Home Matched (Salt Lake Pumas Book 4)

by Camellia Tate

  “What Felicia and Carl have always encouraged us to do is pursue the things that made us happy. For Pat, that was always helping other people. It’s reflected in his work as much as in his actions. Sometimes, I have worried that maybe Pat gives too much of himself, but I couldn’t imagine anyone better than Charlotte to look out for him.”

  It was certainly true. I saw the way Charlotte always kept an eye on Pat, always made sure he was cared for. Knowing that Pat had someone like Charlotte in his life felt amazing. I could hardly wish for more for my baby brother.

  “But to Pat, growing up, it wasn’t just mom and dad to look up to. He also had me. I can’t say that my love life was as clear cut as mom and dad’s, alas.” A soft smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I said that. One that wasn’t quite bittersweet, but perhaps along the same lines.

  Pat glanced at Helena. It made me smile. Helena had played a large part in Pat’s life and I wanted to give her credit where it was due. “Still, I think that we can all agree that Helena giving up her best friend for Pat to marry shows dedication,” I joked, pleased when that earned a laugh from everyone, including Helena and Charlotte.

  “To me, love has been very different from what our parents had. And different from Pat and Charlotte’s relationship, too. It’s been challenging, mostly because of me, but it’s also been good. I think that that’s something Pat has always appreciated.” The way my brother nodded made me smile.

  “But importantly, and our mom will very much insist on this,” I teased, glancing at her. “Pat has taken all these different experiences he’s seen and he’s put them together, building something that works for him. And for Charlotte.

  “So today, I ask you to raise your glasses,” I said, raising my own. “Raise your glasses and celebrate Pat and Charlotte’s love, the promises they make to each other, and the way we can all take a little piece of it and learn to use it to build our own love stories.” Turning back to the happy couple, I smiled widely at them. “To the happy couple!”

  Taking a sip, I just about managed not to give a deep exhale. There were cheers, so I assumed the speech had gone well. Mom was still crying; that probably wasn’t an indication of very much.

  Pat, however, got up to hug me. And that? That meant a lot.

  He whispered a ‘thanks’ in my ear and we exchanged some very manly ‘I love yous’ before Charlotte hugged me, too. It had gone well! And thankfully, I only had one brother. It was unlikely I’d have to give another speech like it.

  There were a few more speeches, but none as long as mine. The evening proceeded with cake-cutting and dancing. As people started to mingle and Pat and Charlotte left to dance, I found myself at the head table with only Helena there.

  “Thank you,” I told her gently, moving my chair closer so we could talk over the music. “It... went okay, yeah?”

  Her eyes were shining. Even without words, that reassured me. Helena had always supported me, but that had never meant telling me my work was good when it wasn’t. Her method of support had been to talk me honestly through my weaknesses, showing me where I could improve.

  “It was beautiful, Sam,” she sighed. “I’ve never heard a more perfect wedding speech.”

  I believed that she was telling me the truth.

  “What you said, about building our own love stories…” She trailed off, lifting her wine to her lips without actually taking a single sip.

  I’d meant it.

  Having Helena help me with this speech had inspired it a lot. It had made me think about love. Not just what Helena and I had shared, but also what I’d had with Becca and even Kelly. Outside of my own experiences, there were also the love lives of my teammates, watching them fall in love one after the other.

  All of those experiences, I had realized, shaped the way I thought about love. What I wanted, what I hoped for.

  And those thoughts made me look at Helena. Not who Helena used to be or the Helena I fell in love with when I was sixteen, but the Helena now. The Helena who was all of those things but also so much more.

  “I’m glad you liked it. I hope it wasn’t... too much. I... I wanted to thank you. For being in Pat’s life even after we broke up. I know you mean a lot to him, not just because of Charlotte. He’s always viewed you as an older sister.”

  Helena’s eyes widened, like she’d truly been startled by what I said. “You don’t have to thank me for that,” she said, glancing down at the napkin still in her lap. “You would’ve done the same, if you and Kate had been friends.”

