by Dean Murray
I wasn't just more exposed, I was losing out on something unique, something nobody else in the entire world was capable of recreating.
I'd known the odds of Fenrir taking down the ward while I was traveling out to it were small, but it was still a relief when I made it to the spot where we'd fought the last time. The lantern cast a wide circle of light at my feet that revealed pools of dried blood, and it wasn't until I looked around that I realized just how much blood had been lost in that last fight.
Some of it was Fenrir's, but most of it was Kyle's. It was amazing that he'd survived for long enough to heal himself. I set the lantern down and pumped it up some more before turning and meeting Fenrir's eyes.
"Here to tell me that your boy toy is dead?"
"No, I'm just here to watch."
Fenrir laughed, a rumbling, coughing sound. "That might have worked before my associates arrived, but only if it was Kyle standing in your place. You won't manage to slow me appreciably. If you have any brains you'll just cross over to this side of the ward and let me kill you now in the hopes that I'll make it fast."
"I didn't come here for mercy. I just came to watch. If you're right and it's only a matter of time before I die, then before I go I'll at least have the pleasure of watching you suffer."
The words had come from somewhere else, somewhere darker, a place I hadn't realized existed inside of me. It was true. I was looking forward to seeing Fenrir howl in agony as he tried to break through the ward. It was wrong on several levels, but it was also exactly the right thing to say if I wanted to piss off Fenrir. The big wolf threw himself into the ward with a force that had been lacking on the last several attempts I'd seen on the video feed.
It was an obvious bid to drain the last of the ward's power in one quick burst, but luckily for me it failed. Instead of crashing through and ripping out my throat, Fenrir was thrown back into the rock wall with enough force that I heard bones snap.
I looked over to the horse, the pooka, while Fenrir shook and screamed on the floor. "You know you could take him down right now and then run away as one of the few fae to have disembodied the mighty Fenrir?"
Fenrir struggled to his feet, bones popping back into place as he used some of his stored power to force an immediate healing.
"They wouldn't dare. I would hunt them to the ends of the world and extinguish them."
I forced myself not to smile. My understanding was that the only way for Fenrir to absorb more energy from the ward than he lost was to press up against it a little bit at a time. Displays like he'd just demonstrated resulted in a net loss in vitality, and that was even more the case when he forced his body to heal so rapidly.
"Really? For one little disembodying? Just in the last few days Kyle and I have disembodied you twice. Your poison has done a real number on Kyle, but he'll be back. Maybe you'll kill us in the end, but it will be interesting to see how many more times we're able to disembody you before that happens. Personally I think you'd have to let them go. Kyle and I are the more dangerous threats."
"Unlike you, I'm truly immortal. I know things that you puny gods have long forgotten. I have all the time in the world. Eventually all slights will be repaid."
I shrugged. "Maybe. Then again, I'm sure you have enemies inside of the Unseelie Court. Some of them are no doubt as strong as you. All it would take is for Kyle or me to get hold of one of those enemies and let them know that you've been disembodied twice recently and bled out like nobody's business. I'm sure they would wait until the last possible second. They'd want you to spend yourself against Kyle and me before they make an appearance, but eventually they would show."
"You're bluffing. Someone like that would just continue my efforts here after I was gone."
"Maybe. Then again, if they thought that they had a chance of extinguishing you, it's entirely possible that they'd hang around and just…what is the term? Farm? Yes, that's it, they might just stay around and farm you. Besides, if you're right and it's really just a matter of time before Kyle and I are dead, what do we have to lose?"
Fenrir looked back and forth and I almost felt like I could read his mind. If he left the ward to go watch for a new arrival then he'd be leaving the other two fae alone to face the worst that Kyle and I were capable of. He didn't particularly care about either of the other two, but if he wasn't here pushing up against the ward then it would never come down.
Then again, if he sent the other two out to check for his biggest rivals in the Unseelie court then he would be letting them out of his sight and it was entirely possible that they would decide to run to one of his enemies and sell him out. It was a risky play, but if they really thought that Fenrir's star was starting to fall then there was something to be said for seeking protection from one of the other powers in the court.
In his own way Fenrir was just as trapped as I was. Once Mephistoles had left him and he'd been forced to bring in backup, he'd stepped onto a path that demanded he take Kyle and me down. It meant that he was desperate. Not as desperate as we were, but desperate all the same. Desperate people made mistakes.
I wondered how much of that Kyle had foreseen. He'd definitely known that he was pushing Mephistoles out, but had he known that he was going to put Fenrir into such a tricky spot? It was possible. Kyle understood the way things worked much better than I did.
"You're bluffing. Run along and hide behind the other ward I can feel on the far side of this one."
"No, thanks, I'm going to sit here and watch."
Fenrir pushed up against the ward again, tinging the pool of light at my side an electric blue, but he was much more cautious this time. He wanted me dead, but he was apparently going to do it the slow way and try to gain as much power from the process as possible.
