Forbidden

by R. R. Banks

"We know," Aiden said as he came into the room and sat down on the floor in front of the couch. "We've been watching it non-stop."

  "That's a little bit of an exaggeration," I said. "There are 12 seasons. We've only watched four of them."

  "Yeah," Talon said. "Four seasons in the week that we've been home."

  "Well," I said, "that means that I have a lot to catch up on. It's not like I was doing much TV watching while we were traveling."

  Lucas made a happy sound and kissed my cheek.

  "You do realize that this show is older than you are," Aiden pointed out. "There isn't exactly a rush for you to get all caught up so that you can be ready for the next premier or anything."

  "Tease me all you like," I said. "I love this show. Even if it might mean I have more in common with seventy year old gay men than I might otherwise like to admit."

  I reached down and ran my fingers through Aiden's hair, wanting as much contact with all of them as I could get. This was the longest stretch that we had been at home since we started traveling at the end of February, and while all of our adventures had been exciting, it was nice to be back. Sometime amidst all of our travels, I had stopped going back to my apartment, transitioning smoothly into living here with the men. I had my own bedroom, but I had yet to spend a night alone. One or more of them was always come to spend the night with me if I wasn't whisked away to one of their wings. I felt like I was living a dream, lost in a fantasy that I never had to emerge from. I had experienced more in the last four months then I ever thought that I would have experienced in my entire life, and the most precious memories I had made were learning about each of these incredible men.

  Part of me felt guilty for running off into the adventures without being honest with my sister and parents. I still hadn't told them about the arrangement with the men, even though they had told me that I was more than welcome to. In fact, though they never pushed me, I had the distinct feeling that they wanted me to tell Skylar and my parents. They understood that they would be our future child's family as well, and they wanted me to have as much support and encouragement as I could. But I didn't feel like I needed it. I had spent too long trying to justify myself and live up to the expectations that they had of me. I didn't want to have to do that anymore. This was about me. This was for me. I wasn't ashamed of the choice that I had made, but I also didn't feel like I was ready to involve them in it. I just wanted to enjoy this blissful time with these men, living a life beyond dreams, and when the time came to come back into reality and face it with my family, I would figure out what to do then.

  "You know," I said. "You would think that these people who constantly discover dead bodies and solve mysteries wouldn't be so surprised when they find more dead bodies. I would expect that they would actually be more surprised if they weren't just discovering corpses all over the place. They should be like oh my gosh! You're alive!"

  "I don't think that that would make for such an interesting show," Lucas said. "They might start to suspect her of murdering all these people."

  "Oh," I said, "they do. Quite a few times, actually. She's really surprised when that happens, too. I don't know why. If I found a couple of bodies every other week or so, I might start to suspect my damn self. That happens, you know. People sleepwalk or have these little episodes and go around killing people, and then they don't know that they did it."

  "Is that the series finale of the show?" Talon asked. "Do they just figure out that she's actually been wiping out all of these people all along and framing everybody else for it?"

  "Did you hear me say spoiler alert?" I asked. "I wouldn't just drop a bombshell like that on you without giving you the courtesy of an alert."

  They laughed and out of the corner of my eye I saw Jackson coming into the room carrying a bowl of popcorn.

  "What's so funny?" He asked.

  Before I could answer him, a wave of nausea hit me. I sat up and covered my mouth with my hand.

  "What's wrong?" Lucas asked.

  I shook my head.

  "I don't know," I said. I took a breath trying to settle my stomach. "The smell of that popcorn is just really bothering me."

  "You love popcorn," Jackson said. "That's why I made it."

  "I know," I said. "The smell is just really strong. Is it a different kind? Did you put a different kind of topping on it or something?"

  He shook his head, looking into the bowl as if the kernels would offer him some sort of answer.

  "No," he said. "It's just the same kind I always make."

