Waves of Winter

by L. C. Chase

  “Bedroom,” Kellan said, breathy, rough.

  Jax nipped at Kellan’s lips. “Lead me.”

  Taking him by the hand, Kellan led him up the spiral stairs to the loft. Jax hadn’t seen much from downstairs but now stepped into what could only be described as a magazine-spread-worthy room—minus a wall. The overall color scheme was warm tans and browns with red, yellow, and orange accents. Beautifully appointed. But it was the bed that drew his attention: king-sized, tall, and inviting.

  Kellan led them to the edge of the bed, and Jax tugged gently on his hand, asking him without words to turn around. He dropped Kellan’s hand and raised both of his so he could cradle Kellan’s head, slide his fingers through Kellan’s soft hair, and kiss him like his life depended on it. Kellan gripped Jax’s back and then fisted his hands in Jax’s shirt fabric and pulled the material up.

  “Off,” Kellan grunted against Jax’s mouth.

  Jax stepped back, already missing the feel of Kellan’s lips, tongue, body… and tugged the shirt off. Not breaking eye contact, he hastily unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, and Kellan quickly mirrored him. Jax vaguely thought to tease Kellan about tossing his clothes on the floor rather than folding them, but his mind really had no more room for anything other than getting Kellan on that massive bed and feeling every inch of him. Finally naked, Jax pulled Kellan into his arms, and his skin burned at every point of contact from lips to toes. He blindly reached out for the bedclothes to pull them back and then collapsed onto the bed, taking Kellan with him. He pushed at pillows, but they seemed endless. With a groan, he broke the kiss.

  “Way too many pillows,” he teased and shoved all but one pillow to the floor, earning a hearty chuckle from Kellan. “Why does anyone need so many pillows?”

  “Interior design thing.”

  “Silly thing.”

  “Shut up and fuck me.”

  “As you wish.”

  KELLAN WAS still awake when the alarm went off at three thirty in the morning. He couldn’t bear to close his eyes and miss a single second of Jax lying beside him for the last time. He wasn’t ready for the bubble they’d been surrounded by all week to burst just yet. He hit the snooze button, as if that would magically pause time.

  “Morning,” Jax mumbled as he rolled over to face Kellan and snuggled into him.

  Kellan tucked his arm around Jax’s shoulders and pulled him closer so Jax’s head rested on his chest.

  “I don’t want you to go.” There, he’d said it as clear as he could, and the words left him feeling raw. Jax was in control now, but he trusted Jax would never do anything to abuse that control.

  Jax snuggled closer and kissed his chin. “I don’t either, but if I stayed as long as I wanted to, they’d never let me come back.”

  Jax climbed on top of Kellan, straddling him, and leaned down for a deep kiss. Morning breath be damned. Kellan didn’t care when he had the weight and heat of Jax draped over him.

  The alarm went off again, and they both groaned. Jax rested his forehead against Kellan’s, his eyes closed. He sighed. “The bell tolls.”

  “That’s what it feels like,” Kellan said quietly, dreading the moment Jax would walk out of his life.

  Without speaking again, they got up and hopped into the shower together, reverently sliding soapy hands over each other’s bodies. But time couldn’t be stretched any more, and with a heavy heart, Kellan drove them to the airport. This time the silence wasn’t comfortable and Jax didn’t fill the space with his usual running commentary, but Kellan held Jax’s hand tightly and didn’t let go for the whole twenty-minute drive.

  And then there he was. Standing with Jax at the “passengers only beyond this point” threshold.

  “I’ll skype you as soon as I get home,” Jax said, his eyes watery and his voice gruff.

  “You’d better.” Kellan couldn’t even be bothered to hide the emotion in his voice. He desperately wanted to say more, to say words he shouldn’t be saying but knew to be true. Not when Jax was boarding a plane to the other side of the world and Kellan might not ever see him again.

  Jax wrapped him up in a final rib-crushing hug. With no more words but eyes that said everything, Jax turned and walked away. Kellan’s heart felt heavier with every step Jax took, increasing the distance between them. Just before rounding the corner that led to the boarding gates, Jax turned back, his smile not as bright, and waved. Kellan did the same, and then Jax was gone.