To say that I sat there and watched him wouldn't have been exactly accurate. I sat there, but I spent most of the time with my eyes closed. Watching Fenrir try to bring the ward down would have just made me jumpy.
Instead, I tried to practice the new default emotion that I'd started trying to rewire myself for back before Fenrir had chased me the first time. I was starting to understand Kat's frustration with me. I'd already built up such an incredible emotional reserve when it came to anger that it seemed wasteful not to build on it.
Everything Kat had told me was true, but there were things that I hadn't properly appreciated back in the day. I'd been so focused on the fact that I only had seventeen years of memories and the disadvantage that put me under, that I hadn't realized that most of the time it was the strength of my emotions that was going to be the limiting factor.
I'd fallen into the same trap so many other people did. It was easy to hear about some extreme example and think that was what I should be aiming for, but the truth was that those kinds of events were passed around and talked about precisely because they were so unique.
Kat had told me about instances when people had burned themselves dry over the course of just an hour or two, and I'd somehow thought that was normal. I'd thought that memories were the real key to power. It wasn't until I'd seen just how scared everyone was of Mephistoles that it had really started sinking in.
The smart thing would be for me to stop screwing around with my default emotion. I should be embracing the anger and stoking it even higher, but the thought of doing that scared me. I'd seen at least one of the potential results of walking down that path.
Kyle had wanted to be with me even back when he'd first brought me here to his bunker. He'd probably even wanted to be with me right after he'd burned away all of his memories. Despite that, the sheer strength of his anger kept getting in the way. I didn't want that any more than I wanted to spend all of my time afraid of what would happen next.
If I had to choose between a long life full of anger and fear or a short life filled with happiness, I would pick the short life option. Maybe not every time—certainly not the last time—but that was what I was picking this time.
I sat there and practiced summoning the pure, unco
mplicated joy I'd felt back when Jace had first rescued me from Sandra. It should have been hard—it was, really—but it wasn't as hard as I'd been expecting it to be. I just focused on all of the reasons I had to be happy.
I had Kat's friendship, a girl—a woman, really—who was willing to risk Jace being mad at her if that was what it took to save me and give my dad a chance at surviving the mess we were in.
I had Ari. She wasn't the best sister anyone had ever had, but in her own way she cared about me as much as I cared about her.
Over the last week I'd had the chance to meet not just one, but two guys who wanted me for who I was on the inside even more than what I looked like on the outside. That would have been unexpected enough all by itself, but they were both amazing in ways that I had a hard time explaining.
I might have messed things up with both of them, but at least I'd always know that they'd both wanted me right up until I'd torpedoed my chances with them.
That was all plenty of reason to be happy, but somewhere along the way I'd rediscovered something I never should have lost sight of. I had an amazing father, one who put everything he had into taking care of us, one who loved me no matter what I did, one who wanted the best for me, even if it meant that his life wasn't as good as he would have liked it to be.
Even if I died in the next few hours, I would die having experienced things most people never experienced, having loved in ways that most people never loved. That was something to be happy about.
Happiness settled over me with a comforting weight. It didn't push me to act like anger always did, happiness was an emotion that was pleased to just sit and reflect. For the first time in my life I felt like I was part of something bigger.
It wasn't the moment of oneness that people referred to when they talked about enlightenment, but I felt a definite sense of clicking into place with the universe around me.
Fenrir brushed up against the ward again and the crackle of discharging power filled the air, but this time I didn't open my eyes. I could feel something—no, two somethings—approaching. Jace and Kat were on their way.
They were keeping their augmentations light to avoid burning themselves out before arriving, but even so they were moving with inhuman speed.
I tried to guess how long it would take for them to reach me, but I didn't have enough experience to judge it correctly. I knew that I would be giving up some of the element of surprise by doing so, but I stood up regardless and drew my sword.
"Ready to run back to your lair with your tail between your legs, little one?"
I shook my head. "There are some places you just can't go back to, Fenrir."
I saw a glow approaching from the direction of the first two wards and took a deep breath as I reached for the heartbeat of this place.
It was a combination of a quiet hiss from the lantern and the slow breathing of my enemies, but it was there and I put all of the pieces in place for a time amp. The light dimmed slightly, and then Jace and Kat shot out of the darkness.
I dropped my effects into place and shot across the ward, moving at four times normal speed with the point of my sword leading the way. Circumstances couldn't have been better. My standing and drawing my sword had made the fae focus on me, which meant that Jace and Kat had taken our enemies completely by surprise.
I caught only flashes of motion as the tip of my sword took the flying monkey snake through the chest. It wasn't just that Jace and Kat were moving faster than I was—they were—it was also the fact that even as I stabbed the smallest fae I had to dodge to one side to avoid a charge from the pooka.
Jace was wielding a massive ax with both hands like it was nothing more than a child's toy while Kat had a long spear with a crosspiece at the top. As fast as they were moving they should have been able to strike Fenrir down with the first pass, but something—maybe a change in my expression—warned him at the last moment.