  Another wave of nausea hit me and I had to cover my mouth again. I thought suddenly occurred to me. I remembered what Skylar had told me when she was still pregnant with the baby that had just recently been born. Her children had to go to the dentist, but she couldn't take them because the smell of the office made her feel so sick. I stood up and rushed toward the bathroom. Just yesterday I had cradled that baby in my arms, marveling at just how much he had grown in the few weeks since the last time that I had seen him. As I stared into his sweet little face I had felt a pull deep inside me, the astonishing realization that it might not be long before I was holding my own baby. Now as I stood in the bathroom, staring down at the counter and the white sink sitting there, tears already streaming down my face, I knew that it would be even sooner that I had expected.

  "Are you sure that this is what you want?" Jackson asked.

  He was looking around the office as if he was afraid to touch anything. I laughed and nodded.

  "Yes," I said. "I've done a lot of research and thought about it a lot, and I think that this is right for me. Besides, my sister used a regular doctor for all three of her children and there are a lot of things that she told me about the experience that I just don't want to go through."

  It had been three weeks since the afternoon that I revealed that I was pregnant to the four deliriously happy men, and now we were waiting to meet with the midwife I had chosen. She worked in conjunction with the a local hospital, providing prenatal care and support in offices in the hospital, and then delivering babies in a birthing center attached to the main hospital building. This gave me comfort, reassuring me that I could have the labor and delivery experience that I wanted, but that if something serious happened, I was still close to a hospital and teams of doctors.

  "I don't think I understand the difference," Aiden said. "What's different about a midwife from a doctor?"

  "As a midwife I'll make sure that her pregnancy and delivery are not treated like an illness or a medical emergency, but as the beautiful natural processes that it is."

  None of us had noticed the woman that had stepped into the room, but now we were all staring at her, slightly embarrassed that she had walked in on our conversation. Her bright red, tightly curled hair was piled on top of her head and instead of wearing a white coat or even scrubs, she was wearing pants with a vibrantly patterned tunic over them. Her smile was genuine and luminous, and I immediately felt at ease with her.

  "Hi," I said. "I'm Gabrielle."

  "Hello" she said, crossing the room with an extended hand. "I'm Nikki. It's wonderful to meet you. She looked around the office at the four men and then back at me. You seem to have a pretty strong and burly support system here," she said.

  I gave a short laugh and nodded.

  "I do," I said.

  "Is one of these the father?" she asked.

  I should have expected the question, but somehow I hadn't. I was suddenly in the position that I had asked the men about when we first started discussing the arrangement, only this time it wasn't one of the prying older women from the club. I looked at each of them and then back at Nikki. If there was ever going to be a time that I was going to try out the brothers' approach of not caring what anybody thought, now would be it. This woman was going to be a central part of my pregnancy, and I felt like she needed to know everything in order to give me the care and support that I needed. What mattered to me most was that our baby came into the world safe and healthy, and that m
eant being upfront with her.

  "Actually," I said. "They all are."

  Nikki looked at each of the men and then back at me. I didn't know what I was expecting, but I braced myself for shock or judgment. I thought that she might even tell me that she wasn't going to be able to take care of me and that I would need to find somebody else. Instead, she smiled at me.

  "That's lovely," she said. "A baby can never have too many people to love it."

  "It doesn't bother you?" I asked.

  "Not at all," she said. "Why should it? All I care about is that they are good to you and to this baby. When it's time for it to come into the world, you just let me know what name you want me to put on the birth certificate. That's the only time it will matter at all. Other than that, I just want them to take good care of you, appreciate what you are doing for them in growing this baby and bringing it into the world, and be there for you when you need them. That's all any mother needs."

  I felt tears in my eyes. I felt deep inside me that I wouldn't have cared if she had responded badly. I would have just moved on and found somebody else. But to hear those words from her meant more than I could ever describe.

  We went through a few basic tests and screenings, talking about what I should expect in the next few months. At the end of the appointment, Nikki had me lay down on the cushioned able and took out a wand.

