She’d helped me a lot. If it wasn’t for Helena, my dreams of hockey might have been squashed by my lack of academic success. So yeah, I got why her family hadn’t liked me. But that wasn’t the reason I hadn’t wanted to see them.
Helena had always hated how they treated me. Seeing her upset about it was what had truly hurt. My family wasn’t like that. My mom adored Helena from the moment she met her. Dad and Pat had always treated Helena as a family member.
Back when we were teenagers, there were days when Helena’s own family didn’t feel as close to her as mine had. That had been hard for me. Helena was such an amazing person, had been back then and I had no doubt was now, too. Her family not appreciating it had always annoyed me.
I had no idea how they felt when we broke up. Glad, I imagined. Which sucked, because our break up had been hard on both of us. Thinking that Helena’s family wasn’t there to support her, maybe even pointing out that they’d told her I wasn’t worthy all along? That sucked, too.
But as we pulled up to Kate’s house, I put all those thoughts aside. It wouldn’t do to dwell on what sort of people Helena’s parents had been. In ten years, I had changed a lot. Maybe it would be fair to give them the benefit of doubt, too.
Turning the engine off, I didn’t rush to get out of the car. Instead, I turned to give Helena a small smile. “Got your battle face on, Helena?” I teased. It was something she used to ask me before games.
Her giggle was all the reward I wanted. It was deeper than I remembered. It made me realize that Helena’s voice was, too. She sounded like an adult now, like a woman. Part of me wanted to make her giggle again, watch her throw her head back and laugh at something I’d said.
“I’m not sure my battle face is as good as yours was,” she answered, her cheeks going slightly pink. “I was hoping Ethan would meet us out here, but -” She shrugged. I remembered what it was like to be a kid, how easy it was to get distracted from what felt like ‘boring grown-up stuff’.
She paused, tapping her fingers against the phone still in her lap. “You don’t have to come in. I’ll just tell Ethan he missed you.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I want to.” And sure, making kids happy by meeting an NHL star was pretty rewarding but knowing how rewarding it’d be to see Helena smile? That was what truly made it worth it. Whatever my feelings were, I couldn’t spend too much time thinking about them.
It was just nostalgia, I told myself. Just remembering things as they used to be, back when they were good. Not once they turned and suddenly there was nothing. The hurt of that made me snap out of the lull the nostalgia tried to lead me into.
Reaching out, I gave Helena’s hand a quick squeeze, pulling back before either of us could think too much about that touch. “I’ve never minded seeing your family,” I pointed out. “Now is no different than it was when we were teenagers.” If anything, it was probably better, because now I was a multi-millionaire. It would be hard to say I hadn’t achieved anything.
It was hard to tell how Helena felt about it. The expression that crossed her face was gone before there was time to examine it. But I found that I wanted to know - I wanted to know more about what Helena’s relationship with her family was like now. How she enjoyed having a nephew. Especially a nephew who liked hockey.
“Come on, then,” she said, pulling me away from my thoughts. “Ethan will be so excited to meet you!”
She led the way up the drive, knocking once before pushing the door open. Lunengrove was the kind of place people didn’t need to lock their doors.
“Ethan! I have a surprise for you!”
But it wasn’t Ethan who appeared. Instead, Kate came out into the hall, stopping short at the sight of me. She looked older than when I’d last seen her, obviously. And not as good as Helena had looked after ten years, either.
“Sam?”
“Hey, Kate,” I greeted easily. It was interesting to see the way surprise crossed her face. Like even though she’d recognized me, she didn’t think she was right. I didn’t think that I had changed that much, but I probably had. My shoulders were broader, my stance straighter, my nose broken at least once. Not to mention the ten years on top of the last time she’d seen me.
Before Kate had the opportunity to say any of that, Helena’s mom appeared, too. From the surprise on Helena’s face, I could tell she hadn’t known her mom was here. I could almost feel her wanting to apologize to me but Helena truly didn’t have to.
“Mrs. Worth, it’s been a long time,” I offered with a soft smile. “You don’t look a day older since I last saw you.”
