An Indecent Longing

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An Indecent Longing Page 24

by Stephanie Julian


  Ben’s gaze narrowed. “How’d you get over it?”

  “Some of that’s on you. You gotta trust that when she says she wants you both, she means it. Yeah it’s a leap of faith but it’s worth every ounce of anguish when it works. And it helps when you trust the other guy in the relationship with your life and with her life. As far as I can tell, you and Ian already have that. Sometimes it’s tough to stick together though. And if she tries to throw a wedge between you or play you off one another, then it’s not gonna work. Ever. Any of that make sense?”

  Smiling, Ben nodded. “Yeah, actually, it did.”

  “Good. Now what the hell are you going to do with that intel? Because if you go after Tosto yourself, you’re going to put yourself in the middle of something you don’t want to be in the middle of.”

  Ben already knew that. “So what do you suggest I do with it?”

  Adam grimaced. “Something Ian’s probably gonna hate.”

  *

  From the couch, Ian saw Ben walk through the front door of their home and head straight for him, his expression set with purpose.

  Ben had worked late every day since Dorrie had left. And Ian had deliberately kept his distance. The time apart had given him breathing room, time to calm down. And too damn much time to think.

  Because when he let himself drift, he thought about Dorrie. About how much he missed her, how much he still wanted her.

  He wondered if she was okay. Did she miss them? Or hate them? He wondered if Ben had been in touch with her.

  And then he wondered why the hell he was thinking about her because he’d screwed any chance he had of a relationship with her.

  Ben knew it, too, and Ian had felt the distance between them like a frigid river that divided them. He fucking hated it.

  And he didn’t know what to say, how to tell Ben he was sorry. Hell, he wasn’t even sure what the hell he was sorry for.

  Now, Ben came to a stop directly in front of him so he had to either acknowledge his presence or move so he could see the TV.

  “What’s up?”

  Ben nodded toward the door. “Let’s go. I found Tosto.”

  He had to stop himself from grabbing his gun and saying he’d drive. “And what does that have to do with us?”

  “It means Adam already called Antonoff to let him know we were coming over so I could fill him in and then we’re going to check on Dorrie.”

  Any mention of Antonoff’s name still made Ian want to rip the guy’s head off but that initial urge was mixed with pain and anger. All because of Dorrie.

  So he concentrated on the one thing he could focus on. “Why aren’t we going directly to Tosto to blow his head off?”

  That’s how life happened sometimes. Bad guys died. Ben had killed a few. Ian had killed more than a few.

  Ben’s gaze remained steady. “Because that’s not our job. Our job is making sure Dorrie’s safe.”

  Yes. No.

  “Are you really prepared to cross this line?” Ian had to ask. “Because once you do, that line will keep moving until you’re not sure where it should be. You get in bed with Antonoff and we may never get out.”

  “I’m not suggesting we get in bed with Antonoff. I want Dorrie in our bed and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to keep her safe. Are you?”

  He didn’t answer right away, because he wasn’t sure he had an answer to that question.

  He’d had a week to think about it, chew it over, and change his mind about a thousand times.

  The only conclusion he’d come to was that he wanted Dorrie.

  And maybe that was the only one that mattered.

  “And if she doesn’t want to be with us? Have you thought about that?”

  “Then we’ll just have to convince her we’re worth the trouble.” Ben shrugged. “You might have to work a little harder than me.”

  “And if I can’t get over the fact that Antonoff’s her father?”

  Ben didn’t blink. “Then you’re going to have to step aside so I can win her back. She’s not responsible for who her father is. If you choose to hold that against her, that’s your deal.”

  Yeah, it was. “I’m not sure I’m ever going to be okay with her relationship with Antonoff. I just don’t know that I can do it.”

  “Do you care for her?”

  Ian’s eyes widened. “You want to talk about our feelings?”

  Ben’s expression never changed. “I want to know how you feel about her.”

  His jaw locked over the desire to tell Ben to fuck off.

