by J. H. Croix
Roger stood from his desk and gulped down the last of his crap coffee before tossing the paper cup in the trashcan by the door. He gestured for her to follow him down the hall. They passed along a sterile gray hallway through a secure door into another hallway. Two more secure doors later and she stood beside Roger in front of a door that led into a room where Chris sat at a table. The room had a window, so her entire conversation with Chris would be observed. When she stood by the door without moving, Roger glanced her way.
“Having second thoughts?” he asked.
She’d known Roger for her entire life. They’d grown up in Painter together. She didn’t recall how many years apart they’d been in school, but it was close enough they’d led parallel lives growing up. While he wasn’t in her closest circle of friends, she trusted him completely. Ever since the rumors started swirling about the shifter smuggling network, she’d been mightily relieved Roger was on the police force. A few friendly shifters on the force were critical at any given point, but even more so lately. At the moment, she was relieved she knew Roger the way she did, otherwise she’d be embarrassed. She did and didn’t want to talk with Chris. The indecision made her feel restless and out of sorts inside.
She turned to Roger. “Maybe, but I’m seeing this through. Are you waiting out here?” she asked, gesturing to the small room they stood inside. It was bare except for a few chairs and the window that looked into the room where Chris was waiting.
“Up to you. If you’re uncomfortable with it, I’ll leave. Everything in that room gets recorded though. He may offer up more information to you, so we don’t want to miss it. Either I wait in here, or out in the hallway. Your call.”
Vivi shrugged. “I don’t have a damn thing to hide, so it doesn’t matter to me.” She took a fortifying breath. “Okay, let me in there.”
Roger swiped his badge before the scanner on the door. At the sound of a soft click, he pushed it open and gestured her through. The door fell closed behind her. Chris glanced up from the table. He was handcuffed, which sent a jolt through her. No matter how she sliced it, it was strange to see Julianna’s father sitting before her like this. Of all the things that had annoyed her about Chris after she came to understand him for who he was, she couldn’t have prepared herself for this.
His blondish-brown hair was messier than usual. His brown eyes were weary and resigned. She considered that she’d once thought him quite handsome—a new shifter from out of town with a roguish smile and a wild edge. Looking at him now, she marveled that she’d ever been attracted to him. In hindsight, all she could do was wonder just what the hell she’d been thinking. Her stomach was still in knots, but she managed to walk to the small table and sit down across from him.
“Hi,” she said simply, uncertain where to start.
Chris nodded, his eyes catching hers and bouncing away. “Hey. Uh, they mentioned you wanted to talk to me.”
She sat there, her feelings of anger, disappointment and hurt dog-eared and worn. “Look, I’m not here because I give a damn about you. I’m only here because of Julianna. She’s old enough to wonder who her father is and asks every so often. I guess I’d like to know if you ever plan to have anything to do with her.”
Chris traced a finger along the steel edge of his handcuffs. He simply shook his head.
Anger flared hot inside of her. Her chest tightened and she had to force herself to take a gulp of air. She swallowed and looked over at him. “That’s a no?”
Chris leaned back in his chair, his eyes cold and flat. “Obviously. Shifters don’t like to be tied down. You knew that when you met me. Nothing’s different now. Don’t know why you ever thought it would be.”
Chris’s words hit her right in the gut. She’d known he’d glamorized that part of being a shifter—wild, free and not to be tied down. When he was nothing other than a shifter she found attractive and who called to her own wildness, it hadn’t seemed to matter. Yet, then she had Julianna and everything tilted inside of her. She wanted Julianna to have a father who took care of her. She had struggled mightily to come to terms with how stupid she’d been. She hadn’t wanted to cling to the thin thread of hope that Chris might actually be there for Julianna someday, but she had. The weight of telling Julianna this truth fell heavily on her shoulders.
“Go to hell,” she said between her gritted teeth.
She pushed her chair back. It scraped against the concrete floor, the sound loud and harsh in the small room. She looked over at Chris once more. “At least have enough decency to give the police what they need to find Nelson.”
