Ship's Log

by Lawrence P White

  Inside the tent, Nancy gave Arlynn a sponge bath, and at Arlynn’s insistence, she washed her hair. The process challenged Arlynn as she leaned over the side of the cot to dangle her hair. To take her mind off the pain, she asked Nancy about Greg.

  “Is he married?” she asked.

  Nancy shook her head. “No. He’s had plenty of opportunities, but no one has tied him down.” She pulled Arlynn’s dripping hair away from her face and leaned down to look into her eyes. With a smile, she said, “Too bad you’re an alien. He’s taken with you. Sisters can tell, you know?”

  “I like him too, but as you say, I’m an alien,” Arlynn responded. “Intellectually, vast gulfs separate your people and mine. What sort of work does he do?”

  “Our parents founded a software engineering company. Greg took it over when they died suddenly. Jim and I had already taken a different direction. We own a small import/export business.”

  “It must have been a terrible accident to have injured Greg so severely.”

  “Accident?” Nancy asked in surprise. Then in a more subdued tone, she asked, “He told you it was an accident?”

  “Well . . . not exactly. He refers to his condition as an injury. I wish I could take him with me. My doctors could repair whatever damage he has.”

  “With this cure-all?”

  “Must we revisit that?” Arlynn asked with feeling.

  Nancy toweled Arlynn’s hair dry, then she lifted her back to the pillows and started brushing her hair. “Arlynn, I like you,” she said. “You deserve to know that it wasn’t an accident. Greg was essentially blown up.”

  Arlynn looked confused, and Nancy saw that she had to explain further. “He was a soldier.”

  Arlynn’s eyes widened, and she gasped. “Impossible!”

  “It’s true.”

  Arlynn looked like she had lost direction, a first in Nancy’s experience with her. In a small voice, Arlynn said, “I can’t process that. He seems so nice. When I look into his eyes, I see compassion, not a warrior. The two don’t go together.”

  “Don’t they?” Nancy questioned. “Can you know happy if you haven’t known sad? Can you appreciate kindness if you haven’t known meanness? He’s seen things you and I can’t imagine, things he won’t even talk about. It was 15 years ago, Arlynn. Since then, I’ve never seen him do a mean thing. I’m not saying he can’t. I’m saying he chooses not to.”

  Arlynn blinked repeatedly as she tried to assimilate Nancy’s words. A look of defeat settled over her. “How can I have read him so wrong?” she wondered aloud.

  Nancy couldn’t leave it at that. “It should be him telling you this, not me, but I think he’s afraid he’ll scare you away if he does. You’ve made it clear to us that not only do you not have soldiers, the very idea is repugnant. Arlynn, Greg wasn’t just a soldier, he led teams of elite soldiers, some of the most lethal people on Earth. There’s a side of him that you and I will never see, a side that treats war as a business. The Harbok saw that side of him before they died.”

  “Surely he exerted no control over the Harbok with his little plane.”

  “Actually, he did, and you’re alive today because of it. Our elite soldiers have to demonstrate many skills. One of them is creativity. Greg and his men were always outnumbered by their enemies, and they had to be creative to survive. It was that same creativity that he brought to bear against the Harbok. He had no weapons, but when he saw that your shield had failed, he knew you needed help. He used his radio as a weapon to distract them while you got in the killing shot.”

  Before Arlynn could respond, she added, “I can tell you that he’s conflicted about it. He doesn’t consider the Harbok to be his enemy, yet he shares the responsibility for their deaths.”

  Tears began falling from Arlynn’s eyes. “I’m so sorry I put him in that position. I can barely deal with it myself,” she said. “Never in my worst nightmares have I imagined taking the life of another.”

  “I’m sorry for both of you,” Nancy said, brushing the tears from Arlynn’s cheeks. She leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead, then peered hard into Arlynn’s eyes. “I didn’t tell you this to frighten you. He might be lethal, but you need never fear him. Of that, I’m certain. On the other hand, the nastiness he lived with made him stronger, not weaker. He might be a resource to you as you work through your own issues.”

  * * * * *

  Greg returned to the tent at lunch time, but Nancy yelled from inside, “No, no, no! Wait a minute, I’ll be out in a minute! Please!”

  Minutes later she threw the tent flap aside and emerged with Arlynn holding tightly to her arm. Greg rushed over to help, but Nancy ordered him away.

  “She fine. Leave her alone,” she scolded. “Better yet, get her cot and put it by the fire.”

  Arlynn struggled, but she managed to look regal and proud and was clearly pleased with herself. Greg had not realized before, in fact he had never seen her standing, but she was tall, at least 5’8” and trim. And very pretty despite the strain showing on her face. Nancy had dressed her in a spare set of her own corduroy pants and flannel shirt, and there was plenty of extra room in them for Arlynn’s spare form.

  Arlynn stopped in front of him. “I told you I was healing,” she said with her crooked smile.

  “I’m proud of you! Can I help?”

  She hesitated. She studied his eyes for a few heartbeats, then nodded to herself and said, “Yes, you may. I would like to walk a little. Will you take my arm?”

  He traded places with Nancy and took her arm firmly.