  Maybe that was true. Or maybe it wasn’t. There wasn’t a lot I could have done from Salt Lake. Moving back had never been an option I’d considered. Helena hadn’t moved home for Pat, but all the same, she had moved home. And she had stayed in touch with my family.

  “We didn’t break up on bad terms,” Helena pointed out. “I know we had fights, but it was never because you did anything to hurt me.”

  It was true. Our break up had been more mutual than anything else, but it hardly meant that Helena would have had to stay in touch with my family. Of course, on the other hand, I wouldn’t have wanted her not to just because we had broken up. It was a tricky situation.

  “Well, I’m still glad.” I shrugged. “Anyway, before this conversation becomes too awkward, do you want to dance?” I asked, nodding at the dance floor. I found myself very much hoping that Helena would want to dance with me.

  Charlotte and Pat were already on the dancefloor, turning graceful circles in the midst of a crowd of other couples. My mind raced back to the night Helena had come into my life, when I’d asked her to teach me to dance.

  Hopefully, in the intervening years, I hadn’t forgotten everything I knew. “I’d like that,” Helena agreed, giving me her hand so I could guide her out onto the floor.

  With the dancefloor being somewhat busy, no one paid us any attention. Not that people would anyway. We were the best man and the maid of honor, it was expected that we’d dance.

  Taking Helena’s hand, I waited for her to settle her other one on my shoulder. My hand felt huge against her slight side. It felt different than it had when we’d been teenagers, but that different was definitely not bad.

  As a new song began, we moved with the music. If I focused on it, it was almost possible to forget that anything but Helena and I existed. And for the length of this song, and maybe the next one, that seemed pretty perfect.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Helena

  I didn’t realize how much I’d been on maid-of-honor duty until, suddenly, I wasn’t. The reception had been fun, chatting with Pat’s other groomsmen, watching both sets of parents getting emotional, dancing with Charlotte to celebrate her becoming a wife.

  It was only when she and Pat left, Charlotte’s poofy white dress carefully bundled into the back seat of her dad’s car, that I had the chance to let my attention drift. It felt… strange. All day, my focus had been intently on Charlotte, keeping my eyes and ears out for anything she might need.

  It was my job, as maid of honor. And I didn’t mind. One day, Charlotte would do the same for me. But there was still a strain that had barely made itself felt until it was gone.

  Now that Charlotte and Pat were winding their way towards their new house, it was time to relax and party!

  Ordering two drinks from the bar, I skirted the edges of the dancefloor until I found who I was looking for.

  Sam was probably as relieved as I felt. He, too, had been attending to someone else all day. Now it was time for us to take a breather. “So, how did it go?” I asked, handing him the second drink.

  At his blank look, I continued. “Telling Pat about the window, I mean.”

  Offering me a thanks for the drink, Sam gave a small shrug. “Not too bad. I could have told him anything today and Pat would’ve been too happy to care,” he laughed. “I did tell him that we changed the sheets and that you’ve stocked the fridge. Pat was excited about the prospect of cheese,” Sam informed me with a grin.

&n
bsp; I doubted that was quite true but it made me laugh nonetheless. “You enjoy the wedding?” Sam asked. “It’s nice to be done with my best man duties. As much as I do love Pat, it’s a bit stressful.”

  It so exactly mirrored my own thoughts that I nodded without even thinking about it. “Yeah, it was hard to relax feeling like I had to keep one eye on Charlotte.” Even though there was minimal chance of something going wrong, I wanted Charlotte to have the perfect wedding she deserved.

  And now that she had, I could feel the muscles in my shoulders relaxing. “You did your duties brilliantly.” It was an echo of my earlier statement. Bits of Sam’s speech still chased each other around and around in my head.

  My parents had never loved each other as obviously as Sam’s did. And I wondered, now, how that had affected the kind of love stories I might write for myself.

