by Marnee Blake
He died a little in that moment.
All the things he’d left unsaid had paraded through his head, torturing him. It hadn’t been worth it, keeping any of it a secret.
He wouldn’t be able to hide from her now. He was glad.
“Glad about what?”
Beth stepped from the locker room, her hair damp. In skinny jeans and one of her baggy sweaters, her feet in slip-ons, she looked comfy…and adorable.
“You think that?” She sounded so skeptical he laughed. Did she think he could make stuff like that up in his head? Her brow furrowed.
He stepped forward, burying his hands in his pockets. “I’m going to help you understand your powers.”
“You are?” She wrapped the halves of her sweater closer, cocooning herself in it.
“I’m telekinetic, too. It takes some practice to learn how to use it. I can help.” He remembered the crash course he and Blue had, figuring out how to lift each other. It felt like years ago, but it had only been last summer. “Kitty will be able to work with you to understand the rest of your talents.” He didn’t know how that gift worked. Kitty didn’t talk much about it. But maybe it would be good for Kitty, too, to have someone to talk to. And Beth was a wonderful someone to confide in.
She turned to him suddenly, and he realized his time had come.
He cleared his throat. God, why was this so difficult? “Listen, Beth, there are things I haven’t told you.”
“We don’t have to do this.” Backing away, she closed her eyes as if to shield herself from him, or at least from whatever he was about to say. His chest tightened. He’d done this, had alienated her.
“We do.” He stepped forward, cupping her shoulders. The time to hide from what was in his head, what he felt, was over, and he was sick of pretending he didn’t feel anything for her. “I’d rather you hear this from my mouth than let you try to figure out what I mean from the ramblings inside my head.”
She cocked her head. But she held her breath, and the color had lifted in her cheeks. God, her flushes… They distracted him when he had things he needed to say. He closed his eyes, bracing himself.
“I think you’re amazing, Beth.” He opened his eyes to meet her shocked face. “I’ve thought so for a long time. You’re funny and smart, and I admire everything about how you handle your job here.”
“You do?” Again with the incredulity.
“Of course I do. It’s impossible not to. Everyone admires you.” He scowled at her. It was as if she didn’t see herself.
But that wasn’t all of it, that she was admired by everyone. That was the easy way out. He needed to grow a spine here.
He stepped closer, and she inhaled sharply, her gaze darting to him. God, she was gorgeous, with her green eyes and tangled curls. He found every curve of her face perfect. “Beth. I’d love to kiss you.”
“You would?” she whispered, but the hopefulness made him flex his fingers in her bulky sweater, the urge to touch her nearly irresistible.
“I’ve wanted to kiss you for weeks. Months maybe. Forever.” He allowed his mind to open, let her see the truth in his head.
Only then did he realize how true the words were. He’d wanted to hold her for longer than he cared to admit. The timing was awful, and he wasn’t in a good place, so he’d been denying it to himself. He didn’t want to lie to himself anymore, and he definitely didn’t want to lie to her.
“Why didn’t you, then?”
“I wanted to, but I’m not good for you. And I sure as hell don’t have much to offer.” He swallowed hard, trying to get through to her. “When I told Kitty we wouldn’t work, it’s not because of you. I think you’re wonderful. It won’t work because of me.”
There was no going on, though, because she pressed herself against him, her mouth on his as she wrapped her arms around him. And damn him, he didn’t have it in him to resist her.
His fingers pressed into her back and pulled her flush against him. Groaning as she filled in all the lines of his body, he covered her mouth with his own.
He learned the curve of her lips, taking his time. Her full lower lip had been tormenting him for weeks, and he couldn’t get enough of the feel of it. She tasted like mint toothpaste and smelled like strawberry shampoo. On her, it was better than any perfume.
She sighed, her palms pressing into his shoulders as she arched her back, trying to get closer. Trailing his fingers up her spine, he smoothed them across the base of her neck, adjusting her head to allow him easier access to her mouth.
The effect, though, sent buzzing through him and blood to parts of his body that wanted to feel more of her. As she met his tongue with her own, he groaned again.
Through the haze of lust swirling inside him, he knew this wasn’t the right thing. She didn’t know him. He was going to let her down.
He pulled back, gripping her firmly and holding her away, steadying her. “Beth. I…”
Her brow dropped, and she studied him. “You don’t think I get you at all.”
How could she? He’d kept her at arm’s length since they met. “No.”
“Huh.” She nodded. After another second, she smiled at him. “Let’s eat. I’m starving.” Turning, she left him there, heading toward the cafeteria without another word.
He watched her, stunned. What was that? She didn’t have any other questions? Beth had questions about everything.
Maybe that mindreading trick was more beneficial than he thought.
Shrugging, he followed her.
Chapter Eleven
“Kenny and I are going to throw things at you. When we do, you should defend yourself.” Luke’s voice carried to Beth from across the base’s basketball court. He and Kenny stood on separate corners of the large, echoing room. He didn’t have to yell. Didn’t even have to talk.
