by L.H. Cosway
A moment of silence elapsed before Rose placed her hand on Blake’s. “How are you doing with your programme anyway? Still good?”
He nodded, giving her a weak smile. “Yeah, still going strong. You might have been right about the loneliness, though. It’s crazy, the amount of people I can’t see anymore.”
“Well, there are lots of good people out there. I’m sure you’ll have no problem making new friends, Blake. You were always the life and soul of the party.”
“You’re forgetting one thing,” he said with a hint of self-deprecation. “I was on coke back then.”
Rose frowned. “Right. Well, it’s not like you’ve had a complete personality transplant. You don’t seem too different to me.”
“Is that a compliment?” he gave a small chuckle.
Her forehead crinkled as she started to smile. “I’m not sure. God, I always say the wrong thing.”
“It’s okay. I always found your foot-in-mouth disease endearing.”
She shook her head, still smiling, and pulled her hand away. I exhaled a breath in relief. I really couldn’t handle her touching him, even if she was only trying to be kind. And now I didn’t know how to feel about Blake anymore. If the bloke was battling an addiction, then I felt bad for him, but at the same time I couldn’t stand how he looked at Rose.
“Hey,” said Alicia, leaning forward to wiggle her fingers through the gap between our seats. “How about we all play a game of ‘Have You Ever’? Maybe it’ll help pass the time a little.”
Rose turned her head to Alicia, worrying her lip as she considered it.
“I’m game,” said Blake.
“Yeah, me too,” I added. Anything for the chance to interact with Rose.
Finally, she nodded and Alicia sat back, clasping her hands together as she told us how to play the game. “Okay, so I’ll start us off. Lift your hand in the air if your answer to the question is yes, or leave it down if it’s no, and from then on whoever answers no has to ask the next question. But, and this is only to avoid boredom, let’s keep the topic about sex. It’ll keep things interesting.” She grinned.
Both Rose and Blake turned fully around to face us, Rose appearing a little uncomfortable at Alicia’s topic suggestion. All I could do was stare at her. This was the closest we’d been in weeks, and the sunlight drifting through the windows cast her eyes in a glittering shade of pale blue. When she saw me admiring her, she began worrying her lip again, glancing downward.
“Have you ever,” Alicia began, pausing before finishing her sentence, “slept with someone whose name you didn’t know?”
Both she and Blake held their hands up while mine and Rose’s stayed down. The question provoked a memory I’d shoved to the back of my mind, and I grew tense as I tried to push it away once more.
“Never?” Alicia gasped, glancing between the two of us. “Oh, my God, you haven’t lived. It’s such a rush fucking a stranger.”
“I dunno. I’ve never really had it in me to do that sort of thing. I’d probably end up developing feelings for the person when all they’re out for is a quick shag,” said Rose self-consciously.
Blake stared at her, a frown on his face.
My heart thumped, because I was the exact same. I couldn’t have sex with someone I didn’t have feelings for. My cock just didn’t respond unless I both desired and cared for the woman.
Suddenly everyone was looking at me, waiting for an explanation as to why I’d never been with someone whose name I didn’t know. I threw my head back against the seat, noticing Rose’s eyes wandering over the fitted long-sleeved T-shirt I wore. Her attention made my pulse race and my body fill with heat.
“I lived on an island of only 10,000 people for nine years. It’s hard to find someone whose entire family history you don’t know, never mind their first name.”
Alicia patted me briefly on the shoulder. “That’s sort of adorable, Damon.”
When I looked at Rose, I saw her eyes levelled on the spot Alicia had touched. Perhaps she found it just as maddening to see another woman with her hands on me as I found it seeing her being touched by another man, by Blake.
“So, who asks the next question?” Blake enquired.
I gestured to Rose. “Ladies first.”
She smiled and pursed her lips. “Ah, I dunno, I can’t think of anything. It seems wrong to be asking sex questions at this hour of the morning.”
“I’ve got a good one,” Blake butted in. “Have you ever...walked in on your parents having sex?”
