I picked up the controller and unpaused my game. Whatever. I should’ve just gone with my gut in the first place. She wasn’t the type who fell for guys like me. I thought it was true in the beginning, and in the end, she just confirmed it for me.
I played my game absentmindedly for a few minutes before pausing again. Looking around the room, I took in my surroundings. The place had regressed back into the dump that it had been weeks ago. After Missy’s first visit, when she yelled at me for living in a pigsty even though I had the money not to, I had taken some of her advice and cleaned up. To be honest, I had the intention of inviting her over for activities other than work, so I had even taken the bed up off of the floor and put it onto the proper frame, but those plans were no longer going forward. I had hired a cleaning service that was meant to come once every week, but I had turned away the cleaners when they had shown up a couple of days ago.
Now, not only was my place dirty, but I also had also run out of almost everything. It was around noon. It wasn’t like I was doing anything better. I had some work to do, but it was nothing that I couldn’t get done in a couple of hours which was why I hadn’t started. I stood up and stretched out my joints. Maybe a walk would do me good actually. I technically hadn’t left the loft in days. I was no expert, but I felt like it wasn’t a good thing.
I took a quick shower and shaved the stubble that I had allowed to grow in over the past few days that I hadn’t left the house. Walking into my closet, I was hit with the urge to call or text Missy to ask her what I should wear, but I quickly pushed it away. Putting on joggers that she had approved, I walked out of the house. Outside, I felt like a baby deer walking for the first time. The assault of the noise and activity surprised me for a second. I was going to start walking when a woman hurried up to me. It took a little while to recognize her, but then I finally did.
“Maggie?”
She nodded rushing up to me. She was holding something in her hands, looking like she would’ve given a chase if I had walked away without noticing her. “Easton. I’m so glad I caught you.”
“Caught me?” I asked. I had only seen Maggie once or twice, but she worked for Missy. It didn’t take a lot to conclude that the reason she was here was because of Missy. I felt a mix of conflicting emotions. What would Maggie have to tell me herself that didn’t come from Missy? Nothing. Therefore, why wasn’t it Missy here instead of her?
“I’ve been coming here over my lunch breaks to see whether I could catch you on your way in or out, but I haven’t been able to. Not until today.”
I balked. “What? You’ve been stalking me? Missy sent you here to stalk me?”
She shook her head. “No. I’m not stalking you. And Missy doesn’t know that I’m here.”
None of the new information that she had told me was particularly pleasing. In fact, it had just made me a little bit angry. I didn’t really believe her when she said that Missy hadn’t sent her, because why else would she be here? Whatever. It didn’t matter and it wasn’t worth it.
“Well, you found me. What you want?” I asked her. I was such a mess over Missy that it didn’t feel like anything was going to satisfy me. Seeing her versus not seeing her, talking about her versus not talking about her. Maggie held out the envelope that she had in her hands.
“What’s in it?” I asked, taking it and ripping it open. I didn’t have any guesses in mind, so I was pretty surprised when I saw a check for twelve thousand dollars. It had been issued by my company to Missy for her services.
“Did she ask you to send this back? I don’t want it. Why didn’t she cash it?”
“She didn’t want to. She said that she never would so I figured she wouldn’t care what happened to it.”
“Well, I don’t want it. It’s her money, she earned it. Why didn’t she just rip it up if she didn’t want it?”
“Maybe she wanted to keep it. Something to remember you by.” That statement just pissed me off. I hadn’t issued the check personally, but it was a check for everything she had done for me. I knew that she was wealthy meaning a twelve thousand dollar loss didn’t really mean much to her, but it pissed me off that she would keep it at all and not use it. Suddenly, not even my money was good enough for her.
“Well, if she wanted something to remember me by, that interview of hers is all over the Internet, she can just look at that.” I handed her back the check. She looked a little distressed. Maybe she thought this meeting would go better than it just had.
“I realize it may not be my place to say, but she really is sorry about what happened.”
“Well, that’s great for her. Don’t tell her I said hi.” I walked away. It was hard to move. I felt like I was forcing myself to take every step. I had a message from Missy, but I didn’t want to give it to her. I wasn’t comfortable with how much Maggie knew about all of this. Clearly, she knew about the interview because of how she reacted when I brought it up. Why was I even upset? This was my legacy now. I was the idiot who got insulted by Missy James.
I did the rest of the trip to the store and back to my loft on autopilot. Back home, I left the grocery bags still full on the kitchen counter and went back to my game. At least now, that impulse to keep checking my phone had reduced a little bit. I had to figure something out. I was starting to annoy myself with the way that I had been living. I was just warming up a frozen pizza on the stove when I heard the elevator open up. There was only one person who could come to my home unannounced like that. I waited until he walked into the kitchen.
“You know, I was coming here half expecting to find you dead or something.”
