by Remy, Cate
“Right,” said Deacon. “I play a concert tonight.”
His father’s kitchen was arranged neat and orderly with shiny appliances and a gleaming kitchen island. His father picked up a tray of cheese and crackers and set them on the dining table that held three plates and coffee mugs. “Your brother got a job at NYU teaching linguistics.”
He tensed when his father mentioned his brother’s recent accomplishment. “Drew moved to New York, too?”
“Yes, and I couldn’t be happier for him and his family. His wife has a new job as editor at one of the Manhattan publishing houses. The kids are going to go to the best private school in the state. He’s done really well for himself.”
Deacon remembered how his father used to always brag on his older brother. Things hadn’t changed much, but it was good to hear that drew was fulfilling his dream. “Tell him I said congratulations.”
“I will. I’ll give you his number. He got a new one when he moved.” His father poured the coffee for them and sat down at the table.
Tracy took a couple slices of cheese from the platter. “It seems like both of your sons are good with words, Dr. Westmore. Deacon writes all his songs, including those from his newest album.”
His father glanced at him. “You do?”
“Yes,” he answered.
“I haven’t heard about you coming out with new music in a while.”
“This album took me a while to get the words down.”
“Is that so? Hm.” His father made a noise that was hard to distinguish from a contemplative noise or hidden laughter.
Tracy nibbled on the cheese. “I was surprised when Deacon told me he arranged all the music, too. That seems like it’s difficult, writing and creating music to go along with the words.”
Deacon planted his feet on the floor beneath the table. Although he didn’t need her to brag on him in front of his father, he liked hearing Tracy talk about his achievements.
“My son is a musician. That’s what musicians ought to do.” His father gave his two cents.
Deacon turned his head and glanced into the den. He saw a familiar picture on the mantle of the stone fireplace. “You still kept the picture of Mom and me when she came to my first band recital.”
His father looked at the photo. “That was her favorite picture of the two of you. I always thought she looked beautiful in it.”
Tracy pushed her chair back. “Do you mind if I take a closer look, Dr. Westmore?”
“Not at all.”
Tracy walked to the fireplace. She studied the photo as though it were something that belonged in a museum. “You look so cute with your bowl haircut, Deacon.”
“Only you and my mother would think so.” He laughed while looking at his thirteen year-old self.
“Your mother was a beautiful woman. I see where you got your eye color.” She moved on to the next photo. “’m guessing this is you and your brother?”
“The boys were in high school when that picture was taken,” his father answered before he could. “Drew was about to graduate and Deacon just finished freshman year.”
Tracy returned to the kitchen table to finish their light refreshments. She and his father chatted a little more about photography and old movies. His father didn’t ask him any questions about what he was doing with his life.
About a half hour later, his father glanced at the clock on the microwave. “Looks like it’s almost time for you two to leave. Didn’t you say you and Tracy needed to be on the bus by two? It’s almost one now.”
Deacon stood and picked up his mug and plate. “We do need to head back to the hotel. Thanks for letting us stop by.”
Tracy picked up her plate and carried it over to the sink. “Before we leave, do you mind if I look at those black and white photos in the hallway again?”
“Help yourself. I was going to have a quick word with my son, anyway.”
She gave Deacon an encouraging smile before slipping out into the hall. Deacon put his plate in the sink while he waited for his father to speak to him. If he wanted to talk to him alone, it probably wasn’t good. Now he was going to share how he really felt.
“Your fiancée is charming. And smart.”
“She is. Very.”
“She doesn’t seem like the other women you’ve dated.”
Deacon was confused. “How do you know about them?”
His father put his hands in his pockets and looked at the kitchen island. “I’ve followed your career over the years. I haven’t said anything, but I’ve seen how you’ve come up from playing in a garage band to selling out stadium concerts.”
“I... didn’t expect that. I thought you weren’t a fan of rock music.”
“I may not have a clue what any of it is,” his father admitted, “but I can see you work hard and people like what you do.”
For a second, he was stunned. “Dad, I didn’t know you paid any attention to me. Before I left home, you told me you didn’t want me to act or start a band.”
“They didn’t seem like stable career choices to me. I wanted you to have something safe to fall back on.”
Deacon folded his arms. “You also said I wouldn’t amount to anything unless I learned how to read and speak. Dyslexia isn’t something that ever goes away.”
A pained look crossed his father’s face. “I regret every single cruel thing I’ve ever said to you. When your mother died, I grieved for years. I didn’t know how to encourage you the way she did, so I decided to be stern with you instead.”
“It didn’t work. Instead of helping me, you made me feel like I wasn’t good enough.”
“I know. When you left home, I started seeking therapy. The way I spoke to you was all I knew growing up. It’s all my father taught me. I’m sorry, son.”
Deacon heard the apology he never expected to come from his father’s mouth. He stood in the kitchen, silent. “I didn’t know that about you.”
“My father and I didn’t get a chance to make amends. I don’t want that to be our story.” His father came forward and held out his hand. “I appreciate you calling and coming over to visit.”
