by Lola StVil
“Okay. Am I still grounded?”
“Very much so.”
“Aw, man.”
“What did Charles say that made you mad?” I try once again to get the full story.
“He said he went camping with his dad, and I said I went with my dad too. He called me a liar. He said I didn’t have a dad.”
Damn it.
“Honey, you’ve never been camping with your dad,” I remind him gently.
“I know, but Charles is always saying stuff he did with his dad, and I wanted to say stuff too.”
I can feel my chest tighten. God, I just want to make it better for him. Please tell me how I can make it better.
I know better than to open my mouth and say what I am about to say. But it’s hard to watch my baby in need and not be able to help him. I should at least be able to make it okay. I’m his mom; it’s my job.
Mia, don’t say anything. You know Tom. He could blow you off at any moment. Don’t you dare say anything!
“Well, just so you know, tomorrow I have a very good surprise for you.”
“You do?!” he says as his eyes dance.
“Yes!”
Mia, don’t say it! Don’t say it!
“Guess who is coming with you for show-and-tell?”
“Who?!”
“Your dad!”
“Daddy?!”
“Yes! He wanted to surprise you. So, go to bed and get some rest. Tomorrow the two of you can show off Mr. Henry to the class.”
“Really?! Yes!” he says with a grin almost bigger than his face.
I lean in and kiss his forehead. “What do you know for sure, peanut?”
“I am loved.”
“That’s right. No more fighting, got it?”
“Okay, Mom.”
I walk out of his room, and he calls my name. “Mom?”
“Yeah?”
“What do you know for sure?”
***
“You son of a bitch!” I yell at the top of my lungs as I hurl my cell at the wall of my office. Jackson enters just in time to duck the flying phone.
“What the hell?” he says as he recovers from the unprovoked attack.
“Oh no! I’m sorry,” I reply as I rush towards him. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, but I don’t think cell phone attacks are covered by my insurance.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to throw that at you.”
“It’s better than bullets. Argo said you were between clients and that I could come in. Is this a bad time?”
“I screwed up,” I reply as I sink down in the nearest chair and place my head in my hands.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” he says, sitting next to me.
“London. That asshole is in London! I can’t believe he would do this! I told him how important this was to Aaron. I’ve called him a million times since we made plans for him to show up. He never even hinted that he might have to leave town right now.”
“Okay, let’s start over. What’s going on?”
I tell him about the show-and-tell at Aaron’s school. And how I went against my better judgment and told Aaron that his dad would show up.
“And now, two hours before he’s supposed to be there, he calls me to say he took a flight to London and he doesn’t know when he’ll be back. Who the hell does that?”
“Damn, I’m sorry,” he replies sadly.
“ARGH! It’s not even him I’m mad at, it’s me. I knew better than to get Aaron’s hopes up. It’s one thing to have Tom be a deadbeat, but this time, it’s me. I’m the one who hurt him. If I didn’t say anything, Aaron would have just been happy to bring his reptile. But no! I had to open my big mouth!”
“Why did you tell?” he asks gently. I recount my conversation the night before with my son. Jackson listens closely.
“I knew I shouldn’t say anything until Tom was right there in front of me, at the school. But Aaron looked so sad and hopeless. I just wanted to fix it for him, and instead, I made it worse.”
“You were trying to help, Mia. That’s what any parent would do.”
“It doesn’t matter what I was trying to do! My kid is gonna get his heart crushed, and it’s all my fault. I hurt him. What kind of mother does that?!” I reply as I burst out crying.
Shit! Crying is the very last thing I want to do right now, especially in front of Jackson. But the more I try not to cry, the more I cry.
He holds me against his solid chest and gently strokes my back. His voice is low and reassuring. “Hey, you are doing a fantastic job with Aaron. And it’s not your fault his dad flaked on him. You do everything you can to make sure he’s happy and healthy. Give yourself a break.”
