Voices
By Janet Gillooly
Prologue:
She wanders when the Lord will save her from all this. She stands up and looks out the window it is dusk. She sees three deer staring at her for a long time and remembers she is on the second level. They stare at her and she thinks Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The Lord is answering my prayer and will rescue me from all this. Another moment she asks God what kind of man is this in her life and she looks out the window at dusk. The moon is huge and down low. She knows this is not a good sign.
She knew her boyfriend knew all about this and wanted it to happen, because he wanted her to leave. The stalking went on for two years. There are so many details to get into; they stalked her day and night. Abusers had shifts. The aggregators would be outside the window, but she could not see them for there was a ledge. The stalkers would wake her up at three in the morning. There were not shades on the windows which were bay windows, so the trackers had view of the whole apartment. The gang had cameras in the apartment and bugging device in her car. Her boyfriend gave them access to everything.
Chapter One
It is hard to tell this story when it is so surreal. I could not believe it was happening myself. The only ones that believed me was a friend of mine and my oldest sister. My oldest sister said I could not make up such stuff every day. It started out as an innocent crush at church. I left the church because things were not going well. He started stalking me this man that pretended to be in love with me. I soon came to realize that the man from church was demonic.
The first thing I noticed is I heard a voice say two cars away from me “boy she sure is happy for being so homely.” Then I would hear him and his friend say caring things about me. The whole joke for a long time was this guy in love with me or not. My next door neighbor had all my clothes that were hung up in my closet, claiming he found them in the laundry room. My boyfriend acted like I was making it up then I started thinking he was involved with this whole stalking game.
When they really knew I was on to them the pursuers got really vicious and nasty. These stalkers could be funny too. I was their prisoner so I had to almost make believe these people were friends. I really wanted to believe this guy really was in love with me. They would harass me day and night. I never did get a break. The stress from the harassment was so bad one day I pooped on my bedroom floor.
I felt invaded every private moment of mine. Today after getting involved with a gigolo years later, but mostly the stalkers I have no desire for any kind of male relationship. I went to a lot of different churches to pray and they followed me to every church. They would talk quietly but never could I see them for they remained hidden. One day I went to a private church and they yelled real loud. I was scared and quoted scripture from the bible.
Chapter Two
I took my friend to see a woman with a crystal ball which I should have not done. This man in the truck did the sign of the cross and laughed. I took a bath later and heard like pig noises while I was in the tub or ghostly like that of evil. They would let me see them after the fact so I could not prove it was them. I saw the guy, who pretended to love me let us call him Ed. I saw his car leave after he talked to me outside my window. I called the police on them a couple of times, but they heard everything and knew to leave before police got there.
Years before I noticed all this Ed and this girl drove real fast in church driveway and left in a different vehicle. They were real good at changing cars fast. The next time I followed them, but they went in different direction so I stopped. They were not going to go home. They followed me to a church which was at night and I was there all alone. I went to go in the church and near the candles in the dark I saw their silhouette. I could not find the lights so I left and the woman said she would have knocked me out cold if I came after them. Keep in mind they made a comment about everything.
They were not that smart in a way but took advantage of my situation. I had no family support and my boyfriend was in on helping them so I was easy prey. They did not do all this because I was special but just because it was fun. They pretended to be people I knew and they were real good at that point. I started losing weight and putting on makeup. They said it was a shame a woman let herself go like that for so long. I said real loud in my bedroom I wish someone would jump my bones and they made a sexual comment I will not repeat. I told him his penis could not reach that high in my window.
Chapter Three
They would joke, compliment me and insult me. I went to D.C. and could not even escape them there. I worked at this gas station and I had to be there at four in the morning to open by myself. I got paid under the table. They would shine their headlines directly at me at the window. They talked and talked. I felt the presence of Ed enter me and he left. I asked him to come back inside of me and then that is when the real horror started. I will get back to this in a bit.
They had it hooked up so I could hear the cars talking and the fans. I will get back to this in a bit too. One time I drove quite a way to pray in a church and came out to pouring rain. They gave me a flat tire and thank God someone was at the post office to change my tire. I heard my boyfriend outside saying he hated me. He wanted to know if this Ed really loved me. I told my boyfriend about Ed and he did not seem surprised or upset. He denied any involvement in anything. The workers outside made comments about me outside the apartment.
My family was concerned so they moved me to a motel room in a different county. I looked in the mirror and said out loud that I was glad I could not hear anything. One man said that was too bad and Ed laughed. I was in a smoking room and they were in nonsmoking right next to me. They said they were going to rape me when I went to sleep. Ed claimed priest sent him to watch over me. I woke up and thought I saw Ed in my motel room. They claimed they raped me but I said it must have been light because I did not feel a thing. The stalkers laughed.
