by Beverly Rae
Cara caught Tilly’s eye in the rearview mirror and exchanged a questioning glance. This guy said some weird stuff. In fact, instead of sounding vain, he sounded as though he’d never seen his face before.
Deciding to ignore his odd remark, she kept one eye on the road and the other on the scenery—Josh—as she made record time getting to her apartment. Walter and Tilly chatted away in the rear seat while Josh rattled on about how much he liked the car. By the time she’d pulled into her parking spot at the apartment complex and turned off the engine, she wasn’t surprised when he groaned out loud. “You really got a kick out of cruisin’ down the highway, huh?” She grinned, hoping he’d take her playful jab for what it was.
“I loved it. Especially since your car doesn’t have a lid on it.”
“A lid?” Where was this guy from? Timbuktu?
“He means it’s a convertible.” Walter didn’t take his attention off Tilly even while he answered. Cara wondered if anything would take his focus off her friend.
Cara led the way to her first floor apartment, threw open the door and waited for the usual remarks. Visitors always said something about the mess which made her even less inclined to clean the place. In fact, hearing what they’d say was sort of a game to her. So she wasn’t big on cleaning. Big deal. Her life’s motto was Live, Love and Laugh—not Clean, Dust and Vacuum.
“Go ahead. Say what you want. I’ve heard them all.” She rested her fists on her hips and waited. Yet, instead of criticizing the room and making bad jokes, Josh and Walter shot by her and into the tiny kitchen area. Walter flung open the refrigerator door and started scooping out a variety of items.
Cara glanced at Tilly before following them into the kitchen. “Hey, feel free to make yourself at home. Don’t worry about us.”
“Will do.” Walter loaded a bun with a hot dog, relish, mustard and onions. Yelping with delight, he stuck a frankfurter in the bun, then placed the food in the microwave and punched a couple of buttons. When the food was heated, he grabbed a napkin and slid the hot dog onto it. Yet, in a surprise move, he handed the concoction to Josh, instead of eating it. “Try this. You’re gonna love it. This, my friend, is a hot dog.”
Looking like a kid who’d bought his own candy store, Josh’s face lit up with excitement. He took the hot dog from Walter as though it were nothing less than gold, examined it from every angle, opened his mouth and shoved half inside. A delighted moan rumbled from him as he chewed.
“I told you. Hot dogs are the best.” Walter threw another two hot dogs together before Josh managed to finish the first one. “Enjoy, man, because there is nothing better.”
Without stopping, Josh nodded and gestured for his second one. Mustard dribbled down his chin and Cara wanted nothing more than to lick the condiment off his skin.
Josh and Walter finished off three loaded hot dogs a piece before finally noticing Cara and Tilly leaning against the wall, waiting for them. Cara laughed and shook her head in a men are such pigs expression. “Good to see nearly dying didn’t ruin your appetites.”
The two men swapped a look before setting their fourth hot dogs on the counter. “Sorry. We got carried away. I guess we should have asked first.” Walter’s sheepish grin added to his apologetic demeanor.
“Don’t worry. Knock yourselves out. After all, it must take a ton of food to fill you up.”
Walter bent his head as if noticing his bulk for the first time. “I guess.”
“Is this one of those devices you told me about, Walter?” Josh pointed at the television set and strode over to flop onto the couch. Walter, continuing to devour his last hot dog, joined him.
“Yeah. And this one’s a good one, too. This is the kind they call big screens.” Walter grabbed the remote, turned on the set and pushed the last of his food into his mouth.
Garbled responses came as Walter flipped to a movie. A man and woman, stretched out in front of a roaring fire, moaned and groaned together in a noisy and exuberant session of steamy sex.
“Got a thing for porn, Walter? Which, by the way, isn’t a problem for me if you do.” Cara cocked her head to the side to study the contorted position of the couple.
Walter broke away from the screen and grinned at her. “A lot of time has passed since I saw anything like this.”
“I’ve never seen anything like this.”
Was Josh serious? She stared at him, waiting for him to laugh at his own joke. But he didn’t. “You mean on television? Because…you’ve seen people getting it on, right? Like whenever you’ve had sex? Maybe participated in group sex?”