  "You are still very early in your pregnancy," she said, "so it might not be very easy to find the heartbeat, but we'll try. It'll get easier as the baby gets bigger."

  The wand moved across my belly and I heard a few strange sounds, then suddenly the room filled with a quick thumping rhythm.

  "Is that it?" I asked.

  "That's it," Nikki said, smiling.

  "It sounds so fast," Talon said. "Is that alright?"

  Nikki nodded.

  "That's just fine," she said. "Babies have faster heart rates before they're born. This sounds perfect."

  The four men stepped up close to the table and we listened to the heartbeat in silence for several seconds. Then each of them reached forward and placed a hand on my stomach. There was still no sign of a baby bump there, but we could hear it. We knew that our child was there.

  "That's my son," Talon said. "Listen to him."

  "He sounds so strong," Lucas said.

  I smiled. Suddenly this wasn't just a plan anymore. It was real.

  We left the office and I was heading back toward the parking deck when I felt Jackson take my hand.

  "Come this way for a minute," he said.

  "But the parking deck is that way," I said, pointing down the hallway.

  "We know," Lucas said, coming to my other side and taking my other hand. "There's just something that we want to show you."

  "What is that?" I asked.

  "Be patient," Aiden said. "It's a surprise."

  We walked through the hospital and across a glass enclosed bridge that connected the main hospital with the birthing center. When we got inside, Jackson walked up to a reception desk and leaned toward the woman sitting there, muttering something to her in a tone that was too soft for me to hear. She nodded and picked up a phone from the desk. A few moments later another woman came through a door to the side of the desk. She smiled at us as she approached.

  "Good afternoon," she said. "I hear you would like a tour of our suites."

  "Suites?" I asked.

  "We offer a small number of premium birthing suites," she said. "They offer the best in comfort and personalized care for laboring mothers, and the birth and recovery process. Would you like to see one?"

  I shook my head.

  "No," I said. "I don't think that that's necessary."

  "Yes," Talon said, his voice overlapping mine. "We'd like to see them, please."

  "Right this way."

  We followed her down a short hallway and to a set of double doors. She put a code into a keypad beside the doors and they clicked open. I looked over at Talon.

  "What's going on?" I whispered.

  "When you mentioned that you wanted to see a midwife at this birthing center, I did a little bit of research," he said. "I wanted to make sure that the facilities were everything that they should be. That's when I found out about these suites."

  The area of the birthing center that we walked into was completely different from what I would have expected. It didn't even look like a medical facility. Instead, it looked as though we had walked into a boutique hotel. The lights were low and the decorative touches more elegant and subtle. We walked to the end of a hallway and the woman opened a door that looked like it would fit perfectly in a hotel. She stepped out of the way to allow us in first and I walked in. The first thing that I noticed was that it didn't look like a treatment room at all. Instead, we seemed to be standing in a small living room. There was a couch, coffee table, and television to one side, and the other side had a counter, refrigerator, and microwave. The woman opened a door between the two sections of the room and I passed through it. To one side I noticed a large bathroom and to the other a room that contained a hot tub and separate shower. I knew that many women found using those during labor to be extremely helpful in easing pain and helping them cope. I wondered if I would use them when the time came. The thought sent a wave of nervousness through me. It was the first time that I had really considered the reality of labor, and it was at once the most exciting and most intimidating prospect of my life.

  Finally we walked into a room that resembled a hospital room. It was still lavishly appointed with comfortable-looking furniture, lower lighting, wallpaper on the walls rather than the usual pale green paint, and a large entertainment center. But there was a hospital bed and monitoring equipment as well.

  "Well," the woman said. "I will leave you to look around and talk about it. If you have any questions or want to put your name on the list to have one of the suites, just let me know. My name is Pam."

  "Thank You," Talon said.

  "Thank you," I said, knowing that I sounded less enthusiastic than he did.

  Pam smiled at us and walked out of the room. As soon as I heard the door close, I turned to the men.

  "What do you think?" Talon asked.

