Deacon looked like he wanted to say more, but wisely nodded and backed out of the room.
Sighing, I turned around. “Alex—”
The spot she’d stood in was empty. Dammit. I should’ve known better. Yelling and threatening to choke the ever-loving crap out of Deacon in front of her hadn’t been wise. I kept forgetting that this wasn’t Alex.
This was a frightened girl.
My eyes scanned the room, stopping on the linen closet door. It was ajar, revealing a thin strip of darkness. She wouldn’t…
To think of Alex—my strong, beautiful and resilient Alex—hiding in a closet killed me. For a heartbeat, I couldn’t move or breathe. I’d done this to her—given her the Elixir, changed her into something that ran when voices were raised. And I wanted to blame Seth for his influence, the bond he’d forged with her that’d led us to this choice, but I’d been the one who’d forced the Elixir down her throat.
There wasn’t forgiveness for me.
Stamping down the whirling mix of grief and rage, I made my way to the closet and slowly opened the double doors. It was a deep closet, with several shelves on the top stocked with quilts. A few garment bags hung from a rail. My gaze dropped. Five tiny toes peeked out from behind a bag.
I closed my eyes and swore under my breath, and then I eased the bags apart. Alex’s foot jerked back, and I could hear her moving deeper into the recesses. Kneeling down, I found her pressed against the wall, knees tucked against her chest and eyes wide.
“Oh, Alex.”
She watched me warily. “My name is Alexandria.”
And just like that, all those days of drawing her out of the Elixir-induced shell were lost.
“Okay.” I sat down cross-legged and dragged my fingers through my hair, debating on how to proceed with this. Deacon used to get nightmares when he was a kid. He hadn’t hidden in the closet, but he had screamed like a furie. I used to read to him. Somehow I doubted that would work now. “Are you all right?”
A moment passed. “I do not like yelling.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” And I was. “But I would never hurt Deacon. He’s my brother.”
Confusion flickered over her face. “You said you were going to strangle him.”
I really wanted to strangle him now. “I didn’t mean it. Sometimes we say things we don’t mean when we’re upset.”
She appeared to consider that. “When you yelled, I saw something.”
“What?” I inched forward, careful not to startle her. “What did you see?”
Opening her hands, she stared down at them. The bishop was in her hand, leaving behind angry red marks from how tightly she’d been holding it. “Blood—there was blood on my hands, but it was not there. Not really.”
I had no idea what she meant by that, but I’d moved to her side while she’d been talking, and she hadn’t seemed to notice. I sat next to her, stretching out my legs in the cramped space. My shoulder brushed hers, and her eyes shot to my face, questioning and indecisive but not scared.
“Is there still blood on your hands now?”
Alex shook her head. “I heard something, too. It was a voice,” she continued softly. “It was important.”
My stomach sank. I didn’t like where this was going, what it would lead to. If she was starting to remember things, it meant she’d need another dose, another compulsion. And I’d just given the last dose two days ago. I sighed. “What is it?”
Her fingers twisted along the edges of the bishop. “You’ll kill the ones you love.” She lifted her gaze. Tears glistened in her eyes. “Have I?”
“Alex…” There weren’t words for this. Her lower lip started to tremble, and my heart squeezed. My mind was made up. “No. You’ve never killed anyone.”
She blinked and her voice was just a hushed whisper. “I haven’t?”
“No, agapi mou, you haven’t.”
Wiping under her eyes with her sleeves, she sighed. Pain brimmed underneath the surface, as did confusion. “I dream that I have, over and over again.”
I smiled for her even as I felt my chest constricting. “They’re just dreams. That’s all.”
Several moments passed, and then she pressed against me, wiggling until she wedged her body under my arm. She curled up, her head resting against my chest and my arms folded across hers. “You are very nice, even if you say mean things you do not mean.”
I shook my head, but I wrapped my arms around her. “Did I ever tell you about the first time I saw you?”
She shivered. “No.”