“Well, not yet. But maybe close. You’re just in time for dinner. You want some pizza?” I asked him. I threw a glance over my shoulder to look at Toby. I hadn’t seen him in days. I had barely left my apartment in days and since I could do all my work remotely, that wasn’t really a problem. Well, it was a problem, but I wasn’t going to admit that to him.
“Are you done moping around in this place? It’s about time you came back to the office.”
“No. I’m going to need at least another week.” I opened the oven and checked the pizza.
“We have clients out the door trying to set up meetings. I need you there for them.”
“No, you don’t.”
“What do you mean no I don’t. You’re the co-owner of the company and my business partner. Of course, I need you there.”
“But you don’t want me there.” The pizza was ready. I pulled it out and set it on the counter.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I mean, when I’m there, all I do is mess things up.” I knew what I sounded like, but I couldn’t stop myself. It was true, but I knew that it was a lie at the same time. I wasn’t as good as Toby was at taking meetings, but he did want me there.
“You’re being stupid. All this time alone has crippled your brain or something.”
“I’m not a kid. You don’t have to feel sorry for me. Just tell me like it is.” I started slicing into the pizza. I wasn’t sure why I had gotten a frozen one instead of ordering a fresh one. Well, that kind of made sense. Second best, not as good as what it could be. Reminded me of myself.
“Dude, you’ve designed drones that branches of our government use. What the hell are you talking about? It isn’t just anyone who can pull off something like that.” I took a bite of the pizza slice. It was hot and the cheese was pretty good, but nothing could really get rid of that frozen pizza taste.
“Yeah? Well, tell that to Missy.” He sighed and ran a hand over his face.
“I knew this was about her. I know that saying this isn’t going to make the process any faster, but you have to get over what she said to you. I don’t know if you talked to her at all, but she’s really sorry about what she said. Even she knows that she’s wrong. You should too. You need to have a little more faith in yourself.”
“Has she come by the office?” I asked, hating myself for asking.
“If you
’re so curious, why don’t you come to the office? Better yet why don’t you just talk to her.”
“She stopped trying to get in touch with me. I think she’s done.”
He scoffed. “If you think that, then maybe you are as dumb as she thinks you are.”
“Dumb?” I asked.
“You’re sitting around in your loft, wondering whether she is thinking about you when you could just ask her and find out yourself. I know that’s what you want to do but you’re too proud or something. She hurt you and now you’re trying to prove a point but you’re just hurting yourself. I can’t tell you what to do at the end of the day, but we do work together, and I do need you at the office. You sort yourself out and I’ll see you tomorrow.” He started walking away, then he stopped. “If you want to talk you know I’m here for you,” he added before making his way to the elevator and leaving. I took one more bite of my pizza and then threw the rest out. It wasn’t good. The thought of going into work tomorrow felt strange after so many days in isolation. Part of me didn’t want to, but it was the right thing to do. I had to start somewhere.
32
Artemis
I opened the fridge and surveyed my options. I had been blessed in many ways. I was very beautiful and my sense of style was completely unmatched, but good Lord, I could not cook to save my life.
All that was in there were some apples, the remnants of a pizza that I had eaten the day before and I had already gone through the good stuff. I closed it and opened it again like my options were going to change in the moments that the fridge was closed. I didn’t want to make yet another order for food. How would that look to the neighbors? I wasn’t in the habit of cooking so takeaways were not strange to me but I was starting to become conscious of the fact that at no point in the last three or four days had I seen another human being who wasn’t a delivery person.
Once more, I opened and closed the fridge, then I gave up, filling a glass full of water and drinking it. Hydration, that was self-care, wasn’t it? Good. That meant I was done for the day. I shuffled back to the sofa and sat down in the pit that my body had made over the last few days of laying there in misery. In mourning. In a pathetic heap because I had messed up too badly to fix anything.
I had been through bad breakups before, quite a number, actually but none had felt like this. Was it because the time zone was different? The climate? I had never missed anyone the way I was missing Easton. The man who just weeks ago I felt was the ultimate symbol of everything I hated in the male species, had become my greatest heartbreak. It felt strange. More than that, it felt awful. I had just barely made it up the stairs to bathe daily and my hair was another story. Packed in a bun at the top of my head, I knew I looked a state, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to know whether Easy was okay.
The television was on, playing a comedy series that I had watched all the way through in the past few days but had decided to rewatch because everything hurt and nothing mattered. Here was to yet another day of zoning out and not caring about anything. I was looking forward to it. The television droned in the background and I might have dozed off because all I remembered was waking up suddenly. I hadn’t called anyone and if anyone had called me, I wouldn’t know because my phone was… I wasn’t sure where but I was sure that it was dead by now anyway. Besides Brenna and Eddy, who the hell else could it be? I had instructed Maggie to move forward all work engagements.
My visitor was on their second ring when I finally got to the door. Opening it, I saw Maggie.
“Oh wow, it’s you,” I said. I pretended not to notice her look me up and down.