  "I think it's a little bit ridiculous," I admitted.

  "Why?" Jackson asked.

  "Because I'm going to be here in labor and giving birth," I said. "Not having a spa weekend. Don't you think that this is just a little bit too much?"

  "I don't," Aiden said.

  "Neither do I," Lucas said.

  "I'm not even going to notice where I am," I said. "I'm going to be concentrating too much on getting through labor."

  "I don't think that's true," Talon said. "This is the very best that this center has to offer, and you deserve the very best. So does our son. If this is where you will be most comfortable and get the most attentive care, then this is where we want you to be."

  I looked around, trying to take it all in. I had to admit that it did look more welcoming than the conventional labor and delivery rooms. My hand went to my belly and I rubbed it softly. This was really happening. It had been something that we had thought about and hoped for four months, and now it was here.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Gabrielle

  The air around me was crisp with the deepening autumn and the trees had completed their transformations from bright green to rich, vibrant tones of gold and red. Soon they would darken and drift off of the branches in the winter cold, but for now they were a momentary, glorious burst against the sky. As I drove through the neighborhood I noticed crews at some of the houses setting up holiday decorations. It was only two days after Thanksgiving, but Christmas seemed to already be in full force. The scurrying professionals and large equipment were something I felt like I was never going to get used to, though. I knew that the people who occupied the sprawling estates near the Griffin brothers were accustomed to having someone to do everything for them. They had staff for virtually every aspect of their lives and seemed fully incapable of
imagining actually having to handle things on their own. I could understand wanting to have staff for things such as cooking and cleaning, or even for driving and taking care of the lawn, but this was beyond me.

  Decorating for Christmas was something that felt far too personal to shove off on a professional team that would just take a template and toss it over the house. I had so many memories of being a little girl and planning our annual display with my father. Though he was fairly quiet and unassuming most of the year, Christmas was something completely different. All of the enthusiasm and whimsy that he kept bottled up inside of him throughout the year burst out during the holiday season and for days we were knee-deep in lights, lawn figures, ornaments, ribbons, and garlands. Trees popped up in every room of the house and soon people could see the glow of our house from the front of the neighborhood. It was something uniquely ours and a time that I treasured. Even breaking down the decorations at the end of the season became an event for us. When my father thought that nobody was listening, he would say goodbye to each of the decorations before putting them back into their boxes for the year. He thought that none of us knew that he did it, but we all did. It was one of my favorite moments, something that reassured me and gave me a sense of comfort and confidence. As long as he said goodbye to those decorations, the joy of Christmas with my family wasn't really gone. Nothing could be so terrible throughout the rest of the year because those decorations were waiting for us, ready to be dragged out of the garage or the attic the week of Thanksgiving.

  The brothers hadn't started decorating yet, but I hoped that I wouldn't get back to the house to find a bunch of people we didn't know crawling around hanging lights. It was a bright and thrilling reality in my mind that this was the first holiday season that we would be spending together and I wanted it to be perfect. I didn't even know if they owned Christmas decorations, but I would find out, and if they didn't, I would make sure to rectify that quickly.

  I paused at a stoplight and took the opportunity to take one hand off of the wheel to rest it on my growing belly. It wasn't very big yet, still just a roundness that I liked to emphasize with tight shirts, but it was there. It was a constant reminder of the life that was growing within me and that would soon make its appearance, creating a family that was so eager to begin. I was so excited to be spending the holidays with the men and I had been looking forward to the gift that I wanted to give them for a few weeks already. Throughout my pregnancy the midwife had told me that since I was healthy and the baby was healthy, and there was no indication that there was anything unusual or high risk about the pregnancy, there was really no reason for me to have an ultrasound. That meant that while each visit I got to check in with my health and hear the baby's heartbeat, I had yet to be able to see it. Now I was going to change that. Nikki had finally let me know that I was far enough along that an ultrasound would be able to confirm the baby's sex and even show some of its features, so if that was something that I wanted to do, it was an option.