He shook his father’s hand. The handshake turned into a hug. “Thanks, Dad.”
“Be good to Tracy or you’ll have to answer to me.”
Deacon looked towards the hallway and saw her shadow. “She is special.”
“Have you set a date yet?”
The tension returned. “Not yet. I’ll let you know when we do.”
His father smiled. Deacon saw pride in his eyes. “Congratulations on your engagement. We’ll have to get you and Drew together again.”
He walked out in the hall with his father. Tracy talked to his father a little more about the pictures before they said goodbye. Once they were in the chauffeured car, she said, “So I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation with your dad while I was in the hall.”
“Just admit you had your ear pressed to the wall.”
“No.” A glow formed on her cheeks when she smiled. “It seemed like you and he had a good talk.”
“He apologized for how he treated me when I was younger. I wasn’t expecting him to do that.”
“Wow, sounds like he’s turned over a new leaf.”
“I think so.” Deacon found himself staring at her heart-shaped face. “You talked me into reaching out to him. I’m glad I listened to you.”
“I’m happy it worked out. You look like a load has been taken off your shoulders.”
He leaned down towards her. She lifted her chin. He reached out to graze her jawline with his thumb. Her skin was velvet soft. Her lips looked just as enticing. He pressed a kiss to them. It became long and sweet, with him giving her more kisses before the car reached a stop at the hotel.
“Tracy,” he heard his own voice, a bit raspy. She stared up at him, dark brown irises widening. He wanted to keep holding and kissing her. He didn’t want to hurry and jump on the bus. “I think I love you.”
She blinked rapidly as thoug
h waking up from sleep. She pushed back from him and put her hand on the car door. “No, you don’t. You’re in love with what you think I can do for you.”
He realized he made a mistake. Before he could stop her, she opened the car door and vaulted out.
DEACON FELT LIKE THE floor had dropped out from beneath his feet as he somehow managed to get out of the car and go into the hotel. Tracy was nowhere to be seen in the lobby. He needed to find her and clear up the mess he made before it was time to head to Buffalo.
“There you are.” Ash flew around the corner from the direction of the hotel restaurant. “I’ve been waiting for you and Tracy to get back here.”
“Not now, Ash. I’m looking for Tracy.”
“What do you mean? She didn’t come back to the hotel with you?”
Deacon got out of the way of a family loaded down with suitcases and duffle bags, racing for the hotel exit. “She did, but there’s been a misunderstanding I got to clean up.”
“Uh-oh. What did you do?”
“I told her I loved her.”
“So?”
He admitted to Ash what took place during the car ride back to the hotel. “We weren’t in public. It was just the two of us.”
His manager looked like he swallowed a combination of pickle and lemon juice. His features twisted in a confused frown. “What’s wrong with you?”
“The words just came out of my mouth.”
“Did you forget you two have a contractual relationship? You’re mucking it up by letting your feelings get involved.”
“Some of us aren’t robots with a day planner, alright? I don’t need you to tell me I made a mistake. I know I have to clear this up.”
“Hurry before this whole thing goes south. And take your emotions out of it.”
Deacon hurried to the elevator. There was a chance he could catch Tracy and talk to her before she came downstairs to get on the bus.
TRACY GOT TO HER ROOM and threw her clothes into her suitcase. Her face was hot from both being in an intimate situation with Deacon and her resulting anger at what he said.
She let herself get carried away again. He didn’t love her. He was just happy that things were finally going well in his life. His concerts were selling out. He made up with his father. Basically, he was on an emotional high and didn’t think about what he was saying.
To average people like her, the words I love you meant something. But Deacon was a rocker. What did love mean to him? With that brooding face, those lips, and hazel eyes, he could look at any woman and say lovey-dovey things he didn’t mean before he went to play a concert in the next town. It was all flirtation and games.
Well, this was a game that she failed at playing. She did have genuine feelings that she wasn’t able to tell him. He wouldn’t understand. With his career taking off again, she doubted his level of commitment to a relationship.
She shook her head at herself for allowing her emotions to get to this point. Stick to the plan, Tracy. Don’t let Deacon get into your head. Her engagement ring caught the light above the bed. She stared at it for a few seconds. Was it already too late?
She snatched up her cell phone. She wanted to check on her aunt before heading to Buffalo. She found a voicemail from Auntie Olivia. It was from a few minutes ago, when she was in the elevator and didn’t have phone service.
“Tracy.” Her aunt sounded breathless in the message. “Dr. Forest just called me. He says I’m next on the list for a kidney transplant. I have to be at the hospital in the morning. I don’t know what I’m going to do about the cost, but he told me to come, anyway. I’m going to call your sister and tell her.”
Tracy’s heart raced in her chest. She clutched the phone in her hand as someone knocked on her hotel door. She opened it to see Deacon standing before her.
“We have to talk.”
“I just listened to my aunt’s voicemail. She’s going to have her kidney transplant tomorrow morning.”
His mouth parted. “I didn’t know she had kidney problems.”