Rose shot him an annoyed look while Alicia let out a sound of disgust. “Ew, Blake, just no. That question is gross.”
“Hey, you picked the topic,” he said, smiling widely before glancing around at each of us. “Yay or nay? I have to admit I’ve never had the honour myself, but then again, my old man was pushing seventy when my parents had me. Mum was his fourth wife and almost thirty years his junior, the dirty old bastard.”
“Wow, that’s some age gap,” said Alicia. “And yes, unfortunately, that has happened to me. My brothers and I were supposed to be away all day at the county fair, but when we got there, my younger brother and his friends thought it would be hilarious to throw blue slushy all over my dress. My entire outfit was ruined, so I had to go home early. The cherry on the cake of that awful day was walking inside my living room to find my parents going at it on the couch.” She paused to shake off a shudder. “Some things you just can’t unsee.” She turned to nudge my shoulder. “What about you, Damon?”
I scratched my head and furrowed my brow. “I was very young, probably under five. I went inside my parents’ bedroom searching for one of my toys, and all I saw was them both on the bed, scrambling to cover themselves. It’s only looking back that I can see what was actually happening.”
Alicia gave me sad goo-goo eyes and patted my shoulder a second time as she laughed. “You poor baby.”
“Yours sounds far more traumatising. At least I was too young to put two and two together,” I said.
“True.” Alicia cast her attention to Rose. “So, I guess you’re one of the lucky ones who never walked on their parents horizontal, then?”
Rose reached up to rub at a red spot on her neck, and I noticed how uncomfortable she seemed. Then I remembered her telling me of her mother’s unconventional relationship, and I realised why she was looked so ill at ease. “No, actually, I have. Too many times to mention. My, um, my mother was bisexual. When I was growing up, I lived in a house with her and her three lovers. They were polyamorous. That’s how I know Julian – his mum and mine were involved.”
“That’s fucking hot,” said Blake, the twat. Seriously, had he no tact?
“I’ve told you about it before.” Rose frowned at him.
Blake seemed caught off guard. “Maybe I was, uh, not myself when you told me.”
“Sounds pretty traumatising,” said Alicia sympathetically.
Rose shrugged. “I was a kid. I just kind of accepted my reality.” She looked sad, and I wanted to comfort her so badly right then that it took a physical effort not to reach between the seats and pull her close.
“Since I answered no, does this mean I get to ask the next question as well?” Blake interrupted, probably eager to change the subject.
“Go for it,” Alicia told him.
“Okay, let me think,” he said, and I thought I could see some hidden agenda behind his eyes. “Have you ever had sex in the shower?”
There was a pause that felt awkward, mostly because Rose was blushing as she glanced at him sideways. Ah, fuck, they’d had shower sex, hadn’t they? That was clearly the reason Blake asked the question. I kept my hand down while all three of my companions raised theirs.
“Do you know what?” said Alicia. “Totally fucking over-rated. I mean, I know in the movies they get to take some measure of artistic licence, but in real life, shower sex is just awful. First, it’s uncomfortable, second, there’s soap everywhere, meaning you’re in danger of slipping and injuring yourse
lf, and third, well, I won’t go into detail, but water does not make for good lubrication.”
She must have been speaking a little too loudly, because at the mention of lubrication Jacob’s head spun around. He sent Alicia a perplexed look, and a comical beat of silence elapsed before he turned back, continuing the conversation he was having with his assistant. I stifled a laugh, but the humour I found in the moment quickly vanished when Blake spoke huskily.
“Mine and Rosie’s experience was a shared one.”
Rose’s posture stilled, and I didn’t think I’d ever seen her look so stiff, even more so now than during the previous topic. “Yeah, well, we don’t need to go there.”
“Why not? It’s a good memory.”
“Blake,” she said, her voice firm. “I said no.”
He kept on staring at her. I spoke, wanting to change the subject. “Since I’ve never had the honour of shower sex, is the next question is mine to ask?”
“Believe me, you’re not missing much, but yeah, ask away, hon,” said Alicia, smiling in my direction.
