Honestly, it wasn’t a question that I felt qualified to answer. When Sam had been my fiancé, we’d been so young that we were practically kids ourselves. Thinking about whether or not he would do an event for kids now made my stomach flip over itself.
Despite my career ambitions, I’d always wanted a family. Lunengrove was the perfect place to have both. In the years since Sam, there hadn’t been anyone in my life that I’d felt the urge to start a family with.
“I don’t know,” I answered frankly. “I doubt it’s the kind of thing that would jump into his head, when he already has a house to build and a wedding to attend. But if someone asked him…”
“Yeah, that’s a great idea,” Kate nodded, interrupting me. “He wouldn’t say no to you, he never could,” she informed me. That was... definitely not where that sentence had been going! Fuck!
But mom didn’t give me a chance to explain that I definitely couldn’t ask my ex - an ex I hadn’t seen in ten years - to go attend a kids’ hockey game or whatever it was they were proposing. “And the kids would love it.” She nodded. “Yes, that’s a great suggestion, Kate.”
No! Kate! It was a terrible suggestion!
“He’s a good guy,” I said, feeling a mix of desperation and defensiveness well up inside me. Mom had always had a way of making me want to jump to Sam’s defense. Apparently, ten years wasn’t enough to change that. “I’m sure if one of you asked him, he’d still say yes.”
Or at least, if he said no, then I wouldn’t have to be involved.
“But didn’t you just say you’re going to be seeing him anyway?” Mom asked. “You’re both in the wedding party. It makes much more sense for you to ask.”
In a way, I could see her point. The only reason for me not to be the one to ask was to spare my feelings. Mom had never been very concerned about that.
And Kate was certainly no help. In a way, I knew why. Kate certainly didn’t want to be the one to ask Sam a favor. The thing was, even though it had been ten years, I was still so sure that Sam would do it! He’d always liked kids and gotten on with them well. And he also enjoyed the way kids gushed over him for playing hockey.
But somehow, now I was tasked with asking Sam. Maybe if I reminded myself that it was for Ethan, it would be less weird. Nothing weird about asking your ex for a massive favor, right? Fuck.
Luckily, I had nearly a weeks’ grace. There were no wedding events yet, and Sam was presumably busy helping Pat build a house. I had my own work to do. At least I knew I would be safe there. If Sam needed a lawyer, he’d have one in Salt Lake. He was unlikely to walk into the office of his ex.
The same could not be said for Louis. We’d gone to high school together, battling one another to come top of the classes that we shared. Like me, Louis had gone off to university in a big city. Unlike me, he’d studied medicine.
When we both came back to town, we’d been thrown together a lot. It was three years since I broke up with Sam; I’d felt ready to date again. We were only together for six months before realizing we were too similar to make it work.
It had been awkward, at first. But these days, I was used to Louis walking into my office. He was looking to buy a house, but that wasn’t the only reason he turned up.
Sometimes, when we both had time, he just came in for a chat.
“Business or leisure today?” I asked, spotting him in the doorway of my office. “You don’t have an appointment.”
“A bit of both?” he said, managing to sound apologetic. “I brought you coffee to make it feel less like I’m just here to ask for a favor,” he joked. He did also present me with a takeaway cup of what I was sure was my favorite coffee. That had always been the thing about Louis, he was very nice. I could have done worse.
Certainly, my mom reminded me of that often. About how I could have married a doctor! But Louis and I wouldn’t have worked out, both of us knew that and neither of us were bothered by it. It struck me just how different all my feelings were when it came to this encounter.
It was impossible to imagine being this fine around Sam.
But Louis also wasn’t the right person to tell about the turmoil inside me. Instead, I reached to take the drink he’d brought, raising my eyebrow at him for an explanation of whatever it was he wanted from me.
Taking a seat, Louis gave me a sheepish look. “I’ve got some documents about the house, I was hoping you could look through them. Just check if everything’s legit, you know? It’s not urgent, so you don’t have to do it now! But... maybe within the week?”
“Of course.” It was so easy to agree, so completely without awkwardness or self-consciousness. Louis was a friend, and this favor was within my reach. Of course, I would do it.
Somehow, it was hard to imagine Sam feeling quite so relaxed about me asking him to do something with Ethan. Especially given his history with my family.
That was what made the difference. At least, that was what I kept telling myself. That, and the fact we hadn’t had time to get used to one another as friends the way that Louis and I had.
“How was your film club?” I asked while Louis reached into his messenger bag for whatever documents he wanted me to look over. “Was the film less terrible this time around?”
“Oh, yeah,” he nodded. “But you still would have hated it. It was very sad.” And when I wrinkled my nose at that, Louis laughed. “That’s why I don’t invite you,” he teased. That wasn’t true. Louis had invited me plenty. A film club just wasn’t my scene. Maybe that was one of the reasons we hadn’t worked out.
Honestly, I felt like I had been thinking about my past relationships more in the past few days than I had in the past few years.
“Ah, because of Sam Levesque being back in town?” Louis asked. My eyes widened. I hadn’t realized I’d said that out loud! God, where was my head even at?!