“It’s me. Why haven’t I been able to contact you?” she asked. I had essentially given her paid leave in the time that I had been cooped up in the house. I had told her not to worry about anything, I’d get back to her at some point, but I couldn’t tell her when.
“I’m sorry, did you need anything?”
“No, but I’m pretty sure that you do.” She was holding bags of food that I had up to that point pretended I couldn’t smell.
“Oh my gosh, you’re a savior,” I said, seeing the takeaway bags in her hands. She smiled, handing them to me. I hadn’t asked her to bring anything. I hadn’t even asked her to come over, but she had and honestly, I was glad for the company. I had barely seen another human being for a couple of days now and I thought there was something bad that happened when you didn’t hear another person’s voice for a while. We went to the living room. I turned the television off and Maggie got plates and cutlery from the kitchen. She had brought pasta, rice balls, chicken parm, and dessert; a welcome change from the leftovers of the past few days.
“How did you know I wanted this,” I said, savoring a mouthful of chicken.
“I am the best assistant you’ve ever had for a reason,” she said. I laughed. We ate, making small talk. In a brief moment of silence, I felt Maggie looking at me.
“Is there something you wanted to talk about?” I asked.
“Only if it doesn’t break the rules of our professional relationship,” she said. I nodded smiling a little. She was more than just my assistant at this point. I was quickly regarding her as more of a friend.
“I think we’re past that point,” I said.
“These past few days… you and Easton,” she started.
“Yeah?” I asked, eating a rice ball. Still warm, the cheesy middle oozed.
“He’s the reason for all this, isn’t he?” she said.
I shrugged. “Maybe.” There was no maybe about it. He was the reason for it. If we were really, really being honest though, it was me. It was what I had done to Easton that was making me like this. He had never asked for it and it was the worst thing I could have done given our history. It was childish and petty, and it didn’t reflect what I felt about him now, but I did it in bad faith.
“Just maybe?”
“Yeah, it’s because of him. Am I that obvious?”
“Yeah, sorry. It is. Why haven’t you tried to talk to him?”
“Because he ignores me whenever I try to do it. He doesn’t want me to talk to him.”
“But do you?”
“Of course, but what can I do?” I asked.
“Do you remember what Brenna and Eddie said? It was at brunch when they were talking about their husbands.” I thought back to the day. My friends were married to the men of their dreams. Happy, in love, living a life that so many could only dream of. I wanted that life. I wanted to go to sleep knowing that there was someone close to me who cared that I woke up the next morning. That wasn’t the point of coming to New York but here I was.
“What part?”
“That sometimes you didn’t have to look for love, it just showed up. But then if it felt right, if the person was Mr. Right, you couldn’t let him go, you had to hold on.”
“Is that what you expect me to do? Hang on? To someone who won’t even answer my texts?”
“If he’s the one, then you can't let go,” she said. I knew that she was telling the truth, but it was still difficult to think about since the space between us felt so large. He wasn’t talking to me and I had done something almost unforgivable to him. Who was I to ask him to take me back? Why would he even listen? Would I do it if I was him? I had no idea. I felt desperate thinking about it. I didn’t like to think about our life apart. The weeks that we had been together had been some of the best of my life. He was Mr. Right. He was it and I had managed to lose him.
“How do I know it’s him?”
“I can’t tell you that for sure but judging from the way you’ve been lately, I think he might be pretty high in the running.” I wasn’t asking because I didn’t know. I was just scared that I had messed up the one true and honest romance of my life with a man who wasn’t going to dog me out of the blue.
“Can I ask you something?” I asked.
“Sure. Anything,” she said.
“What happened with your guy? Mr. Wrong?” I asked. I saw her hesitate and regretted asking her. I
didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. I thought that since I had just shared with her, she would be okay with opening up too. I retreated. We were still boss and employee, maybe that was the reason why she was comfortable opening up to me. As much as it felt like we were friends, there were still a couple of limits there.
“What do you want to know?” She asked me.
“How did you know that he wasn’t the one?”
“I think that was when I realized that I loved him, I loved him more than anything, but he would never love me in the same way. I knew that there was some love there, but not the kind I wanted and not enough.”
That opened up an uncomfortable can of worms for me. After all my failed attempts at romance, I wanted to say that I knew what love was, but did I really? I knew what I was feeling, but who’s to say that Easton felt the same way? He would be right at the moment to hate everything about me. He had no reason ever again to listen to a word that I had to say to him, but that was all I wanted.
“What if Easton doesn’t love me?”
“You don’t really believe that’s true, do you?”
“What if it is? What if this was all a fling for him?” I asked. What if, after I had lost days alone in my house, thinking about him, trying to contact him, thinking about how to make things right and how sorry I was, he was out there living his life like normal? He had moved on and he was seeing someone new. I never crossed his mind anymore. The thought was so painful it dug up the feelings I had been trying to combat since the interview came out. It brought back every humiliation that I had suffered in relationships in my life.
Admit You Want Me: An Enemies to Lovers Romance (Irresistible Billionaires Book 3) Page 19