by Amy Sumida
More and more memories were returning to me, but they were hazy echoes; difficult to focus on. Some things simply bloomed in my mind; knowledge of Darcraxis and our life together. Other things were only tickling images that I couldn't hold down; like butterflies landing and floating away. I frowned as I tried to catch them.
Darcraxis glanced down at me and smiled. “Don't worry, Faene; you remember me, and that's what is most important. The rest will come back to you in time. But if you're impatient, I will tell you whatever you wish to know.”
“Faene,” I repeated his nickname for me. “It sounds like the word for pretending; feign. And that's what this feels like; make-believe.”
“You were never good at hiding your emotions.” He smirked at me. “The name was our private joke; the opposite of who you are.”
“And I called you Darc,” I whispered. “But that wasn't a joke at all.”
“No,” Darcraxis agreed. “It is simply what I am; Darkness.”
“You...” I frowned as I tried to remember, “you formed the Shining Ones out of dark matter.”
Darc smiled brilliantly and nuzzled my cheek to whisper in my ear, “And you gave them the spark of life; your Fire. We made such beautiful worlds together; planets created without restrictions—limited only by our imaginations. Then we decided to make higher life to inhabit one of our worlds. Even after all we've been through; I don't regret their birth. The Shining Ones are our legacy; they are more powerful than any other race created. We were the envy of the Gods.”
“When the Gods still existed,” I murmured.
“Yes,” he said sadly. “All the races rebelled; it was like a sickness that swept the galaxies. But again, my flame, I ask you to leave it be for now. Look; here is our bedroom.”
Darc put me on my feet, and I peered around an enormous, circular room. A third of the continuous wall was taken up by windows that housed a pair of gold-framed doors in their center. Beyond the glass was a gilded balcony of filigree bars that overlooked an ancient forest. The trees trickled down to the shores of a sparkling bay that led out to the ocean. The strange land formations I'd noted were even more stunning from here; twirling upwards in spirals and arching over the treetops in dramatic swags. They seemed to flow without reason, but their gravity-defying lengths, draped with foliage, were so beautiful that it didn't matter. Birds and other flying creatures flocked around the highest peaks; their cries echoing to us.
Within the room, there were the usual pieces of furniture you'd expect to find, but they were all massive. If I sat at the glamorous dressing table, I'd feel like a little girl with my feet dangling over the edge of the chair. The same went for the silk-covered couches and indigo-enameled dining set. And then there was the round bed that was placed in the center of the room. It could have slept ten people with room to spare; ten people my size. I remembered how large Darcraxis had been when he first appeared and realized that everything was made to accommodate his previous height.
“Just a moment, love,” Darc said as he peered around the room carefully.
The whole room shimmered and vibrated, and then the furniture shrunk. The room itself stayed the same size; making the freshly-reduced furniture seem a bit lost in all that space. But at least I could use them now.
“We were both that large?” I asked him.
“We can be any size we wish,” he said and then frowned. “We could be, that is. Now, it's only I who can alter my shape, but we shall regain all of your magic, Faenestra. Now that we are together again, it's only a matter of time before it returns to you.”
Something shimmered inside my chest; a light fluttering of emotion. Faces flashed through my mind, and I gasped. Torin, Banning, Declan, and Gage. My heart ached horribly; so much so that I clutched at my chest as if I could ease the pain with a simple touch.
“Faene?” Darcraxis scooped me up and rushed me to the bed.
Darc laid me down on the cool, silky blankets and fluffy pillows and then brushed the hair back from my face. He peered into my eyes in concern and then frowned.
“I appear to have misjudged your attachments,” he growled. “You have magic inside you that is clinging to your old life. We shall have to take care of it immediately.”
“What?” I blinked in confusion. “Darc, no.”
“This is for the best, Faene,” he said firmly. “You have to let them go.”
Darcraxis lowered his lips to mine, and as soon as our mouths met, I forgot my protests. He was both stability and motion; the rock supporting me and the water drawing me along its flow. He was Darkness, and I was Light; he was Earth and Water while I was Fire and Air. We had been drawn to each other across endless space and our union had formed the foundation of creation. There was no other relationship that could compete with ours.
Was there?
I tried to pull away, but Darc held me tight. Something was screaming inside me in my own voice and then it was clawing at my insides and burning me alive. A rooster crowed desperately and lashed out; using the flames of its own destruction against me. Heat rose—a fire that burned me in a way I couldn't withstand—and I began to flail wildly. But, suddenly, a cool magic flowed into me from Darcraxis and the burning subsided. The parasitic spell that had lived within me burst into a cloud of feathers and then disintegrated. As it died, I heard male voices crying out in pain and denial. I hurt with them, but when I tried to focus on their faces, another wave of cool magic washed over me, and the pain flowed away.
Then Darcraxis delved deeper.
“No!” I shouted as I pulled away from him. “Not my jewel.”
“Faenestra,” he said firmly. “All of the jewels are ours; you don't need an attachment to one in particular.”
“No,” I said again. “He chose me even though I wasn't a shining one. Kyanite has helped me—saved me—and I refuse to abandon him.”