I rubbed at my jaw, searching my head for a good one. Blake was being a cock asking that last question, so maybe I should be a cock right back.
“Have you ever…cheated on someone?” I asked, casting a challenging glare in Blake’s direction. He moved his mouth in agitation, and I knew I had him. Shockingly, though, he kept his hand down, and Alicia was the only one to raise hers.
“Yeah, I cheated once or twice when I was younger, but I’ve changed my ways since then,” she admitted.
I barely even heard what she said because I couldn’t take my eyes off Blake. Leaning forward, I confronted him, “You sure about that one, mate?”
The prick had the gall to smile. “Perfectly sure.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
Now his smile fell, and his gaze turned hard. “Believe it, because it’s true.”
Rose began fidgeting with the hem of her shirt where she sat next to him, looking like she wanted to be anywhere else in the world right then. Guilt hit me like a punch to the gut. I was acting like an arsehole, and regretted being so aggressive with Blake. He’d hurt her, and she clearly didn’t want to dredge up all that old stuff, especially the idea that he might’ve been with someone else at the same time he was with her.
“Okay,” Alicia interrupted, “maybe we’ve all had enough of this game. How about we play some I Spy instead?”
Abruptly, Rose stood from her seat, moving past Blake and out into the aisle. “I’m going to go sit with Iggy for a bit,” she said, not looking at any of us.
“Rose,” I called, but she didn’t turn back.
Shit, I’d fucked up, hadn’t I?
Sixteen.
*Rose*
By the time we reached the paintballing centre, I almost felt like I could breathe again. That little game Alicia suggested had turned into one of the most torturous experiences of my life. And what the hell had Damon been thinking, asking that question about cheating?
For the last month he’d barely said two words to me outside of work stuff, and now this. It didn’t feel like the Damon I’d come to have feelings for. That Damon was shy and kind. The Damon who’d asked that question, quite frankly, had been a dick.
And okay, maybe he’d been right suggesting I take some time to properly sort my head out. I’d been doing some serious soul searching these past few weeks, coming to the realisation that I hopped from one man to the next in terms of emotional attachment. Sure, I wasn’t exactly a serial monogamist, but when I stopped have feelings for one person, I tended to dive straight into having feelings for another. It wasn’t healthy.
My mother had been the exact same way. Loving so readily that it had ultimately been her downfall. That entire messed-up relationship between her, Elijah, Joanna, and Kimberly was the final nail in her coffin.
So yeah, I was grateful to Damon for helping me see all this, but at the same time I was mad at him. It seemed like he and Alicia were growing closer and closer, and though he might not have been interested in her romantically, she was more than interested in him. It was taking all of my strength to be polite and friendly towards her, when half the time I just wanted to tear her hair out. It wasn’t like me, and I hated the turmoil my feelings were in.
“It’s official. I do not look good in combat green,” said Iggy, scowling down at the protective gear we’d been given to wear when we arrived. Being so slim, the clothing seemed to sag on him. We also had to wear these funny helmets to protect against the paintballs. It was a good thing I wasn’t vain, because we were all going to be sporting some serious hat hair before the day was through.
“But you look fabulous in Chanel black, and that’s all that matters,” I told him with a smile.
“Well, there is that,” he grinned, placated.
For the rest of the bus journey, I’d avoided Damon, Alicia and Blake in favour of sitting with my boss. Now we were all standing outside the activity centre as a good-looking guy in his early twenties told us how the session would play out. I suspected he recognised Alicia, because his jaw practically dropped to the floor when she strode out of the changing rooms in her paintballing gear. I imagined a lot of men reacted to her in this way. Particularly since she was most famous for a role she played in a film about sex addiction where she went full frontal. Lots of people in the industry had applauded her for her bravery.
Sensing someone watching me, I glanced to the side. Damon stood several yards away, his eyes levelled in my direction. I quickly dropped my gaze, my emotions too raw right then to maintain eye contact.
