by L.H. Cosway
Do you want me like I want you?
Yes.
I hoped he could see my answer. Damon’s attention fell to my lips, his gaze turning dark, when a few cast members passed outside the door, chatting noisily. He dropped my hand, and a moment elapsed before Iggy entered the room, clearly having been searching for me. He stood in the doorway, glancing between the two of us, then cleared his throat.
“Rose, we just had a delivery arrive downstairs. I need your help taking it to the storage room.”
“Oh, right, sure,” I said, dusting the few sandwich crumbs from my lap. When I stood, my earbud fell out, and I saw Damon was holding my iPod as he pressed “pause” on the story. He wrapped everything up and handed it to me, his fingers brushing my hand again. My skin ignited at his touch, and I tried to come down from the high of whatever it was we’d just shared.
“I can help,” he offered, but Iggy waved him off.
“No need. It’s only a small delivery. Rose and I can handle it.”
I shot Damon a hesitant smile as I left, and followed Iggy downstairs. My boss didn’t ask any questions about what he’d just walked in on, but instead he put me to work carrying boxes of new stretching mats upstairs to the storage room. Once there, I began taking inventory of the old ones and organising to have them disposed of. All the while I could still feel Damon’s hand on mine, still see the way his eyes had devoured me, and I wanted to be back there. It was the most arousing experience of my life, and we hadn’t even been doing anything sexual.
Alone in the storage room, I began to visualise what it would be like to be naked with Damon, to have his big, strong body over mine, taking control. A tidal wave of desire washed through me and I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry.
I felt somebody’s presence in the room before a hot hand landed on my shoulder. The warmth sank into me, and I knew it must be Damon. He was still feeling what had happened between us, just like I was, and I was relieved that he’d come for me. Come to give me more than just a touch on my hand.
His fingers moved from my shoulder up to my neck, his thumb skimming the sensitive skin below my ear, and I moaned. He let out a breath that sounded surprised, and I moved my bottom into him, feeling him hard as stone as I pressed back. His arm wrapped around my middle, pulling me closer to his body. Lips whispered over the back of my neck, and I moaned a second time.
“God, I’ve missed this.”
I froze, my eyes going wide as I stood there in horror. That hadn’t been Damon’s voice. It was Blake’s. And suddenly everything that was wrong with the situation hit me at once. He didn’t smell like Damon, his lips weren’t as soft, and his arms were sinewy dancer’s arms, not thick workman’s arms, arms that had been sculpted by labouring on a fishing boat.
“Get off me,” I whispered in a barely audible voice, too shocked to start pushing. Blake didn’t hear me, or perhaps he was ignoring what I said, and continued planting kisses along my neck. Finally finding some brain cells, I turned in his hold and stepped away. He stared at me, looking aroused and confused. He had no right to be confused. Where did he get off touching me without my permission like this?
I was about to give him a piece of my mind when I sensed a third presence. When I looked over Blake’s head, there in the open doorway stood Damon, and I’d never seen such a furious expression on his handsome face.
Our eyes connected, his filled with anger and hurt, mine filled with guilt and confusion, and then he turned on his heel and left.
“Rosie, come here,” said Blake, grabbing my hand and trying to pull me back to him. Since he was still facing me, he had no idea that Damon had been there, watching as he kissed my bare neck and I ground myself off his erection. Jesus.
I felt sick, violently ill. This was such a bloody fuck-up.
“Stop it,” I said, smacking him away.
“You liked me touching you. The noises you were making, fuck, Rose….”
At this I finally lost my temper. “Oh, for crying out loud, Blake. I thought you were somebody else!”
His expression was one of astonishment, but I didn’t stick around to argue with him. Instead, I brushed swiftly past him and out the door, hurrying to catch up with Damon. Out in the studio, the cast were arriving back from lunch, the place a riot of activity. I pushed past bodies, searching for a tall dark-haired man, but I couldn’t find him anywhere. Had he left?