Closing my eyes, I felt her snuggle closer. My hand curled into the thick material of her sweater. I rested my chin on her head. “I was sixteen and you were probably fourteen.”
“I can’t remember fourteen.”
“That’s okay. I remember for both of us.” I counted to ten before I continued, making sure my voice didn’t give. “It was toward the end of the day and I was heading into the training rooms with a friend. Classes were still going on, and I was walking by the door—it was open—and I heard laughter. Something you don’t usually hear during training. I had to stop and see what was going on.”
It was the first time I’d seen her. No one could miss her. She was the smallest in the room, shorter and skinnier than all of her opponents, but that wasn’t why she stuck out. There’d been this impish grin on her face, an energy that was infectious as she’d bounced around the mats, circling a tall, blond-haired boy. The Instructor had been irritated, no doubt by her and the attention she was drawing from a pure and an entire class riveted on her. But once I’d seen her, I couldn’t look away. It was like being hit by lightning.
“You were training with Cal—with a friend—going through takedown moves. He kept trying to get the upper hand, but you kept laying him out, laughing the entire time. Both of you were laughing. That’s why I looked.”
“Did you know me then?” she asked sleepily.
“No.” I held her closer, as if I could somehow pull her inside me and keep her safe. “But I knew, in that moment, you were amazing.”
CHAPTER 9
APOLLO SHOWED UP JUST AFTER ALEX’S FOURTH DOS-age with no news. The Sentinels hadn’t reached New York. They’d stopped in Pennsylvania and scattered. The Khalkotauroi followed. Seth and Lucian were still outside of Nashville. From the look of it, their army had nearly doubled.
Having so many Sentinels willing to side with them wasn’t that surprising to me. They’d been offered something none of us had ever provided, and they were willing to die for freedom.
And there was a good chance they would, according to Apollo.
“Hades, Poseidon, and Demeter,” Apollo ticked the names off on his fingers, his eyes a vibrant blue. “And Ares, who is thrilled by the way, and Hermes, and Hera have all pledged war.”
“Hera?” I rubbed my chin. “At least we have Zeus.”
Apollo rolled his eyes. “That doesn’t mean much. He’s probably only siding with us to upset Hera, but we do have Athena and Artemis. That’s something.”
“So, they are willing to wait and see? To give us time?”
He nodded. “They do not want to see another war. Not after what happened with the Titans. So many mortals were lost during that time, and with the population now, the loss would be several times larger.”
And our only hope was that Alex could somehow break the connection with Seth and defeat him. I looked at the sleeping girl curled beside me on the couch. The outlook was bleak.
“And no one’s found anything to break the connection?”
Apollo sighed. “There’s nothing that any of us can find, Aiden. Not in the old myths or scrolls. And if one of the other six know, they aren’t telling.” He glanced at Alex and fondness crept into the coldness of his voice. As did a great sadness that caused dread to explode in my gut. “I’ve run through all the prophecies. They haven’t changed. One to destroy. One to save. Only one can live during any generation.”
He leaned back, shaking his head. “I can
’t let my brethren go to war.”
I placed my hand on Alex’s shoulder. “Are you giving up on her?”
“I’m preparing for the worst.” Apollo stood. “And don’t hit me, Aiden, but I think you need to start preparing for it, too.”
My skin burned and I said in a tight voice, “You’ve asked me to put her on the Elixir, and I told you then that you asked too much, but I did it. Asking me to give up is unacceptable.”
“It’s not giving up.” He crouched, meeting my stare. “I would make sure she was taken care of, even allow her to visit you. We could do a Persephone thing.”
I sucked in a shrill breath that came back out sounding like a growl. “You’re asking me to let you kill her.”
“I would make sure there was no pain,” he said, standing again. He turned his back—daring considering I was close to shoving a dagger into it. “This isn’t easy for me. I care for her. She is basically a child of mine. And I’ve watched over her for years, far longer than you’ve known her.” He faced me, hands on his hips. “This would not just be your loss, but only one of them can live and I can’t do a thing about Seth. Nor do I know who he’s linked to.”
