“I know it was probably a very stupid thing to do – unprotected sex- with our histories – but those were less aware times - and we were rather drunk. Anyway, I was lucky, I got away unscathed. That is, at least as far as any transmittable nasties are concerned. But after you and I spoke, Rosie, I did my sums and worked out it was just possible I was Robbie’s father.”
“So, what now?” Michael had found his voice.
“At first I didn’t know what to do. I’m ashamed to say part of me didn’t want to know. It seemed such a massive thing. It is a massive thing. I thought about it for quite a while and then I talked it over with Kirsty.” He paused and looked at Kirsty. She smiled at him and squeezed his hand. “Anyway, with Kirsty’s help I realised I couldn’t just ignore it. So I contacted Sue Sutherland – her number was stored in the phone here in the flat. Sorry, Rosie, if that seems a bit sneaky.”
“No, it’s fine.” I shook my head as I spoke. “It doesn’t matter.”
“I didn’t want to bother you with it – not if it wasn’t going anywhere.” Sweat trickled down his forehead. He wiped it with the back of his hand. “Anyway, I told Sue what I suspected. She was great about it – very understanding – very kind.”
“She’s a remarkable woman,” I said.
“Yes she is. She said she’d talk to Robbie and Bob for me. I wanted to know how they would feel about a DNA test - to establish if I’m Robbie’s father. She promised to get back to me once they’d discussed it.”
Michael was leaning forward in his chair now. “And?”
“And she did – a few days later. She asked me to come to the house, to meet her and Bob, and to see Robbie too, of course. Kirsty came with me. I don’t think I’d have managed without her, to tell you the truth.” He turned and looked at Kirsty and squeezed her hand in both of his as he finished speaking.
“And they agreed to a test?” Michael asked.
“Yes, they did. Robbie said he’d started the search for his biological family because he wanted to understand why he’d had to be adopted. He knew his mother was dead, but he also knew from Sue and Bob that he had other family. He found all of you, and finding his biological father would be another important part of the jigsaw. He said that Sue and Bob were his parents and nothing would ever change that, but this was something he needed to do. He said it would be fine if I turn out to be his father, but it would be fine if I wasn’t. As he said, he has nothing to lose.”
“Robbie’s extraordinarily mature for his age isn’t he?” I said.
“He certainly is,” said Rick. “I’ve only spent a short time with him, but I was very impressed. He’s very grounded. Mind you, with parents like the Sutherlands, I suppose it’s not surprising.”
“And Bob – how was he about it?” I asked.
“He was great, very supportive of Robbie. He said it was Robbie’s decision. It was about Robbie’s roots. If it was important to Robbie, then it was important to him. I was kind of blown away by the guy – what a big heart – what a big man.” Rick stopped speaking – obviously struggling.
Kirsty stepped in. “Long story short,” she said. “Rick saw my solicitor, the chap who handled my divorce. He sets up these tests for clients fairly regularly. He can organise it. It’s a simple procedure. It’s just a mouth swab. But the thing is, Rosie, they need a DNA sample from Robbie’s mother and it would have to be you who provides that. As identical twins, you and Heather shared identical DNA.”
“I see,” I said. Rick was staring at me. I looked at Michael.
“It’s your call,” Michael said.
I was momentarily aware of Heather. It was an awareness of her that was stronger than any I’d felt since her death. I was also aware of wanting Tom beside me. But mostly I was aware of Robbie, of his need, and of his right to know.
“Okay – let’s do it,” I said.
“Oh, Rosie, thank you,” Rick was on his feet, arms outstretched. I stood up too and we hugged each other. We both had tears in our eyes. “Thank you,” he said again and kissed me on the cheek. “Thank you, thank you.” He held me tightly. I felt slightly light–headed.
Kirsty rescued me. “Put her down, Rick. She can hardly breathe.”
“So what happens now?” I asked, as I sat back down.
“If you’re up to it, an appointment’s been made for Monday. It’s only provisional, so feel free to say no if it’s too soon. I’ve just to confirm to the clinic place on Monday morning if we’re going ahead. Here’s a card with the address and stuff. We should be able to go back for the results on Thursday.”