“Rose, I need you over here,” said Jacob, grabbing me by the elbow and leading me into a group of dancers. “We’re going over ‘Rhythm of the Night’ again. Satine will ask Christian to dance with her, but I need you to make sure the surrounding dancers are on point. We don’t want another repeat of this morning.”
“No, of course not,” I said, a little breathless and still scanning the room for Damon.
Alicia made an appearance, clad in black dance pants and a flesh-coloured top that made me do a double take for a second. If you didn’t look too closely, you’d almost think she was going topless, the Lycra material moulding to her skin. Also, her bra was so thin that you could see her nipples poking through. Every straight man in the room’s eyes were glued to her, though in all honesty, there weren’t many.
“Somebody’s out to garner attention today,” Iggy commented dryly as he passed me by, and I couldn’t help but agree. Earlier in the day she’d had a wraparound cardigan over her top, but she must’ve taken it off during lunch.
There was still no sign of Damon and I started to panic, thinking he’d gone home early. The idea of him being so distraught that he simply had to leave made my heart clench with pain. It was never my intention to hurt him, never, and I felt physically ill at the mix-up. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I tried calling him, but it went straight to voicemail. Unable to get through, I tapped out a quick text message.
Rose: What you just saw was not what you think AT ALL. Please come back to the studio and let me explain.
I’d go after him, only I knew Iggy would tear me a new one if I disappeared, especially with the day we’d been having. Everybody began stretching and limbering up, and a minute or two later the door opened loudly, a gust of air rushing in. I turned my head to see Damon striding inside the dance studio, wearing his coat and scarf. He began removing them, a dark, scathing look on his face. Did he leave and then decide to come back? Had he gotten my message?
Jacob eyed him, opening his mouth as if to comment on his lateness. But then he saw his expression and seemed to think better of it. Alicia started walking in his direction, leaning casually against the wall when she reached him. I watched as I guided the dancers through their warm-up and could just about hear their conversation.
“Damon, I was supposed to be meeting with a friend of mine for dinner tonight, but she had to cancel. I have a reservation at Chez Bruce and was wondering if you’d like to join me instead? It’s a Michelin star restaurant, and I hear the food is just incredible.”
Was she serious right now? Even after kissing the face off Julian in his bedroom at the party, and even after seeing the way Damon had kissed me, she was still making a play for him. Unbe-fucking-lievable.
Damon appeared lost in his own head as he blinked and then finally looked at her.
“What?” He sounded gruff and irritable, like she was an annoying fly buzzing in his ear when he was trying to concentrate.
She huffed out a little laugh and smacked him playfully on the arm. “You weren’t listening! My friend cancelled on me and I want to have dinner tonight. What do you say?”
My body moved on autopilot as I continued to eavesdrop, and I was more than a little relieved that Damon didn’t once look down at her chest. Then my gut dropped when he seemed to sense me watching them, his eyes finding mine. His entire face hardened as he stared at me for a long moment before looking back to Alicia.
“Okay,” was all he said, and she smiled like he just agreed to marry her. A wave of nausea overtook me, and now I felt like I really might vomit. He was saying yes because of what he thought I�
�d done with Blake. That had to be the reason. This was payback.
“Right, well, I’ll stop by your place around eight, then,” said Alicia before skipping across the room to Jacob.
I couldn’t stand this. I had to talk to Damon. Leaving the dancers to continue their warm-up without me, I approached him. He was radiating an aura that said “leave me the fuck alone,” so although I wanted to touch him, to try to calm him down in some way, I didn’t.
“Can we talk?” I whispered, my voice pleading.
His jaw tightened as he glanced at me briefly. “I have nothing to say to you.”
“Damon, please, it’s not what — ”
“Oh, Christian, can we have you over here next to your Satine?” Jacob called, and I sighed. Bloody Jacob. Couldn’t he just leave us alone for two seconds so that I could explain to Damon what had happened?
