by MV Kasi
It felt so damn right.
Each time he joined their bodies until he became a part of hers, it filled up the longing she felt for him. It also filled up the sense of belongingness.
She opened her eyes and stared up at the wide, blue sky and the tall, green trees as pleasure filled her mind and body. She felt alive and free.
She knew that no matter what their future held, this particular moment—with the lake, the sky, and the man she craved—it would forever be etched into her memory.
His thrusts grew harder, making her close her eyes once again due to his sheer intensity. She clutched his shoulders, while all thoughts were wiped away from her mind.
When release came, it felt as though she was torn apart and put back again as a different person.
CHAPTER 41
A week passed in a whirling sensation of heat and passion.
It was almost like they were compensating for all the days of not touching each other.
Most of the breakfasts were forgotten. Lunches and dinners were hurried affairs. Even their walks ended with either him or her lying on the soft forest floor, filling the air with the sounds of their pleasure.
They just could not get enough of each other. Every look and every touch led to some kind of intimacy.
“Oh God!” Nina moaned. “Yes, yes, right there. Little higher. Ohh!!!”
“If you want me to continue, I suggest you stop making those noises,” a dry masculine voice said.
Nina cracked open an eye to look at Gaurav. He was watching her with a hungry look as he rubbed her sore leg muscles.
She was lying on her back on the grass next to the lake. They had just finished another swim lesson. Nina was so excited that she was able to swim without help, she rather overdid it with the laps. That combined with their marathon lovemaking had made her leg muscles sore.
She grinned. “You need to practice more self-control.”
He raised an eyebrow, reminding her of that morning when she more or less jumped on his bare muscled back while he prepared breakfast. It ended with her back against the table with him on top of her while sounds of grunts and gasps filled the air. Their cabin still smelled faintly of burnt eggs from the morning.
“It’s your fault,” she said. “You were cooking shirtless, and the way you diced those onions and used that spatula, you were deliberately being a tease.”
He laughed.
Nina loved watching him laugh. His eyes crinkled at the corners and she could see glimpses of the carefree man in him that Khan had spoken about. His freshly-shaven look added to this carefree-look.
After they had made love near the lake for the first time, her body was covered in stubble burns the next day. That hadn’t stopped either of them from continuing to make fierce, passionate love.
But he began shaving on a regular basis.
She loved to watch him shave. It added to the intimacy between them. And as soon as he shaved, the first thing he did was to kiss her with his smooth cheeks, filling her senses with the smell of tangy aftershave and the unique essence of him.
“Are you legs feeling better?” his voice cut into her thoughts.
“Yes,” she said with a smile.
Then letting out a content sigh as Gaurav continued to massage her calf muscles, she closed her eyes.
The weather was turning much warmer lately since it was the end of the winter season.
After some time, Nina opened her eyes when she felt Gaurav’s hands under her shoulders. He was lifting her up. “It’s getting too hot. Sleep inside,” he said softly, carrying her to the cabin.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and borrowed her face in his chest.
He put her on their bed. “Take rest while I prepare lunch,” he said.
Before he could move away, she pulled him on top of her. “I’m not tired anymore, but I’m hungry,” she whispered. Then pushing him away until his back hit the mattress, she climbed on top of him.
He watched her with a heated look.
“I’m very, very hungry for you,” she said, kissing and nipping the warm skin on his chest before slowly moving lower.
THE WEATHER CONTINUED to be sweltering most of the time. Nina was turning her loose baggy pants into shorts. She had just cut off the sleeves of her shirts as well and was stitching the seams.
Sometimes, she borrowed Gaurav’s clothes, too.
“My mother liked stitching.”
Nina was shocked when she heard Gaurav speak. Until then, he had spoken about his general likes and dislikes and even places he had visited with his friends. But he had never made any references to his family.
She looked at him as he sat next to her on their bed, watching her with an oddly lost look.
“As a hobby?” she asked cautiously.
“No. She did it for a living. That’s how she was able to support my sister and me during college.”
Nina didn’t ask who supported the family when they were younger. She wondered if Gaurav’s father was alive. Khan didn’t mention a father. Nina could only guess that Gaurav’s father must have died before he started college.
“Sometimes, I used to help my mother when she took on too many assignments,” he said. Nina was reminded of the time he was easily able to put a fine thread through a tiny needle. “Even when I began to earn a living, and we could easily afford for her not to work, she still continued to run her store. She said she enjoyed staying busy and feeling useful.”
“My sister got the inclination from our mother. She loved making her own clothes, too. Her friends were always swarming at the house, bent over some or other new dress she had made. My mother and I used to tease her saying she was a soon-to-be doctor, so she should be focusing on stitching human skin rather than bother about the latest fashions.”
Nina heard the affection in his voice as he spoke about his mother and sister. He reached next to him and opened the nightstand drawer. He pulled out a small framed photograph.
