“Now make sure you get all the way to the back,” he said as he handed his little sister the toothbrush.
Gracious, he sounded just like her, Janie thought as she braced herself in the doorway.
He looked up and grinned at her. “Luke told me we had to help you. So I thought I would help by getting Autumn ready for bed.”
“Is Suzie in her room?”
Todd nodded, frowning as he watched his little sister brushing her teeth with one hand, clutching her bear with the other. “All the way back. Just like Mom always does.” He looked up at his mother. “I’m doing it right, aren’t I, Mom?”
His look of worry and the concern in his voice was like an arrow to her heart. He sounded exactly like she did when she was younger, trying to make sure she did everything exactly the way her mother told her.
“You’re doing just great,” she assured him.
“Luke said we had to be extra helpful. Because you can’t walk around as fast as you usually do.” The little frown in his forehead deepened. “You’re going to be okay, aren’t you?”
“I’ll be fine.” She was a mother. It was her job to remove that worry line from his forehead. But the throbbing in her ankle gave the lie to her words.
Who takes care of a mom when she’s hurt? she thought as self-pity hovered, waiting to move in. She quashed the emotion and soldiered on.
She walked with the kids to their bedroom, and as Autumn jumped into her bed, Todd pulled out his book.
“Can I read for a while?” he asked, sitting cross-legged on his bed.
“Just a little while. Autumn needs her sleep,” Janie said as she eased herself onto the edge of Autumn’s bed. She tucked the blankets as best as she could around Autumn and her ever-present bear, then stroked her hair back from her face. “So kids, tell me two good things and two bad things about today,” Janie said, following their usual bedtime ritual.
“I have lots and lots of good things,” Autumn said, her grin edged with toothpaste. “So does Berry Bear.”
“Tell me two,” Janie said, wiping the smear from her daughter’s lip.
“I got to look at pictures. And I got to help set the table. And Berry Bear and I watched Cooper play with a Frisbee.”
“We watched him over the fence,” Todd added with a chuckle. “He likes to catch the Frisbee, but sometimes it hits him in the nose.”
“And then he doesn’t know where it went,” Autumn said. “Berry Bear thought it was funny.” Autumn turned to her bear, holding it up. “Didn’t you think it was funny?”
“Like when Luke pretended to throw it and Cooper started running,” Todd added, laughing at the memory.
Janie let them chat back and forth, letting their upbeat mood buoy her up, ignoring Autumn’s constant interjections to her bear. In spite of the bigger age difference between Autumn and Todd, Todd was more connected to Autumn than to Suzie.
As was she.
She pushed down the errant thought.
“So let’s say our prayers,” Janie said as the conversation wound down. The pain in her ankle slowly increased as the painkiller she had taken wore off.
Todd put the book down, Autumn snuggled farther into her bed, her hands covering her eyes, and together they recited the prayer Janie had learned as a young girl at her mother’s side.
“…and bless Todd and Mommy, and Grandma and Grandpa.” Autumn opened her hands. “Can Berry Bear pray for Luke?” she whispered.
She wanted to say no, but what kind of lesson would that be? So she nodded her head. Autumn’s hands held her bear’s hands, she closed her eyes again and she took a deep breath. “And be with Luke. Thank You that he let us chop the peppers and thank You that he helped Mommy. Help that he can come babysit again. Amen.”
From the mouths of children, Janie thought as she tucked the blankets up around Autumn’s chin.
“I like Luke,” Autumn said as she wrapped her arms around her bear, her simple words stirring up a swirl of unwelcome feelings.
What she had feared was happening. Luke was in her kids’ lives. Luke, who was here temporarily and moving away as soon as he fixed up that house.
What would they think if they knew about that kiss downstairs?
“I’m glad you like him. It was nice of him to help us out,” Janie agreed, renewing her resolve to maintain a distance from the man. “Have a good sleep.” She kissed Autumn goodnight, patted Autumn’s bear, then kissed Todd. He smiled as she stroked his hair back from his face.
Her precious children, she thought as a wave of maternal love swept over her so strong and intense it threatened to topple her. How she wished she could sweep all the barriers in their lives away. But she was only a mom.
“Love you,” she whispered, kissing his little-boy cheek again. As she straightened, she wondered how long it would be before he stopped letting her.
She eased the door closed and leaned against it a minute, gathering up strength to walk across the hall to the bathroom.
She rummaged through the medicine cabinet and found another bottle, shook out the last two tablets and popped them down. One more thing to add to the growing grocery list.
On the way back to her bedroom, she paused at Suzie’s door. The music from her room throbbed in time with her ankle.
Suzie sat on her bed, and as soon as the door opened, she slammed shut the book she was reading. Questions rose, waiting to be formed, but Janie let them drift down again.
She and Suzie shared a relationship that required a delicate balance of caring and discipline, and right now she didn’t have the energy to negotiate her way through that particular matter.
“How much longer is your homework going to take?” Janie asked, raising her voice above the music pounding out of Suzie’s stereo.
“Another half hour.”