My hand curled into a fist as I moved to stand between Alex and Apollo. “Get out.”
“Aiden—”
“I mean it. Get out.”
His eyes flashed to all-white. No pupils. No irises. “I only allow you to speak to me like this because I know your love and pain, because I have felt it myself. Hyacinth wasn’t turned into a flower by my brethren. It was I who did it. It was the only way I could save him from them. So I know what love does and the pain that comes from that kind of sacrifice. But make no mistake, I do not regret what I had to do. And I will do it again.”
I stayed in place between them, my legs widespread, so ready for battle I could taste it. “And make no mistake, Apollo, I will not make that same sacrifice.”
I couldn’t stand to be in the house any longer. My nerves were stretched taut, my body ready to fight. Bloodlust had invaded my system.
I needed fresh air.
So did Alex. Once she’d woken up, she’d been all over the place, not able to sit still for longer than five minutes.
For the first time since she’d Awakened, I led her outside. Seeing the joy light up her eyes and the cool breeze brushing the hair off her cheeks lessened the darkness growing inside me. The almost-hyper bounce in her step as she made her way around fallen branches and shrubs reminded me of the old Alex.
Especially when she stopped suddenly, spying a small stream up ahead. She spun around quickly and threw her arms around me.
Surprised by the sudden affection, I froze, then wrapped my arms around her waist and leaned back. “What’s that for?”
Alex shrugged. “I wanted to.”
I caught her hand as she shimmied loose. “I liked that.”
She smiled. “Maybe I’ll do it again.” Glancing over her shoulder, excitement hummed through her. She tugged me forward.
Letting go of her hand, I stopped. She looked over her shoulder again, brows knitted. “You can go,” I urged.
“Are you sure?”
I nodded, and then leaned against an old oak. Her gaze darted over my face and she seemed to find whatever she was looking for. She turned, slowly starting toward the creek bed. Her footsteps were quick but not jerky. The antsy energy she’d been feeling all day would eventually grow. Crippling pain would assault her again soon as her tolerance to the Elixir grew and Seth started pecking away at her.
And if I didn’t give her a larger dose along with a booster compulsion, the bond between them would form again.
Closing my eyes, I tipped my head back. There had to be another way. We couldn’t keep doing this to her. Sooner or later, the effects of the Elixir wouldn’t wear off. She’d be like this forever—forever stuck between the tenacious and strong-willed Alex and this naïve, watered-down Alexandria. To do this to her wasn’t right. The wrongness of it coated my mouth and throat like bile. It was acid churning in my stomach, burning a hole through my soul.
And Apollo… he was giving up, even if he didn’t want to admit it—giving up and preparing to kill Alex.
Clenching my jaw, I opened my eyes. Alex sat on a fallen log near the slow-moving creek. She held something in her hands—flowers? Her face was turned to the side and her lips were pulled down at the corners. Sadness had crept into her features.
I pushed off the tree but stopped as she picked off a petal and placed it on the log. Then another and another, until ten or so petals formed a loose circle beside her. She placed two more, completing the circle, and then two more inside the circle.
My chest tightened and, without any warning, a fissure of energy skittered over my skin. I turned, expecting to find Apollo—or worse yet, an unfriendly god. I sucked in a sharp breath.
An ethereal glow surrounded the feminine form and slowly faded, revealing a slender woman who stood taller than me. Lilies adorned the brown hair that had been piled atop her head in an intricate maze of braids. A sheer white dress covered her body and left very little to the imagination. I felt I should look away but couldn’t. She was almost painfully beautiful—unreal.
A faint smile appeared. “Hello, Aiden.” Her voice was a symphony, and I started to bow, but she stopped me with a raised hand. “That is not necessary. Unlike my brothers and sisters, I do not have a taste for formalities.”
It took me a few moments to find my voice. “You’re one of the Moirae… one of the Fates.”