  “You don’t have to carry me, Greg,” Arlynn said through clenched teeth, trying to look at him without turning her head.

  He relaxed his grip and led her slowly around the camp. She tired quickly, but she made the extra effort to keep going, and he noticed. When Nancy insisted she’d had enough, he helped her get settled on her cot. He stepped away with her resting face down, but she rolled herself onto her good side so she could see them.

  “Are you hungry?” he asked.

  “No, thank you. In case you’re wondering, my burns are healing nicely. The bandage you applied is doing its job. You are welcome to check if you wish.”

  He examined the exposed portion of her wound. It was still ugly, but it was a lot better than it had been four days earlier. Whatever was in the bandage worked better than any treatment our best hospitals could have provided.

  “When I get home, my doctors will speed up the healing process. In a few months I will be . . . do I say it correctly? . . . as good as new?”

  “Yes, you say it correctly,” he answered with a smile. “I’m sorry about the scars.” He changed the subject and added, “After what I’ve seen in the last few days, I’d believe almost anything of your people.”

  “Do not put us on a pedestal,” she warned. “We might be ahead of you in technology, but it’s only a matter of time for your world. Rather, you should concentrate on our similarities, of which there are many. I’ve studied your world to no small extent and have found fine attributes among your people. You also have serious problems to overcome. I’m speaking here of your obsession with violence against one another. But my people are far from perfect. We are, in fact, very human in our imperfections. Notable among them is our inability to deal with the Harbok.” She paused in thought, then added, “I’m beginning to suspect that our proudest attribute might, in light of our experiences with the Harbok, be our greatest shortcoming.”

  She stopped talking, then she changed her mind and continued. “If this war does not end soon, I might return to officially request help from Earth. Gathering information on that decision is one of the purposes of our research team parked in your . . . excuse me, a small slip almost. It would not be wise for you to know where my base is located. We have not decided if, or how, we will reveal ourselves to you. At present, the cost to us of any help you might provide exceeds the value of that help.”

  “What sort of help can we offer you?” Nancy asked in surp
rise.

  “I can’t tell you.”

  “Isn’t that a little one sided?” she countered. “I mean, you can certainly help us!”

  “Are you ready for that help?” Arlynn countered.

  “Well, yes!” Then Nancy recalled the cure-all that Arlynn had discussed and became less certain. “Ah . . .”

  “Exactly. Depending on what we offered, contact with my people could be dangerous to your world. But the reverse is also true.”

  “What do you mean?” Greg asked. “We’re still shooting chemical rockets into orbit. Travel to the stars is only a dream. We’re no threat to you.”

  “Oh, but you are. There are things in your natures that terrify us. But let me remind you that it is not yet time for humanity to know of our existence, let alone the nature of my people and of our conflict with the Harbok. That knowledge would be extremely dangerous to your world right now. Can you predict the reactions of your various governments, or for that matter individuals or even religious organizations, to the knowledge you now have? I know I cannot, but I can imagine panic, even irrational behavior by many. I suspect the Harbok have reached the same conclusion, for they have gone to great lengths to keep their presence unknown to you.”

  She looked at Greg thoughtfully. “I heard some of your discussion last night concerning the consequences of your helping me.” Greg and Nancy exchanged worried looks, but Arlynn ignored their concerns. “I appreciate the difficulties of your decision more than you realize. I expected your discussion to center around what you could gain from me. I expected you to structure a trade of some kind in which I would provide you with advanced technology in exchange for your assistance and my freedom. With this technology, not only would you personally become wealthy, but your government would gain an advantage against others.

  “I was surprised to hear, instead, that you understood the risks inherent in such an exchange. Even more surprising to me is your choice of objectives. Instead of personal gain, you structured a response that takes the needs of all three civilizations into consideration. I am fortunate to have been rescued by you three. From my general knowledge of your world, my circumstances could be much different right now.”

  Nancy voiced an objection for both herself and Greg. “We three are just normal, everyday people. Most people are just like us.”

  Greg frowned at that statement. He had encountered people with vastly different ideals during his time in the army, but he stayed silent on the subject.

  Arlynn did not. “I thought I was an expert,” she said, “but I see now that I have a lot more to learn about you. You three appear to be wonderful, compassionate people. We’ve focused a lot of our attention on the violence here since it’s so foreign to our ways. From my perspective, just living on Earth qualifies one as a warrior. Basic survival here requires degrees of aggression and self-interest that I really can’t comprehend.”

  Nancy had more to say, but Greg beat her to it. “Since you’ve revealed almost nothing about your society, it’s impossible for us to know what you’re basing your conclusions on. Here, survival of the fittest has been a basic tenet of most societies since the dawn of man, in fact from the dawn of time. Historians and anthropologists generally agree that our aggressiveness stems from a strong survival instinct. But, Arlynn, I’m not certain that’s all bad. It can be if it’s not tempered with ethics, and all of us here agree there’s far too much fighting and killing on the planet, but in fairness, we’ve seen change. We’re getting smarter. We’re trying to cooperate with each other. We’re even succeeding in rare instances. I hope that indicates a trend in the right direction for the years ahead.”