At that, she turned and let herself out of the room. Roger was leaning against the far wall by the door. He pushed away and quickly opened the door leading into the hallway. Once they were in the hallway, Vivi picked up the pace. When she reached the next door, she turned impatiently toward Roger when he didn’t immediately swipe his card to open the door. She gestured to the door. “Any day now.”
Roger leaned his shoulder against the wall by the door. “Look, I’m sure you’re pissed, but at least he was straight with you.”
She shrugged and shifted on her feet. “Yeah. I didn’t have high hopes, but it sucks for Julianna.”
Roger eyed her for a long moment before he nodded and flashed his badge at the scanner by the lock. He held the door for her and escorted her down the next hallway and out to the entrance. She glanced over her shoulder when she stepped outside. “Thanks, Roger.”
After a quick nod, he allowed the door to fall closed. She walked quickly to her car and climbed in. The anger she’d been holding in roared through her. She threw her purse on the passenger seat and pounded her fist against the steering wheel. She leaned back and sighed, the flash of anger fading as swiftly as it came. She pictured Julianna’s wide brown eyes when she asked how come she didn’t have a dad who lived with them. Her heart clenched with worry, hurt, and disappointment. For the thousandth time, she wished she’d had enough sense to see past the surface of Chris. The repeating loop of recrimination started there and ended with facing the odd fact that if it weren’t for Chris, she wouldn’t have Julianna, and Julianna was the best thing in her life by far.
She sighed and started her car. By the time she got home, an icy rain had started to fall. She ran inside and leaned against the door. Her emotions were a muddle. She couldn’t help but wonder just why she’d allowed herself to start to be hopeful about Heath. Foolish, foolish, foolish girl. How do you even know things could work out with him? You were just as stupidly hopeful about Chris and look at how that turned out.
She pushed away from the door and shrugged out of her jacket, hanging it up on the coatrack by the door. After she toed her boots off, she heard the distinct sound of the school bus brakes outside. She stepped to the stove and turned on the burner under the teapot before walking to the door just as Julianna crested the top of the porch stairs. She raced inside and shook her head, her braids swinging back and forth, sending an arc of raindrops through the air.
“I got wet!”
Julianna’s bright announcement broke through the fog of negative thoughts and brought a smile to Vivi’s face, a smile that faded quickly when she considered the reality that her joyful daughter had a father who didn’t give a damn. Even though she’d known this in some way for years, knowing it with certainty cut her to the core. She forced herself not to let her feelings show and focused on Julianna. Vivi angled her head to the side. “You don’t say?”
Julianna giggled and shimmied out of her backpack while she kicked off her shoes. Vivi guessed Julianna must have waited outside in the rain for the bus because her jacket was nearly soaked through. The shoulders of her shirt were wet and her pants clung to her legs. When she saw a shudder run through Julianna, Vivi nudged her chin toward the bathroom. “How about you go hop in the bath? You’re soaked and cold. That’ll warm you up.”
It was a reflection of how cold Julianna was that she nodded quickly and ran straight past Vivi to the bathro
om. Vivi called out after her. “I’ll make grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner.”
After dinner in the living room and a half hour of television, Vivi tucked Julianna in and dropped a kiss on her forehead. “Night, sweetie.”
“Night, Mom.”
Vivi stood and walked quietly toward the door. Just before she reached it, Julianna’s soft voice reached her. “When can we have Heath over for dinner again?”
Vivi’s stomach fluttered and her chest felt tight. It was almost painful to have Julianna ask about Heath and a kick to her wishful thinking. After today, all she wanted was to shore herself up inside and make sure she protected Julianna. She couldn’t trust herself to hope for much anymore. She paused at the door, her hand gripping the frame. “I’m not sure, sweetie. Next time I see him, I’ll ask.”
“Promise?”
“Of course. As soon as I see him, I’ll find out.”