  Kellan stood there for another fifteen minutes, hoping to see Jax come back around the corner, before he finally left. Outside, the dismal gray, rainy morning seemed darker and more oppressive in its lighting skies than when they arrived under full dark. He found himself at a loss as to what to do just then. Like he’d been set adrift in the ocean without his anchor.

  He looked at his watch. Only about twenty hours until Jax was back home in Australia and Kellan could hear his voice again.

  Chapter Twelve

  KELLAN SAT on his board and scanned the horizon for the next set to come in, but the waves were flat and uninspiring today. Nothing like the eight-foot faces he’d surfed a couple months earlier with Jax. Or maybe it was the weight of his heart that couldn’t seem to find that blissful joy without Jax.

  He sighed.

  They had been keeping in touch with texts, random emails, and the occasional Skype video call, but none of it was enough. He wanted Jax here with him, wanted to see him every day, touch him, hold him. He thought by now the longing for Jax would have waned, but it had done the exact opposite. With each passing day, the ache in his chest grew deeper and heavier.

  He’d tried to get a transfer to one of his law firm’s offices in Australia, but since litigation support was a high-demand field, his bosses had been reluctant to let him go. He was waiting on one more try, and if that last effort didn’t come through, he’d just quit and go anyway. If it didn’t work out with Jax, then at least he’d have a nice vacation. Maybe. He could beg for his job back when he returned, if it came to that. If that were the case, then what they shared that week in January really had been just an interlude for Jax and not the more Kellan had been feeling. Or more like imagining. But if it did work out, well….

  “Come on, Kell!” Remy’s excited voice drew Kellan from his wandering mind. “Let’s get this next set.”

  Remy was already paddling out when Kellan turned to him, not waiting for Kellan to decide if he was following. It was the middle of spring break for the boys, and Remy was stoked to catch as many waves as possible with Kellan since he was only there for the weekend—Remy dramatically lamented on how unfair it was Kellan couldn’t take all of spring break off work. Kellan, on the other hand, felt like going back to his condo and sitting on the couch streaming mind-numbing movies for the rest of the day.

  But Remy was right. With only a few days on the island, he should be surfing as much of it as he could. He paddled out and caught the small wave, coasting on its crest and slowly riding it toward shore until he sank back down to his board. His usual thrill and peace at being on the waves was quiet and subdued in his longing. He really needed to get over Jax. Or get to Australia.

  A man making his way across the beach toward them caught his attention, mostly because he was wearing board shorts. Spring was still chilly on the shore, especially when the winds picked up, and most folks were still wearing long pants and light jackets. The hoodie this guy wore, though, while not unique, was similar to one Kellan had seen before. He couldn’t make out any distinct features with the distance between them, but something in the way the man moved seemed familiar. The guy stopped at the shoreline and scanned the horizon, much like Kellan always did when looking for a put-in spot.

  The man paused, his focus in Kellan’s direction, and Kellan’s heart skipped a beat. Could it be? No, of course not. Wishful thinking was all it was. All it could be. He’d skyped with Jax just the other night, and Jax hadn’t said a word about coming back to Canada. His heart continued to race with hope regardless.


  Remy paddled up beside him and sat on his board, mirroring Kellan’s pose and attention. The man on the beach waved in their direction.

  “Is that Jax?” Remy asked. The guy waved again, and Remy waved back. “Hey, Jax!”

  Rolling waves gently pushed Kellan closer to the shore as the other man waded into the cold water. There was still a fair distance between them, but the man who could be Jax was close enough for Kellan to see his smile. A smile he knew only too well. It is Jax!

  Kellan dropped to his chest on the board and started paddling like the shark from Jaws was snapping at his toes. He started laughing, and salt water sprayed into his mouth. His arms and shoulders burned from the sudden exertion. Closer. Closer.

  He jumped off his board into thigh-high water and crashed into Jax, wrapping his arms tight around the man he’d missed more than he thought possible and who was somehow, without warning, back in Canada. Jax held him equally tight, laughing into the crook of Kellan’s neck.