There you are, Kyanite said in relief. I thought we'd lost you, my love.
“He thinks of you as his lover.” Darc shook his head. “I am done sharing you, Faenestra.”
“I said; no,” I growled as I sat up and pushed away from him.
Fire burst between us. I jerked further back as Darc put out his burning shirt with a quick, downward glance. We both stared at Darc's damaged shirt in amazement before he fixed it with another look. Then he smiled brightly.
“You're already getting your Fire back,” Darcraxis said with glee. “This is wonderful!”
“What have I done?” I whispered as I blinked at him. “What have you done? Did you kill the RS?”
“RS?” Darc scowled in confusion.
“The Rooster Spell,” I said. “The spell that was joining me with...”
“Your consorts?” He asked with a lifted brow. “Yes; I destroyed it and your bond. You're free now, Faenestra; we can be together without any hindrance.”
“My name is Elaria!” I shouted as I jumped off the bed. “And I love them!”
That's my girl! Kyanite cheered me on.
“Very well,” Darc said sadly. “If this is who you want to be now, I will abide by your wishes.”
“You will?” I deflated.
No! Elaria, don't fall for that!
Darcraxis narrowed his eyes at me, and Kyanite's voice faded.
“Did you just mute—?” I started to say, but he cut me off.
“Faene—I mean; Elaria,” he corrected with a slight nod, “I love you. I loved you before the worlds were born, and I shall love you long after they're gone. All I have thought about since the day you were taken from me is how to get you back. I hate that they made you cycle through several lives; tricking you into believing that you were something you're not. But I understand how alluring and convincing your mortal lives have been. I will be patient with you, my fire.”
How could I resist that? The guy had been imprisoned while he watched me go on without him. He had been stuck in some kind of limbo while I had lived and loved. Then, finally, he'd been able to draw me to him, and I showed up with a
chip on my shoulder and four lovers in my heart. Four lovers... my consorts. I needed to—
“Elaria?” Darc took my hand. “Have they stolen your heart from me?”
Something powerful rushed through me; chilling the love I felt for my consorts as it lifted buried emotions to the surface. I reeled under the weight of my love for Darc; the love of a goddess for a god. With that love came a burning desire for Darcraxis and a need to reassure him.
“Never!” The word came out fiercely as I yanked him into my embrace.
I was being pulled back and forth between emotions; fear, love, pain, and longing. I couldn't think clearly. But one thing I knew for certain was that I loved this man—this god—with every ounce of my being.
And it had been far too long since I had expressed that love.
I kissed Darcraxis fiercely, and he lifted me up along his body as he turned us toward the bed. I rolled with him on the soft mattress; coming to a stop on top of him. Our clothes vanished—they were simply gone—and I was suddenly pressed skin to skin with him. Darc's hands trailed down my back as I rose up and straddled him. He was pressed intimately against me—his hard flesh nestled against my softness—but I was focused on his face. Darcraxis stared up at me with a soft, joyous expression; his eyes following my every move as if he expected me to do something miraculous at any moment.
Then the image shifted slightly and became a memory. I was in this same bed, and in this same position, except Darc was larger, and so was I. In the memory, I took his manhood in hand and eased it inside me, but in the present moment, I hesitated. Something felt off. My heart was full of sparkling energy; something beyond love. It felt like the source of love, or maybe its very first spark. It lit me from within; shooting through my body like carbonation. Beneath me, Darc felt it too; I saw it in his eyes and felt it in his trembling hands. But I couldn't tell if what I felt was the memory or reality. I was so confused. And it wasn't alone; there was more than love for Darcraxis inside me.
“I thought we'd never have this again,” Darc said as he rolled me onto my back. “That my magic and body would grow colder and colder until I turned into ice.”
“I would have revived you,” I said gently.
“Would you have?” He asked as he eased himself against me and paused. “If you hadn't been drawn to the orb, do you truly think you would have remembered me?”
“I don't know,” I answered honestly. “But I would have mourned you. I've always felt the loss of you.”
Darc laid his cheek against mine and sighed. “Forgive me, my love. That was not a fair question. I have watched and waited for so long that I had begun to lose hope.”
“But that's over now,” I whispered.
“It is.”
He positioned himself between my thighs, but I moved away.
“I'm sorry,” I stuttered. “I'm not ready. I just... I feel so confused.”
“It's okay, my fire.” Darc eased down on the bed beside me and moved me in against his side. “I've waited a long time to be with you; I can wait a little longer for this. I'm content just to hold you again.”
“I just need to process everything,” I said as I slipped my arm across his chest.
“We have plenty of time,” he murmured as he nuzzled my hair. “Take all that you need.”
“Really? You're okay with waiting?”
“For sex?” Darc chuckled in disbelief as he glanced down at me. “It's lovely and yes; I would very much like to experience it with you, but it's not the purest act of love.”
“What do you mean?”
“Sex is as close as fleshly bodies can get to an ultimate joining,” he explained. “Physical forms come together in sexual intercourse to mimic the merging of Gods. The pleasure is heightened when the couple loves each other, but it's not nearly as rapturous as the true joining of souls. And that, we've already experienced today.”