She stepped through the door and quietly closed it. She walked quickly through the living room and sat down at the kitchen table. Resting her elbows on the table, she dropped her face into her hands. Her breath filtered through her fingers when she sighed. Already she’d let Heath in too far. She had no idea how to navigate this. Facing the brutal truth of finding a way to be honest with Julianna about Chris, she couldn’t think about trying to hope for the best with Heath. Not now. She dropped her hands from her face and sat up when her phone vibrated on the table. She reached a hand out and spun the phone across the table. Heath’s name flashed on the screen, along with another text. He’d texted a few times this afternoon. She’d initially tried to ignore them because she just wasn’t up for dealing with him on top of facing Chris. She’d eventually chosen to reply in the hopes he would leave her alone at least for the night. She wasn’t proud of it, but she’d told him she had a migraine.
She tapped the screen open and read his latest text. Hope you get some rest and feel better tonight. Will call tomorrow.
Her fingertips itched to type a reply, but she forced herself to set the phone down. The part of her heart that longed for Heath to be the person she turned to for support couldn’t be running the show. She had to stay strong and stand on her own two feet, like she’d been doing for years. Restless, she stood and headed for the shower, as if she could wash away her muddled feelings. Afterwards, she tumbled into a fitful night of sleep. When she woke the following morning, she went through the motions of helping Julianna get ready for school and watched her run through the rain to climb on the bus.
When her phone vibrated and she saw another text from Heath, she made an abrupt decision. She couldn’t trust herself to know if she was ready for a relationship, and she certainly couldn’t trust herself to know if it made a lick of sense to let herself fall so deeply in with anyone. She didn’t know how to navigate any of this, especially when it came to Julianna. She snagged her phone and called Heath.
As soon as he picked up, she started talking. “I can’t do this. I know you probably want to talk about it, but there’s no point. Not right now. I have to focus on Julianna, and I just don’t think now is the time to try to any kind of relationship.” She paused to gulp in air.
Heath started to say something, but she cut him off. She couldn’t tolerate how she felt—a mix of anger, fear, and a desperate need to not need anyone, especially when her heart was so fragile. “I have to go. I’m sorry.” She ended the call and tossed her phone across the room. It hit the wall and thudded against the floor. She didn’t even bother to pick it up. She sat down at the kitchen table, the chair almost toppling over when she landed on the edge.
Chapter 14
Heath immediately tried to call Vivi back when the line went silent. The phone rang and rang. He grabbed his coat and yanked it on as he ran outside into the rain to climb in his truck. He started to race over to her house, but came to an abrupt stop when he was about to turn onto Main Street. Even though he was frantic to see her and talk to her, he knew her well enough to know it probably wasn’t going to help if he tried to push right now. With his stomach coiled with dread and frustration coursing through him, he turned in the opposite direction and headed down to the police station. He didn’t know what had transpired yesterday, but he knew she’d gone to talk with Chris at the jail. Maybe Roger could shed some light on what was going on.
A few minutes later, he walked into the police station. He gave his jacket a shake to knock the rain free. Roger must have seen him pull up in the parking lot because he met him inside the reception area.
“Come on back,” Roger said, holding the door for Heath to follow him into the hallway that led to the offices. “Coffee?” Roger asked as he paused to pour himself a cup from the coffee pot stationed on a table by his office door.
“Nah. I’m good.”
“Suit yourself.” Roger led the way into his office and closed the door behind Heath. He snagged a chair by the table and gestured for Heath to sit across from him. “I can guess why you’re here.”
“Why’s that?” Heath countered.
“Vivi didn’t look too happy when she left after her meeting with Chris. Have you seen her?”
Heath leaned back with a sigh and shook his head. “Nope. But she called me and basically told me to stay away. I was wondering what the hell happened when she talked to Chris yesterday.”
“Seems like she wanted to know if he ever planned to act like a father. He made it clear that would never happen. She didn’t seem upset for herself, but for Julianna.”