“And you showing up at my door with coffee,” I rushed to add, wishing the words would cover my blush. If the ground could just open up and swallow me now, that would be great!
But Louis just laughed, reminding me why we’d gotten along so well in the first place. He was hard to ruffle. Unlike me, apparently.
“It’s just - weird,” I muttered. “I’ve never had an ex show up after ten years before. Have you?” There were a few women in town that I knew Louis had dated, though none that were very serious. “Someone from uni?”
“Not really,” he shrugged. “I mean, yeah, I dated a little bit out of town, but... it wasn’t like what you and Sam had,” he pointed out. That was fair. Sam and I had been engaged. It had hurt for a long time after we’d broken up. But I was over it now. Or so I had thought. All the thoughts spinning around in my head about Sam now felt... unexpected.
Louis, thankfully oblivious to these particular thoughts in my head, gave a small shrug. “It’d be weird if it wasn’t at least a little weird,” he commented. “The two of you have never spoken about your break up, right? Or since it? That’s a long time not to speak to someone. I’m definitely a different person than I was ten years ago. And I think so are you.”
A wave of sadness washed over me. Yes, I was different. A different person than the girl Sam had fallen in love with.
That was a good thing. I wouldn’t want to still be the person I’d been at 20, when we’d broken up. But maybe there was a part of me that still mourned the loss of Sam-and-Helena.
If so, it was a part that Louis shouldn’t have to deal with. “You’re right,” I said, blinking my eyes quickly. “It would be weird if it wasn’t weird after so long. But he’s back for at least two more months. That’s enough time for things to feel normal again.” I didn’t phrase it was a question; I wanted it to be true.
“And they will be,” Louis informed me with confidence. At the no doubt sceptical look I gave him, he laughed. “No, I mean it, Helena. You’ve always been pretty straightforward about things, that will help.” And Louis was probably right. Things just felt... new. Which in its own right was strange.
T
aking a sip of my coffee, I thought about that. And also about how much Sam must have changed in the past ten years. That made my stomach turn a bit, regret blossoming that I didn’t know how he’d. What was happening? This was no way to react!
Louis gave me another smile. “Stop freaking out,” he told me. “I can tell you’re doing your internal panic. It’s cool. Things will sort themselves out.” Except I had no such confidence! That, in a way, annoyed me. Sam had no right to make me feel so confused!
“I’m fine.” If I said it with enough confidence, it would become true. At least, that was what my parents had always taught me. It had been effective for me in university and job applications. Maybe matters of the heart were a little different.
Either way, this was neither the right time nor the right place to process whatever emotions were swirling through me in response to Sam being back in town. He wasn’t even back for good! All that was really needed was for me to calm down and let the weeks pass.
Then Sam would be back out of my life - and out of my head!
“You’re a good friend, Louis,” I offered, smiling across my desk. “We make much better friends than we do boyfriend and girlfriend, don’t we?”
The bark of laughter that he gave in response to that made me grin. Louis nodded, a smile staying on his lips. “Yeah, especially since you won’t invoice me for your help no matter how much I insist,” he teased. I shook my head. We’d had this argument every time Louis had asked me for legal advice.
I let us start another one. It would still lead to the same conclusion - I wouldn’t charge Louis because he was a friend. But it was so familiar; I appreciated the way it distracted me from thinking about Sam and all the ways in which he might have changed since we were together.
Chapter Five
Sam
One of the things about living with my parents for the summer was that mom treated me like her personal errand boy. It didn’t seem to matter that I had to train or go to the gym, she insisted that I could still do things around that. Which, irksomely, wasn’t actually inaccurate.
That was how, a week after getting back to town, I was headed for the local bakery. Mom’s favorite bakery. It sold, she claimed, the best bread in the province. Not having tried all the breads in the province, I had no idea how right she was. But what I did know was that I had been very specifically sent to this bakery for bread.
As it turned out, a lot of people agreed with my mom.
The line that morning was actually out the door. This wasn’t something I saw in Salt Lake. If you needed bread, you just went to a place that didn’t have a line wrapping around the block. Not that it was quite that bad, but there were at least ten people in the line outside the bakery.
“God, how good is this bread?” I muttered, joining them.
I instantly recognized the laugh that came from a couple of spaces ahead of me. Helena’s giggle was embedded too deeply for even ten years to have unearthed it completely.
“Oh, it’s won awards,” she informed me, giving me a small wave past the elderly woman who stood between us. My stomach swooped, which my brain firmly declared ridiculous.
That didn’t seem to help.
“Would you like to take my place? So that you can talk to your friend?” The woman asked, stooping to pick up the shopping bags around her feet.
“Oh, no,” Helena jumped in before I could. “Swap with me. That way, you’ll move up a place! We couldn’t ask you to move down.”
The woman agreed, exchanging places with Helena. I gave her a grin. “Well, aren’t I honored? Adding an extra five minutes to your wait time for me!” I teased. It felt kind of nice. To think that Helena wanted to talk to me enough to swap places with someone in a line.
“Awards, you say? My mom has given me very strict instructions of exactly what I’m to get. She even gave me money for it. I feel like I’m a kid again.” It was ridiculous that my mom had given me - a millions-earning NHL star - ten dollars to buy her bread. “She even told me to keep the change,” I admitted. “I don’t know what I’m going to buy, Helena, but it better be good.”