In the end it was decided we’d be divided into three teams, to be selected by Jacob, Alicia, and Damon, respectively. Jacob insisted both Damon and Alicia be team leaders, since as the lead actors they were the lifeblood of the show…or something like that. I hadn’t been listening much, too lost in my own head. Alicia pouted sadly at the idea of being on an opposing team to Damon.
God, she was so bloody fake sometimes.
“Rose.”
I heard my name being called and blinked, suddenly realising that almost everybody was staring at me.
“Huh?”
Jacob sighed and shook his head. “Damon’s picked you for his team, silly goose. Go stand next to him.”
My gaze widened as I forced my legs to move. Damon had picked me first – before anybody else. In a small way I felt flattered, but in another I felt like he was overestimating my worth. I was rubbish at paintballing. The last time I’d done this, I’d come home with more bruises than a month-old peach.
“You shouldn’t have picked me. I’m terrible at this,” I whispered to him while Jacob called out his selection.
Damon glanced down at me, his masculine mouth forming an attractive shape. “I’ll always pick you first, petal,” he said, and butterflies flooded my belly.
His words were spoken softly, and with such affection that I thought I might swoon and faint on the spot. Forgotten were my misgivings about how he’d spoken to Blake on the bus. Now all I could think about was the way he was looking at me, like we were alone instead of surrounded by people.
A couple minutes later, we all had our paintball guns strapped to our chests as the game began. I ran through the forest, finding a spot behind a thick log and crouching down. Damon came and joined me, his presence soothing like a protective shadow. Unlike Iggy, he looked way too good in combat gear, way too manly, and I had to make a conscious effort not to ogle.
“Good spot,” he said. I nodded just as a bunch of paintballs went sailing over our heads, splattering with several loud pops on the bark of a tree a couple of feet in front of us.
“Maybe I spoke too soon,” Damon whispered. “We’ve been spotted. Come on.”
He got up and I followed suit, several of our team members joining us as more paintballs flew in our direction. I managed to avoid being hit and took cover behind a tree. When I saw Alicia’s unmistakable red hair peeking out of her helmet as she moved
in the distance, I smiled and took aim. I tried not to dwell too long on the satisfaction it gave me to hear her shriek when I hit her in the leg.
Chuckling quietly to myself, I shook my head just as I noticed Damon behind a tree close to mine, watching me.
You’re bad, he mouthed, and I blushed at having been caught.
Blake had been picked for Jacob’s team, and all of a sudden he was there, shooting paintballs at me, Damon, and the rest of our group, like bloody Rambo or something. Jacob was beside him a second later, joining in on the attack. Damon managed to peg our director in the arm, and he let out the most hilarious high-pitched shriek I’d ever heard. I would’ve rolled over with laughter if I wasn’t so busy shooting at them.
I got Blake in the arm, the yellow paint splattering all over his combat fatigues.
“Oh, you’re in for it now, Rosie,” he called, grinning in challenge.
I backed away a few steps, hands clammy on my gun, as Blake advanced. Then suddenly Damon was in front of me, his broad, masculine shoulders set in a protective posture.
“Run!” he barked, then shot at Blake. He didn’t have to tell me twice, and a second later I was dashing through the trees, hoping to find a place to hide. As I ran, a sharp pain shot through my shoulder and I buckled over onto my knees. Glancing around, I couldn’t see anyone, so I knew whoever got me must’ve taken their shot from far away. Still, the paintball hurt like a bitch. I’d been hit right in the spot where I pulled a muscle during rehearsals.
A warm hand touched my arm, and I blinked. Damon crouched down in front of me, a look of concern on his face.
“You all right?”
I winced. “Not really. Someone shot me in my bad shoulder.”
Damon’s expression darkened as he helped me to my feet. “Come on, let’s find someplace safe where we can check it out.”
We were in the farther end of the woods, but I could still hear the pop and whirr of paintballs being shot in the distance. When we found an old wooden shed, Damon pushed open the door and led me inside. It smelled like wet leaves and earth. There was nowhere to sit, so I leaned against the wall for a minute, trying to catch my breath as I pulled off the helmet. Damon did the same.