Janie hesitated in the doorway as she studied her oldest child. So like her father in many ways. And just like her father, Suzie often tested her at every turn. From the eighteen hours of labor to the four months of colic to the numerous ear infections, the first three years of Suzie’s life were a litany of crying and headaches and questions about her mothering ability. Suzie grew up and things changed, but Janie always felt as if her daughter kept her at arm’s length. As if she knew.
Janie shifted her weight as the pain in her ankle grew.
“Make sure you do your devotions, okay?” Janie asked, hoping and praying that Suzie would. It had been a few years since her daughter even let Janie participate in her evening prayers.
Suzie nodded, then gave Janie a look so much like her father she suffered a moment of frightening déjà vu.
Please, Lord, she prayed. Don’t let her turn out like her father. Please let her make good choices. Please don’t make me pay her whole life for the mistakes I made at the beginning of her life.
Janie held her steady gaze for a heartbeat longer, as if seeking some semblance of her family in Suzie, some hint of Westerveld to counteract the Corbett.
“Have a good sleep, Mom,” Suzie said, her smile softening. “I hope your ankle is better in the morning.”
“Thanks, honey. I love you.”
Suzie simply nodded, her stock response to Janie’s affectionate comment.
A few minutes later she eased herself into her own bed, gratefully taking the weight off her foot.
It was nine-thirty, her bedside clock informed her, as she slipped between the sheets and reached for her Bible. Usually she was doing laundry or washing the floor.
Which meant she would have to leave that work until her ankle was better, and who knew when that would be? And how was she supposed to run her coffee shop on a bad ankle? If she couldn’t keep her coffee shop going, how in the world was she supposed to pay the bills that were slowly piling up? Make payments on a loan accruing interest as she lay there, her ankle pounding in time to the beating in her head. Pay her babysitter?
Don’t panic. Don’t panic.
Janie breathed her way through the fear spiraling up from h
er center. Get through this crisis one day and one step at a time. Like always.
She opened her Bible to the passage she’d read last. She’d made a promise to herself and God that she would work her way through the entire Bible this year, drawing strength and encouragement from every aspect of the Bible, no matter how obscure or boring it might be.
But the lists of rules and death sentences depressed her, and tonight she needed encouragement. She flipped through the New Testament her eyes skimming, seeking. She stopped at Colossians 3.
“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” She paused a moment, letting the words take root, letting them fill her.
She was caught up in the things of this world. But what else could she do as a single mother of three dependent children? How could she balance her assurance in Christ that this world wasn’t everything and yet be a faithful steward of what God had given her? Of her home, her business and, most importantly, her children?
The music across the hallway grew louder as did her annoyance.
“You’re an amazing woman, Janie…”
Luke’s words reverberated through her mind, intensifying her guilt. He saw only what he wanted to see. She knew he was slowly becoming a part of their lives. Her children prayed for him tonight.
She felt her heart falter, along with her resolve. She couldn’t let him in. She couldn’t open up a space for him.
He’s already in. He’s coming tomorrow to fix your porch.
Oh, Lord, she prayed, trying to refocus. Help me to be the mother I should be to Suzie. Help me to love her as I should.
The usual motherly guilt she felt over each of her children intensified as she prayed for her eldest daughter. From the day Janie found out she was pregnant with Suzie, her emotions had veered from guilt to anger over her predicament. She had kept her secret from her parents while she battled with her conscience.
For a time she had even considered running away to a place for unwed mothers so she could give the baby up.
Until her parents found out and shame and disgrace were added to her burdens.
So she did the dutiful thing: married Owen, had some happy years and had two more children.
But mostly she had her struggles. Owen was not father or husband material. Truth be told, she was secretly thankful he had left and then sued for divorce. Her life was hard now, but it had been harder when Owen was in her life, conveying the illusion of support.
He had never, in all the years they had been married, done even half of what Luke had done tonight.
Janie let her mind slip back to that moment on the porch as her fingers drifted to the lips Luke had kissed.
With a shake of her head, she tried to dislodge the memory, but the touch of his lips on hers, the feel of his arms supporting her was a tantalizing memory and a hint of what could be.
She slammed the door on that thought. Anything or anyone else would so completely disrupt her life, it would fall apart.
Besides, she had no right.
Please, Lord. Help me to find my completeness in You and in my children. They need me the most, and I need to be the best mother I can.
Chapter Eleven
“I vote Luke goes for the coffee run.”
Luke dropped his hammer in his pouch and shot Dave a warning look. The last thing he wanted to do was head over to Janie’s coffee shop and put himself into a potentially embarrassing situation.
But he could hardly explain that to a group of guys. His crash and burn of last night was seared into his memory.
You’re an amazing woman.
He felt like smacking himself on the head. These were supposed to be the magic words that would break down her defenses? Prove to her that he was worth a second look?
Crazy. Clearly crazy and desperately out of practice.
For a moment he truly thought something was happening between them. Something he wanted to build on and, he foolishly thought, something she was willing to take a chance on.
Clearly, not.
“Bert can go,” Luke said as he heaved a sheet of drywall into place. “I’ve got to finish this up.”