I went to a church to pray and there was my St. Bernadette medal that Ed stole out of my trunk. He one time also took one of my knee highs when I had a job interview. I was so isolated at the motel room and my family wanted me to get on my own in two weeks. I finally begged my boyfriend to let me come back and he did. A friend of mine was so paranoid about the problems I was having she said she thought she heard someone call her a whore. They were waiting for me to leave the apartment so I told my friend they could just wait till I was ready to leave.
Chapter Four
I finally gave these people a show I danced to Christian music like I never danced before in my life. I was in a purple night gown and make-up. I danced really well. Then I took my clothes off and danced. It was much better with my close on like the game players said. The worker outside said I guess she is doing her part. Dikes were hot for me too, which made my blood boil. My boyfriend came home mad and did not say a word. I knew he had knowledge of everything.
When my possession began the stalkers indicated that Ed would be coming over and he was of the devil. He never did come to my apartment. I lay in my bed and instead of them talking out loud they began to talk to my mind silently. They told me no priest would help me and if I went for help I would be locked up for life.
I drove quite a distance to see a priest. They chased me because the stalkers did not want me to go. I got to my destination and sitting on the fence was a black raven. That bird gave me the creeps. The priest told me he was not qualified. I went to another priest and he would get back to me. I sat down on my couch and just to let you know cat knew before I did about all the talking. I sat on the couch and I was shaking. I could not even hold a cigarette.
I knew then I had to go to the psyche unit. I told my boyfriend I would drive myself. I begged the hospital to let me stay in a residential home so I could still smoke. I we
nt there and there was a big storm. It was night and I saw this man get out of his truck on the road threatening to come after me. After I became an outpatient I saw that same man eating at the cafeteria with Ed. My counselor at the time brought me cigarettes.
I was so terrified to smoke outside by myself and afraid to be alone in the house. The counselors kept the doors unlocked and I was afraid they were in the house. A client there at the same time was trying to get me to go to his bedroom. I might have been terrified but I was not stupid. I told the counselor I was too terrified to sleep in my bedroom. I was so terrified and then I saw the face of Jesus appear on the clock. I knew then Christ would help me.
The next day they put me in the psyche unit and gave me a lot more medication. I had a mental illness that was mild but I did not imagine all these events. I still felt possessed and every time I tried to make a call that would help me it was as if all the evil forces were against me. This is the biggest battle I ever fought with Satan. A few friends stopped by to give me communion.
Chapter Five
The first thing I did when I got out of the hospital is go see the priest. He performed exorcism prayers not really an exorcism. When the event was over I heard Ed say maybe I will be back next time. My soul felt clean. Ed finally moved out of the area. I got disability and I wonder di d they plan that all along. Maybe it just worked out that way. The thing that bothered me is no one would believe me. My priest did not believe me which made me furious.
I had finally had someone put up shades and when I came back after my boyfriend and I broke up he wanted the shades now. The stalkers still bother me today, but they do not have the access to that apartment anymore. I am just use to them being there. This is the kind of thing you never really get over. They will never be silent until I am six feet under. I returned the keys to the owner of the gas station where I worked that same day I was in the residential home. He was furious but how could I explain all this to him without sounding like a nut job. He never did give me my pay.
I could not listen to God anymore in my own home, because of this experience. It is still true today. I do not go to churches too much anymore where I use to be able to really listen to God. These people have damaged me for life mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally.
When I started to wear make-up Ed would flirt with me, spy on me at church and say things quietly outside of the church. He said he was in love with me because I prayed like an angel. He came in the prayer room to talk to me I believe I was upset.
My boyfriend left the county. I moved in to basement apartment for a year. Then I moved out in the country for four years. My next boyfriend was a gigolo. He had two jobs but he gave all the money to his first household. I took care of him for a year financially. I picked him up at late hours in District Heights and brought him home. This was before he moved in. I called the police on him twice and kicked him out of my home. I have not had a boyfriend since and do not plan to.
I moved in to a low- income housing for a year and then moved out in the country another four years where I am still today. I have a lot of sleep issues due to the last boyfriend because he peed in my bed two times and I had to sleep while he was gone. I have a lot of health and mental issues due to living with two alcoholics and of course the stalkers. It is difficult for me to go to bed and to get up. I am making progress on my sleeping schedule. I do not have much energy left but I manage to get everything done. I am trying to give you an idea what is like in the aftermath.
One time I did hear the stalkers on the phone. When the stalkers were tormenting me my cat started talking to me. It was not with a voice but with breathing noises that sounded like English. It was not purring. She would repeat everything they were saying but then she stopped that. She began to comfort me. My other cat started talking to me as a kitten. I have been given the gift to understand cats and my guess would be that it is due to all the years I prayed to St. Francis.