There was a silence, like no one quite knew how to react. And then Helena giggled, making me press my lips together to hide a smile. The comment hadn’t been meant as a joke; clearly the awkward silence was getting to Helena.
“Thank you, Sam,” Helena’s mom offered into the silence. “That’s very sweet. I certainly can’t say the same - there’s quite a difference between twenty and thirty.”
She was trying to be nice. At least, I think she was. It was kind of hard to tell past that familiar polite smile.
“Sam’s come in to see Ethan,” Helena said, having collected herself a little. “Is he around?”
Kate’s eyes widened, but it seemed to snap her out of whatever shock she was experiencing at seeing me. “Yeah! Oh, thanks! Ethan will be so excited! He’s in the yard. Come, I’ll lead you through,” Kate said. It was nice that she seemed to genuinely mean it.
Following her, I glanced around the house. It looked lived in, but almost bordering on cluttered. It was small, almost overpowered by all the furniture. It didn’t feel like a space that often got guests. Kate seemed very conscious of that, so I offered her a smile that I hoped was reassuring.
“Ethan!” Kate called out. “There’s someone here to see you!”
Ethan clearly took after his mom’s side of the family, his dark hair curling over his ears and his grey-blue eyes widening comically at the sight of me.
He dropped the ball he’d been holding, mouth hanging open a little as he just stared. Trying to make myself less imposing, I dropped down into a squat, putting me more at his eye-level.
“Um! You’re Sam Levesque!” Ethan bounced on his sneakers, edging a tiny bit closer before seeming to catch himself. “I mean. You are, right?”
The way Ethan didn’t seem to quite believe that there was an NHL star standing in his mom’s yard made me laugh. “I am Sam Levesque,” I promised. “I’m friends with your aunt Helena. She said you’d like to meet me,” I explained, glancing back to grin at Helena.
“I didn’t know you know Sam Levesque!” Ethan exclaimed. I had to bite my lip not to laugh at how he was almost definitely never going to call me just Sam. Meeting fans like Ethan, kids who looked so awestruck, was always amazing. Also kind of surreal. I’d had hockey heroes growing up - I still did! - so imagining that now I was someone’s hockey hero was just strange.
Lovely, but still strange.
“My team will never believe it that you were in my yard!” Ethan announced. “Can I take a selfie? It’d be so cool! You’re one of my favorite players! I mean, you’re great, you’re not like Crosby or McDavid but you’re really good! And you’re from Lunengrove!”
“Ethan!” Kate snapped and Ethan blushed straight away, realizing what he’d said. It was so reminiscent of the way Helena blushed that I couldn’t help but laugh.
“It’s okay,” I promised Ethan, reaching out to ruffle his hair. “I wouldn’t dream of competing with people like Crosby and McDavid in your appreciation of their hockey.” They were, after all, some of the best players of their time. Anyone watching them play could see that. “But! Will Crosby or McDavid come to see your team play? Because I will...”
Once again, Ethan’s jaw dropped. From behind me, Helena chuckled. I’d recognize the sound anywhere, even if I couldn’t see her.
“Will you really? Will you come and skate with us? I’ve never skated with a real NHL star!” His gaz
e moved briefly to his mom. “Mom and dad take me to games sometimes. It’s amazing getting to see everything so close and happening right in front of me.”
Nodding, I remembered exactly how it had felt to attend NHL games when I’d been Ethan’s age. Mom and dad had poured every spare cent into mine and Pat’s interests. They’d always wanted us to have what was important to us, not what might seem valuable to other people.
“It’ll be even more amazing to actually get to skate on the same ice!” Ethan assured me.
“It sure will be,” I agreed easily. That agreement made Ethan’s excited smile even wider. Like he couldn’t believe that I was agreeing with him! He seemed like a sweet kid. “Do you want to tell me about your best game?” Before I’d even managed to finish the question, Ethan had already rushed into telling me all about how they beat a team from another school.
