I could handle hearing his voice, not yet. But I knew deep down that I’d have to deal with him eventually. I’d have to deal with my feelings and the hurt and the embarrassment. All of it, when lumped together, sounded nearly overwhelming.
But goddamn it, I wasn’t letting anyone or anything break me again.
Maybe I’d come out of this with a broken heart.
But a broken spirit?
Never again.
Gavin
My pulse was buzzing in my ears as I set everything up. I’d memorized exactly how to say certain parts of my little speech—at the request of my attorney, who wanted to keep me out of jail—but the rest was going to be a seat of my pants kind of thing.
It was the unpracticed parts I was nervous about.
I couldn’t remember a time when I’d been on camera as me, speaking as myself without anyone else’s agenda, but the moment was fast approaching.
Almost ready.
The laptop was set up but I checked the screen again to be sure all was in order, taking a long swallow of what was probably my tenth energy drink of the day.
It had been a long, busy Sunday afternoon but now it was nearly over. Soon it would be make or break time. For a lot of things.
Squaring my shoulders and taking a deep breath, I reached out and pressed the button to start the live feed.
Here goes everything…
“Hey, guys. Gavin here, popping in to set the record straight on some things. Hope you’re in a comfortable spot because I’m going to be talking for a while and I don’t want you to miss one damn word.”
The screen tallied new viewers as they logged on, and they were adding up insanely fast thanks to my earlier post suggesting everyone log on for my live video.
I took another swallow from my drink as I waited for at least a few thousand to log on. It didn’t take long and the number kept growing.
“Let me start off by saying if you’re one of the people posting links to that fucking video—the one that victimized underage girls, my costar included—you can log the fuck off right now. I don’t want you as a fan, as a follower, or as a viewer of Savages. You,” I pointed to the camera, steely-eyed and angry. “are not fucking welcome here, so be gone.”
I paused for a moment and nodded at the camera. “Okay, now that the trash has taken itself out… Here’s what I want the rest of you to know…”
By the time I finished talking, my phone was practically vibrating off the end table and my voice was hoarse from the growly tone I couldn’t quite seem to get under control. I stopped the feed and closed my laptop with a feeling of accomplishment, though what exactly I’d accomplished remained to be seen.
Maybe I’d be able to salvage what was left of my relationship with Kaiti.
Maybe I’d cemented her decision to cut me loose.
Maybe the things I’d said would make me some kind of hero to the producers.
Maybe I had flushed my career.
Who fucking knew?
The only absolute, one-hundred-percent truth was I’d done what I knew was right. I’d done what my head and hear
t had been screaming at me to do for years, even before the most extraordinary woman I’d ever met had strolled into my life and turned it upside down.
I’d been unapologetically me—done what Gavin-I’m-nobody’s-puppet-Lane wanted to fucking do and it felt amazing to settle back into my own skin.
Now, I had to find a way to get under Kaiti’s…
I caught my phone before it could fall to the floor and steeled myself for the verbal thrashing I was about to endure from the producers. I flipped it over and froze.
Kaiti.
I accepted the call and muttered a tentative greeting as I sat on the arm of the couch.
She rushed to say a few short sentences and hung up, and I just stood there, heart hammering, staring at the phone as if I’d possibly imagined the whole thing.
“We need to talk. Now. I’ll be at your apartment in half an hour.”
Twenty minutes later found me pacing the floors, waiting for her arrival. I’d checked my reflection in the mirror about half a dozen times but I looked so dreadfully care-worn that there wasn’t much I could do to hide it. My red-rimmed eyes had puffy dark circles under them and my stubble was thick and coarse. I debated shaving but I was shaking so badly I was genuinely afraid I’d accidentally slit my own throat.
Fuck it, if she was expecting me to look my best, she shouldn’t have stomped on my goddamn heart.
Okay, maybe I was a little angry at her for what she’d done, but it was so far outweighed by my concern for her that it hadn’t really been an issue.
As I waited for her to arrive, though, something inside me started to heat. Not desire, at least not yet—though it would undoubtedly kick in when I saw her again. This was something else.
Something snaking its way through my gut and twisting everything in a knot.
Resentment.
I resented her for doubting me when I’d done nothing but dote on her from the beginning. I resented that she’d even entertained the idea that I could have done this or played a part in it, much less convinced herself that it was true. I resented the fact that I’d had to lie in a cold, empty bed without her wondering if she was okay, if she was hurting and needed my help, even though her mistrust had fucking gutted me.
I resented her because no matter what she’d done, no matter how little faith she seemed to have in me, I still loved her so much I could barely breathe.
By the time my doorbell rang—and what a strange sound that was, since I’d rarely had guests over—I was somewhere between nervous and pissed the fuck off.
I drew in a deep breath and opened the door, ready to charge ahead and demand a fucking apology for real this time.
My eyes found hers and everything stopped—my anger, my hurt, the pulse that had been racing in my ears. All gone in an instant.
And just like that, all the air whooshed out of my lungs and my heart fell at her feet.
She let her gaze roam over my face a moment before she quietly said, “Hi, Hollywood.”
“Hi, baby,” I barely managed to whisper.
Her eyes flicked to the space at my back. “Can I come in?”
I nodded, still trying to get my shit together as I stepped aside and let her through. As I was closing the door behind Kaiti, Evie wedged a foot in and stopped me.
I hadn’t even noticed her.
“Shit, sorry,” I muttered, swinging the door wide.
She stepped in, hands in her pockets and gave me a wry smile. “Don’t mind me. I’m just here as moral support—at Kaiti’s request.”
Kaiti stopped mid-way down the short hall that led to the living room and turned. “I asked her to come. I hope that’s okay.”