Without another word, Damon moved past me and over to where Jacob stood with Alicia. Iggy joined them a second later and began instructing them on the routine that was to follow. Satine would invite a bewildered Christian up to dance and he would accept, bemused and overwhelmed by her outlandish display.
The scene began as Damon took a seat and Alicia stood before him. He was in such a dour mood that he still hadn’t noticed her nipples, which were clearly all for his benefit.
She held her hand out, “Dance with me.”
Damon hesitated before Henry, who played Toulouse, gave him a push, and then he was standing in front of her. She danced for him. He took her in his arms, and they moved together while the rest of the dancers performed around them. Damon had been doing really well with the choreography lately, but right then his timing was completely off. His movements were awkward, like he wasn’t even paying attention, and Alicia yelped when he stepped on her foot.
“Sorry,” he said, but his voice sounded miles away.
Sweat broke out on my skin, and I wished I could press “pause” for a second. Damon was clearly having a terrible time dealing with his anger, and there was no need. Everything he’d seen me do with Blake had really been meant for him.
Speak of the devil, I caught Blake’s eye and found him staring at me curiously. I felt like yelling at him for what he’d done, but I’d been just as foolish not to turn and check who’d come up behind me. Still, he had no right to try to touch me without permission, and I was mad. So fucking mad at him.
“Okay, from the top,” said Iggy. “And Damon, please try not to injure Miss Davidson this time around. She does need her feet to dance with, after all.”
He mumbled something that sounded like another apology, ran a hand through his hair, and they started the scene over fresh. This time Damon misplaced his footing and Alicia tripped, almost falling flat on her face. Jacob completely misread the situation, thinking Damon’s sloppy moves were down to being distracted by “her top.”
“Okay, I think I know what the issue is here. Alicia, you need to go and cover yourself up. Poor Mr. Atwood can hardly be expected to perform with your smuggled raisins directly in his line of sight.”
A few people chuckled and Damon frowned, looking at Alicia as though finally becoming aware of her attire. Alicia did her best Marilyn Monroe as she brought her hand to her mouth and gasped, glancing down at her chest in surprise. Pu-lease. Like she hadn’t known all along. It was bordering on ridiculous. She’d gone to put her cardigan back on when Iggy called me over.
“Rose, can you come here for a second? Damon dances well with you. I think we should practice the routine without Alicia a couple of times until he’s comfortable. You know this part, don’t you?”
I nodded silently and walked across the studio. I knew every routine in the entire show by heart. I had spent several weeks helping Iggy to develop it, after all. Damon’s eyes fell on me, and for a moment he seemed stricken. I stared at him, trying to silently communicate everything I couldn’t say in front of all these people.
I recited Satine’s lines with practiced confidence, unfazed by those around me. They were the cast, and I was comfortable with them. It was audiences full of strangers that I feared. Damon looked at me with such vitriol as I held my hand out that I had to stifle a gasp.
“Okay, a little less anger and little more dumbstruck by the courtesan’s beauty, Christian,” said Jacob from a few feet away.
Damon smoothed out his expression and took my hand, but when he did, his grip was too tight. Almost forceful. Well, now I knew what it was like to be on the receiving end of Damon Atwood’s temper: scary.
His silence only functioned to make me feel that much more intimidated. He stared down at me like I was a stranger and my stomach twisted into knots. I knew why he was reacting like this. He’d told me before he didn’t trust easily, but he’d trusted me, and look what had happened. He thought I’d betrayed him.
The backing music played through the sound system as the cast sang the song. I danced with Damon, but he held his body as far away from mine as possible.
“That wasn’t what you think,” I said under my breath, quiet enough so that only he could hear.
“It looked pretty clear to me,” he practically grunted, his hand still tight around mine.
“I was taking inventory in the storage room when he came up behind me. I thought he was you, Damon. Everything you saw was a mistake. I was letting him kiss me because I thought he was you,” I said, emphasising my words. “After the lunch we shared, I thought you’d come to find me.”
His eyes moved between mine as my explanation sank in, and the tightness in his body loosened slightly.
