She gave a slow shake of her head. "Another day, I'll explain all the ways in which you were right about the job and how wrong it was for me."
"If we're tabling that discussion for another day, does that mean you're staying here? That you're choosing this place?"
Jasper studied her notebook for a moment, her fingers drumming against the back cover. "You didn't ask me to stay, Linden."
"Because I couldn't ask you to do that for me. If you didn't go out there and see about that job for yourself, you would've regretted it. You would've wondered whether it was what you need and—fuck, Jas, I had to do it. I had to let you go, even if it killed me."
She tossed the notebook to the bed. "You can't make those decisions for me. You can't decide you're going to withhold information from me and hope for the best. It's not fair to anyone. And what if I went out there and decided to take the job, even if I hated it? What would happen then, Lin? What would you do?"
"I'd live with it."
"And that way we'd both get to be miserable? Just because you didn't want to say the wrong thing to me? Is that really the solution you went with?"
I folded my arms over my chest. "I didn't say it was a good solution, just that it was better than trapping you here."
"It wouldn't be a trap if you were up-front with me. Do you have any clue how much I needed to hear you ask me to stay?"
"Obviously not. Okay? I didn't know. I thought I was protecting you."
She blew out a breath, rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "If you stopped acting like you have to protect everyone from the things you want, you could be honest instead."
"You want honest?" I took another step toward her. Any closer and we'd be right up on each other. "Okay, babe. I'll give you honest. I am in love with you. All right? I fucking love you and it physically hurt when you left and I really hope—"
She reached out, twisted her hands in my shirt, and yanked me to her chest, sealing her lips over mine before I could get another word in. It took a stunned second for me to process this before I could react, before I could respond.
"Jasper," I whispered against her lips.
"I love you too," she said. "I love you and I want to be with you, even if I have no idea what comes next."
I closed my arms around her torso, held her tight to me. "You just told me what comes next."
She inched her hands up my chest and over my shoulders until she could rake her fingers through my beard. "Only if you want the same things."
I was ready to scoop her up and get the hell out of here. Take her home, take her to bed. The dark smudges under her eyes told me she'd slept about as well as I had these past few days and I needed to fix that.
"I'll tell you what happens now," I said, pivoting her in my arms and steering her toward the door. "I'm taking you home. That's what it is, Jas, it's home to you. What you decide to do with this place is entirely secondary and that choice is not going to occupy space in your mind anymore. Keep it, sell it—doesn't matter because we live next door and you don't need to worry about finances."
"I don't like the idea of relying on someone in that way," she said. "My entire life has been a series of rebellions against that sort of thing."
"Believe me, I've noticed and I understand. But I don't worry about money and I won't, especially now that I've agreed to partner with Magnolia and—"
"You did? What? When did that happen?"
"A few days ago—no, wait—it was yesterday. Jesus, this week has been a fucking blur." When we reached the entryway, I picked up her bag and motioned to her shoes. "Yesterday afternoon, right before she went into labor."
Jasper pressed her palms to her cheeks. "Oh my god! The babies—they're here?"
"They arrived last night. The first weighed in at five pounds even, the second at a little over four and a half. Magnolia is doing well but don't ask her about names because they haven't decided yet."
"Oh my god," she whispered, her hands still on her cheeks. "That's wonderful. It's just wonderful. And you're going to do it, you're going through with the partnership. I'm so happy you came to a decision and—oh, wait just a minute."
She hadn't put her shoes on yet and that was driving me crazy so I dropped the bag, kneeled down, and did it for her. "No, I won't wait even a minute. We're going home. We can visit the babies later."
"No, that's not what I meant. I was trying to say I don't want to be a kept woman, regardless of your new business arrangement."
"That's tough shit because it's how it's going to be. Maybe then you'll be able to figure out what to do with your life when you don't have to worry about survival."
She gave me an arched eyebrow and a pouty mouth. As if I could resist any bit of that. Not today, not ever. So, I grabbed her ass and kissed her hard.
"What was that for?" she asked.
I shook my head while I closed the door behind us. "I don't need a reason."
"I see we're being extra imperious today."
I hooked my arm around her waist and led her down the walkway. That same old cat shot out from near the rosebushes and mewed at us as we walked by. "I'm not finished telling you how this is going to go."
With a full, husky laugh, Jasper said, "I can't wait to hear the rest of this."
"You are going to belong to me and I am going to belong to you," I said, the words thick as they caught in my throat. "You're going to rely on me even when it's really fucking uncomfortable for you. Even when you want to prove you can do anything and everything by yourself, you're going to lean on me because that's what we do. Got it?"
"And what about you? Are you going to be honest and up front about the things you want even when it's really fucking uncomfortable for you?"
"Yeah," I said, setting her things down to pull the house keys from my pocket when we reached the front door. "I am."
As I pushed the door open, she said, "That's not going to be easy."
"You think any of this is going to be easy? It's not, Jas. It's not. It's going to be hard every day and we're going to have to work at it but there is no one in the world I'd rather fight with over crockpots and rotaries—"
"Traffic circles."