“Whatever you need,” I assured her.
She nodded and waved off to the kitchen door, which was a few steps past her. “Evie, can you hang out in there for a few while I talk to Gavin?”
I shot a look Evie’s way. “Help yourself to anything you’d like to eat or drink. There probably isn’t much since I’ve been staying at... Well, you’re welcome to whatever’s there.”
She gave me a look that was almost sympathetic before heading off in that direction.
When I gestured for Kaiti to continue to the living room, she shook her head and stayed in the hall, way too close to the door for my liking. She clearly didn’t intend to stay long.
“What the hell were you thinking?” Her voice was even, but her expression was pained.
“That I love you. It’s what I’m always thinking.”
“Stop that!” Her eyes flashed with annoyance. “Don’t be cute with me, dammit. You just ruined your career. At least act like it matters to you.”
“You’re all that matters right now.” I tilted my head, sweeping my eyes over every delicate curve of her face. “I love you, Kaiti.”
She threw her hands up and blew out a breath. “So I’ve heard. Along with hundreds of thousands of your fans, who you just blurted it to via live video.” She stepped closer, almost close enough to touch, eyes boring into mine. “And you encouraged hackers to hunt down every instance of the video on the net and take them all down. You could get into real trouble for that, Gavin.”
I shrugged, taking one step closer as I said, “I never outright told anyone to do anything. I was careful about that. Everything I said was hypothetical and pre-approved by my lawyer—after I threatened to fire him if he didn’t help.”
She rolled her eyes in true Kaiti fashion. “Oh, I’m sure someone somewhere will find a way to sue your ass anyway, and that’s if you’re lucky and manage to stay out of jail, you idiot! Isn’t it illegal to hire a hacker? Because by suggesting that you’d ‘reward’ anyone who had proof they scrubbed the video, that’s basically what you did.”
“The reward comment was said jokingly and was specifically separate from my purely hypothetical comment on hacking, thus it can’t be deemed payment. I double checked with my lawyer on that one.”
“Someone will still try to make the connection because people suck and have nothing better to do than be dicks. You should know that. Why would you risk it?”
I raised my brows and looked at her. “Were you not paying attention? I already told you why.”
“Because you love me,” she drawled, shaking her head. “And it never occurred to you that seeing your neck on the chopping block would be harder on me than my own fucking drama? Why couldn’t you let me handle it?”
I offered a small smile that let her know my answer hadn’t changed.
She groaned, throwing her head back in frustration. “You’re impossible. And reckless. And stupid.” Her eyes found mine and her voice dropped to a whisper with each word that followed. “And brave. And incredible. And the love of my life.”
Tears rolled down her face as she closed the distance between us and placed both her hands on my chest. “And I’m impossible and stupid and reckless and a complete idiot for ever doubting you. Above all that, I’m sorry. So sorry, Gavin…” She broke down, shoulders shaking, sobs wracking her body, hands tangling in my shirt as she leaned her forehead against my chest.
Between uneven breaths, she managed to look up and ask, “You didn’t hide it to hurt me, did you? You thought you could protect me.” I nodded and her chin quivered. “I want to let you back in so much. Don’t leave, please don’t leave.”
I gripped her around the waist, pulling her feet off the floor as I held her to me and said, “Not going to happen. You’re stuck with me now, Kaiti-girl. I’m holding my forever.” I squeezed her tight. “And I’m not ever letting go.”
I kissed her then, deep and warm, using a physical punctuation to make my point. She was mine and I was hers.
Within a few moments, her tears had stopped completely and she was kissing me back with fervor, her legs wrapping around my waist as I spun us and pinned her back against the wall. She ground against me and whimpered into my mouth, making my cock nearly tear through my jeans.
We stayed there, against that wall, grinding and gasping for what felt like
forever. My lips tingled at the feel of her nipping at them between deep, passionate kisses. My fingers tangled in her hair, tugging it to pull her head back and open up her neck to my attention. My hard-on pressed against her until I thought I’d come in my pants.
She bit at my lip when we kissed and at my shoulder when I switched to running my tongue over her neck. She shuddered and gasped and pressed herself into me.
We were wild for each other.
Her hands gripped the sides of my shirt and started tugging it up. I pinned her to the wall with my lower body and raised my arms to help her out. She’d just gotten it over my head and proceeded to run her hands over my chest when we heard, “Holy abs…”
We whipped our heads toward the kitchen where a wide-eyed Evie was steadying herself against the door frame with one hand like she was literally off balance at the sight of us.
“So, I guess the talk went well…” She was pointedly looking anywhere but at my bare chest and I had to bite my cheek to keep from laughing.
Kaiti blushed. “I guess so. Sorry, we got carried away.”
She could apologize all she wanted, but I wasn’t putting her down. I pressed into her again and quirked a brow to make that exact point, in case she was entertaining thoughts to the contrary.
Kaiti let out a little hiss of pleasure, which made her blush a deeper red than she already was.
Evie stared at the ceiling. “I think it’s safe for me to take off now.”
“Um, yeah. I can get a ride from Gavin.”
“Oh, you’re gonna get a ride alright.” I thrust my hips forward again and she gasped.
“Fucking hell,” Evie muttered.
I glanced over my shoulder, still highly amused by Evie’s averted eyes. “Sorry, Evie. I’m really trying to rein it in.”
She shook her head, attempting to move past us to the door without looking. Or touching my bare back on the way by, which would be a challenge. “It’s all good. I’m just glad Kaiti is happy.” She pulled the door open and gave a little wave over her shoulder. “I’m also glad I ordered that new wand.”