Sitting down, I accepted Kate’s offer of a drink. Ethan’s passion for hockey was so clear; it made it fun to listen to him. Eventually, Helena’s family left us just chatting about hockey and when it was time for me to leave, Helena walked me out.
“You don’t have to thank me,” I insisted when she for the fifth time told me how much she appreciated me sitting and talking with Ethan. “Really, Helena, it was nice. I can see why he’s your favorite nephew,” I joked.
In a way, meeting Ethan reinforced my decision to part ways with Becca. I wanted a kid like him - maybe even more than one! Someone I could pass my love and knowledge of hockey down to, who’d remind me how much fun it could be to play even at a junior level.
“He’s great,” Helena agreed. “He reminds me of you, in a lot of ways. Not just because he likes hockey. He… listens to me the same way, works with me to find a way I can explain things that will make sense to him.”
I remembered how Helena had always been so good at doing that for me. It didn’t surprise me to learn she helped with Ethan’s education.
“You were great with him,” she added. “I know that doesn’t come easily to everyone.”
There wasn’t a great deal I could say to that. I liked kids; getting on with them was pretty easy. Especially the ones who loved hockey the way Ethan did. So instead, I smiled at Helena and told her that it had been nice to see her. It had been nice to meet Ethan, too. I even told her that it had been nice to see her family. Both of us knew that was a lie.
After that, there was an awkward pause. Neither of us quite knew how to bid goodbye. In the end, we went with just a ‘bye’, since neither ‘see you soon’ nor any sort of physical gesture felt appropriate.
On the drive home, I thought a lot about how different things felt but also at the same time so similar. It was hard to explain, even to me. When I got home to my parents’ house, only to be faced with mom’s question about how my afternoon had gone, I felt a bit stumped.
“Yeah, it was okay. Helena and I picked tiles for Pat’s new kitchen,” I explained. “And then I dropped her off at her sister’s house and met her nephew. He’s into hockey so I stayed for a bit talking to him.”
It felt weird to say it like that. Like Helena and I hanging out was normal. Yet it was so reminiscent of us being teenagers, always doing stuff together.
“Ethan?” My mom asked, making me nod. Of course, she knew Kate’s family a lot better than I did. She could hardly help it, what with seeing them around town all the time. “I’ll bet that was fun. He seems very enthusiastic every time I’ve talked to him.”
She bustled around the kitchen, refusing my offers of help. Even so, I stayed there with her. Talking things over with my mom had always helped. Maybe it would give me some clarity on my feelings now, just like it had when I was younger.
“He seems almost out of place in that family,” mom observed. “But then, I suppose I said the same thing about Helena. She was always so sweet when she came over. I saw the way her eyes would drink in everything here. As if we had the fancy house and she’d never seen anything like it!”
Mom’s description made me chuckle. Many of the conversations Helena and I had had back then flashed before my eyes. It wasn’t quite that she’d thought our house was impressive. Helena had always loved my family for being so close. Our relationship was so much different than hers had been with her family and their expectations.
“She’d never seen anyone’s parents be like you and dad,” I pointed out. “That’s why she loved coming around. You were always so nice and supportive.” And they had been. Of me, of Pat, of Helena. And now, of Charlotte.
Seeing Helena’s family again brought back a lot of those memories. Of having Helena over for dinners almost as often as she wasn’t here. It made me appreciate my parents for having let me have her over so much.
“Did you ever worry?” I asked curiously. “About letting Helena stay over so much.” My parents had even let us share a bed! We’d had to promise to ‘always stay in our pajamas’, but it hadn’t exactly stopped us from some heavy petting. Not that I ever planned to bring that particular caveat up with my mom.
Pausing in her cooking, my mom turned to give me a look. “A mother always worries,” she informed me seriously. “About a million different ways that something could go wrong. It was my job to worry - but not to pass those worries on to you.”
I appreciated that. Mom had never questioned my relationship, had never pointed out that most high school relationships don’t last. If she had, she would have been right, but I wouldn’t have wanted to hear it.