“Oh, c’mon, you know that Dave’s faster at nailing than you.” Bert picked up the jar holding the coffee money. “You may be the money guy, but I’m the foreman.” He gave the jar a shake. “So. Go.”
Luke relinquished his hold on the sheet to Bert and took the jar.
May as well go. He had finally finished the book he’d been reading the night before. Maybe he’d have a chance to pick something else up.
He drove down main street, looking for a parking spot when a car pulled out right in front of him.
And right in front of the coffee shop. A sign? Or simply the only empty spot on the street.
He pulled in, parked the truck and sat there a moment.
He’d been told fairly clearly what was going on in Janie’s life. He’d been warned. He turned off his truck and sat there a moment while he tried to decide how he was going to play this.
Casual would be best. As if nothing had happened the night before.
While he made his plans, he glanced at the empty building beside Janie’s. It looked as if it had been empty for awhile.
And it had a For Sale sign in the window. He wondered if Janie leased her half of the building or owned it. A quick phone call to the number below the For Sale sign would answer that question.
Cooper shifted his paws on the seat, emitting a nasal whine, as if urging Luke to do something.
This was a bad idea, Luke thought resting his hands on the steering wheel. You’re going to look like you’re desperate to see her again.
“Okay. Here goes nothing,” he said to Cooper. “I got elected to do the coffee run, and this is the best place to get it, right?”
Luke adjusted his ball cap. He ran his hand over his cheeks. Raspy, but he wasn’t about to primp for a coffee run.
Cooper jumped down from the seat, his expression expectant.
“Sorry, mister. I’ll only be awhile. You stay.”
Luke pulled in a quick breath, stepped out of the truck, paused a moment, then decisively walked the other way. Best if he tried to find a book before he got the coffee, he reasoned.
Ten minutes later, he didn’t find a place selling anything else than the top twenty bestsellers or magazines. Selling books was obviously not a priority in this town, but he didn’t have time to go looking. If he wasted too much time in town, he’d run the risk of having grumpy workers. Grumpy workers were slow workers. The clock was ticking.
His wanderings had taken him back to the coffee shop, and with a sense of inevitability he walked past the vacant office beside the coffee shop.
As he neared the door, he glanced into a window of the shop facing the street and was surprised to see Janie sitting at a table. Talking to the banker. She was giving him some papers.
He wondered what that was all about as he pulled open the door and stepped inside.
He was greeted by the clink of cups, the buzz of dozens of early morning conversations. The place was hopping.
An unfamiliar girl stood behind the counter dispensing coffee. Long curly hair, the color of copper, pulled back in a ponytail and covered with the same kind of bandanna Janie always wore.
The girl looked up, smiling as Luke came near. “What will you have?”
Luke gave his order, reaching back to pull his wallet out of his pants. While he did, he glanced around surprised to see Janie’s mother wiping down tables and gathering up coffee cups. His first impression of her wouldn’t have placed her in this scene. His eyes flicked to Janie, who was getting up from the table, her expression even stonier than the one he got last night. She grabbed a pair of crutches and thumped toward the counter, moving right past him without even seeing him.
Or she could be ignoring him.
She made it around the counter before
looking up and, as she did, her eyes met Luke’s.
Her blush was a surprise.
“So you got help today,” he said aiming for casual.
“My mom showed up this morning, and Hannah came later.” Janie thumped over to the refrigerator and pulled out a jug of milk, setting it beside Hannah.
Hannah glanced from Luke to Janie, a spark of mischief in her eyes. “Janie, aren’t you going to introduce us?”
Janie spun around, frowning. “Luke, this is Hannah. She’s marrying my cousin, Ethan Westerveld. Hannah, Luke.”
Her abrupt tone only served to underline the reasons he didn’t want to come here. Enough with the humiliation already.
Hannah gave Luke a quick once-over. “So, how do you know our Janie?”
Before Luke could answer, Janie said, “He’s rehabbing the house next door to mine.” She hobbled back to the cash register. “So he can flip it.”
Her words sounded hard, as if she had to say them out loud to convince herself. To push him away.
“I’m excited to see what you’re going to do with it.” Hannah flashed Luke a quick smile. “Do you do other carpentry work?”
Luke glanced at Janie and nodded. “From time to time.”
Hannah’s eyes brightened. “Great. My fiancé’s house could use some work. Would you be able to do that?”
“I don’t know for sure. I’d have to talk to my partner,” Luke said, hesitating. His only deadline was getting this house done, and after that, he didn’t have much reason to stick around.
He glanced at Janie who was now watching him. His mind ticked back to something she had said about him moving on. And he wondered if that was part of her shutting him out.
“I might be able to fit it in, though,” he said.
Janie held his gaze for a heartbeat, then looked away. But in that glance, he caught a flicker of hope that gave him hope. “Hannah, I think Luke might want to order” was all she said.
“I’m getting his order now.”
Luke’s eyes were on Janie. While she helped Hannah mix the coffees, she glanced his way again. Hardly the actions of a completely disinterested party, he thought, hope nudging at the grumpy mood he had entered the shop with.
A Family for Luke Page 11