But this? Teaching her to fight? It was all Luke could think about. Even after their amazing kiss, all he focused on was her telekinetic skills, how fast she was progressing, how far she had to go. He’d pulled away from her, and she’d let him go. He’d doubted her reaction, questioned if he was good enough for her. Giving him some space had been the right thing.
Except, he’d taken that space and moved right into G.I. Joe territory.
They’d been practicing fighting tactics for three days. All she’d done was train. She’d learned how to paralyze people but still allow them to breathe. She’d learned to lift people and carry them in midair.
Now, she could even hold up an entire room full of things at once. Yet, though she’d proven that to Luke repeatedly, he’d insisted she keep practicing.
She’d never felt further from him. What she wanted was to go back to her chemicals and Petri dishes and leave the fighting to all of them.
She was a pacifist for God’s sake.
Besides that, she was an introvert. She wasn’t shy, but she needed to be alone, to recharge. Since being gifted with the ability to hear everyone, all the time, she was never alone. Everyone’s voices cluttered her head, their most mundane or weighted thoughts filling her mind, a steady stream of endless chatter.
It was awful.
Her back aching, she sat down cross-legged on the floor. She wasn’t sure that Luke would approve, but she was tired. She wanted to go home. No, not home, because she was certain that she’d be able to hear everyone in the apartments adjoining her compact condo.
Maybe even in the entire complex.
If only she could curl up somewhere away from human contact—maybe Siberia—with Netflix and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. Or three. While learning how to throw everyone’s body weight around was hard, it wasn’t as hard as listening to everyone’s thoughts, all the time.
Ben and Jerry’s reminded her she hadn’t eaten in hours. She could go for a snack.
“Did you hear me?”
She rolled her eyes. “I can hear you all the time, Luke. I’m telepathic.” That was the damn problem, wasn’t it?
“You didn’t answer.”
Her pa
tience expired. “Seriously, Luke. Just go.”
“Are you ready?”
She growled. He’d told her she could have a break an hour ago. But he never thought about food. His nearly constant fixation on finding Parker and Jack… It bordered on obsession. Maybe he was fine with pushing through, losing track of time, but she’d had enough.
Besides, this wasn’t necessary. She’d be awful in a fight anyway.
Her phone buzzed in the breast pocket of her jacket. “Hold on,” she called. Saved by the bell.
The number from her mother’s nursing home popped up. She couldn’t answer, not here in front of Luke and Kenny, so she allowed it to go to voicemail. When the message blinked, she hit the playback button.
“Dr. Jenkins, this is Dr. Lloyd, from your mother’s hospital. There is no need for immediate alarm, but your mother had a few setbacks today. When we reviewed her file, we discovered there is no plan for her final days. Please contact us in the morning so we can verify arrangements. Thank you.”
She replayed the message, but the words still sounded foreign.
Final days.
That couldn’t be. Her mother might not be doing well, but surely they weren’t nearing the end.
The room, the basketball court and nets, all blurred around her, and the phone dropped into her lap.
No, they couldn’t be there, not yet. She’d seen her mother last week, and though she might not have been healthy, nothing had changed. What had happened today? How bad was it? She staggered to her feet. She had to go and see her. Now.
Except that wasn’t exactly what her mother needed, was it? She needed a cure, something Beth didn’t have yet.
Last week, she’d isolated the function of Solvimine that removed physical neurological barriers. As one theory of Alzheimer’s hinged on the presence of tangles in the brain, she had been hopeful. She’d contacted a former colleague about her Solvimine findings. The head researcher at Lockland Pharmaceutical, he’d agreed to develop an experimental Alzheimer’s drug she’d envisioned with her research. They’d begun initial inquiries, and he’d been impressed with her conclusions, said they would speed the process of development. She’d already done most of the work for him. She’d been studying the disease for a few years, and Solvimine for six months. He’d hoped to begin clinical trials in a few months.
Her mother didn’t have that long.
Still ignoring Luke and Kenny, she texted Mike, her friend at Lockland.
My mother is failing. We need clinical trials right now. She hit the send button, decided.
What was the point of having all this brainpower, all this clout, if she couldn’t throw it around every once in a while? Mike wasn’t going to like ramping up their schedule, but her mother needed this chance.
She tucked the phone into her pocket, her mouth tight. Exhaling sharply, she tried to force the frustration and the pain from her body. Across the room, Kenny and Luke stood waiting for her.
Her irritation hit the boiling point. They needed to see why this wasn’t necessary, and then she needed to get out of here and to her mother.
She closed her eyes. Reaching out, she willed them to leave the gym. Beth needs chocolate chip cookies. Beth needs chocolate chip cookies. She’d seen the Famous Amos in the vending machine in the hallway. A snack would be nice before she had to hit the road.
The vending machine has chocolate chip cookies for Beth, she told them.
Obediently, they followed her instructions, filing out of the gymnasium.
In her mind, she watched them fumble in their pockets for change, then push each other to slip the coins in the slot. When her cookies dropped, Luke beat Kenny to retrieve them from the well. As she guided them back inside the gym, she decided she could use a drink, too. She sent Kenny back out to get one.
Food to Beth.