  “I take it you missed me, then?” Jax teased.

  Kellan leaned back, not letting go, but far enough to look into Jax’s face. Those beautiful blue eyes danced with glee, and that amazing infectious smile shone in full force, and Kellan thought he might faint from the joy of it.

  “You’re really here? I’m not hallucinating?”

  “Really here.” Jax smiled even wider, then closed the small distance and kissed him. Hot, intense, frantic. Just like Kellan felt.

  “Excuse me,” Remy dragged out with a note of indignation. Except when Kellan broke their kiss and turned to Remy, he was laughing, his eyes on Jax and hands on his hips. “Where’s my hug?”

  “Hey, Remy,” Jax said and pulled Remy into a hug, lifting him off his feet, which earned a playful squeal. “How ya going, mate?”

  “Better now that you’re back,” Remy said, and then added with a conspiratorial grin at Kellan, “This one’s been pouting a whole lot. It’s a real buzzkill.”

  “Hey!” Kellan blushed. Yeah, so it was true. He had been pouting, but he wasn’t a total buzzkill.

  “You have missed me,” Jax said softly, the tease gone from his voice and his gaze warm when he returned it to Kellan. All Kellan could do was stare back, lost in those brilliant blue depths. Jax was really here, really with him.

  “Okay then,” Remy said, hefting his board under his arm. “I guess we’re done surfing for today.”

  Kellan broke from his eye-lock with Jax. “Sorry, Rem. We’ll get back out there a few more times before your break is over.”

  “Cool.” Remy high-low-side-fived Kellan, did the same to Jax, and turned away. “See you dudes later!”

  Kellan and Jax both laughed, and then their gazes were locked again. Waves rocked them back and forth, and Kellan’s board bumped against the back of his legs with each crest toward shore, but they held their ground in the shifting sand.

  DAYUM, HE looked so good. Jax couldn’t break away from that warm hazel gaze he’d missed so much more than he’d thought possible. That’s all it took for him to relax, knowing he’d made the right decision by coming back. Especially surprising Kellan with his return, timing it so he’d reach Tofino at high tide and find Kellan out on the waves. He’d been so nervous the entire flight and ferry ride over, second-guessing if he was doing the right thing, if Kellan really did feel the way he did, if he’d be welcomed. If Kellan didn’t want him to stay, he’d at least get to have another visit with him.

  “You’re here,” Kellan said again, his voice laced with awe.

  “I am.”

  “How long?”

  “As long as you want me.”

  “Seriously?”

  Jax nodded. Here goes the scary part…. “When I left I had every intention of coming back. The only issue was how long I could legally stay here. So…. I looked into options, quit my clients, and fast-tracked a four-year work visa. Really, I can coach anywhere in the world where there’s snow, and being pro opens a lot more doors, which helped me get on with the National Canadian snowboard team.” He shrugged, suddenly nervous about Kellan’s response. He figured a four-year visa would give them more than enough time to see if what they’d shared that week at the end of his trip was the real deal. Nerves getting the better of him as Kellan only stood there, staring at him like he wasn’t really there, he rambled on. “I just… I know we’ve been keeping in touch since, but this long-distance thing…. I’ve never done it before, and I gotta be honest. I don’t like it.”

  Kellan frowned, but Jax kept going, unable to stop now that he was on a roll. “It was starting to feel too detached. Like we were, or I was, anyway, in limbo. Don’t get me wrong. I loved every single long conversation we had about life and adventure and just plain old rambling, but…. Shit.” Jax paused and ran a hand nervously through his hair. If Kellan didn’t say something soon, he was going to lose it. He couldn’t have read it so wrong, could he? Had he just made a massive mistake in coming here?

  “I shared things with you I’ve never shared with anyone before. Ever. But… there’s been something missing all this time, and that’s you. In person. I want to touch you and breathe the scent of you and taste you and share all those stupid little things that happen in life as they happen. I want to share everything with you. Every single day. It just—”

  Kellan pressing his fingertips against Jax’s lips cut off his next words, and he sucked in a deep breath of air. Not just because he was about to talk himself faint, but the feel of those fingers on his skin.