“I am Clotho.”
Fear formed a cold, hard ball in the center of my chest. Clotho was responsible for spinning the thread of human life, but she also decided when gods could be saved or put to death. I glanced over my shoulder at Alex. Did her powers extend to god-like creatures, too? I moved to block Alex from her view.
Clotho’s laugh was soft and melodious. “I am not here to harm her, and even if I were, I cannot cut her thread. Neither can Atropos.”
Relieved by that piece of information, I faced the goddess. “Why are you here?”
“I’ve been watching you and her.” She stepped to the side. Sunlight broke through the branches, cutting across her bare shoulder and over her dress. The material shimmered. “It pains you to see her like this, I know. You love her so.”
I saw no reason, no point, in lying to a goddess of Fate. “More than anything in this world, and without her.” Clearing my throat, I looked away. I couldn’t finish the sentence, let alone the thought.
“Going on would be like existing with a piece of you missing?” She nodded when I looked at her again. “Your threads are intertwined. Not by my doing, you see?”
I didn’t see a damn thing. Now I understood Alex’s frustration when she’d spoken to the oracle. I opened my mouth but closed it. Understanding slid over my skin like thick oil. “She was Fated to be with Seth, wasn’t she?”
She looked at me and her smile faded. “She was, but Fate has many plans for her.”
“What will happen to her?” I asked before I could stop myself. Somehow I knew that asking a Fate that kind of question equaled poor social skills.
“You do not ask for yourself?”
Sure, curiosity was there, but my fate didn’t matter. I shook my head.
Her brows rose. “Most would not pass up a chance to learn their fate, but I cannot tell you what lies in wait for your Alexandria. Some things are even unknown to us.”
Disappointment seeped into me, wrapping its way around my bones likes a too-tight binding. I turned back to Alex. She was watching us, eyes wide and hands stilled over the petals.
“It’s okay,” I called out to her.
Alex didn’t move for a full minute, and then she gathered all her torn petals, tossing them one by one into the creek.
Clotho watched Alex too. “Their threads are intertwined closely—the First’s and hers.”
My hands clenched. “And there’s no way that can be undone?”
She t
ilted her head. “No. Just like yours cannot be undone. Fate is fate, you see, but there is one thing we do not take into consideration when we spin the threads of life, not even when we cut it.”
Part of me didn’t expect an answer, but I asked, “What is that?”
“Love. We do not take love into consideration.”
I looked at her. “Seriously?”
She laughed and it carried on the breeze. “Love is such a wild and reckless creature. It cannot be planned or threaded. It cannot be controlled. Love can coexist with Fate, or it can undo it. Love is the only thing more powerful than Fate.”
The words were slow to sink in as I stared at the goddess. Was this why the goddess had made such a surprise visit?
Her white eyes burned and hummed with electricity. “You want to know how to break the connection?”
My breath caught. “Yes.”
Sympathy creased Clotho’s brow. Stepping forward, she placed a small hand against my chest, above my heart. “There is no god or person who can break their connection, but there is still hope.” She dropped her hand and stepped back, nodding. “There is the heart, Aiden. There is love, which means there is always hope.”
Then Clotho shimmered out of focus and disappeared. Feeling as if my nerves were exposed, I stalked around the fallen branches and overturned trees. Reaching Alex’s side, I realized I was holding my breath.
Something was building inside me, clicking together.
Alex turned to me, her shattered eyes meeting mine. The mix of brown and gold was as beautiful as it was heartbreaking. I really looked into them, seeing the trust that had always been there, devotion and love buried deep inside her. No bond—no connection—could fully extinguish that. It was why she’d hadn’t destroyed the necklace I’d made her.
There was still hope.
Clotho had said that love was stronger than Fate. Was that really the answer we’d been searching for? Love—our love for one another?
Then I remembered what Alex had said to me. “I won’t lose myself, because… well, how I feel about you, it would never let me forget who I am”
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