As they made their way toward her, she reached behind her to where she’d dropped her handbag and removed enough money to cover the cost. She waited until they stood in front of her, their hands outstretched with her snack, and then she dropped her control.
She stood as they reoriented themselves, and held out the money. “I’ve had enough. I have already done these exercises. I need a break, and you promised me a break.” She pressed the money into their hands. “And, as you can see, I have other means of defense at my disposal. Thank you both for my snack. I have to go.”
Listening to them fumble for control of their own thoughts was hard, and she swallowed her guilt.
Okay. It was kind of useful, but it didn’t feel good.
She would remember that. Another drawback of this skill. After the call about her mom, she’d lashed out. They hadn’t deserved her to treat them like this.
She clutched her snack to her chest. Doing her best to do like Kitty had taught her and block out the people in the whole damn building—and failing miserably—she hurried toward the exit with her head held high.
As everyone echoed through her mind, she wondered if there was something more than Motrin she could take. They were all giving her a headache.
She hurried down the hall, her cookies tucked against her. As she swiped into her office to get the rest of her things, Luke caught up with her.
“What?” She didn’t want his company—didn’t want anyone’s company right now—but she held the door open for him anyway.
Inside, she set her cookies on the desk before leaning against it and crossing her arms over her chest.
He grinned, admiring today’s T-shirt. She hadn’t realized before her change how much it amused him that she liked eccentric shirts. This one had a vial on it and said, “If you aren’t part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.”
She looks tired. She scowled at his assessment.
“How are you sleeping?” he asked.
She sighed, dropping her handbag with a thud on top of the desk. “I’m not sleeping.” She threw her phone inside, rummaging for her keys.
“What?” Stepping closer, he let his gaze fix on her lips. Repeatedly over the past few days, he’d do the same thing. He’d focus on her mouth, briefly remember their kiss, and then force back the memories, as if he refused to allow them to take root.
Or as if he was purposely trying to shut her out. It was starting to piss her off. He’d asked to kiss her. He’d been as in to it as she’d been. She’d heard it. “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Refuse to think about kissing me.” Might as well put it all out there.
Because I’d want to kiss you all the time. Aloud, though, he said, “Why aren’t you sleeping?”
“I can’t turn the voices off yet.” Her voice was snappish, so she took a breath, pausing in gathering her things to stare at the surrealist print behind him. “I’m trying. Kitty’s trying to show me. But, it’s hard. She said I’ll get better, but right now, I mostly just nap with the background noise.”
Kitty had been patient, explaining again and again how she blocked people out. But, they’d allowed that the mechanism might be different for both of them. Beth was still mastering how to compartmentalize it all in her head.
Conversely, Beth had easily understood the ebb and flow of thoughts, finding it as simple to place ideas in other’s minds as it was to hear them. Kitty had mentioned that took her many more months to master.
Blocking out the world was something she’d have to figure out for herself.
How’s she staying upright? It’s been three days since her change.
“I’m not sure. I don’t sleep much, anyway.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re avoiding my question. Why don’t you ever think about that kiss? How are you doing that?” She’d examined it from every direction. How did he push it aside like that, when she couldn’t stop thinking about it?
Because it can’t ever happen again. “That was a mistake.”
“Luke…” She started talking before she even figured out what she was going to say. But she hated to hear him write off that kiss. To
her, it had been perfect. He’d liked it, too, if what he’d been thinking while they did it was any indication.
It had clarified everything for her. She might have believed before that he wasn’t into her. Now, she knew better. He was the only thing in their way.
That didn’t make the obstacle any smaller, though. If she couldn’t convince him to take a chance on them, they were over before they began.
“Now isn’t the time, Beth. We have a lot to do.” Motioning to her bag, he scowled. “Where are you going?”
“I’m leaving. I need to get out of here.” It was force of habit to avoid talking about her mom, but now she wondered if it was healthy. Why hadn’t she said she was going to see her mother? Who would keep her from her mom?
She’s so graceful and strong. She’s doing great. He looked into her weary eyes, and she had to admit, even from this perspective she looked exhausted. She’s right, though. She needs a break. Maybe she needs a chance to regroup, to catch her breath. “You really are getting the hang of this. I hope you know how well you’re doing.”
“Do you think so?” she asked. “You think I’m doing well?” She’d never seen anyone else change, so she didn’t know what was normal.
Even so, the questions made her uncomfortable. Never before had she cared how she stacked up against anyone else. That was probably because she’d always excelled at everything. She wasn’t used to feeling unsure, and vulnerability really sucked.
“You’re amazing.” His thoughts mirrored the sincerity on his face, and she pinched her lips together to keep them from shaking.
Maybe it wasn’t so bad, opening up to others. She wondered if that was why she was given this particular gift. Then she remembered that he’d avoided thinking about kissing her for days, because he didn’t think it should ever be repeated.
If not for this gift, she wouldn’t know that. Her joy dimmed.
“I’ll text Martins—tell him you’re going.”
“Thanks. I have something to do.” Throwing her purse over her shoulder, she paused, debating her next question. “Would you like to come?”