“My mother and sister,” he said softly.
Nina’s heart beat rapidly. She knew that by showing her the photograph of his family, Gaurav was risking exposure.
But Nina didn’t want to think of their actual circumstances or the world outside. She wanted to focus on the current moment.
She looked at the two smiling women in the photograph. “They are beautiful. And they sound wonderful too,” Nina said softly, meaning it.
He put the picture frame on top of the nightstand, rather than returning it inside. “Yes, they were. And I’m sure they would have loved you, too.” As soon as he said that, his entire body froze as though he had realized what he just said.
Nina had no idea how to feel.
On the one hand, she desperately wished Gaurav would give up his quest for revenge against Suraj. But on the other hand, she didn’t want to breach the subject as it would break the connection or trust between her and Gaurav. Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to ignore the world outside once again.
“I would have loved your mother and sister, too,” she said softly, meaning it. “And I also think that you were a wonderful son and brother.”
When he didn’t say anything, she felt the desperate need to hold on to the connection with him.
She sat on his lap, until she was facing him. And then, holding his face, she joined her lips to his. She poured all her desperation and fear of losing him in that kiss.
He held her, but he didn’t kiss her back. She knew he wanted to, because she could feel his arousal and the slight trembling in his hands. He was deliberately stopping himself from kissing her.
She pulled back to see his face. He had a torn look.
“Nina… don’t get attached to me,” he said.
An ache formed in her chest at his words. “Why?” she asked.
She watched him as he fought an internal battle with himself that was displayed when his eyes shone with intensity. “Because I’m a murderer now, Nina,” he said. “A bad person. In my quest for revenge, I’v
e taken lives. Brutally. And deliberately.”
He watched her with regret in his eyes as he gently fingered her hair. “And if you recall, I did hurt you several times. If you get attached to me, I’ll only end up hurting you even more.”
Her heart continued to ache with each word that fell from him lips.
She kissed him again. “You are wrong,” she said softly. “You are not a bad person, Gaurav. And it’s too late now. I’m already attached to you. I care for you. Just like you care for me.”
He inhaled a sharp breath. “I don’t care for you, Nina,” he said.
She didn’t argue with him. “Well, it’s a good thing then, that I care enough for the both of us,” she said, kissing his cheek softly before sliding her lips to his mouth.
“God, Nina,” he groaned as though in torment. He rolled, until he lay on top of her. “I know our situation is fucked up. And I know it’s wrong to touch you and need you like this or even dream of a future with you. But I can’t seem to stop.”
“Then don’t,” she said softly, parting her legs. “You know I want you, and also need you to touch me. I dream of a future with you, too.”
He braced his arms on either side of her, devouring her with his eyes, fighting a battle with himself.
“Take me,” she softly ordered, reaching her hands between their bodies and guiding him into her.
With a shuddering breath, he held her face before kissing her softly at first, and then slowly deepening it.
Soon, he did to her body what he did with her mouth. He possessed it and claimed it.
He drove deep into her, driving them wild with pleasure and sweet agony. And while he joined them together, he whispered words into her ears. He whispered what he felt, and how he felt, and what he wanted her to feel.
Like each time, they made love, her mind and body felt completely consumed by him.
THAT NIGHT NINA couldn’t sleep. Gaurav was asleep behind her. Even in his sleep, he held her close to him in a possessive way. His hand wrapped around her waist, cupping her breast and his leg was thrown in between her legs.
She usually fell into a deep content sleep as soon as he held her that way. But that night she felt torn.
“I know our situation is fucked up. And I know it’s wrong to touch you. But I can’t seem to stop. I dream of a future with you, too.”
Gaurav’s words resonated in her.
Although she didn’t think it was wrong for Gaurav to touch her, her rational mind warned her that he wasn’t meant for her. And that she should stop dreaming about spending her life with a man who had kidnapped her—a man who was also a criminal in the eyes of the world.
But her heart refused to accept the fact that they had no future together. And whatever she felt for him, it only seemed to grow each and every moment they spent together.
This man who stole her from her life had also stolen her heart.
Nina didn’t know if he felt anything for her. Because he didn’t speak much. The only thing he had shared was about his mother and sister that night.
But sometimes, when he watched her, it made her feel cherished. She felt it through his many gestures.
Maybe she was being naive and desperate. But each time he did something nice for her, like bring her wild flowers, or show her something beautiful within the forest, her heart hitched and felt full, thinking that he cared for her.
The fact that she was falling in love with him should have scared her. But it didn’t.
It made her feel alive. In fact, the time she spent with him made her feel free rather than being captive. It was as though something inside her that had always been frozen due to her life experiences was finally beginning to melt.
She was no longer constantly on guard when it came to her emotions or sensations. For years, she had adapted and became what was needed to survive. But now… with Gaurav, she felt as though she could be her real self.
That night when Nina finally slept, she did with a peaceful heart.