  Mom and dad’s goals in life had always been aligned. Unlike Sam’s and mine, they’d never argued over where they would live, or what kind of life.

  But if Sam’s parents had ever disagreed about that kind of thing, I felt like they would find a way to overcome it.

  “What did you mean, when you said love had been challenging because of you?” I asked, sipping my drink too quickly.

  The look Sam gave me seemed almost skeptical. But he didn’t say that. Instead, Sam shrugged. “For us, it was my presumption that you would just move with me wherever my job would take me. For Kelly and I, it was that neither of us was ready for a relationship. With Becca, we wanted different things, I wanted to settle down and have a family; she didn’t.”

  It was kind of nice - and kind of weird - that Sam listed all of his girlfriends. It was fair, of course. I’d had relationships after him and he’d had them, too. It was interesting to hear how there had been different reasons with each person. I supposed that was true for me, too.

  “What about you?” he asked, drawing me out of my thoughts. “What do you feel you’ve learned from your relationships?”

  It wasn’t a question I’d been expecting, on Charlotte’s wedding day. Fortunately, Sam had always been good at giving me time to think. And good at listening when I had to say anything personal.

  “I suppose, with you, I learned that it’s not always easy to predict what life is going to be like.” I, too, had presumed that I would move with Sam. Had presumed that taking the bar exam in different states every few years would be an effort I was willing to make.

  I gave a slightly sad smile. “And I learned that when I realize I’m wrong about it, I have to say something.” I’d kept it to myself with Sam, not wanting us to fight, afraid what the consequences would be.

  Not telling him hadn’t made it any easier for us to stay together.

  “With Louis, I learned that there’s such a thing as having dreams that are too similar.” In many ways, Louis had been the opposite of Sam. He’d been similar to me, interested in the same things, the same kind of life. And my parents had loved him.

  “There was nothing to keep it interesting.”

  “Louis?” Sam frowned. “Not Louis from school?” It almost made me laugh, the way Sam looked actually scandalized at the idea of me having dated Louis. It was true that we had all been in school together. Back then, Sam and Louis hadn’t gotten on, but by the time I dated Louis many years since school had passed.

  Still, I realized, it wasn’t like Sam had met Louis since we were all teenagers. That was a weird thought, knowing how good of friends Louis and I were now. “You and Louis didn’t seem that similar at school,” Sam muttered. “But I guess... he’s probably changed?”

  He sounded a bit skeptical which, to be fair, made me laugh. It must have been at least twelve years since he’d last met Louis. Everyone changed in twelve years!

  “We were similar in some ways,” I pointed out. “Maybe you just didn’t see them because you liked me.” My eyes twinkled. Sam had never been jealous of my good grades, as far as I knew, but he’d certainly been jealous of Louis’.

  And in return, Louis had envied Sam’s natural talent for athletics. Of the two of them, my own skills were much closer to Louis’. For all I had learned to love sports for Sam’s sake, I’d never been good at playing them.

  “He wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to be a lawyer. His family were big on academics, just like mine.” There had been no cozy chats for me with Louis’ mom. She’d liked me well enough, but we’d mostly talked about whatever we were reading.

  Sam scrunched his nose up. I expected that whatever came out of his mouth next would be something I’d have to defend. Some point about Louis that would no longer be correct, if it ever had been. But Sam surprised me; rather than saying any of that, he gave a small shrug.

  “Well, he must have changed if you dated him and still speak so highly of him,” Sam informed me. It made me frown. I didn’t think I’d said anything particularly flattering about Louis. Sam, of course, seemed to read my mind. “You said he’s similar to you,” he pointed out. “That’s high praise, in my opinion.”

  It made me blush and giggle simultaneously, lifting my glass once again. The wine felt cool against my lips. Drinking more was unlikely to make me any less giggly.

  “You’re biased,” I pointed out. “I’ve got as many flaws as I have strengths, just like anybody else.”