“Getting it on?” He looked to Walter for confirmation, but the big guy only shrugged. “Nope. Never.”
What? Cara sucked in a breath, realizing she’d stopped breathing for a moment. “Are you kidding me? No way. Are you saying you’re a you-know-what?” Yet Josh’s confused expression gave him away. “Oh, shit. You’re a…virgin?” She crossed over to stand in front of the men and demanded their full attention. “Are you frickin’ for real? Someone who looks like you can’t still be a virgin. Plus, you’re a guy. I mean, how can a good-lookin’ guy like you not have ever gotten laid?” She narrowed her eyes at him and waited for him to say he was punking her. “You are kidding me, right?”
Josh and Walter exchanged a look before Walter came to the rescue yet again. “Nope. He’s not joking and we don’t lie.” Waving his hands, he motioned for her to move out from in front of the television, yet she stayed put.
Could these guys be playing her? She studied Josh’s face, his gaze focused on her instead of the big screen. She’d have bet her life he was what he said he was. A virgin. She had a real live virgin sitting on her couch. But not for much longer.
“Tilly, you take good care of Walter.” Clasping the hunky innocent’s hand, she tugged him to a standing position. “I’m going to give Josh here his first lesson in the birds and the bees.” Pivoting, she pulled him with her and headed for her bedroom. “Goody. I’ve never had fresh meat. This is gonna be fun.”
“Wait!”
At the yank on her hand, Cara spun around to find a very upset Walter following them. “I’m sorry, big guy, but what you’re thinking isn’t happening. I’m okay with multiples, but the first time…” She lifted her eyebrow at Josh in a telling gesture. “…should be one on one. Maybe later, okay?”
“Josh, you can’t. This isn’t right.”
Walter’s urgent plea threw her off-guard. What an insult. Did Walter not think she was good enough for Josh’s first experience? “Back off, man. You’re not his mother.” She shot him the look she’d perfected that could wither any man’s advances. “And I doubt you’re his father.”
Walter faltered as his brows knitted together. “His father? No, I’m not, but I am his—”
“Walter, I want to.” Josh blew his friend’s protest to hell and shot him a reassuring smile. “This is why I came here, right? To experience what I missed?”
“Yes, but I don’t think this is what The One-Who-Knows-Almost-All had in mind.”
The One-Who-Knows-Almost-All? Who did Walter mean? Please tell me these guys aren’t Harry Potter fanatics. Or worse, Dungeons & Dragons players. She could handle a little weirdness but, as far as she was concerned, these men had already surpassed their freaky quota for the day.
Josh’s internal struggle flitted across his face. “Maybe Walter’s right. I’ve always heard two people should get married first. Or at least, be in love.”
Cara scrunched up her face, disgust mixing with disbelief. “Oh, come on. What decade do you think this is? The forties?”
Walter shot her an indignant expression. “The forties were wonderful. I should know.”
Deciding not to play into Walter’s objections any longer, she jerked on Josh’s arm and pulled him into the bedroom. “Tilly, come get Walter.” Slamming the door in Walter’s horrified face, she shoved Josh forward, pushing him onto the bed. She followed, jumping on top of him with one leg on either side of his wa
ist.
“Cara?”
She shook her head as she unbuttoned his shirt. “Hush. I’ll take care of everything. You’re going to have only one problem after I get through with you. Your first time will be so incredible every woman after me is going to disappoint you.” Running her tongue over her upper lip, she delighted in the rock-hard chest under her exploring fingers. “Damn, lover boy, how could you have escaped a woman’s clutches until now?”
His gaze lingered on her breasts as he tentatively reached under her t-shirt and lifted it over her head. “I didn’t escape. I got permission.”
Pausing, she tilted her head at him in question, but when he didn’t offer an explanation, she tossed her unspoken question aside. Sex first. Questions later. “You, dude, are one strange man. Fortunately for you, however, I like strange men. As long they’re strange and hot.”