CHAPTER 42
Gaurav received a message from Vikram that morning. Suraj Bhupati’s team had discovered the hacking into their corporate system. Currently, an investigation is going on to see which particular company records were compromised.
Even before he hacked into those servers, Gaurav had taken care not to zero in on any particular company. He had combed through all of them. He knew it would take some time before he could get at least one damning transaction that would tie the blood money to the legitimate money.
He was supposed to get back to the system in a few more days, but now, while the investigation is ongoing, he would have to wait.
“I killed someone,” said a soft feminine voice said.
The statement was so unexpected, it took Gaurav a while to respond.
He was sitting outside the cabin on an easy chair. They usually sat outside during the evenings when they returned from their walk. Nina was seated across on his lap. He couldn’t see her face as it was burrowed in his chest. He thought she was sleeping because he had kept her awake most of the night.
“Whom?” he asked.
“Someone who hurt my sister.”
Gaurav kept quiet and waited. If she wanted to tell him the details, she would on her own.
The fact that she offered to tell him already showed the level of trust she had on him.
“I’m telling you this because if you think I’d not want someone like you because you took lives of people who hurt your sister, then it’s far from the truth. You and I, we have more things in common than you think.”
He picked her hand and kissed it. “You don’t have to talk about it, unless you want to,” he said softly.
She took a deep shuddering breath as though she was bracing herself to the pain by recalling memories. Immediately, he felt the overwhelming need to go back in time and erase that part of her past in order to eliminate her pain.
“I want to,” she said. “I want to share more than just my body with you.”
Her statement shook him in a way that he thought wasn’t possible. Because it was making him hope. Hope for a future. And hope that she felt the same way he did about her.
“Tell me,” he said, rubbing her back, for both, comforting her, and also because he needed to touch her.
“I still remember that day very clearly,” she said. “I was seventeen, and my eighteenth birthday was only a week away.
“Despite our upbringing or maybe because of the lack of it, Devi and I thought that monsters were ugly, and that they only lived in the dark, dirty underbelly. But life taught us that sometimes, monsters were beautiful to look at. And they could be charming and persuasive. They wooed you with beautiful words and promises. And they owned big fancy houses and drove big fancy cars, everything that someone who grew up on streets would desire.
“That’s how the monster I killed was. He was handsome, charming and so persuasive that my innocent sister was swept away by his words. She met him for the first time when he and his friends had hired her services for an event. But after that, he continued to visit her at a place she worked during the day.
“It only took him a month to get her to agree for going out with him. He said it was to a friend’s party, and he wanted to take her as a friend so he could introduce her to his friends. Until then, he had been asking her out, but she had refused to meet him alone. Although, my sister liked him, she was still street smart. She knew what would happen if she gave in easily to what he was chasing after. He must have realized that too.”
She took another deep breath. “I like him, too. Whenever I was around when he came to meet her, he was friendly and charming to me. So when my sister told me she was going with him, I was excited for her. I even made her a special dress.
“The night of the party, when she didn’t return home, I simply knew something was wrong.
Her voice pierced his heart. It became distant and dull with no emotion whatsoever. He continued to rub her back softly, trying to ease the ache while she
narrated a painful part of her life.
“…by the time I found her, I didn’t recognize her. Her face was swollen, and her entire body was bruised and bleeding. She was gone by the time I found her, but the person who did that to her, was still there. He came at me as well. All his charm and friendliness had disappeared. I saw him for what he was—an animal. So, I killed him. I stabbed him in his neck with a broken glass bottle again and again until he was dead.”
Gaurav’s blood boiled when he heard that the man came at her. He wanted to go back in time and kill that bastard all over again. He wanted to inflict more pain to him than just being stabbed in the neck.
“I dream of that incident often,” she said. “Each time I wake up, there is only one thought that runs through my mind. That I shouldn’t have believed in his charm. I should have gone along with my sister to that party. And even if she didn’t want me to join her, I should have insisted hard until she agreed.”
She looked at him with an agonized look. “Sometimes, in my dreams, I was back in the hotel room. And instead of finding Devi naked and ravaged on the bed, I would actually see my older sister smiling and talking to someone outside in the party. She would then scold me for having come during the late night to accompany her back home. And then, she and I would return to our single-room home and sleep while exchanging funny incidents from the day. There are so many other similar scenarios that play out in my dreams as well. And in each scenario Devi was safe and alive and next to me.
“But those scenarios are often dominated by reality of what actually transpired that night.”
Gaurav wanted to tell her there was nothing she could have done even if she had joined her sister. But he knew guilt. And he had dreamt of various scenarios as well. He dreamt of how his life could have played out with his sister and mother staying alive.
If I hadn’t left home to pursue my dreams…
If I didn’t stand firm on my morals and beliefs…
If I hadn’t been close to my sister and mother…
The list of those ifs was endless.