“Okay, a little less chitchat and a little more saying your lines,” Jacob ordered, obviously noticing our whispered conversation.
Damon’s expression eased a small bit, his mouth opening and then closing. He couldn’t respond to what I’d told him because we were in the middle of the scene, which required dialogue. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alicia return to the room, her chest thankfully covered as she looked over at us.
I saw her ask Jacob a question as she folded her arms, probably wondering what I was doing dancing with Damon when it was her job. He gave her some explanation, and her mouth formed a thin, unhappy line.
My attention returned to the man in front of me. His warm hand pressed into the base of my spine, and he studied me closely. I wondered if he believed what I’d told him. Then the scene ended I stepped away, but we didn’t get the chance to speak because Jacob whisked him back to Alicia.
I went to stand by the wall, and someone slinked up beside me. As soon as I smelled his cologne, I knew it was Blake. Never again would I forget to smell a man before I let him start putting his mouth all over me.
“So, you thought I was someone else,” he said, voice tight. “I suppose I don’t have to think too hard to figure out who you mistook me for.”
“You had no right touching me like that,” I hissed.
He let out a mirthless laugh. “Sorry, I kind of forgot to ask permission when you started grinding on my dick.”
I glowered. “Fuck you, Blake.”
“Of course you can fuck me. Any time you like.”
I levelled him with a serious look. “Damon saw us, you know. He was standing in the doorway.”
Something passed over Blake’s features, something that almost looked like satisfaction, but it was gone in an instant. Now his voice gentled. “I’m sorry about that, but I genuinely thought you knew it was me. Don’t you remember my touch, Rosie?”
“I wasn’t paying the right amount of attention,” I answered stiffly.
“I couldn’t believe my luck when you let me kiss you. I forgot just how good you taste. I miss you.”
“You don’t miss me, Blake. You just think you do. You’re nostalgic for me at best, and the only reason you want me is because you’re lonely and I’m here.”
He frowned and shook his head. “That’s not true.”
“It is. You’ve had to give up all your old friends, haven’t you? That’s the first part of rehab
ilitation, cut all the other addicts from your life. So now you’re all alone and you see me here every day, the girl who was reliable and always available when your bed was too cold to sleep in alone. Well, I’m sorry, Blake, but you lost me. I’m not trying to be cruel, and I honestly wish you all the best with overcoming your addiction, but we’re not getting back together. I can’t make it any clearer than that.”
He put his hand to his chest, inhaling a sharp breath. “Way to make a fella feel special, Rosie.”
I cast him a sympathetic look. “I just want you to know where we stand, that’s all. I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”
He eyed me for a long moment. “You’re wrong, you know.”
“Wrong about what?”
“About me just wanting you because I’m lonely. I want you because you’re beautiful and kind, and you make me laugh. I want you because hindsight’s a bitch and I can finally see all that I’ve lost. I’ve lost the only woman I ever came close to loving.”
Something stabbed at my chest, my eyes widening at his words. The sad fact of the matter was that if Blake had told me this a couple of weeks ago, I probably would’ve forgiven him for every bit of pain he’d caused. I was a soft touch when it came to forgiveness. But not now. Now I had very real feelings for Damon, feelings far stronger than anything I’d ever felt for Blake, and I could only go forward, never back.
Right at that moment, I saw Damon turn in our direction, having just finished a conversation with Jacob. His eyes moved between Blake and me, his expression darkening again. I saw so much in his gaze: anger, betrayal, jealousy.
This day was just the worst.
“Give me another shot. I promise I won’t let you down again,” said Blake.
I turned and gave him my final statement. “I can’t do that. I’ll always care for you. Maybe that makes me naive, but it’s just how I am. I don’t want to be with you anymore. I’m sorry.”
With that I left to go use the bathroom, needing a few minutes alone. I mouthed “toilet break” at Iggy to let him know where I was going and he nodded, half distracted by something one of the cast members was saying to him.