Heath absorbed that and shrugged a shoulder. “We talked about it the night before last. She said she just wanted a chance to know his plans. I guess I figured she’d adjusted to the fact he hasn’t been around.” He swallowed against the tightness in his chest and throat. He didn’t like feeling torn asunder by his feelings for her. He sure as hell didn’t want to look as messy as he felt inside. Roger was a friend, but Heath wasn’t exactly up for a relationship chat with him. Or with anyone, for that matter. He mentally shook himself. “How’d your interview go with Chris?”
“After he stewed and stalled, his court appointed attorney met with him. They know we’ve got Chris on some solid possession charges, so they must’ve leaned on him to be sensible. He opened up after that. It’s nothing we didn’t suspect, but he confirmed a lot of details. He’s been helping Nelson with the pick ups and drop offs for the last year or so. Not that it matters a whole hell of a lot, but anything we get is leverage.”
“Why was he holding onto that stash in the shed? I mean, it’s been months since Nelson disappeared. Far as we knew, the smuggling mostly dried up because Nelson wasn’t there to coordinate.”
Roger nodded. “Exactly. According to Chris, what few stashes Nelson had left were unknown to anyone else in the network. Chris had moved that quantity from one place to another ever since we started searching properties and tearing down any storage locations. He figured we’d already searched that property, so it’d be a safer spot. Nelson planned to smuggle it himself for some cash. Chris doesn’t seem to know if anyone else is left helping Nelson like he was. He also doesn’t know where Nelson is, although he does know a few of the places he was hiding out. I was hoping to get with you and Daniel and head out in the next few days. I figure once Nelson realizes Chris has been brought in, he’ll fan out again. Chris gave us three locations, two in Wyoming and one a few hours north in Colorado. We’ve searched the two in Wyoming because they’re properties Daniel inherited. The one in Colorado is new to us. I checked it on a map and it’s on Federal land. I’ll send two teams to the other locations and was hoping you and Daniel would come with me to the one closer by.”
“I’ll be there whenever you want. Pretty sure Daniel will be too. Any idea when?”
“I’m aiming for the end of the week if that works for you guys. Much as I’d like to head out right away, Nelson will be expecting us. I’d like to wait a few days, so he might let down his guard.”
Heath stood from the table. “Just call me. I’ll let
Daniel know when I see him.”
When Heath reached the door, Roger spoke. “Heath.”
“Yeah?”
“Give Vivi a little time. She’ll come around.”
Heath appreciated Roger’s sentiment, but he was feeling impatient and frustrated—not exactly helpful at the moment. “Hope so. Catch you later.” Heath lifted his hand in a wave and left.
Heath headed over to Mile High Grounds. He needed to see if Sophia had any clue what was going on with Vivi. The coffee shop was a warm haven on the cold, rainy day. Usually, he’d breathe a sigh of relief and relax once he stepped inside, but today he was too twisted up inside over Vivi. He strode to the counter, dragging his forearm across his face to wipe the rain away.
Sophia glanced up. She opened her mouth and closed it, her eyes narrowing. “What’s wrong?”
“Can we start with some coffee?” Heath countered, a thread of irritation rising to have Sophia pick up on the fact he was off balance.
“Sure. What’s your preference today?”
“Something strong.”
Sophia glanced to Tommy at the espresso machine behind her. “Work your magic,” she called to him.
“Got it.” Tommy nodded in Heath’s direction. “I’ll add an extra shot to an Americano. How’s that sound?”
“Sounds good,” Heath replied. He leaned against the wall by the counter, reflexively looking toward the door when the bell chimed.
A couple walked in and approached the counter. Sophia took their order and put their selected pastries on two small plates. While she was helping them, Tommy quickly came from behind the espresso machine and slid Heath’s coffee across the counter. “Enjoy,” he said before turning back to get started in the next order.
Heath took a swallow and sighed, the flavor strong and rich. “Perfect!” he called out to Tommy who threw a grin his way.
After the couple stepped aside and sat down at a table, Sophia turned back to Heath. “Okay, something’s wrong. What’s up?”