by R. R. Banks
⅛ teaspoon ground nutmeg
½ tablespoon fresh ginger (that's about half an inch of one of the fingers of the root. Go at it with a spoon to scrape off the skin and then toss the rest in the freezer to use later)
¼ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon baking soda
1 ½ tablespoons molasses
1 tablespoon heated whiskey
¼ cup raisins plumped up in whiskey
Whole bunch of sugar for rolling
Powdered sugar for your fingers
1 ½ cups powdered sugar
2 tablespoons whiskey
Preheat the oven to 325 degrees
Cream the sugars and the butter until they are creamy
Mix all of the dry ingredients except for the baking soda together in a separate bowl, whisking them around to make sure that they are all combined
Add egg, molasses, and ginger to the butter and mix up really well
Mix the baking soda into the heated whiskey until it's totally dissolved
Pour half of the dry stuff into the butter mixture and combine
Add in the baking soda whiskey
Add in the rest of the dry stuff
Stir in the raisins (now if you aren't a fan of raisins, like Bargret, you can trade them out for cherries or dates)
Put your whole mixture into the refrigerator for at least 2 hours to chill
Once you're ready, line a cookie sheet with parchment paper or one of those fancy silicone sheets if you have it
Cover your fingers in powdered sugar and scoop up some of the dough
Roll it around in the sugar
Form the dough into the shape of a man and pat it out on the cookie sheet
Make sure that all of your men are the same size so that some of them don't get done before the other ones
Bake for 12 minutes
Let them cool
Mix the whiskey and powdered sugar to make a glaze. If it's too thick, add some more whiskey
Dip the cooled cookie BillyBobs into the glaze and let them dry
Boom Boom's sisters recommend serving your BillyBobs alongside a nice hot toddy or a cup of eggnog. If you are so inclined, make up some simple icing and make little clothes on your BillyBobs. While this won't be exactly accurate to the events as they unfolded, it is a bit more appropriate if you will be in delicate company. If you are adding clothes, don't roll the dough in sugar before forming them, since that will just make them far too sweet and while we love BillyBob and hope he didn't skinnyfish his way to Glory, he just wasn't always that sweet, especially with this much whiskey involved.
"Those sound delicious," Graham said, handing the newspaper back to me.
I felt my cheeks flush and looked away.
I turned the page to the next segment, another holiday recipe.
Hiram Berkowitz's Christmas Morning French Toast
Now this recipe comes from a story of seasonal brotherhood and joy that is just so wonderful it would touch the cold, shriveled-up soul of Ebenezer Scrooge himself. Well, you know, before he got all scared to hell by Marley with his chains and got that crippled boy the turkey. That's a good story right there. You should read that one. But this one's pretty good, too. And I want to say that that Marley fellow was Jewish, too, so what I'm saying is we've kind of got our own little Hollow Christmas Carol. Anyway, back to the story. It all started when Miss Ruby Belle Buchanon found out that Hiram Berkowitz didn't have any plans for Christmas. Now, we all know why, but at the time Miss Ruby Belle was 102 and not all with it anymore. Being our only Jewish hollow neighbor, Hiram hadn't really gotten around to establishing much of Hanukkah tradition in his few years here, but he was happy to join Miss Ruby Belle for her Christmas morning. He even brought along a loaf of his fancy braided bread that had won him the Whiskey Hollow Baking Contest that spring. He named that bread in honor of his award and it's available at his bakery, so go ahead and grab some to make this recipe.
So, anyway, he showed up at Miss Ruby Belle's home that morning and discovered that she was having one of her flaky days and had put together cracker, peanut butter, and M&M sandwiches and put them in little brown bags for him to take to school with him. Of course, Hiram had been out of school for quite some time, but he went along with it to not hurt her feelings. After holding his paper bag and walking around the house a few times, he went back inside and found her back in her right mind, but upset that she didn't have any Christmas morning breakfast for him. Hiram took that loaf of bread, grabbed up a bottle of moonshine eggnog, a few eggs right out from under Miss Ruby Belle's prized laying hen, also Ruby, and whipped up the most delicious French toast to ever be eaten before opening a stocking full of walnuts and handmade beeswax candles.
You'll need
1 loaf Whiskey Hollow Challah from Hiram’s bakery
8 eggs
¼ cup sugar
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups eggnog
½ teaspoon or so of pie spice or such warming spices if you like things really festive
Butter
Powdered sugar
Maple syrup
Beat together the eggnog, eggs, sugar, vanilla, and spices until they are all mixed up
Slice the bread into medium slices. You don't want them too thick or you'll end up with a middle that doesn't have any of the mixture, and if you make it too thin then they'll just all fall apart and you'll end up with a mess
Soak the bread on either side for about 2 minutes
Coat a hot griddle in butter and cook until golden brown on either side
Serve with melted butter and a little powdered sugar. If you want to make it really holiday special, put a seasonal cookie cutter on top of the toast and put the powdered sugar in it for a shape
Drizzle with maple syrup before eating
Edit: Hiram tells us that if there is an issue with slices that are too thin, and they start falling apart, just go with it. Rip up the bread and tuck it down in the mixture until it looks pretty balanced, put in a buttered dish, and bake at 350 degrees until cooked through and crispy on top. Christmas bread pudding.