“Merging of souls,” I whispered. “Yes; that was beautiful.”
“It's the only way to fully know another being,” Darc said. “I have you back again; I have known you again. The rest is just a delightful way to pass the time. I find just as much pleasure in holding you close and exchanging words with you.”
“Just as much?” I lifted a brow.
“Well”—he smiled wickedly at me—“it's a different kind of pleasure.”
“Thank you,” I murmured as I stroked my hand over his smooth chest.
I felt safe and loved and so very content, but still, something nagged at the back of my mind. Then I remembered; I had four men who loved me and who were probably going crazy with worry over me. I tried to sit up, but Darc held me down.
“Easy, love; there's just one thing left to do,” Darcraxis whispered in my ear.
Darc kissed his way down to my throat and murmured something against my skin. A tingling spread out from where his lips touched me and seeped up to my head. It chilled me, and parts of my mind went numb. I started to jerk away, but it was too late. By the time it was over, I couldn't remember why I had been upset in the first place.
I couldn't remember much beyond the god in my arms.
Chapter Three
Time is a tricky, hazy thing. I'm not sure how much of it passed in that palace by the sea. It must have been days that Darc and I spent getting reacquainted with each other. Hours flew by while we kissed or just stared at each other blissfully. I wanted him desperately, but every time we started to make love, a horrible feeling would fill my belly, and I would pull away. Darcraxis was ceaselessly patient with me and would just smile softly and reassure me that he was happy.
Memories of my life with Darcraxis kept surfacing; floating up like bubbles in a glass of champagne. The only things I couldn't remember was how I'd freed him or how I'd come to be on Ildathach—the planet we had created—but it didn't bother me. I was too happy to be bothered by the little things... at first. Slowly, the unease that would attack me when we got intimate began to linger. It tickled my chest from the inside and images of men other than my husband started to invade my thoughts. It was as if my brain had been numb and was beginning to defrost.
It started on the balcony. We had just tried to make love again, and I had pulled away as usual. Darc only smiled sadly and wrapped a silk sheet around my body before he carried me to the balcony. He remained nude, but that normally didn't bother me; it was only when he tried to join our flesh that I panicked. But on this particular day, my anxiety stayed with me and his nudity made me uncomfortable. I was trying to push away my unease when Darc set me on my feet and wrapped his arms around me from behind.
Our palace was at the top of one of the tallest stone spires on the planet. The twisting mountain curved gracefully down into the forest at an angle; with massive trees growing inside its spiral. From the balcony, I could see down into the center, but it was a dizzying sight. So, instead, I stared out at the seashore and watched the waves roll onto the pale beach; searching for calm as I tried not to stiffen in my husband's embrace. It was when my mind finally found peace that I was bombarded by another memory.
A man held me in his arms as Darc was doing, but we were in the shallows of a warm sea and it was night, not day. In the moonlight, the man was muted; his coloring indecipherable. But I knew that his hair was dark crimson and his eyes were a shifting color that went from blue to purple; similar to mine. A sliver of pain lanced through my heart, and I jerked against Darc.
“Elaria?” Darcraxis asked with concern.
“Where was I before I freed you?” I asked him.
“You were on Earth,” he said with resignation. “You were born a spellsinger in this life, remember?”
“A spellsinger,” I whispered as my eyes widened. “Yes; I do remember. I have people who love me.” I moved away from him. “I need to get back to them.”
“What people?” He asked gently. “Your parents? They won't miss you for awhile yet. We can visit them soon if you wish.”
“You want to meet my parents?” I lost focus on what
I'd been about to say.
“Of course,” Darc said. “They looked after you when I could not; I owe them a great debt.”
“There are others,” I murmured.
“Cerberus; your friend,” Darc said with a nod. “We can contact him as well, but first, we should discuss our plans.”
“Our plans?”
“Come here, Elaria.” Darc took my hand, and I completely forgot about the man in the midnight sea.
Darcraxis led me to a gold bench on the balcony, and we sat. His arm slid around me, and I leaned against his side as I stared out across the ocean. The sunlight shining across the water was mesmerizing.
“Do you remember when we made this planet?” He asked me.
I thought about it and then nodded. “It was our first physical home.”
“A place where we could take substantial form and enjoy the pleasures of the flesh,” Darcraxis said as he nodded. “I gathered the dark matter together, and you blew your breath over the surface; forming mountains and valleys.”
“I liked twisting your Earth,” I whispered. “And then I hardened it with Fire.”
“Yes.” He smiled softly. “You formed those magnificent sculptures; including the one our palace is built on.”
“Then you filled the deepest, widest valleys with water,” I went on as the memory played in my mind. I saw the water condense; drawing itself out of the air to fill the trenches I had made. “And you filled that water with life.”
“Small forms at first.” Darc nodded. “But they didn't swim; they just floated.”
“Until I gave them the spark of my Light,” I said with wonder.
“We created life,” he confirmed. “You became a mother, and I a father.”
“I loved those precious creatures,” I whispered. “Those silver-tailed dolphins and gleaming fish.”
“The seaweed and coral, urchins and eels,” he went on with a wide grin. “We spent centuries adorning that ocean.”