“I wanted to do better for him. I see the way he looks when he sees a guy with his kids at the park or in the arcade. He asked me one day if there was something wrong with him, to make his father not want to hang out with him. I swear, hearing him ask me that killed me. Knowing all of that, I should never have said Tom was coming. I can’t believe how much I screwed this up.”
“Hey, look at me,” he says firmly as he hands me a tissue from the box on the coffee table. I wipe my face and look at him.
“You made a mistake telling Aaron. But it came from a good place. You wanted to give him the thing that all kids need—hope. And no one can fault you for that. Aaron is a smart kid; he knows how much you love him. And this isn’t going to define his entire life. I work cases and see families that are so broken there’s no way they can ever be whole again.
“Thankfully that’s not you and Aaron. You are raising him in an environment where he’s loved, cared for, and protected. What’s going to stay with him is how amazing and kickass his mom is and how much she loves him.”
“I just don’t want him to get hurt. And when 2 PM hits, he’s gonna look for his dad and—”
“And it’s going to hurt him. But he has a mom who has a superpower—she can make him laugh and make it all better. And I believe you will do just that. Baby, you can’t stop him from hurting—not about this. But you can and will be there to make it better.”
“Come here,” I reply.
He comes closer, and I wrap my arms around him. “Thank you.”
“Anytime,” he replies.
I’d like to stay in his arms for another hour or three. But I have a client coming in. After that client, I will head over to the school and break the news to Aaron. I don’t want him to wait for Tom. In fact, I won’t let that happen again. Aaron is a great kid, and it’s Tom’s loss, not ours.
I straighten up and thank Jackson as Argo enters with my cell. It has survived; thank goodness I have a very strong cell phone case. I’m glad my client didn’t see me hurl things at the wall. So, if anyone is keeping score, today I failed at motherhood and being a composed therapist.
I walk Jackson out to the elevator, and we embrace one more time. He pulls me in for another toe-curling kiss. He too has the power to make it all better.
“I need a lot more of that,” I mumble, still in his embrace.
“You got it,” he says, leaning in for yet another kiss. My head begins to spin, and I’m pretty sure if I don’t stop now, I never will. I pull away.
“Hey, will you call me later?” I ask.
“Maybe, can’t promise. I have something I have to do,” he says as he heads inside the elevator. That’s odd. But then maybe it’s cop stuff and he can’t tell me. Oh well.
***
I have been dreading this moment for the past two hours, but the time is here. I’ve just arrived at Aaron’s school. I walk down the hallway towards his classroom and hear laughter coming from inside. I peek inside, and my jaw drops. Standing in front of the class is Aaron, Mr. Henry, and Jackson!
The three of them are entertaining the class with the story of how Mr. Henry got to be on the FBI’s most wanted list. It’s a silly, goofy story that makes the kids howl with laughter, including Aaron. I open the door to the classroom quietly and watch from the sidelines.
&
nbsp; “And that’s how Mr. Henry, the Iguana, made it to the FBI’s most wanted list! So, if you see him, please let me know, and I will catch him!” Jackson vows in a menacing tone.
“He’s right there, behind you!” the class shouts. The kids go crazy as Jackson pretends to be outsmarted by Mr. Henry. Aaron has a look of pride that I’ve never seen him have with Tom or anyone else. My heart swells. I look over at Jackson.
So, that’s what you had to do, Mr. Hunter?
He winks at me, and I smile and hold back tears of joy. I watch as he places his arm around Aaron’s shoulder and calls him his FBI deputy in training. He asks who else wants to be a deputy. The whole class raises their hands. He laughs and starts picking potential “candidates.” It’s then and there that I realize I’m falling in love with Jackson Hunter.
My brother, Cash, looks over the case files I’ve laid out on the table. My team is planning a raid tomorrow on the biker gang who call themselves “God’s Wrath.” The members claim to be a harmless group of men who enjoy riding motorcycles. They swear they are peace-loving men who enjoy weekend fellowship and community building. We all know it’s a bunch of horseshit, and they know they aren’t fooling anyone.