Reading the story had brought another glimmer of sadness into my heart and I folded the newspaper, putting it aside and standing.
"I'm going to get some breakfast," I told Graham.
Without waiting for him to respond, I put on my coat and headed out. It had snowed even more in the early morning hours and it took me several minutes to make my way all the way to the building. I was breathing heavily by the time that I got there and started to rethink the extra pancakes that I had been planning on eating that morning.
No. Just think of all the extra calories I'm burning going through the snow. I need those pancakes. Carbo loading.
The breakfast room was just as crowded as it had been the day before and I noticed many of their eyes were on me as I made my way through to a table. I could only assume that these people were in attendance the morning before and had witnessed the chase. I sat down to eat my breakfast and seconds later Day came into the room.
"How are you this morning?" she asked.
"Doing fine, thank you. How are you?"
"Fine. Excited for tonight's festivities."
"What's going on tonight?" I asked, taking a sip of my orange juice.
"The Grand Illumination and Cookie X-Change!" she gushed. "You and Graham will have to come out to see it."
"I don't know," I said. "I'll tell Graham about it, but I'm not sure that I'm feeling up to it."
"Why not?"
The giddiness was gone from her voice and Day suddenly sounded stern and serious again.
"I'm kind of lacking in Christmas spirit," I told her.
“To be honest, I don't believe that for a second. You'll come tonight, I’ll call Rue to give y’all a lift."
It wasn't an invitation, but a command, and I suddenly felt like it was being presented as a condition of my room rental. She stood and walked to another table, making her rounds around th
e breakfast room. Graham came in as I was finishing up. He dropped down into the chair across from me and let his phone scuttle across the table.
"Still no wi-fi. I've called Bryan so many times that he's not answering, but even when he was, he couldn't find any flights or even cars that are willing to come out here. The forecast says that more snow is coming, so it seems like we're going to be staying for a while longer."
"Yay," I said.
"What's that look?" he asked.
"Apparently, we have to go to something called a Grand Illumination tonight," I said.
He shrugged.
"That sounds like it could be fun."
"Day didn't specify what is being illuminated."
"Come on, Holly. You can stop acting like you are the coal in the bottom of someone's stocking. If we're going to be here for the next few days, we might as well make the most of it."
Graham and I spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon going through the notes that he had made about the letters to Santa that we had snagged from Coy. That finished, we caught a ride with Boom Boom and Cornelius back down to the village and visited Bambi for a showing of Ghostbusters 2. I had almost forgotten about that night's event until we got back to the motel.
"I read about your brother in the paper," I said to Boom Boom as we climbed out of the wagon. "I'm sorry to hear that."
"Oh, thank you, Holly. I appreciate your thoughts. I'm telling you, this time he sure has been causing trouble."
"This time?" I asked.
"Oh, yeah. BillyBob's got a way with disappearing. Usually it's nowhere near this long, though. I'm sure hoping we find him soon. Not that I'm not happy that I found you two the night that I did, but between us and Cornelius, that ride up to the train station is getting a bit dull. You two are definitely the most exciting thing that's happened up there in recent recollection."
I smiled at him.
"I'm going to take that as a compliment."
"You should," he said sincerely. "Especially since the next most recent exciting thing that happened before you was when Ella Mae Eckhardt tried to win back her husband's affections by tying herself to the train tracks and pretending that the stable boy had done it to her. Of course, the bottom fell out of her story real quick because it was the stable boy who had been the one to tempt those affections away from Miss Ella, and he was otherwise occupied when she was trying to lash herself to the tracks with his best Sunday tie. I'm telling you, that special edition issue of the Holler Holler was a doozy. People were talking about it for weeks."
"Scandalous."
He nodded.
"You and Graham going to the Illumination tonight?"
I sighed.
"Seems so. Rue's coming to get us a bit before."
"You don't sound too excited about it."
"I'm going to miss my cruise," I said.
"Was there a cruise going out of Whiskey Hollow tonight?"
"No, I was traveling on the train to get to the port city for an island cruise."
"Oh. OK. I was wondering because I could swear that Shannon Buffet gave up on trying to start his cruise line when his first boat fell apart on its maiden voyage."
"Is there a big body of water around here somewhere?" I asked.
"Just the lake, the creek, and the swamp. Therein lies the problem."
"Well, where I was going there was the great big ocean in front of me and I was really excited to go spend some time in the sun."
"That doesn't sound very Christmassy."