“Okay, Monday it is,” I said. “I should have taken all this in by then. It’s funny, I suspected it was Tom who was the father, and then I decided I didn’t care if he was or he wasn’t, because I still - well that’s another story.” I turned my attention back to Rick. “How do you feel? How will you feel if you’re Robbie’s father?”
“I don’t know – shocked, proud, thrilled, terrified – take your pick. I’m just going one step at a time, and so is Robbie – so is everyone I guess.”
Michael suggested coffee for us all, which everyone agreed was much needed. He and Kirsty went through to the kitchen to make it.
Rick looked at me. “I mean it, Rosie – thank you for being willing to do this.”
“I need to know too, Rick. Like it is for Robbie, it helps me with my jigsaw of what happened.”
Once we all had our coffee, Kirsty said, “And now, can you cope with a second announcement?”
“Probably not – but you’re going to make it anyway,” I smiled.
“Rick and I are getting married a week today – next Saturday, in St Andrews, and I want you to be my bridesmaid along with Eilidh and Lucy.”
I was speechless.
“Congratulations, mate!” Michael said, getting up to shake hands with Rick. “And well done, Kirsty, for doing what no other woman has ever managed.” He kissed Kirsty.
“Rosie – what do you say – will you be my bridesmaid?”
“Yes, of course I will – sorry – it’s just a bit of a shock. Congratulations – both of you. Come here.” I hugged Kirsty and then Rick.
“You two haven’t wasted any time!” Michael said. “What’s it been - three months?”
“Oh I know!” Kirsty laughed. “It’s mad and exciting and-”
“And at our age we don’t want to hang about,” said Rick. “I haven’t felt like this about anyone before. As soon as I got together with this lovely girl, I just knew. I felt I’d really come home – at last. I want to grow even older with her.” He took Kirsty’s hand while he was saying this and looked into her eyes.
“What a lovely thing to say,” I said, delighted for both of them. God knows, Kirsty deserved to find a good man and to be happy. I tried not to think about me and Tom and to just enjoy their happiness. “So, is everything organised?”
“Yes,” said Rick. We did all the paperwork about three weeks ago. We were just about to make the announcement and then you stole our thunder getting taken into hospital.”
“Sorry!” I laughed. “So where’s the wedding taking place?”
“At the Bay Hotel at three in the afternoon,” Kirsty began. “Then everyone can have a few hours off and we’ll meet up again in the evening for drinks and a meal. We want it all to be chilled and low key. Rick and I have booked a cosy, romantic wee cottage for our wedding night, just outside town – complete with log fire. The plan is for us girls to travel up together on the Friday and have some pampering at the hotel and a good old girlie night in. Ask Sam to join us if she’d like to, Rosie. The men will travel up on Saturday. You lot are all booked to stay at the hotel on Saturday night. And then we’re off to the Maldives on honeymoon on the Sunday.” Kirsty was glowing.
“Sounds wonderful,” I said. “So who exactly is going to the wedding?”
“Well, there’s me, you, Lucy and Eilidh on the girls team – and Sam if she wants. And there’s Rick, Graham, Robbie and Tom for the boys. I
’ve asked Tom to give me away – that’s all right, isn’t it?” Kirsty asked.
“Yes, of course it is. It’s a lovely thought. How was he, when you asked him?”
“He was really sweet about it – even though I disturbed him on his sickbed. He seemed really chuffed to be asked. He’s going to bring Robbie to St Andrews with him. We’ll know by then if Rick is Robbie’s father. But he’s invited as Eilidh’s boyfriend, whatever happens, and being the laid back guy he is, that’s fine by him.”
I suddenly had a thought. “What will I wear? It’s only a week away! What on earth will I wear?”
“Ah, well, I’ve taken a bit of a liberty there. Lucy and Eilidh have got their outfits– their choices – and I went ahead and chose one for you. I know your taste and I guessed your size, but if it doesn’t fit, Evelyn’s on standby to alter it.” Kirsty reached down behind the sofa and produced a carrier bag. She brought out a beautiful, forget- me-not blue, silk suit. The skirt was narrow and knee length and the jacket was short and fitted with three quarter length sleeves. “I hope you like it,” she said.