Helena’s laugh rang out again, her blue eyes sparkling. My stomach swooped again, apparently completely oblivious to what was or was not a sensible reaction. “Sorry.” Helena shook her head. “I’m not laughing at you. It’s just… weird to think you don’t know these things. Isn’t it?”
I got what she meant. It was weird how much I didn’t know about the rhythms and routines of what had been my home town for most of my life. Mom had probably mentioned the bakery winning its first award to me over the phone. Because I didn’t live here, it hadn’t become part of my knowledge of the town.
“Yeah, I suppose,” I agreed. For a moment, I wondered if I was meant to feel bad about it. From the way Helena smiled at me, I didn’t think that was the case. It reminded me how easy it had been to talk to Helena. She had never complicated things, perhaps understanding that I wasn’t very good at solving them.
Yet there were ten years between us now. It was... different.
“This is fucking weird, isn’t it?” I asked suddenly. When her eyes widened, it wasn’t because of the question but rather because of the glare the elderly lady from before gave me about swearing. “Sorry, sorry,” I apologized straight away, shaking my head. “I play sports. I swear too much, I know.”
That made Helena laugh again and I gave her a glare. “Shut up.” And wow, that took me back. Shaking my head, I sighed. “It’s... it’s kind of weird to see you again, Helena,” I admitted.
She gave me a look, the one that gave me the impression she was gathering things in to herself before speaking. It was something I remembered, only even more intense. Maybe she just had even more thoughts now that she was a qualified lawyer.
“It is kind of weird,” she agreed, with a small shrug. “But… it’s been ten years. It would be weird if it wasn’t weird, right?” Slowly, I nodded. That made a strange kind of sense.
Tucking a curl behind her ear, she smiled. “I think we’ll get used to it,” she informed me. “At least, I hope so, otherwise this wedding is going to be a lot more complicated than it needs to be.”
It was my turn to laugh. Helena’s comment was certainly pragmatic. It wasn’t untrue. As awkward as this might feel, there was no way I would let it affect Pat’s wedding.
“We’re doing alright.” I gave a small shrug. We kind of were. The conversation we’d had at the engagement party had been... fine. Part of me just wanted to tell Helena that I’d missed her. That wasn’t smart or fair. Or maybe even true? Could I miss her when I hadn't seen her in ten years?
The amount of things that had changed since we last saw each other must be endless. “You’re a lawyer now, right?” I asked. Pat had said that. And obviously, I had always known that Helena would get there because it was what she had aimed for. It was nice to see that she was achieving the things she wanted.
“But a lawyer in Lunengrove?” I added. “That’s... unexpected? It seems unexpected to me.” Whenever we’d talked about Helena being a lawyer, she had always planned to do that in a city, somewhere exciting. Lunengrove never struck me as particularly exciting.
She nodded, that same thoughtful expression on her face. “I went to the University of Toronto, just like I wanted,” she said, giving a soft smile. “But city life wasn’t for me. I thought it would be all adventure all the time. Going to see some cutting edge new play at the theater, trying exotic foods from all over the world.”
These were the kinds of things Helena had talked about when we’d been dating. And while I didn’t attend much theater in Salt Lake City, there were plenty of restaurants exposing me to cuisines I’d never had the opportunity to try in our small town.
Helena shrugged. “But I wanted somebody to do all those things with. And making friends was… hard. A lot more difficult than I expected. Obviously, I talked to people on my course, and I joined in with extra-curricular things.”
After a small pause,
she carried on, “Everyone was just so busy, all the time. It never seemed as if people had time for one another.”
These weren’t experiences I shared with Helena. For me, making friends had never been difficult. Playing hockey came with instant friends. Same interests, often the same experiences. It was easy enough to make connections; your team became family.
In a way, it had been one of the things that had helped me get over Helena. Moving to Salt Lake City on my own had been tough, but it hadn’t taken long before I’d become part of the team. There was little similarity between my experiences and the ones Helena had had. It sounded tough.
It was impossible not to wonder how different it might have been if we’d moved together.
Shaking my head, I decided not to focus on that. “How long have you been back in Lunengrove?”
The line moved up, both of us moving with it. “Nearly five years,” Helena answered. “You know, I always thought law in a small town would be nothing but wills. That seemed pretty morbid when I was 25.” She chuckled, making me smile softly at her. It made sense that someone straight out of law school might not want to immediately focus their career on end-of-life law.
“But there’s a lot more to it than that,” Helena continued. “You get to see people live. A family might make a new will when they have a new baby, or they might need the contracts for a lease looked over if they’re moving house.”
She grinned at me. “Or building a house. I promise, even if I wasn’t Charlotte’s best friend, I would have been one of the first people in town to know Pat was buying a place for the two of them.”
I smiled back, but my mind was racing through all the things Helena had said. More so than that, my mind was replaying how excited she sounded. Passionate. Helena had always talked with a passion that I only associated with hockey. Hockey and her.
Home Matched (Salt Lake Pumas Book 4) Page 4