"Exactly."
"You don't see it yet, do you?"
"See what?"
Boom Boom's eyes lifted over my head briefly and then back to my face.
"Exactly. I'll be seeing you there."
"See you soon. Bye, Cornelius."
The turkey didn't say goodbye as they pulled away. He was too dignified in his new blue and white striped scarf.
When I turned around, I saw Graham standing at the doorway waiting for me.
"You need to get ready. Rue's going to be here soon."
There was something heavy in his voice and I looked at him quizzically as I walked toward the door.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'll be out here waiting."
There was nothing lit up as we followed behind Rue, Richard, Clementine, and Boom Boom toward the center of the village.
"I thought this was an Illumination," I said.
"It is."
It was an unfamiliar voice and I turned to see a man who could see the light at the end of the tunnel of middle age and seemed to be wearing the same clothes from when he entered that tunnel coming toward us.
"Evening, Cletus," Boom Boom said.
"Graham, Holly, Cletus is just about the best mechanic in or around the hollow," Rue said.
"Just about?" Cletus asked.
"Well, can’t forget ol’ Jeb can we. Plus I wouldn't want you getting a big head." She laughed and looked at us again. "He's also the one who sold Richard the truck that Clementine was almost born in."
"I'm still holding out for my finder's fee."
"I've told you before, Cletus. You did not find my baby. I knew where she was the whole time."
"I still thought that this was an Illumination," I said, trying to bring the conversation back around to where it started.
"It is," Cletus said again.
"Then why are there no lights?"
"Because the Illumination hasn't happened yet," Cletus said. "If the lights were already on, it would be called an Illuminated."
We finally made it to an open area with a glowing fire and logs set up around it. There was something set up behind the fire, but in the darkness, I couldn't see what it was.
"Take a log," Rue said.
I sat on one of the logs and Graham settled beside me. I was extremely aware of the warmth of his body against the cold of the night and I felt a tremble that had nothing to do with shivering in the chill.
We had been sitting for a few minutes when I saw a figure step up in front of the fire. It took a moment to recognize that it was Coy. He now had a length of silver tinsel wrapped around his waist and a scarf embedded with tiny battery-operated lights looped around his neck. He held out his arms, looking for all the world like a geriatric snowman, and the crowd fell silent.
"Good evening everyone. Those of us who had the privilege of growing up in Whiskey Hollow know the story of why we celebrate the Grand Illumination, but since we are lucky to have so many visitors and new friends with us this holiday season, I'm going to retell the tale for everyone."
There were a few scattered cheers throughout the crowd.
"Alright, alright. Here we go. Gather your youngins, and I will tell, the story of the flaming Christmas bell." He took a breath. "OK, that's enough of the rhyming. There are some words in here that I can't rhyme. So, we had ourselves a bit of a time getting a Liberty Bell in the first place on account of us technically, but not really, but sorta not being a part of the United States anymore. Our reasons being rooted entirely in aggravation over the aftermath of the Second Whiskey Rebellion. Apparently, our formal letters of resignation had been lost in the mail, and how someone could be so terrible of a person to lose mail I'll never understand, and there was a bunch of confusion among hollow folks when the Army showed up and made camp. We figured we were under attack, and they were just escorting a bell to some other city. So, in order to avoid a fight, a bunch of the old boys got together with the Army boys all sly-like, and got them blind-eyed drunk on moonshine. While them boys were passed out, the old Holler boys carried them off to Everton and they woke up embarrassed, lost, and without their big bell.
Well, now we had this giant bell that the old boys carried into the center of town, and there was a big party about how we had outsmarted the Feds, and everybody got predictably drunk and one thing led to another again. Next thing you know, somebody, and I won't say who, but legend has it their last n
ame rhymes with 'Padge', had fallen asleep on top of a pile of hay down by the bell with a lit cigarette in their mouth. This was before they had learned the dangers of the devil tobacco and we can't really blame them their oversight because they hadn't yet written those little warnings on the cigarette boxes. But anyway, that hay caught fire and sent a blaze ten feet tall around the barn he was in and burned all the way next door, where the armory was.
Now, the Army boys had gathered themselves up by this point, and it being Christmas Eve, they were pretty sore about being away from home and knowing they were going to get a good screaming to about losing that bell. So, after a bit of investigating, they found out about the hollow and had gathered themselves up to go charging in and take the bell back. Well, low and behold, the second they get into the middle of town, in the dead of night, freezing as it was, the fire had reached the armory and had lit all the gunpowder up. The explosions were so danged loud that it sounded like God Almighty himself had come stomping down to yell at everybody, and the Army boys turned tail and ran as far as they could. The fire burned up real good and sent itself blazing back toward the bell, which then turned a bright, bright red with heat and glowed so much that people from all around the hollow came down, figuring they would find out what all the fuss was about with the explosions.