Change Of Life

by Anne Stormont

  “It’s all under control then,” I said, smiling. “How is Toby? I miss him.”

  “Toby – he was ecstatic when Adam came home – so excited – it was lovely to see their reunion. He still misses you, though.”

  “Maybe I’ll come and see him soon,” I said.

  “He’d like that.”

  Maybe neither of us was still talking about Toby.

  I was aware that though we’d made a tentative arrangement to meet and talk the following week, as soon as everyone was free of the bug, neither of us had committed to a time or place.

  “And, Tom, I’m looking forward to the wedding and I hope we can try and just enjoy each other’s company on the day.” The last thing I wanted to know before the wedding was that Tom was leaving me for Sheena.

  “Yes, yes, of course – I’d like that too.”

  “And after the wedding – maybe I could travel back with you and come to the house. We could have our postponed talk - and I could see Toby.” There was a heartbeat’s pause.

  “Toby and I’d like that very much.”

  The next day was as much fun as the previous one had been. I phoned Sam in the morning. She sounded very happy. She’d had her first week of lectures and tutorials and was loving university life so far. I told her about the wedding. She was thrilled at the news, and at the fact that her father and I would be in St Andrews the next weekend. She said she’d meet us at the hotel on Friday and, of course, she’d come to the wedding.

  The other children came up to Edinburgh on the bus and were all in good form. Jenny was enjoying sixth year and spoke a lot about a boy called Stewart, from North Berwick, who she’d met at a party. She insisted they were just friends, but there was a definite light in her eye when she spoke about him. She said it was really romantic about Rick and Kirsty getting married – something which caused her brothers to pull faces, and to remark on the grossness of old people having anything to do with romance.

  Max said he couldn’t wait for the half-term holiday in a week’s time, as school was such a bore, and that he also couldn’t wait to go to his uncle Dan’s at the weekend.

  Adam told me all his news about the college and the apprenticeship and how cool Julie was. He said he was learning to drive, and that Tom was taking him out to practice and that, no, they’d not fallen out. I couldn’t get over how much he’d changed.

  The children also chatted with Michael. He told them about Australia. Max wanted to know if he knew any of the Neighbours cast. He was impressed to hear that the sister of one of the actors had once been a patient of Michael’s. They asked about their cousins, and Michael asked them lots of questions about their lives. We had Chinese takeaway for dinner and, too soon, it was time for them to go. Michael was running them home. He went to fetch the car from the next street, leaving us to say our goodbyes. As the children were going out the door, I asked if their father would be at home when they got back.

  “Oh yes, he should be back from Shee…” said Max.

  “Shut up Max!” Jenny and Adam shouted together.

  “Come on you!” Adam said to Max. “Bye Mum,” he said to me and led his brother away to wait for Michael.

  “Sorry, Mum,” said Jenny. “I know the munchkin sort of let the cat out the bag about Dad and Sheena a few weeks back. Dad swore us to secrecy. He wants to tell you about it himself, of course. He’s hoping you’ll be pleased. It’s good to see him so happy. He doesn’t know that you know anything, so act surprised.” With that she kissed me goodbye and went to join her brothers.

  I closed the door and went and sat down on my bed in the darkness. So Tom was still seeing Sheena and the children knew. They seemed very relaxed about it. Tom was happy with Sheena. I lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling – numb – shut down with the shock – a sort of emotional concussion. I got up at some point and scribbled a note for Michael, saying that I was tired and had gone to bed. Then I crawled under the covers and, eventually, fell asleep.

  The next morning I felt very low, but tried not to let it show. Michael said I looked tired and that he hoped I wasn’t overdoing it. He insisted that he would come with me for the DNA test appointment, and I was glad of his support. It was all over very quickly. There was paperwork to complete and a few questions to answer and then, after the mouth swab, we were back out on the street. It was good to see Robbie. He’d told his school he had a dental appointment. He had to get back, so there wasn’t much time to chat. He seemed very relaxed about the whole thing – a little shy with Rick perhaps – but that was all.