  “You are sure.” Kellan’s voice was rough, hoarse, the words barely above a whisper.

  Jax nodded. Standing here in front of Kellan, breathing the briny sea air, he didn’t doubt for a second everything was as real as it got.

  “What about your mom?” Kellan dropped his hand from Jax’s mouth.

  “You know moms.” Jax shrugged nonchalantly. He’d never lived more than an hour’s drive from her, and never gone too long without seeing her. Even during competition seasons. This would be a test, but she’d promised to come and visit as soon as Jax was settled. “She just wants me to be happy. She’s looking forward to meeting you soon.”

  “I’d like that,” Kellan said softly, and then chuffed like he was trying to contain himself and broke out laughing. “I’ve been trying to get my firm to transfer me to Australia. I was just about to just quit and go.”

  Jax laughed along with him, relieved he hadn’t made a mistake. He pulled Kellan to him and kissed him with everything he felt, everything he’d been missing, and everything he hoped for the two of them over the coming years. A large wave crashed into them, breaking their kiss and knocking them toward shore. They stumbled but didn’t fall, holding on to each other for support.

  “My hero,” Kellan teased, reminding Jax of when they’d first met on the ferry ride across the Strait.

  “Definitely,” Jax said, his voice suddenly hoarse. “Want me to show you my superpowers?”

  “Goof,” Kellan said affectionately. “Let’s get out of here.”

  “Thought you’d never ask,” Jax said. He couldn’t wait another minute to get Kellan behind closed doors and stripped down to bare skin.

  They’d started across the beach toward the condos when Kellan stopped and turned to him. “Wait. What happens at the end of four years?”

  “Well, I hear marriage is legal here,” Jax teased, sort of.

  Kellan chuckled, but there was relief in the sound. “Little soon for that, eh.”

  “Who knows,” Jax said with a mischievous grin. “Maybe you’ll realize marrying me could be the smartest thing you’ll ever do.”

  Kellan stopped. “Did you just propose to me?” He raised his eyebrows, and Jax would have sworn, if asked later, that Kellan’s eyes glowed.

  Jax laughed. “Oh no! You’ll be doing the proposing, and you’ll make it a huge surprise I don’t see coming.”

  “Pretty confident of yourself there, Colston.”

  Jax shrugged, unable to contain his smile. �
��I prefer ‘optimistic.’”

  Kellan’s expression turned serious and he reached for Jax’s hand, and for a brief minute, Jax thought Kellan really was going to propose to him right then and there. “I think I love you, Jackson.”

  Warmth blasted through Jax’s chest like a furnace cranked into the red zone. “I think I love you too, my crazy Canuck.”

  Kellan smiled wide and tugged his hand. “C’mon. Let’s get inside so you can show me how much.”

  “Don’t have to ask me twice.”

  Laughing, hand in hand, Jax ran with Kellan toward the condo, toward a new life… toward their future together.

  Cover artist by day, author by night, L.C. CHASE is a hopeless romantic, free spirit, and adventure seeker who loves hitting the open road just to see where it takes her. When not writing sensual tales of beautiful men falling in love, she can be found designing romance novel covers, taking photos, drawing, horseback riding, or hiking the trails with her goofy four-legged roommate.

  L.C. is a two-time Lambda Literary Award finalist; an EPIC eBook Awards winner for Pickup Men; a nine-time Ariana eBook Cover Art Awards winner, and Bronze winner in Sinfully’s 2014 Reader’s Choice Awards for Cover of the Year. She also won runner-up for Best Gay Contemporary Romance and Best Gay Book in the 2016 Rainbow Awards for A Fortunate Blizzard; honorable mention for Best Gay Contemporary Romance in the 2015 Rainbow Awards for Pulling Leather; and Best Gay Mystery/Thriller in the 2012 Rainbow Awards for Riding with Heaven.

  Visit L.C. at www.lcchase.com.

  By L.C. Chase

  Waves of Winter

  Published by DREAMSPINNER PRESS

  www.dreamspinnerpress.com