Chapter Six
Since the stalking I did not get to a doctor for it was difficult for me and did not get my cholesterol medicine. I had a heart attack. The doctor thinks I might have glaucoma. I lost my mother, my aunt and an uncle who was the last of that generation. I lost friends and lost my cat. I have the other cat still today. When I brought a dog in for the cat to get use to the dog ran after the cat and the cat bit me. My arm was gushing with blood and arm turned blue, purple and red. I got rid of the dog that has a nice family now. I had to get a tenues shot. My cat had to get a rabies shot. I have coped from smoking and I have diabetes.
I called the hotline and I did not say I was going to commit suicide. The police came by and took me away in tight handcuffs. The people in the hospital treated me like garbage. They made a big deal when I left the room and just even looking out of my room at the hallway. A Christian man there was very nice to me. Mental patients to get treated well in a hospital so if you are not serious about hurting yourself do not call. The doctor did not put me in the psyche unit.
A friend of mine committed suicide. I was friends with her daughter first. The daughter and I are close again. A man that I knew who was a navy seal shot himself in the head. He could not handle the memories of the war. I lost my mom’s money after she passed away. I lost Spanky and Teres the outside animals that lived there. Spanky the cat died and course you know I gave the dog away.
I went through a hurricane and an earthquake. I lost my mom a long time ago because she had Alzheimer’s. My heart attack the pain was in the center of my chest. In the ambulance I threw up and peed in my pants. The morphine did nothing to ease my pain. My pain did not ease until the doctor put the stint in my main artery. They tore apart my bran new pajama top but did not damage scapular. The team took it off with care.
I was not a very good patient. They told me I could get up after lying still for four hours. I ripped everything off and blood went all over the sheets. I demanded they give me a room or I was leaving. I got my own room and left the next day. I went home drank coffee and smoked cigarettes.
Chapter Seven
My boyfriend who knew about the stalkers we were together for eight years. For most of the entire eight years I remained celebant. I could not go against God and my boyfriend we will call him Ted said the whole God thing spooked him. Our first apartment was a garage apartment which I liked the best. I met Ted through the Penny saver. He was in AA too. We both were not that attracted when we first met but gave it a chance. I finally moved in and took him to work every day. He lost his license due to drinking. Then he got a blower in his car and started driving. If he even had mouth wash it would show up on this blower. Eventually he got it off and went back to drinking.
I bummed and one night and quite a few nights after those two truckers followed me everywhere. They followed me home. The next day my car was leaking oil. I put too much oil in there. My car smoked all the way home. The police officer told me I should get home alright. The next thing I know horns are blowing and my car is on fire. I pull in to a long driveway and get out. Minutes later fire truck and police are there.
I at first hitchhiked everywhere. Then a devoted woman of God and I call her a friend today. She helped me so much I was not in need and did not need to hitchhike. My church gave me a van and I have my church to thank for everything.
Chapter Eight
My prayer life use to be pray in a different church every day. I would go to mass three times a week and Eucharistic Adoration three times a week. Then it was listen to prayers on kindle and Audible.com. Now I barely make mass and Eucharistic Adoration. I say simple prayers at home and honest prayers. My poverty hit me hard and the things I had to do to get cigarettes. I cannot read and barely able to listen to anything. My cigarettes have cost me friends and loss of health.
I have a special healing prayer I use for medical emergencies only. I take a St. Francis medal blessed with Padre Pio oil and St. Anthony oil. I bless the sick person in the name of t
he Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I kiss the medal and heal them in the name of Jesus. I do the same thing with a cross that has a piece of cloth from Christ’s tomb. Finally I use Holy Water. This has been a very powerful healing for the sick.
My getting help has made me ashamed to go to church. I feel bad for all the bad feelings I have caused. I feel like I am going to hell sometimes because of my cigarettes and the things I have done to get them. I had lots of needs like gas, food and toilet paper. I ask for your prayers and I will be praying for you.
The stalkers today are still watching me and listening to me. The cars are still talking. I learn to ignore it, but it still bothers me.
Nothing got out my feelings like singing did, but the smoking ruined my voice. Writing creatively is so important and getting my feelings out. In creative writing I can create magic.
Chapter Nine
Why trial after trial down here? It is better chastisement down here than hell eternal. If I would have had it so easy I never would have turned to Christ. Character breeds honesty. It is better to be aware now than later.
The stalkers came like a long nightmare. I thought it would never end. I was never so harassed and terrified. It was at first innocent then it became a vicious battle. I never thought I would be brought to the brink of insanity. The very first time in my life I was scared to lose my mind.
The only one that rescued me from this horror was Jesus not men. Men were responsible for my fear and pain. They almost drove me out of my mind. I feel angry and sad when I think about what I went through.
This is the worst sort of abuse I have ever been through. I befriended them because I thought that was the only way I could stay sane. Imagine if you had people outside your apartment day and night and there was nothing you could do.
Voices Page 1