  Amanda Knox called me that afternoon. She’d made an appointment for me to go and see her in a couple of weeks and said that I was to have my scan on the same day. She said she’d spoken to her colleague in radiotherapy, and that I would start my course of treatment at the beginning of November. I asked her again if she thought I was going to beat the cancer. She said there was no reason to suppose that I wouldn’t and that I was doing well up to now. Of course, this was all she could say, but it wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear. I wanted a definite answer. I wanted her to say I would certainly recover and live to be ninety. At least she didn’t say I was doomed.

  The rest of the week passed very slowly. I was looking forward to the wedding and, despite trying to be laid back about it, I was desperate to know the DNA results. I was desolate about what Jenny had said about Tom. But in spite of my desolation, I was still really excited about seeing him at the weekend. I fervently hoped that nothing would get in the way of us having our much needed talk after the wedding. I was more than ready now to hear Tom out. Hearing his story about Heather’s last months, and about Robbie’s birth, would be the end of an unfinished chapter in my life, but also the beginning of a new one. And if Tom was moving onto a new chapter too, I told myself I would let him go with good grace. I would get over it. I would get over the cancer and I would get over Tom leaving me. That’s what I told myself. Somehow, I got through the week.

  Michael accompanied me again on the Thursday, when it was time to get the paternity test results. Kirsty was with Rick this time, and Sue and Bob came with Robbie. We met outside the test place. Everyone was nervous. There was no script for an occasion like this. As we were about to go in, my phone beeped. It was a text from Tom. It said he was thinking about me and to let him know how it went.

  Rick was Robbie’s father. The doctor and the counsellor spoke, first of all, to Robbie and Rick, and then to all of us. None of us was sure what to say at first. It was always going to be a shock whatever the outcome. The counsellor was brilliant – reassuringly professional and kind. She said we would all experience many different emotions, that we should all take time to come to terms with the news and how it affected each of us. She gave us her card, in case we wanted to talk anything over at a later date, and also some leaflets about other counselling services that we could access. And that was it.

  Robbie’d found his biological father. Rick had a son of seventeen. Lucy and I shared a nephew and he would become Kirsty’s stepson. And Bob and Sue would have to share Robbie with yet more people. I’d no doubt that they would take all this in their stride and continue to be the most wonderful, loving and supportive parents to their very special son.

  We all went to our respective homes after the appointment was over. We all needed time to reflect on what had just happened. I texted Tom with the result and asked him to let the children know. He texted back that he was pleased at the news and that we’d talk about it more when we met and that, yes, he would tell the children that evening.

  Michael and I spent the rest of that day alternating between spells of quiet, solitary reflection and periods of discussing how we were feeling about this newest fact about Robbie. We both felt a sort of peace as far as Heather was concerned. Not only had Robbie’s conception taken place at a time when she was clean, happy and positive about life, but he’d been conceived with someone she knew and cared about – and not with someone she’d sold herself to. I just wished I kne
w what it was that happened to destroy all that positivity and make her kill herself less than a year later. When I said so to Michael, he’d only say that Tom would tell me that part of the story. But whatever the whole story was, it was enough, for now, to know that Robbie had found his father – someone I knew to be a good man.

  The next morning I packed for the weekend and waited impatiently for Kirsty to collect me. She arrived with Lucy and Eilidh at about eleven, and we were in St Andrews by early afternoon. All the way up in the car we talked about Robbie and Rick. Lucy, Kirsty and I couldn’t get over how Robbie was now a common link between us. Eilidh said never mind that, she was still getting over the shock that her boyfriend would soon be a sort of step-brother.

  Sam was waiting for us at the hotel. She ran into my arms and we held each other tight. She exclaimed over my hair and about how well I looked, compared to the last time she saw me. She exclaimed again about Kirsty and Rick and anew about Rick and Robbie. I was reassured by all the exclaiming, the enthusiasm and the ‘oh my gods’ – this was more like the old, carefree Sam.