  “Because if you don’t care about her, stay home. But if you walk out that door with me, you’re agreeing to be okay with it. Because this isn’t about your relationship with Antonoff. It’s about your relationship with Dorrie.”

  Each of Ben’s words hit him like a punch. “You do know I might have pushed her away completely.”

  Ben shook his head. “I’m not ready to give up yet.”

  “You played baseball in school. Three strikes, Ben.”

  “By my count, you’re only down two.”

  Ian just kept shaking his head as he got off the couch. “Sometimes that’s all you get ’cause life’s not fair. Fuck it, I’m driving. Let’s go.”

  *

  Antonoff sat behind his desk in his home office, reading through the information Ben had set in front of him.

  Ian sprawled in the chair next to Ben, looking deceptively at ease. Ben knew Ian wasn’t anything close to being at ease. But Ian has the art of looking calm, cool and collected down to a science.

  Ben was good at hiding his emotions. He just wasn’t at Ian’s level. So he shifted in his chair for the second time since they’d sat down five minutes ago.

  Finally, Antonoff looked up, those striking blue eyes staring straight at Ben and then at Ian.

  “Thank you for the information,” he said. “I appreciate your help in this matter. I’ll take it from here.”

  Ben opened his mouth to protest but he snapped it shut a second later. This is why they’d come. This is why they’d passed on the information. For Antonoff to handle it.

  This was business they wanted no part of. And Antonoff was a man Ian had spent most of his life despising.

  There was no way they could get wrapped up in this.

  “That’s not how this is going to work.”

  Ben’s head snapped toward his cousin. Ian had spoken so calmly, Ben almost didn’t believe the words had come from his cousin.

  Antonoff didn’t look surprised. He also didn’t look encouraging. He reminded Ben of a lion, regal and bored. Of course, that lion would rip your face off in a heartbeat.

  “And how do you see this working, Mr. Shaw?”

  Ben felt like he was at a tennis match as his gaze shot back to Ian, who stared at Antonoff with the same, calm expression. “We’ll accompany to your meeting with Tosto. I want to make it clear that, if anything should happen to her, we will make him pay for it.”

  Was Antonoff actually trying not to smile? “And what makes you think he’ll be more worried about you than he is about me?”

  “The man obviously thinks he’s on your level. This is business for him. For us, it’s personal.”

  Any hint of a smile vanished from Antonoff’s face. “And what makes you think I don’t value my daughter’s life more than my business?”

  Ben had the almost overwhelming urge to tell Ian to tread carefully, even though he knew Ian already realized that. But Ian was nothing if not careful.

  “I don’t. But if we’re going to have a relationship with Dorrie, Tosto needs to know we’re willing to do whatever it takes to keep her safe.”

  “And are you? Willing to do whatever it takes?”

  Ben cut in, knowing he needed to add his voice to Ian’s, not just be along for the ride. “Yes, we are.”

  Antonoff went silent, his gaze cutting between Ian and Ben. Ben had a few seconds to wonder if the guy was thinking about making them disappear along with Tosto, considering Ian had
just told Dorrie’s father they were both dating her. And sleeping with her.

  Shit, this is gonna get ugly fast.

  But they’d come this far and they weren’t going to back down now. First, they dealt with her father. Then they deal with the threat.

  And then…

  Then they dealt with Dorrie.

  Which would make the first two seem easy.

  “Because I love my daughter, I’m willing to make certain concessions,” Antonoff finally said. “I’ll allow you to accompany me to this meeting but you will not interfere and you’ll do exactly as you’re told.”

  Ben bristled at the Antonoff’s tone. The guy spoke like they were children. Or working for him. But he kept his mouth shut.

  Amazingly, so did Ian, except to say, “We accept.”

  Now, Antonoff actually did smile.

  And Ben thought that might actually be scarier than if he’d told them he was going to hang them up by their balls.

  “Then I’ll call you to let you know when we’ll meet with Mr. Tosto. Be read to move. I won’t wait for you.”