“It’s gorgeous! I love the colour,” I replied.
“Thought you might,” Kirsty smiled.
“Go on then, sis – try it on,” said Michael.
It fitted perfectly and was a very flattering shade for me. I twisted and turned as I looked in the full length mirror in the bedroom. I’d only recently turned it back round the right way. For the first time in a very long while, I liked what I saw. I’d removed my headscarf and I looked at my new hair. It had just started to grow again before I went into hospital, but I was still a bit self conscious about it. However, looking at it now, I realised that here was no longer any bare scalp to be seen. There was a good centimetre or so of new hair.
As I stood admiring myself, there was a knock on the bedroom door and Kirsty came in. I turned from the mirror to face her. “Will I do?”
“Oh, Rosie – you look – you look beautiful – you look so well. And your hair –your hair is coming back! Oh, Rosie, I’m so pleased to see you looking like this.” She hugged me. “Are you feeling as good as you look?”
“I’m feeling a lot better – stronger each day. And, yes, my hair’s coming back! Isn’t it great? I love this Kirsty.” I smoothed down my new suit. That was pretty clever guessing the right size.”
“Yes – I did well, didn’t I?” She grinned and took my hands “And you’re sure you don’t mind me asking Tom to be at the wedding?”
“Of course not, I’m sure we can get along for a day or so. I’ll be calling him later to see how he is and to check the kids are still coming here tomorrow, so we can discuss how to keep things civilised on your big day. After all it will be about you and Rick on Saturday – not about us – if there’s still an us.”
“He wanted to know if you were coming, and when I said I’d be asking you to be my bridesmaid, he seemed very happy about it. And what about Robbie – the paternity test, I mean. It seems you’ll soon have proof Tom’s not his father.”
“Yes – but as I said– I’d got past that. I either trust him or I don’t. If he says he’s not the father, then I believe him. And if he had been – well I think I could handle that too. It was just such a shock – at first - when it came out.” I sighed, recalling Robbie’s first visit.
“Oh, Rosie,” Kirsty rubbed my arm. “I didn’t mention about Rick and Robbie to Tom. I wanted to tell you first – but if you want I could tell him now – it seems only fair,”-
“No, no it’s all right. I’ll tell him – I think it should be me. Like I said, I’ll be calling him later – I’ll do it then. Now come on, let’s see what the boys think of my new outfit.”
Rick gave a loud wolf whistle and Michael gasped and said wow, when I gave them a twirl. It was just the boost I needed. I was still smiling as I got changed back into my jeans.
The four of us decided to go out for a pub lunch. We went down to Leith, to one of the waterfront places. I enjoyed being out and doing something so normal after such a long time of confinement. I’d certainly found my appetite and having polished off every bit of my fish and chips, I then tucked into apple pie and ice cream. It was great.
The other three teased me about not being able to get into my outfit the following weekend. I felt relaxed and it was a joy to see how happy Kirsty and Rick were together. It was also good to be with my big brother. We chatted about old times and some of the people we’d known then – speculating about what had become of them. We all agreed that sometimes we didn’t feel any older in our heads than we felt at nineteen – in spite of everything that life had thrown at us. We laughed affectionately at our younger selves, and commiserated with each other about the process of getting older. All the time we chatted and laughed, I was aware of Tom – of his absence. I thought how he’d enjoy the conversation and the banter. I missed him, but I managed to keep the ache at the edge of my consciousness. I was also aware how careful the others were not to mention him.
After lunch we headed into town. Kirsty and I were going shopping for shoes for me to wear at the wedding. Michael wanted to buy Scottish-themed presents for his daughters, so he went off to do that and Rick went to buy his own wedding outfit. We all met up back at the flat later.
I’d not only got shoes. I had the beginnings of a new wardrobe, new makeup – including mascara for the new improved eyelashes and - joy of joys - a bottle of shampoo. It had been true retail therapy.