  Once we were all checked in and had taken our stuff to our rooms, then the fun began. We went to the spa and had some serious pampering. That evening we had a lovely meal and had such a laugh together. We were all very excited about the next day.

  That night, in our room, Sam and I had a long heart to heart about everything that had happened since May. I was able to thank my lovely daughter for everything she’d done to hold things together for the family. She said she’d been glad to do it and that it had been good for her. I also told her I was looking forward to seeing her father the next day. I didn’t mention Sheena and, if she knew anything on that score, she didn’t give anything away. She asked me about how I was doing physically, and said again that it was great to see me looking so well. I told her I was feeling good about my prospects for survival. And I meant it – whatever happened – I wanted to get well. It was good to be alive.

  Tom

  Chapter Forty Two

  I was incredibly nervous on the morning of the wedding. And it wasn’t only because of my role in the ceremony. I was worried about whether the plan would work. Everyone in the wedding party was involved – everyone, except Rosie.

  I suppose Kirsty was the instigator. It was just after Rosie got out of hospital and I was recovering from the gastric bug. Kirsty phoned and told me about her and Rick and how they were going to get married. I was very touched when she asked me to give her away.

  “Good, that’s that sorted,” said Kirsty. “Now we just need to get you and Rosie fixed.” She hesitated for the shortest of moments. “You do know she thinks you’re in a new relationship, don’t you?”

  I tried to keep my voice steady. “Michael asked me if I was seeing someone. I left him in no doubt – I’m not. I’m not interested in being with anyone else.” My breath caught and reduced my voice to a whisper. “I just want Rosie.”

  “I thought so. I’m sorry, Tom. I didn’t want to upset you.”

  “It’s all right – really – Kirsty. I know you’re trying to help.”

  I considered asking her who Rosie supposed I was involved with, but it was way too painful a topic. I think Kirsty sensed how I felt, because she didn’t seem inclined to get into any details.

  “Well, somewhere along the line, wires got crossed and you’re going to have to untangle them. Have you two arranged a time to get together?” Kirsty sounded like a teacher questioning a seven year old.

  “Yes, sort of, as soon as I’m in the clear from this virus – but we haven’t got a firm arrangement yet.”

  I heard Kirsty sigh – could imagine her shaking her head.

  “Right, you need a firm arrangement, one that can’t be broken. My wedding will be the perfect opportunity. I’m going to ask Rosie to be a bridesmaid. You two will be in the same place at the same time. I know St Andrews didn’t work out last month, but I have a good feeling about it this time. And I have a plan. You’re going to surprise her, impress her, and sweep her off her feet!”

  By the time it was fully formed, Kirsty’s plan involved everyone and all were sworn to secrecy. The wedding itself had not required so much planning.

  There was the home part of the plan. Dan knew that if things went well between me and Rosie, then Max would be staying with Ruby for the entire week after the wedding. Dan would drop Max off at Ruby’s, if and when he got the call. Ma was similarly on standby for a week with Toby. Jenny and Adam were prepared for the possibility of me being away for longer than just the weekend. Even Sheena and Andy played a part in the plan, and both had done as much as they could to prepare me.

  And then there was the away part of the plan. Lucy and Graham were instructed to make themselves scarce after the wedding ceremony as were Sam, Eilidh and Robbie. I also needed to leave immediately after the ceremony. Rick was primed to give me an excuse to do so. That way, when Rick needed a favour, only Rosie would be available.

  The cottage, a crucial part of the plan, was booked by Rick. It was a holiday place, belonging to a mate of his, and was just outside St Andrews. As far as Rosie was concerned, the cottage was to be the venue for Rick and Kirsty’s wedding night.

  So, by the day of the wedding I was tense with anticipation. I was alone in the house on that morning. Even Toby was gone, picked up by Ma the day before. I packed the cool-boxes with the food shopping I’d done the previous evening, and put the last minute bits of packing into my holdall. I checked and rechecked that I’d put everything into the car. Then, at last, it was time to set off.