  That was what I had been getting at. “Louis and I had a lot of the same strengths, which sounds good on paper. But relationships work better when two people have different strengths and weaknesses. That way, they can cover more different scenarios.”

  Warming to my point, I patted Sam’s arm. “Like us,” I carried on. “You came to me with help writing your speech because I’m good with words and notes and structuring thoughts. And I called you when the window smashed because you’re steady in a crisis, know how to do DIY and you’re strong enough to lug a mattress around.

  “If I’d called Louis, we’d both just have gotten one another panicked about water damage and not known where to get wood to board the window up with.”

  I hadn’t realized that I’d said the last part aloud, but Sam chuckled.

  “Well, I’ll take all the praise,” he teased. “But yes, I suppose I see your point. Our problem never was the fact that we didn’t complement each other well.” It was weird to have this conversation. Sam and I had never spoken about what went wrong. The only conversations we’d had about what went great were the ones we had while still together.

  And Sam was right. We had been good together. We just hadn’t been as flexible as necessary. Choices had to be made and neither of us had been happy with them. But after it, we hadn’t really talked about it.

  That was ten years ago. A lot had happened. Yet, seeing Sam again, it felt like we hadn’t been apart! But also like there was so much more for me to relearn about him.

  And of course, that led me to think about the way Sam had kissed me. Familiar but yet so different. And maybe it was the wine going to my head, but I wanted to lean in and kiss him again. So much so that I had to bite my lower lip not to.

  “I’m sorry for hurting you, Helena,” Sam said gently, drawing my attention back to the conversation.

  My eyes widened. It was honestly the last thing I had expected Sam to say. At first, my mind could hardly process the words at all. Had Sam hurt me?

  It took a moment to understand what was going through my head. “Breaking up hurt,” I confirmed. Of course, it had. Separating from someone that you loved would always be painful. I’d been devastated, convinced that if I couldn’t have Sam then I didn’t want anybody.

  “I never blamed you for it. You couldn’t have given up hockey, it was too much a part of you.” And I hadn’t been able to see, at the time, any way for us to continue without one of us giving up our dreams.

  Was that still true? My head was swimming too much to get a good grip on the answer to that question.

  “I suppose I forgave you for your part in it a long time ago,” I added. “Probably sooner than I forgave myself.” Bu
t I had, eventually, stopped blaming myself for the wrongs that had been my part.

  I hoped that Sam had forgiven me, too. “But I am still sorry.” Maybe that was all Sam had meant. Even if we forgave each other, we could still feel regret.

  Sam smiled softly. It felt good that he didn’t just tell me that I shouldn’t have blamed myself. I had told him that I didn’t blame him and that was true. But the fact that Sam apologized told me that he blamed himself. Perhaps the same way I blamed myself.

  “It’s weird to think it’s been ten years,” Sam commented. “But... I’ve liked seeing you again,” he added. Suddenly, this conversation felt so much more. Like an admission. One that I didn’t quite know what to do with. I had liked seeing Sam, too. Maybe a little too much.

  Tipping my glass up to my lips, I swallowed the rest of my drink. The sensible part of me, the bit of my brain warning me that following this train of thought could only lead to heartache, was easily overruled by a more spontaneous side that I rarely allowed out.

  “Then let’s celebrate,” I suggested, glancing around for inspiration. Our jobs were done, nobody was going to miss us. Suddenly, I yearned to do something young and carefree and irresponsible.

  Thinking back to my conversation with Charlotte about how I’d wanted my wedding to be, I knew exactly what we should do.

  “Let’s borrow a rowing boat!”

  The park was only a short walk away. The kiosk would, of course, be closed at this time of night. But I was willing to bet they didn’t lock the boats up!

  “Or not!” Sam laughed. “I’m not letting you row drunk, Worth,” he informed me, clinking his glass against mine. “But! I will walk down to the water with you. For as long as we don’t go in it.” Which seemed, while somewhat disappointing, a fair trade. It was funny to see Sam be the more responsible one.