His attempt to speak was muffled as her mouth slammed onto his. Sliding her tongue inside his mouth, she traced the sides of his mouth, toying with his tongue as she drew in his tastes. At first, his inexperience showed in his lack of response, but he soon picked up on the lesson, bringing her tongue into his mouth. He moaned, an eager sound, flaring the fire within her into a roaring blaze.
Unzipping each other’s jeans, she allowed him to slide hers off her hips to rest underneath her butt as she wiggled to help him. Her bra soon fell to the floor and she heard him gasp as he took in her full breasts.
“Well?” She cupped her breasts and bobbed them up and down. “Do these meet with your approval? Are they as good as any others you’ve seen?”
The man almost drooled as he stared at her. “I haven’t seen any others.”
“You’re kidding me. Look, I know you’re a virgin, but surely you’ve seen boobs before.” She stopped and stared at him. “Now I know you’re razzing me. You’d have to have seen dozens simply from watching television and movies.”
He watched her breasts jiggle as his hands covered her tits. “Sorry. Never have. I’ve never watched those things. Which means I’ve never seen any, uh, boobs.” He tossed her a hopeful grin. “Are there really dozens on television? Do they all look like yours?”
She rested her hands on his chest, trying to ignore the voice in her head. This man is seriously weird. “Where the hell have you been? Did you grow up in some third world country or something? Were you raised in a monastery?” Please explain this. Tell me you were raised by wolves. Anything I can believe. Anything to counteract the psycho factor.
“I’ve been in Heaven, waiting for my training. You see, I died when I was a baby and—”
Cara flew off him, stumbling over the side of the bed and scrambling toward the opposite wall while tugging up her jeans. Forget her shirt. She needed to get away from this nut. “Heaven? You died and now you’re back?”
He sat up, gawking at her as if she was the crazy one. “What’s wrong? I was just answering your question.” He frowned and shook his head. “I guess Walter was right. I shouldn’t tell anyone. But I thought since we’re friends and we’re going to have an intimate coupling, I should mention it.”
A framed picture of her parasailing in Hawaii jabbed into her back as she tried to become one with the wall—one as in disappearing into the wall and coming out on the other side. She couldn’t get her feet to move, rooting her to the spot. Like watching a ten-car pileup on the highway, she couldn’t leave without hearing more. Still, she wasn’t totally shell-shocked. “Yeah, I think you should’ve listened to Walter. Now don’t get excited ‘cause everything’s okay. I’ll go get Walter—”
“No.”
“Okay, then. How about this other guy? You know. The One-Who-Knows-All?” Maybe he was the head psychiatrist at the funny farm?
“You mean, The One-Who-Knows-Almost-All. Only the head man, God, knows all. And I wouldn’t want to disturb either one of them.”
She crossed her arms over her bare breasts. She should play along for now. No reason to get him any more excited than he already was. “Okay, okay. No Walter. No other guys. Whatever you say.” Until I can the hell outta here.
Josh’s brilliant smile almost relaxed her. “Good. I mean, Walter might get mad and send me—”
“Home?” Maybe if she played along with him, she could figure a way out of this mess. “You mean…” Rolling her eyes upward, she glanced at the ceiling, then at him.
“Yeah. Up there. Home.” His frown returned as disappointment layered his features. “You don’t believe me, do you?”
“Well, it is kind of an odd statement.” Don’t get him upset. “But, hey, I believe you. Sure, I do.”
“You do?”
“Uh, sure.” Would any of her neighbors call the police if she screamed? Unlikely. They’d probably think she was in the middle of a climax. Hadn’t Goeler rushed to her aid when she’d screamed during sex the last time? Who knew the old bitty could break into an apartment with a hair pin? Thankfully, the octogenarian hadn’t had a heart attack when she’d burst in on the orgy. After that unfortunate incident, she doubted the neighbors would be concerned about the noises coming from her apartment. Talk about Boy Who Cried Wolf. Meet Girl Who Screams When She Comes. But what about Tilly? Was Walter as nutso as Josh?
“Let me explain, okay?” At her nod, he continued, apparently placated by her easy agreement. “I died as an infant. Therefore, I never got to live on Earth. And since I’m about to be promoted to a full-time angel, I asked if I could come to Earth and experience some of what I missed. You know, so I can do a better job helping the people I’m supposed to help later on.”