Fenrir shot forward a split second later and a blow from Jace's ax that should have taken Fenrir's head off instead sank deep into his ribs. For a normal animal, even one as big as Fenrir, that would have still been enough to end the fight, but Fenrir apparently hadn't lost any of his unnatural vitality. He spun around and snapped at Jace with a speed that was still hard to believe coming from something so big.
Jace threw himself backwards—leaving his ax embedded in Fenrir's side—but his efforts wouldn't have been enough if Kat hadn't stepped forward and jammed her spear into the joint between Fenrir's neck and shoulder. I didn't expect Kat's attack to do much more than barely slow Fenrir, but as soon as her weapon sank home she jammed her foot onto her end of the spear, pushing it down against the textured rock floor.
It was like watching the medieval version of some extreme sport. The floor wasn't completely smooth, but it was smooth enough that Kat's spear went skipping across the rock with her riding it like it was some kind of wild animal.
I thought Kat was dead in that instant. Her spear was still stuck in Fenrir, but as soon as she lost her balance he would trample her. A split second later the butt of her spear hit the wall behind her and Fenrir slid down the spear until he hit the crosspiece.
I would have said that nothing so slender, no metal known to man, could withstand the stress of trying to stop the better part of two tons of rampaging wolf moving at more than thirty miles per hour. I would have been mostly right.
Fenrir was picked up off of the ground and hurled towards the ceiling with an abruptness that was hard to believe. A split second later he slammed into the ceiling with enough force that I half expected him to bring the roof down on us. The shaft of Kat's spear bent, but it managed to keep Kat from being crushed.
All of that had happened in the blink of an eye. My sword was out of position, so I was forced to just jump to one side as the pooka blasted past me. I nearly wasn't fast enough. Despite my best efforts, the large horse-like fairy caught me with one shoulder and sent me reeling backwards.
I windmilled my free arm, trying to keep my balance as Jace unsheathed a sword from its position on his back and sprang forward. I managed to get my sword around so the point was directed at the pooka as it came back towards me again.
I knew I was being stupid, knew that giving my little corner of the fight anything less than my full attention was asking to be killed, but I couldn't help trying to watch out of the corner of my eye. These were my friends, people who were in danger solely in an effort to save me.
The pooka reared up, lashing out at me with its front legs, legs that had long, deadly claws. I knocked its right leg to one side, hands smarting from the force of a blow that did little more than scratch the fairy, and then charged forward, slashing at its stomach as I went.
Jace and Kat had done so well up until now that I half expected them to be on their way over to help me finish off the horse, but as I dodged back towards the center of the open space I realized that Fenrir hadn't just fallen straight back down. The force of his charge combined with the bend in the spear had sent him off to the right, and Kat's spear had caught her as Fenrir had fallen.
She was conscious and still had hold of her spear, but it definitely looked like her left leg had been broken. Fenrir rolled back up onto his feet and whipped his head around. The spear was in too deep to fall out easily, and Kat's amped hold on it was too strong for him to tear the shaft free of her hands. Instead she was flung across the floor, body dragging along behind the shaft of the spear.
Fenrir had turned her body into a weapon, but Jace easily jumped over her and his sword licked out aiming for the wolf's eyes. I had a split second in which to decide. Our situation was too terrible for us to continue on like we'd been doing.
I knew I was going to have to burn a peak memory, was going to have to generate an attack strong enough to make a real difference, but I chose to hit the pooka with my sun lance rather than aiming it at Fenrir.
I reached for my memories with the kind of desperate need I'd only felt twice before and the heat that awoke inside of me in re
sponse was like being thrown into a blast furnace. An instant later a bolt of liquid golden fire erupted from my hand and struck the pooka.
It felt like my soul was being pushed out through the center of my forehead, but the results were spectacular. My sun lance bored all the way through the black horse and hit the rock wall on the other side. The pooka dropped to the ground, instantly dead, and I turned around just in time to see Fenrir whip the free end of the spear around with such force that Kat lost her grip on it.
As I ran forward, intending on pulling her back out of the way, the butt of the spear hit Jace and knocked him into a wall with enough force that I half expected his arm to snap. Jace bounced off of the wall and shook his head as though trying to get the world to stop spinning, but I could already tell that he'd lost the initiative.
I made as though to help Kat, but she waved me towards Jace. "Help him! I just need a second to heal my leg."
I charged into Fenrir, leading with the tip of my sword again, all of my weight focused behind its deadly point, but I'd misjudged Fenrir's situational awareness. I bought Jace just enough time to get out of Fenrir's range, but Fenrir spun around and slammed his shoulder into me a split-second before my sword would have otherwise struck home.
I'd never been hit that hard before at any point in my life, and I suddenly realized that super-hard bones wouldn't do anything to protect my brain from injury. My vision swam, and for a second I thought I was going to throw up.
A loud clang brought my head around and I opened my eyes to see Jace's sword bounce off the wall after ricocheting off of the floor. Fenrir had Jace trapped in the corner and it was obvious to me that he was hoping to be able to play with Jace for a while before killing him.