  Ben nodded, holding back a relieved sigh as he and Ian stood.

  “We’ll be there,” Ian said.

  Then they walked out.

  And Ben felt like they’d narrowly avoided a run-in with quicksand.

  *

  Early Thursday evening, Dorrie grit her teeth and listened to the mother of a little boy with a broken arm tell her he’d fallen off the swings at the playground.

  Except the break wasn’t consistent with a fall.

  What Dorrie didn’t know was if the mother had grabbed that frail little arm hard enough to fracture the bone or if she was covering for someone else.

  It was the second abuse case she’d seen here today and her heart felt like it’d taken a beating.

  She wanted to go home, turn the air conditioning down to icebox levels, and take a two-hour, scalding hot bath with a bottle of Zin.

  Gens had been installed in her guest bedroom since she’d left Ben and Ian’s home Saturday but he’d been good about staying out of her way.

  The problem was, she didn’t think her heart would stop hurting, and it wasn’t just because of the little boy sitting in front of her now and the married mother of two she’d seen an hour earlier.

  Forcing her attention back to the problem at hand, she fake-smiled and asked the mother to sit tight while she arranged for someone to help her set the arm.

  Which she was going to do. Right after she called Child Protective Services.

  By the time she left an hour later, she only wanted a quick shower and to crawl into bed. And hopefully not dream about the two men who’d abandoned her.

  Gens apparently picked up on her mood and remained quiet the entire ride back to her condo. She wasn’t sure she could’ve answered any questions without breaking into a crying jag so she was grateful for the quiet.

  And when her phone buzzed to indicate a text from her sister just as she was about to crawl into bed around nine that night, she considered ignoring it. But she knew she couldn’t. Not with what was going on.

  How was your day?

  Sucked. Two abuse cases at the clinic tonight and a twenty-year-old soccer player with possible sarcoma in her leg this afternoon.

  Yeah, that really sucks. Hugs. But some good news. Threat should be neutralized in hours.

  Good.

  Good? That’s all you have to say? How about if I told you the intel came from an interesting source. Your Bs. D suitably impressed and grateful.

  Translation: Ben and Ian had found Tosto and given the information to her dad.

  Surprise made her fingers freeze over her phone. She had no idea how to respond.

  Hey, you still there?

  Yeah. Just shocked. What does that mean?

  Guess it means your guys aren’t as done with you as you thought. D will be in touch soon. House arrest almost over. Luv u. Night.

  But what if she was done with them?

  Dorrie’s intercom rang around eight-thirty Friday night, startling her out of a TV coma.

  Or maybe she’d been asleep. Which made her the most boring person on earth.

  She sat for a second, waiting for Gens to answer, then remembered that he’d been pulled out.

  Her dad had indeed pulled Gens and reinstalled Blank, completely healed.

  She was glad to have him back, even if she knew he’d complain about her six a.m. yoga class at the studio down the street and the fact that she was in her office by seven-thirty and didn’t leave until after seven at night.

  She’d missed him, missed his hounding. Knew he did it only because he was worried about her.

  Nice to know someone was.

  Rolling her eyes at her pity party, she grabbed the remote for the intercom just as it began to ring again.

  “Ms. Haverstick, Mr. Shaw and Mr. Keller are here to see you.”

  Her heart tripped over itself and began to race but her brain froze.

  Ben and Ian were here? Why?

  Her immediate response was to agree to allow them up. But her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth and she couldn’t speak.

  Neither of them had called or texted since Saturday night. Hadn’t contacted her in any way.

  It hurt. She couldn’t deny that.

  She wasn’t sure she was ready to see them. She wasn’t sure she would ever be ready to see them.

  Even though that’s exactly what she wanted.

  “Tell them I’m not accepting visitors tonight. Thank you, Mr. Charles.”

  “Of course, Ms. Haverstick. You have a good night.”

  She hadn’t had a good night since she’d been in bed with Ben and Ian..

  With a sigh, she grabbed the phone she used to contact her sister.