The fact is biker gangs are a growing problem, and they have proven to be just as formidable as street gangs and even cartels. Hollywood portrays them as fun-loving cool guys who hit the road and live on their own terms. However, biker gangs like God’s Wrath have committed crimes ranging from money laundering to murder for hire. This particular gang is known for trafficking guns and drugs, in addition to prostitution, money laundering, and arson.
“I’m not crazy about you guys going in tomorrow,” Cash admits.
“There’s been chatter about us possibly coming for them. We know they will be on high alert. But they’ve been escalating. They’re going to war with Hell’s Soldiers, so we can’t wait,” I reply.
“This one right here—the second-in-command,” he says, pointing to the file of a large guy with a skull tattoo on his face. “He’s the one you have to look out for. You’d think it would be the leader, but no, this motherfucker is desperate to make his mark. He’s fought to overthrow the leader for years behind his back. He’s pushed for the club to expand. He’s hungry and doesn’t give a shit what has to happen in order to come out on top.”
“Yeah, he’s on our radar. We suspect he’s taken out at least six rival members. He has more than enough access to guns, but he has an affinity for blades, his weapon of choice. The last guy he cut so badly, he never made it to the hospital.”
“They’ve been moving a lot of product this year; I think they really are trying to step up their game.”
“Exactly why we need to go in now.”
“I should be there,” Cash says, concerned.
“You suck at your job; I’d end up having to rescue your ass.”
“What? You wish. Did you forget who I am?”
I laugh at him. He’s pretending to be boastful, but the fact is, Cash is remarkable with a gun. He’s one of the best in the city. He met his wife while saving her from a drugged-out gunman. He used to go undercover out of the country a lot, but since he’s settled down, he mostly stays in the US. Typically, we would try and run a joint task force, but the asshole at the top wants the FBI to get all the credit for this bust.
“Hey, these guys are not playing. I need to know that you feel ready for whatever might go down,” Cash says with growing concern.
“When have I ever not been ready?” I ask pointedly. He’s about to say something but thinks better of it and remains silent.
“What the hell, man, what’s on your mind?” I push.
“Wyatt says you’re still blaming yourself for what happened in the raid. I know what that shit is like, and you can’t go out into the field with that mindset. It’s the fastest way to get killed.”
“I know what I’m doing. I’m clearheaded,” I promise him.
“Are you?” he says, no longer bothering to hide his doubts.
“Hey, I just said I was,” I reply, glaring at him.
He shrugs his shoulders. “Okay, just looking out for you. I know you’d be on my ass if you thought I was going into a raid distracted.”
“Yeah, I would be,” I admit. I soften my tone and try to remember that we are all on the same side. After losing our sister, all five of us vowed to look after each other even more so than before. Cash isn’t saying anything to me that I wouldn’t have said to him.
“Cash, I’m good. I’m not sleeping as I should be, but even that’s gotten better,” I assure him as I walk over to the fridge and hand him a bottle of water. He has a stakeout later tonight, so he won’t be drinking beers. He takes it and downs it quickly.
“Good, stay focused. And by the way, there’s nothing you can tell me about lacking sleep that I don’t already know,” he says.
I laugh. “How are the twins?” I ask.
“Loud.” He sighs. He and his wife, Skylar, had twin girls not too long ago. The little girls are cute as hell, but they are a handful. Despite the long nights and craziness, it’s easy to see the new parents are seriously in love with their kids.
“How do you feel about being a dad?” I ask.
“Wait, where the hell is that coming from? Crap. Did you get some woman pregnant? How is that possible? Shelby would have told us by now.”
My sister-in-law, Shelby, is married to our oldest brother. He works for the CIA. While we all love Shelby, she has a talent for putting her nose in places where it doesn’t belong. I call her “Endless” because there simply is no end to her intruding on other people’s lives. She’s like a small puppy that hops around and barks at all hours of the night. There is no tuning that damn woman out. The other thing about Shelby that I hate is that she is almost always right.