Cara surveyed the room around her trying to find anything she might use as a weapon. Seeing her mahogany dresser next to the door, she remembered she’d thrown her baseball bat behind it during her last cleaning day several weeks earlier. As a member of her company’s softball team, she batted around five hundred. If she could inch her way over to the dresser…
“Are you cold? Do you want to put your shirt on?”
“What?” Was he trying to trick her into reaching for her shirt? Could she snatch it before he grabbed her?
“Your shirt?” Josh flicked his finger and her shirt lifted off the floor and floated over to her. “Do you want your shirt?”
Gaping, she watched, frozen motionless, as her t-shirt hovered in the air in front of her. Gingerly, she waved her hand over the top and, finding no strings, waved it under the bottom of the shirt. “How the hell?”
“I told you. I’m an angel. Or, at least, I will be. But even angels-in-training have powers.”
He had to be some kind of magician. Granted he was a mentally ill one, but a magician, nonetheless. Yet right now she didn’t care how he did his tricks. All she wanted was to get him out of her apartment. Cautiously taking her shirt out of the air, she gave it a wary once-over, slipped it on and zipped up her jeans. But how could she get rid of him?
“Anyway, since I died as a baby, The One-Who-Knows-Almost-All decided I could experience a brief time on Earth as a human.” He shrugged and gave her the soft smile again. “Or, more accurately, part human.”
She forced out her words, surprised to find she sounded somewhat normal. “This is why you’ve never had sex? Because you’re an angel?”
“Angel-in-training.” His creamy chocolate-colored eyes glistened with happiness. “But yeah, you’ve got it. I’m here to have a few experiences. Like eating hot dogs, among a whole lot of other things. Wow, I sure liked those hot dogs.”
A glimmer of an idea shot through her. He was a lunatic with a hot dog obsession. Taking hold of the plan like a lifeline in a sand storm, she adopted a pleasant mask and offered her exit strategy guised as a culinary bribe. “Would you like some more hot dogs? I think I have a bunch in the freezer. I think they’re kosher, too.” Kosher? Did that matter? Moving toward the door, she continued, “How about I go nuke them in the microwave and get them ready for you?”
“But what about sex? I’d really like to try doing sex first. We can eat hot dogs later.�
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Cara kept scooting toward the dresser and the door. She had to get the bat. Once she had the bat, she’d stand a fighting chance of getting him out of the apartment.
“You know what?” She nodded, trying to appease him while hoping to change his mind. “Sex is good. But it’s not half as good as a yummy hot dog.” Just a foot or so to go and she’d grab the bat. “Let’s go get the food, okay?”
She lunged for the bat, wrapping her hands around the base as Josh rose from the bed. Swinging without looking first, she missed his head by a narrow margin. She readied her arm again, determined to hit a home run.
“Hey!” Josh’s hands flew up to block her next hit, as she ducked and reached for the doorknob. “What’re you doing?”
Chapter Two
“Tilly!”
Cara charged into the living room, chasing a fleeing Josh ahead of her. Intent on raising her batting average and ridding her apartment of loonies, she didn’t notice her friend until she was almost halfway into the room. “Ohmigod, Tilly!” She slammed to a stop and lowered her bat.
Tilly and Walter, mouths joined in an airtight lip lock and their bodies intertwined as close as any two people could get, lay sprawled across the sofa. Cara shouted a curse and squeezed her eyes closed, fighting to get the visual of a naked Walter out of her mind. She heard the two lovers scramble apart before she dared open her eyes again.
“Oh, uh, Cara. I, uh, well…” Walter stumbled to find the words, but the speechless Tilly couldn’t give him any help. Giving up, a blushing and nude Walter rushed after Josh as his friend bolted from the apartment.
“What happened?” Tilly doubled over, barely dodging a swing of Cara’s bat as she belatedly aimed for the fleeing Walter. “Hey! Watch out!”
“He’s a nut. They’re probably both escapees from the nut house. And you? Urgh.” Cara wanted to spit out the unpleasant taste in her mouth, but refrained, knowing she’d hate herself for doing the disgusting act.