By the time I said goodbye to Kirsty and Rick at the end of the afternoon, having arranged to meet Rick on Monday morning for the DNA test, I felt renewed, liberated and even optimistic. I no longer had to worry about needing to throw up. I had my appetite back. I could make plans to go out and about. I was looking forward to the next weekend. I also found that, like Robbie, I had a fatalistic attitude to the outcome of the DNA paternity test. If Rick was Robbie’s father, I’d adjust to that and if he wasn’t – well - nothing would’ve changed.
That evening, as planned, I phoned Tom. I felt nervous as I rehearsed telling him about Rick and Robbie. However, I knew it had to be done and it would be a start – a start to us finally sorting things out – one way or another. But my over-riding emotion as I called home was longing. I just wanted to hear his voice.
Tom answered quickly. “Rosie, hi, it’s good to hear from you. How are you?”
“I’m good – very good. I’ve had a lovely day with Rick and Kirsty and Michael.” I chattered on about what we’d done and how well I was feeling. I knew there were other more pressing matters to discuss, but I at least wanted to start by being fairly light-hearted. Then I became aware that he was very quiet – letting me blether on and on. “Sorry, Tom – I didn’t mean to witter on. How are you? Are you feeling better?”
“Don’t apologise. I was enjoying listening to you witter.” I could hear him smile as he spoke. “And, yes, I’m getting better. I’ve stopped being sick – just a bit weak from lack of food. I might try eating something later.”
“Oh well, that’s good.”
“Yeah – if I follow the same pattern as the kids, I should be much better by mid-week – and certainly fine for the wedding.”
“It’s great news isn’t it – about Rick and Kirsty, I mean? They seem very happy.”
“Yes indeed, great news. And you’re going to be a bridesmaid?”
“I am, yes, though I think Lucy and I are a bit past it to be classed as such. But matron of honour just sounds horribly ancient!” I laughed.
“Well I’m acting as father of the bride – so that makes me feel rather ancient too. But I feel honoured to have been asked. Kirsty says I remind her of her late father. I think she meant it as a compliment!” Tom laughed too.
“Oh, I’m sure she did – she adored her Dad,” I said. Right – now or never, I thought. My mouth went dry. I took a deep breath. “And speaking of fathers – it seems there’s a possibility - or rather a probability - that Rick is Robbie’s father.”
“What
, sorry – what do you mean?”
I told him. As I finished speaking, I became aware that he hadn’t said anything while I’d been telling him. “Tom, Tom are you okay? Are you still there?”
“Yes, yes, sorry – it’s just - it was a shock – it means - I had no idea – Christ, Rick.”
“Sorry, – it was a shock to me too at first.”
“And now, Rosie, how do you feel about it now?”
“I don’t really know what to think. I’m just going to wait to see what the result is and take it from there.”
“Doesn’t it matter to you that you might get proof that I’m not – I’m not Robbie’s father?” He asked this very gently. There was no implied reproach.
“No – not really – I think I’ve got past all that. For what it’s worth, Tom, it’s the future that matters to me now – now that I’m daring to hope I might have one. What did or didn’t happen in the past – is just that - in the past.” I could feel my voice starting to crack – this was getting dangerously emotional. Again Tom didn’t speak. I got a grip on myself. “Anyway, I also phoned to check that the kids are still intending to come tomorrow and to find out what the arrangements are for next weekend childcare wise.” I tried to get back to sounding light-hearted.
“Yes – right,” he cleared his throat. “Yes, they’re all much better and are coming to you in the afternoon. They’re looking forward to it. Adam’s got news. He’s starting college on Monday, as you know, and he’s got lots to tell you about that. But he’s also heard today he’s been offered an apprenticeship as a mechanic. That friend of Bob Sutherland, who has the garage in Granton, he’s said he can start in six months, as long as he gets on all right with the access course. He’s really excited. But he’ll tell you himself. And don’t worry about next weekend – Max is going to Dan’s – they’ve got the Hearts match to go to on Saturday – local derby against Hibs and they’ve got a cinema trip planned on Sunday. Jenny and Adam have got their own plans of course and they’ll be fine. Ruby and Ma are available if they need any adult input. And Ma is having Toby.”
Change Of Life Page 31