"—and all the other random bullshit we argue about than you. No one in the fucking world. When you're ready, I'm going to marry you the way you deserve to be married and—"
"What does that even mean?" she asked with a huffy little laugh that meant she didn't enjoy this topic.
"It means you're getting a ring that will definitely have some Elvish writing on the inside and an over the top proposal that I promise won't involve a single Hobbit. We're going to eat a ton of cake samples and agonize over stupid shit like seating arrangements. My mother is going to throw you a big-ass bridal shower and she's going to live for the single purpose of making our day everything you've ever wanted. My sister will adopt you into her circle of no-bullshit, boss-lady friends and they'll throw you a filthy bachelorette party that will test all of my tolerance of such things. And when our day comes around, I'm going to wake up beside you and love you so hard that you walk down that aisle on shaky legs. I'm gonna love you like that on the good days and the bad days and all the ones in between. And I'm never, ever moving to Northern Ireland without you."
"That wasn't funny." She said this as she laughed—hard. "About Northern Ireland."
"Yeah, well, I wasn't joking when I said I was marrying you the way you deserved and you did not deserve that shit."
Still stopped in front of the open door, she said, "Let's not talk about Preston anymore. Although I will probably have to call him to get me an interview with that community activism organization. I think I want to learn more about that."
"I'll allow that." I gestured to the doorway. "What do you say, Jas? Are we doing this?"
She raked her teeth over her bottom lip. "Anything else? Or is that the whole high-handed plan?"
Because I couldn't take it anymore, I really could not, I set her bag inside and then scooped her into my arms. "High
-handed, is it?"
"What the hell are you doing?"
"I'm moving things along," I replied as I headed for the bedroom. "It's too damn cold to stand on the front porch when there's a perfectly good bed waiting for us in here."
"Sometimes you are extremely ridiculous."
"And you're impossible. I still love you."
I felt her staring at me as I marched into the bedroom. I felt her gaze, warm but still a bit wary. Why wouldn't she be? Everyone else in her life let her down. They left, some more overtly than others, but they all left. I wasn't going to be one of them.
The clothes came off in a rush, both of us helping the other until we realized we were making it much more complicated, and finished the job on our own. The blankets and sheets came down as we climbed underneath, turning to face each other, to wrap ourselves in each other.
"I'm going to marry you the right way," I echoed, one hand on her outer thigh, the other coasting down her back. "I'm going to give you as many babies as you want, all the family you can handle. I meant it when I said you're going to belong to me, Peach, but you're also going to belong here. You already do. Understand?"
She reached between us, took my shaft in hand. It was very unfair, considering she intended for us to carry on a serious conversation while stroking me. "Is that what you want? A wedding and babies and everything? What happened to being alone? What happened to protecting your quiet, your space?"
Since that single minute of her palm sliding over my aching cock was too much, I climbed over her, caging her beneath me, and pried her thighs open. "You happened."
A laugh moved through her, up her chest and across her shoulders as it softened the anxious set of her jaw. "That doesn't seem like enough."
"And that's why I make the high-handed plans," I replied. "Because you're busy thinking you didn't crack open my world the day you came at me with a crowbar."
"That is not what took place and you know it."
I notched myself at her opening, my bare cockhead burning against the wet of her. "Is this what you want?" She stared down the length of her torso to where I held myself steady. When she didn't respond for a moment, I dragged my cock up, circling her clit. "You did, you know. You cracked everything open. I haven't been the same since."
"Is that a good thing?"
"It's the best thing."
She nodded, shifted her knees up to my hips, and said, "I haven't been the same either. I don't want to be the same. But I know I want you." I pushed inside her and watched as she arched back, parted her lips, breathed out a quiet sigh. "I don't hate you."
Her hips rolled, soon finding a rhythm, and I was sliding into her, a little deeper with each pass. "I never hated you." I pulled back before slamming in again. "Never once."
"Are you sure about that?" she asked, angling her hips to find the position she wanted.
"You know I am."
She hummed as my cock slipped out and over her clit. My brain wanted me to thrust into her and fuck her until neither of us could move but some other part reminded me to go slow, to savor this. She arched up and we stayed there, kissing, thrusting, whispering all the things we couldn't stop saying.
I love you. I've loved you for so long. I don't want to be without you.
We moved together, slow slow slow, and the only thing in the world for me was this woman.
"Lin. I need more," she groaned, clenching around me.
I shifted my hands to her waist and found a faster rhythm as I held her, my fingers driving hard into the soft of her skin. The early pulses of her orgasm triggered my muscle memory, the one that reminded my hips how to fuck in that quick, urgent way and made my cockhead unbelievably sensitive, and untwisted the tension of separation and distance and loss. The one that knew this woman was for me and I was for her, and nothing else mattered than the connection we shared right here, right now. I felt it in my balls, and then that sensation spiraled up and down my spine, right on the edge of explosion. Another thrust ripped a groan from me, and I matched it with a quick pinch to her clit.