  He paused, but only for a moment. “Arlynn, you’ve presented a view of your culture that’s equally troubling to me. What I’m hearing is that you, or at least some of you, have somehow lost your survival instinct. You’ve lost it to such an extent that you’re willing to forfeit your own lives rather than fight. Am I wrong?”

  “We’re willing to fight,” she answered. “We’re just not willing to kill. It’s not because we have lost the survival instinct but because we’ve grown beyond it. If you truly cherish life, can you possibly say your own life has more right to continue than that of another?”

  “That’s pretty philosophical,” he responded. “I have no love of killing, but I can assure you that to me the issue of whether my life or someone else’s was more important would not even arise in the context we’re talking about. I wouldn’t hesitate if I, or someone I loved, was threatened. I’d do my best to stay alive. If that makes me a warrior in your eyes, then maybe I am, but there’s a contradiction here. I . . . well, I get the feeling this might be a sensitive issue for you right now. Maybe this conversation needs to be continued another time.”

  Arlynn’s eyes lost their focus. She stayed silent for a considerable time, then she turned back to him, clearly troubled. “I have not yet come to terms with my behavior during my encounter with the Harbok. What I did is not consistent with who I am, or at least who I think I am. But, Greg, we’re not speaking here of individuals as much as we are of societies and cultures. You three have surprised me. I’m excited to think that I can return when the Harbok have given up looking for me and get to know you and your society on a more personal level.”

  She smiled at the thought, then frowned at a new thought. “Whatever happens, please do not let me leave you with the impression that I look down on your people. Only years, possibly as few as a century or two, separate us. You are only the second intelligent race we have encountered, and our first encounter, the Harbok, has turned into a disaster. We will do whatever we can to prevent a similar disaster with you, including proceeding with patience and care.”

  “Can you tell us any more about the Harbok?” he asked.

  “Only that the word Harbok has become synonymous with the word giant in my language, as it might in yours eventually. They resemble us, but they’re very large, over nine feet tall and heavily built to match. Their skin is heavily creased and looks like leather. Other than a few pictures of their home world, we know almost nothing else about them.”

  Nancy and Greg ate lunch in silence, wrapped in their own private thoughts. Arlynn rested, seeming to enjoy the sun’s warming rays. Greg had a million questions he wanted to ask, but he kept them to himself, sensing that she had revealed all that she would. A conniving look eventually came into his eyes, however. He turned to her with a piercing stare, wondering how he should word his next question.

  Her gaze met his before he was ready, though, and she smiled. “I know what you’re going to ask, Greg. Nancy told me a little about you, how in addition to being a computer engineer, you’re a dreamer. You like gadgets of all kinds, and you are now working on an advanced degree, hoping to teach history someday. I suspect you will be the professor everyone hopes to get. I know you want to go with me in my ship, but the answer is no.”

  He started to object, but she continued, ignoring the minor interruption. “You’ve named the price of your assistance, and I will hold you to our agreement. Rather than return here under obligation, though, I promise to do everything in my power to willingly continue this process, this First Contact as you call it. Greg, your goals are the same as mine. We four have made a good beginning here. I will return as soon as I can. You will get your ride in a spaceship someday. I will do my best to ensure that, but until I have the support of others, I cannot take you from your world.”

  He was crestfallen. Sure, maybe she’d come back, but he might be an old man by then, and he had no leverage with which to press her for more. He could not demand she take him—that would undermine all the good will they were determined to build. Then his eyes lit up, and he turned back to her. “How about just a short ride, then? You know, just around the north woods or something?”

  She and Nancy exchanged looks, and they both smiled at his boyish eagerness. “Maybe. I make no promises, Greg, so do not get your hopes up. Remember, I am not free of the Harbok. If we see any ev
idence of a search, I will either have to leave quickly or go into hiding for a long time.”

  “Then why don’t you just come home with us now? You could wait a few months until the whole thing blows over, then quietly leave.”

  “The ship that awaits me is powered up. Its energy reflections in its present state are extremely low, but the Harbok will find it if they search hard enough. Until now they have never needed to conduct such an intricate search. Now that they know I’m here, they either have, or they will soon discover the remains of Jarl’s crashed ship. Greg, there is no dead body in that ship. They’ll know I’m alive. If that leads them to my ship, my escape will be orders of magnitude more difficult. They are not capable of mounting an immediate search for me because of certain actions Jarl and I took, but that will change. If I do not leave now, I might never be able to leave.”

  He could not argue with that logic, and a short ride was better than no ride at all. He would take what he could get. He invited her for another walk, which she cheerfully accepted. He took her arm, leading her step by step around the clearing. Feeling her silent struggle as she leaned into him, he again found himself admiring her as a person despite their great differences. She might not describe courage the same way he did, but the strength of her determination was something he had not experienced in a long time. She was one tough lady. He would not want to be on the wrong side of her. On the other hand, being on the right side of her was nice.

  Then he discovered he was not on the right side of her. She said, “Nancy told me you’re a warrior.”

  He turned and glared at Nancy. She stared back at him, then frowned and walked away. To Arlynn, he said, “That was a long time ago.”