“But I could see that Helena was a sweet girl,” she added. “And she was important to you, so I wanted to make her comfortable in our home.”
It was impossible not to smile. Mom had definitely succeeded in making Helena feel comfortable. There was a time when Helena was around our house more than she was at her own house. The thought sent a pang through me. It must have been difficult for Helena to lose my family when we broke up, even if I knew she and mom were still in touch.
“Do you see much of Helena?” I asked and almost laughed at the guilty look on mom’s face. “It’s okay,” I promised. “She told me you give her family recipes,” I teased, before shaking my head. “But really, it is okay. I... all I’ve wanted is for Helena to be happy, even if I haven’t let myself think about whether she was.”
My tone quietened a little. “It’s been strange to see her after all this time,” I admitted. It wasn’t something I would tell anyone else, but this was my mom.
She crossed the kitchen, giving my shoulder a squeeze. “I know, sweetheart,” she assured me. “It was strange for me at first, too. Oh, I’m not saying it’s the same kind of strange - but it was hard to know what to say. I knew that seeing me after the two of you broke up must have been difficult for her, but I wanted her to know she could still talk to me. I didn’t stop being her friend just because I stopped being her mother-in-law-to-be.”
I nodded. Maybe, if Helena and I had both been living in the same place, we would have wanted to stay friends. Neither of us harbored any ill will. At least, I didn’t! And from how Helena treated me now, it seemed like she wanted good things for me.
“We were all a little worried,” Mom admitted. “Me, Pat, your dad. That you’d come home for the wedding and have to be around Helena so much. I was glad you’d met Becca in between. Does that make it a little easier?”
The question made me still. It wasn’t something I had thought about in those terms. Did it make it easier? The relationship between Becca and I had been good but also very different from what Helena and I had shared. It probably did make it easier, just because it allowed me to understand that relationships could be different.
“I think that Becca did make things easier, put it in perspective. Kelly, too.” I’d only dated Kelly for six months. Unlike Becca, mom had never met her. But Kelly had been my first girlfriend after Helena, the first experience I had of dating someone who wasn’t from my high school. She’d been lovely, but perhaps just not quite right for me.
“It’s just weird. Seeing Helena aga
in. It makes... I don’t know. Makes me think a lot about the things that were, you know? Things I haven’t thought about in years.”
Mom hummed. “But don’t you think you’d be thinking about things that were anyway?” she asked. “This is the first time you’ve been home for longer than a week or two. Even if Helena weren’t here, you’d still be seeing the places you grew up, training on your high school ice.”
She had a point. Staying home for this long would have made anyone nostalgic. But thinking about how things were with Helena felt different, in a way I wasn’t sure I could explain.
“Maybe it’s good,” Mom suggested. “Maybe you need to think about these things. Shoving them all out of your mind forever isn’t necessarily ideal.”
I had no idea if mom was right. As a general rule in my life, I assumed that she was. So she was probably right about this, too. It didn’t answer any of my questions. Since most of them were ‘why can’t I stop thinking about it?’, it was unlikely that mom would have answers.
“I’m sure you’re right,” I decided. “It’s just a change, right? But anyway, I have to help Pat with his house, that’s the important thing.” It was, after all, why I’d come home. Not to rekindle anything with Helena. Not that that was what we were doing.
Maybe I just needed to have a good think about what it was that I was doing.
“Tell me about your day instead?” I asked. Mom thankfully knew me well enough to let me change the topic.
Chapter Ten
Helena
Over the next two weeks, Ethan asked me about a hundred questions. What had it been like to go to high school with Sam Levesque? Had I really watched Sam Levesque play hockey right here in Lunengrove? Had Sam Levesque liked comic books when he was Ethan’s age? Who did I think would win in a fight between Sam Levesque and Superman?
It was adorable. And weirdly refreshing. Knowing what our history was, most people didn’t ask me what it had been like to be engaged to a professional hockey player. Ethan knew we’d dated, but he was so young that he didn’t care.
Home Matched (Salt Lake Pumas Book 4) Page 8