"I want to feel you come for me now," I said against her ear. "Let go for me."
I pinched her again and her groan turned into a gusting wail. She was unbelievably hot and wet, and when her muscles fluttered around me, I folded her into my arms as I emptied myself into her. We rolled together, still panting and sighing, and I couldn't help but kiss every inch of skin I could reach. Those kisses told her how much I wanted her, how much I loved her, how she was mine.
And she was mine, in as great a way as any single person could possess another.
She glanced over her shoulder at me. "Twins and triplets run in your family, don't they?"
I grinned. "It passes on the mother's side."
She shifted until her back was flat against the mattress, her head pillowed on my arm. "I probably should've asked that before"—she gestured between us—"any of this."
"Would it matter?"
She gave me a wink that tightened my chest with how adorable it was, saying, "No. It wouldn't. I don't think there's anything that could change this."
I eased my arm out from under her and made my way to the bottom of the bed. "And you're all right with that?"
"I'm more right than anything else." Her lips quirking, she asked, "What are you doing down there? What are you doing now?"
I settled between her legs, my shoulders forcing her thighs open wide. "Giving you everything you've ever wanted."
Epilogue
Jasper
The next autumn
I used to think getting fired was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. That losing my job—the only thing at which I'd ever been good and the source of all my pride and confidence—had crushed me in the most absolute sense.
And it did, it completely crushed me. It stripped me right down to the barest of my bones. It took away everything I believed to be right and true about myself.
It forced me to figure out what I wanted to be true about myself.
It made for a tough year but it was a really important one too.
I started working at a local organization focused on expanding voter registration, knowledge, and engagement. Community activism was a good fit for me, a really good fit, but all I'd ever known was diving head and shoulders into work and I couldn't do that anymore. I didn't want to do it anymore. I needed Linden to help me enforce limits like leaving the office at a certain time, switching off my phone when I was at home, committing to work-free weekends whenever possible. Obviously, this required more than a gentle reminder from my lumberbear and there were more than a few situations where I found myself tackled at the front door and relieved of my phone and laptop. A few other situations where my phone just disappeared for the weekend. Another when Linden called me from outside the office and gave me a three-minute warning to pack up for the day unless I wanted him to march in and toss me over his shoulder.
The past year was tough. It was good—wonderful, really—but it was tough.
We hired a crew to complete the work at Midge's cottage. It wasn't like I could refinish the hardwood floors myself or replace the roof or update the electrical system. And goddamn, that porch. That porch. It made sense to hand that over to the professionals, especially since my mom and Martin visited in the spring and we rented it out shortly after.
I asked my mother-in-law to help me clean out Midge's room since she'd only met the woman in passing and wouldn't burst into flame if she came across a stray dildo. True to form, Diana had the place packed up and straightened out in an afternoon, and she didn't say a single word about sex toys.
Oh, yeah. My mother-in-law. I didn't bother with any future business and it wasn't like Diana would allow such a thing anyway. Linden made good on that over the top proposal promise with a New Year's Eve party at a restaurant in Boston. Instead of everyone yelling "Happy New Year" at midnight, they fell silent while he pulled out a ring. After I sobbed all the tears in my body and managed a jerky nod that yes, yes, I'd tota
lly marry him, the confetti flew and the "Happy New Years" rang out and that year started off right.
I found best friends—sisters, really—in Magnolia and Zelda though those relationships didn't come easily to me. I still found myself waiting to text them if they hadn't texted me yet in a given day. I didn't know how to ask for their help without immediately acknowledging their assistance in excessive ways. It wasn't until Zelda sat me down over the summer and explained that I could not send her dozens of cookies every time she joined me for a wedding dress fitting or offered her opinion on flowers or bands. She insisted she wouldn't help if she didn't have the time or interest, and she didn't need more than my words of gratitude. Especially since Ash devoured all the cookies before Zelda even got her hands on them.
Linden and Magnolia's partnership launched without a hitch. Instead of regular office meetings, they decided to sit down together at Magnolia's South End brownstone every Friday afternoon at three. Ash often joined too. Those gatherings quickly expanded to include a family dinner and we rotated between our homes. It was my favorite part of the week. I loved hosting everyone at our house or visiting Ash and Zelda or Magnolia, Rob, and the twins in Boston. I loved these newborn traditions of ours. I loved having a home and people to fill it with.
And now, a full year since losing my job and all the things I thought I knew about myself, I glanced in the mirror in my hotel room to check my hair one more time before a limo delivered me and my bridesmaids to the orchard where I'd walk down the aisle to marry Linden. My hair was in the same wavy style as always but though I didn't think of it as my something old. The handkerchief sewn into the lining of my gown, right over my heart, was something old.
I'd borrowed the single strand of pearls around my neck from my mother. She'd worn them on her wedding day.
The perfectly peach flats peeking out from under my creamy white gown were new—a gift from my best ladies, Zelda and Magnolia.
The bite mark on the underside of my breast was something blue.
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