  Before picking up Robbie, I went to the flat. There I collected the extra bag that Michael had secretly packed for Rosie. It contained clothes that Rosie didn’t know she might need.

  Once on the road, I just wanted to concentrate on getting to Fife, and on putting the plan into action. Robbie talked a bit about Rick and how he was getting his head round having found his real father. But he seemed to sense that I wasn’t up to much in the way of conversation. He asked if I minded if he listened to his i-pod while we drove. I said I didn’t mind at all.

  We went to the cottage before making our way into St Andrews. I followed the directions Rick had given me. It was down a single track road and surrounded by fields. It was an old, traditional structure, with whitewashed walls. The key was where Rick said it would be, on a shelf in the shed behind the cottage. The shed also contained plenty of logs for the fire.

  We let ourselves in. There was a welcome note to me and Rosie propped up on the kitchen table. I pocketed the note.

  The kitchen seemed well equipped, which was a relief. I put the food I’d brought into the fridge and larder. I also put the pink champagne in to chill. I hoped it was still Rosie’s favourite.

  I’d also got flowers for Rosie and Robbie helped me carry them in. There were several armfuls – roses and freesias. The florist in Gullane was both bemused and delighted as I selected almost her entire stock of both types of flower. Suspecting, I’m sure, that flower arranging was not a skill set that I possessed, she’d offered to arrange them and tie them into bunches - an offer I was pleased to accept. So all Robbie and I had to do was find some vases and get them in water.

  “Only two vases – that’s no use!” I said, after we’d scouted around.

  Robbie laughed. “Nobody would be expecting this amount of flowers – two vases are probably more than enough for normal people. You have gone a bit over the top.”

  “Yes, I probably have overdone it, haven’t I?”

  “Don’t worry,” Robbie said, smiling broadly. “Rosie will love it!”

  “God, I hope so,” I replied.

  In the end we had to use two pails, a waste paper bin, a milk jug and a beer tankard as makeshift vases.

  Robbie went back to the car to phone Eilidh and I was able to have a quick look round the cottage as I put flowers into every room.

  The living room had a huge, brown, leather sofa and three matching armchairs. A log fire was set in t
he grate, ready to light.

  The master bedroom at the back looked out over open fields. I allowed myself only a quick glance at the large, white-covered bed.

  As well as a shower room, there was a bathroom with an enormous free-standing bath at its centre – the sort that Rosie had often said she’d love to have at home.

  The ceilings were low, and I had to watch not to bump my head on some of the doorways, but the overall effect was cosy and comfortable. The place had a good atmosphere. I started to hope.

  Graham and Rick arrived at the hotel moments after Robbie and I got there. We all met up in the foyer. Graham called Lucy to say we’d arrived and she came to greet us. She said the girls were having lunch in Rosie and Sam’s room. She told us who was to get ready in which room and that I was to be at Kirsty’s room at five-to-three.

  Before Lucy left us to go back upstairs, she gave me a kiss on the cheek and wished me luck. Rick protested that it was him who was getting married and did he not get a good luck kiss. Graham said never mind that, he was Lucy’s husband and he didn’t even get a kiss. She just made a face, laughed and walked off.

  Me and the other guys went to the bar for some lunch before going to get changed. And then it was time.

  Kirsty opened the door to her room as soon as I knocked. She looked lovely in a long, cream dress, with a little jacket thing over the top of it. She was carrying a bunch of yellow roses.

  “Wow,” I said, “you scrub up nice.”

  She laughed. “Why thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself. Rosie won’t be able to resist.”

  I smiled weakly. “Ready?”

  “Yes – very,” she replied taking my arm. I don’t know about Kirsty, but I was feeling quite sick with nerves.

  As I approached the wedding room with Kirsty on my arm, I spotted Eilidh, Lucy and Rosie waiting just outside. When we got over to where they were standing, all three of them said how lovely Kirsty looked.