“No one is pregnant,” I reply.
“So why the question?”
“Well, there’s a woman…”
“Oh, the one Wyatt mentioned. The doctor you want to…examine you.”
“Shut up. It’s not like that. She’s wonderful, and she has a son. Aaron. He’s a really good kid. But his dad’s a dick. He deserves better.”
“Are you the ‘better’ version in this scenario?”
“Maybe,” I reply as I cross my arms in front of my chest and walk over to the window. I tell Cash about Mia and Aaron. I inform him that after show-and-tell, we started having dinner together every night. And if we couldn’t make dinner work, we’d fit in lunch or even coffee. And when Aaron got off punishment, we ended up having guy time, which for Aaron meant Shark Week.
“Mia was worried he couldn’t handle the gore and stuff, but in the end, she’s the one who had to close her eyes. Aaron and I would take turns scaring her. One night we got her so good, I swear she jumped ten feet in the air. I’d like to take credit for it, but it was a team effort.”
“Wow, does Mom know?” he asks as he studies my face.
“Does Mom know what?” I ask.
“Oh shit, you don’t even know.” He laughs and shakes his head in disbelief.
“Cash, what the hell is so funny?”
“My brother’s in love… Ha! You are so screwed.”
“Okay, I’ve had enough of you, get out,” I reply as I shove him towards the door. He continues to laugh.
“Wait until Shelby hears this,” he teases.
“Get out, get out,” I joke as I push him through the front door. “And don’t forget to kiss my nieces for me,” I shout.
“Hey, one more thing,” Cash says. “About fatherhood…”
“Yeah?”
“It’s the best fucking thing you’ll ever do.”
***
The past two weeks with Jackson have been phenomenal. We get along as if we have known each other all our lives. What’s more important, he’s become Aaron’s partner in crime. Seeing the two of them together always picks up my mood.
A few nights ago, Jackson was waiting for me when I got home. I had se
ssions back to back and didn’t even get a lunch break. My head was pounding, the train was delayed, and I had a mountain of paperwork waiting for me back at the office. I’d defrosted some ground beef and intended to make lasagna, but I was so tired, I knew I’d probably end up ordering out. I scolded myself for not placing the order before I got home. I knew Aaron was most likely starving.
However, there was no need to place an order because when I got home, Jackson and Aaron were already eating pizza. It turns out the babysitter had a big test to study for, so when Jackson stopped by, he told her she could leave early and that he would take care of Aaron. The two of them went over his homework and then had dinner. All I had to do when I got home was eat dinner and relax. He even tucked Aaron in for me—per Aaron’s request.
The only part that I wish I could change is our schedule. I wish Jackson and I had more time with each other. I’ve talked to Argo about it, and he thinks that as soon as Aaron is in bed, Jackson and I should go to bed too. But I’ve never had a man stay the night before, and that’s a little scary for me. Well, not just me; I worry about how Aaron will take it. I know how much he likes Jackson but what will he think if Jackson spends the night?
“Girl, that boy loves Jackson. He’ll be fine with it,” Argo insists.
“I want to go slow with this.”
“It’s been weeks, and you two have been making out on the sofa when Aaron isn’t in the room like teenagers. You two need alone time. I mean, how far can you push a man? I bet he’s fifty shades of blue by now,” Argo teased.
Ever since that conversation, Argo has been trying to get me to let Jackson spend the night by sending me songs that have to do with people being horny and giving in to their desire.
I think the romance gods must have heard my prayers because as soon as I put Aaron on the bus this morning, I got a text from Argo letting me know that two of my clients canceled. I have the morning free. I decide to surprise Jackson at his house. But then I think of all the movies I’ve watched where a woman surprises the guy, and it ends up blowing up in her face. So I call Jackson first, and he laughs and says, “Get your sweet ass over here now!” So I hang up and make my way to his place.