  Hey. What are you doing?

  Nothing. How’s it going?

  Shitty. And you?

  Fucking awful.

  Dorrie laughed, and the tears she’s been blinking out of her eyes leaked down her cheeks. Trust Risa to make her feel better and worse.

  Do me a favor and give my street name to your doorman. I’m on my way over.

  You shouldn’t.

  Fuck it.

  And that was so totally Risa, Dorrie knew she couldn’t say no.

  Fifteen minutes later, her sister knocked. Dorrie barely had the door closed before Risa threw her arms around her shoulders and hugged the shit out of her.

  Dorrie returned the tight hug with one of her own until they both began to laugh.

  “Wow.” Dorrie sniffled. “We’re a miserable pair, aren’t we?”

  Risa pulled back and shook her head, the hood of her sweatshirt falling to reveal her distinctive blonde hair gathered in a messy knot at her nape. Risa would never be caught in public like this. Only Dorrie and their dad ever got to see this side of her.

  “Not for long.” Risa waved the large brown shopping bag in her one hand where Dorrie wouldn’t miss it.

  “I have at least ten completely idiotic romantic comedies, two bottles of champagne, a bottle of Limoncello, a bottle of Chambord, a two gallons of ice cream and a box of brownies from that bakery on Christian.”

  Dorrie felt tears begin to gather.

  “Ian and Ben just stopped by.”

  Risa’s eyes widened. “What?! Are you kidding me? What did they want?”

  “I don’t know. I told the doorman I didn’t want to see them.”

  Risa headed for the kitchen, bag in hand, and started emptying it. “Hmm.”

  “Hmm, what?”

  “Well, I’ve never known you to be a liar.”

  Dorrie stopped in her tracks. “I’m not lying. I don’t want to see them.”

  Now Risa turned to her with one of those looks, eyebrows raised, mouth slightly curved, like she knew all of Dorrie’s secrets. “Yes, you do. But I understand why you might want to make them work to get back in your good graces.”

  “That’s not what I’m doing.” Was it? “I just don’t want�
�”

  “To be reminded that they broke your heart.”

  Her nose wrinkled. “They didn’t break my heart. That’s absurd. I wasn’t in love with them.”

  Risa turned back to the bag. “Uh-huh.”

  “What does that mean?”

  Risa sighed dramatically then turned back to her with a bottle of wine in each hand. “It means you’re a dumbass if you think ignoring them will make your feelings for them go away. Yes, I’m all for making them miserable for a few days or even a week because they hurt your feelings but don’t let it go on too long or they’ll think you really mean it.”

  “But I do mean it. I don’t want to see them again.”

  Risa rolled her eyes. “Oh Dorrie, you don’t really mean that.” A pause. “Do you?”

  Yes. At least, some part of her did.

  “Dorrie?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  No, she wasn’t. She felt kind of numb actually.

  “I’m fine. Maybe I’m coming down with something.”

  Smirking, Risa started twisting off the top of the champagne. “Yeah, you’re coming down with a serious case of man trouble. In your case, double trouble.”

  Dorrie sighed. “I really know how to screw things up, don’t I?”

  “Don’t worry.” Risa smiled. “We’ve still got each other. And after I tell you what your men did, maybe you’ll be ready to cut them some slack.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  Risa’s smile widened. “Oh, didn’t I tell you? Ben and Ian went with Dad to deal with Tosto.”

  For a second, Dorrie just stood there with her mouth hanging open while Risa laughed at her.

  Then took the glass her sister slid her way and said, “Tell me. All of it. Now.”

  *

  Friday morning, her receptionist walked through her office door with raised eyebrows and a vase with one white and two red roses in her hand.

  Dorrie’s cheeks immediately flamed. And her receptionist’s eyes widened. “There was no card but I assume you don’t need one.”

  Trish had been with her since she’d opened her practice and was fiercely loyal. But her receptionist was close to her mother’s age and treated Dorrie like another daughter. She didn’t want to discuss her love life with Trish.

 

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