“I never told you. She’s been on dialysis for a long time. I tested so I could donate my kidney to her, but I wasn’t a match.”
“Was that when you came late to the talk show interview?”
She nodded. “I didn’t want to say anything.”
“Why not?”
“Because I didn’t know how you’d react. I was scared you’d fire me and take your money back. I needed it to pay her medical bills.” As she talked, she felt tears trying to form in her eyes.
“I would never do something like that.” Deacon took her by the shoulders. “Tracy, look at me. You have to go to your aunt.”
She stared into his eyes. “I don’t know if she’s going to have the surgery.”
“You said it’s scheduled for tomorrow.”
“I know, but her insurance doesn’t cover everything. She still has to pay the rest out of her own pocket.”
“I’ll advance you the rest of the money from your contract.”
“That would be so helpful.” Tracy shook her head. “But I don’t want to take your money.”
“It’s not my money. It’s yours. I’m giving it to you a little earlier.”
“Deacon—”
He stopped her from talking by embracing her. His touch felt safe and consoling. “You should stay with your aunt once the surgery is over.”
She attempted to process what he was saying. “What does that mean for us, for the rest of the contract?”
Light from the hallway moved across his face. He returned his hands to his sides. “The contract’s over. You’ve done a lot to help me. Your family needs you now.”
She couldn’t believe what he said. It sounded like he was giving her a gift by telling her she didn’t have to finish the contract. On the other hand, was it because he didn’t want her around anymore? “Are you letting me out of this contract because of what happened in the car today?”
“No, Tracy. I see the sacrifice you’re making by being away from your aunt. I don’t want you to spend more time keeping up this make-believe relationship.”
“What about your fans? Everyone thinks we’re together.”
“I’ll tell the media our engagement’s off. But I’ll give you time to be with your aunt first so the media won’t try to hound you.”
Something about the finality of that statement made Tracy sad. She twisted the ring on her finger. “I can’t say what we did was easy, but I had some fun times.”
“Me too.” He moved as though he were going to reach out and touch her. However, he didn’t get any closer.
Tracy grasped the ring and got it off her finger with a little tug. “I should give this back to you.”
“You can keep it if you want.” His voice was quiet and low as though he were fighting for control.
Her vision started to become blurry. “It’s a beautiful ring, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to keep it.” She placed it in Deacon’s hand.
His fingers closed around it. He put it in his pocket. “I’ll... I’ll let Ash know you’re flying back to Atlanta for your aunt’s surgery.”
“Thanks.” She found it difficult to keep talking. Her throat felt sore. “I hope I can get there before morning. You should get on the bus. I’ve already made you late.”
“Thank you, Tracy. For all you’ve done for me.” Deacon left her as he turned down the hall to go to the hotel elevator.
She watched the doors open and swallow him up. She stared at the elevator for a long time before she closed the door to her room and went to book her flight to Atlanta.
SIX HOURS LATER
Deacon stared out the bus window at the sign Welcome to Buffalo. Nothing felt welcoming to him now. He looked around the bus at his bandmates and his manager. Nick & Luka were asleep. Their snoring was louder than the bus’s engine.
“How’s Tracy?” Ash inquired.
“She hasn’t called or texted me. She said she hoped to fly to Atlanta before morning.”
His manager nodded before returning to his copy of the Wall Street Journal.
Deacon stretched out as best he could in the bus seat. He didn’t get any sleep since he boarded the bus. His mind was on Tracy. I think I love you. The words he spoke to her replayed in his head. Her response was also on repeat. No you don’t..
He had never felt this way about other women. He really did feel love for her. When he was with Tracy, he wanted to do nothing but be with her, whether they were talking, traveling, playing in the ocean, or kissing. He liked her independent spirit and how she worked hard to achieve her dreams. He liked hearing about her sister and her aunt, the beautiful family she had in Atlanta.
But of course, she didn’t believe him. He couldn’t blame her. He thought about how selfish he have been all this time during spring and summer, putting what he felt were the needs of his career above everything else. He spent too much time worried about keeping up with appearances and celebrity gossip all while Tracy was dealing with an ailing aunt. His behavior was so bad she didn’t feel she could tell him about what she was going through. That stung.
The things of her life mattered. With the exception of reconnecting with his dad, the things that made his life go round were superficial.
He raked his hands through his hair. He wished he realized this sooner rather than later, after Tracy was gone from his life. For good.
Chapter Eleven
Tracy got on her cell phone and succeeded in booking a red eye flight to Atlanta. She took the hotel shuttle to the airport and at two in the morning, she was in the air going back to Georgia.
She arrived at the ATL after five AM. While waiting for her luggage to come down in baggage claim, she called her aunt. It went to voicemail. She tried her sister’s phone next.
“Tracy, are you in Atlanta yet?” There was air rushing through the phone on her sister’s end, as though Candace were running.
“My plane just touched down. I’m still at the airport waiting to get a ride to the hospital. How is Auntie?”
“They’re about to prepare her to go into the OR now. The kidney just got here.”