She argued back and forth with herself in her head as tears soaked her pillow until there was nothing left inside of her. Her head pounded, but it took energy to get up and get the aspirin from the bathroom, energy she didn’t have.
Her phone buzzed and she pulled it out of her back pocket. It was Keith asking if she was okay. No, she wasn’t. She was a long cry from okay, but give her a couple of days or weeks, maybe months and she’d pull through this too, for what didn’t kill you made you strong. She wasn’t dead, and at the rate she was going, she could take on Hercules and kick his butt.
Chapter Nineteen
The following Monday morning Nic took care getting dressed. She wore her uniform like a shield created in a special lab or sent down from Valhalla. Perfect creases, ribbons over her left breast, hair pulled back into a tight bun so no strands could escape, she was the Naval officer poster child. Ignoring the well-meant advice from some to choose pants and downplay that she was different from any other officer on the boat, Nic had opted for her uniform skirt.
She had no intention of letting the judge, trial counselor, or the defense forget for one moment this wasn’t about an act against an officer; it was a personal attack by a sexual predator.
If Stone and Tarasov walked with no more than a slap on the wrist, what would happen next? Who would be their next target? A minor? Groups of women? And would they stop at voyeurism or escalate?
The prosecutor had warned her that she’d be called to testify, to tell her story. It wouldn’t be easy. She’d have to expose herself in front of so many people. Yet if it meant the two of them could never do this to another, then that knowledge would be her strength as she took the stand.
Pain lanced through her heart at the realization that Kyle wouldn’t be there and she’d truly be on her own today. Shoving it away, she opened her room door.
“Surprise!” Lindsey’s high bubbly voice shocked Nic, making her take a step back as the petite blonde threw her arms around her.
Nic laughed and returned the hug before releasing her and turning to her companion, Cherise, who enveloped Nic into a mama bear embrace.
“Hey, Sugar. Didn’t think we’d let you face today without us, did you?”
Man, have I missed these two.
Nic stepped back in the room and wrapped both friends in another hug and cried happy tears and then cursed, as she’d have to fix her eye make-up again.
“You have no idea how happy I am to see you both, but I didn’t expect this. Not that I’m complaining.” Nic dropped down on her bed, relief coursing through her.
“We wanted to get here early yesterday, but the first flight we could get on had us landing at eleven last night. However, we come bearing gifts.” Cherise held up a familiar bakery bag and the smell of chocolate hit Nic’s senses.
“Oh that’s right.” Lindsey bolted out of the room and came back in with a carrier and handed her steaming cup of chai tea. “And this morning, Miss Prim and Proper wouldn’t let us arrive without breakfast in hand.”
“I still can’t believe you’re here.”
“Are you kidding? When we went to ask for leave to come up it was denied. Seems special liberty had already been arranged and approved and we’re both here representing our boats’ support of you.” Lindsey dropped into the spot next to her and laid her head on Nic’s shoulder. “You are so not alone, my friend.”
Cherise pulled up the single chair in the room and sat. “Your brother set it up with our commands. Not that my XO admitted that nugget of info, but I saw your brother down at the boat the other day. Girl, tell me he’s single, because those shoulders of his…mmm.”
“Eww. That’s my brother you’re talking about and trust me, you don’t want to date the overbearing idiot.” Nic sighed and laughed. “Although on second thought. He needs a strong woman he can’t bully around to straighten him out. I’ll text you his number and where he hangs out, along with all his weaknesses.”
“Now that we’ve got Cherise’s love life planned, you need to bring us up-to-speed on what’s been going on with you. Then we can talk about hooking me up with your other brother, ‘kay?”
Between all three of their schedules they hadn’t been able to connect since Nic had pulled back into port. She started at the beginning and filled them in on everything that had happened since reporting onboard the California. The shock of seeing Kyle, which earned Cherise a glare from both her and Lindsey.
“Hey, y’all told me not to tell you what I knew.”
“I know. My bad.”
She told them about the challenge of fitting in, which had them both nodding in agreement and even more when she told them about the moment after the security drill where she’d finally felt like a part of the crew. Then watched the horror on their faces as she described the details of the how everything fell apart from there.
“I can’t believe you’ve had to deal with this on your own, sweetie.” Lindsey gave her a squeeze and handed her a chocolate donut with chocolate frosting. Exactly what she needed.
“I haven’t been totally alone.”
She filled them in on Kyle: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
“I’m sorry Mr. Hot-One-Night-Stand turned out to be Lieutenant Douche,” Lindsey said.
“Lindsey,” both Nic and Cherise admonished.
“Fine, Lieutenant Dirtbag.” Lindsey pulled out another donut and bit into it.
Nic and Cherise made eye contact and laughed. The way Lindsey had ploughed through the Boston crèmes you’d think it had been her heart shattered in the parking lot. For all her talk, Linds had the softest heart of them all and was the biggest romantic she’d ever met.
“That’s my sea story.” She stood and brushed the crumbs off her hands. “Not quite how I pictured making Naval history and I hate that this will be forever tied to not just me, but to my dad and brother’s historical notes too.”
Cherise dropped her empty cup into the trash and stood too, smoothing out her skirt. “I doubt that any of them have even given it a thought and I don’t envy those working with them today. I’m sure they’re fit to be tied at having to stay away instead of being here to comfort you.”
“Dad and Mom have already called…twice. We better get moving or I’ll be late.”
“Let me wash the chocolate off my hands first,” Lindsey said and then disappeared into the minuscule bathroom.
Cherise turned to Nic and said, “Can I stick my nose where it doesn’t belong?”
“Um, sure.”
“Bryant called me last week, so I knew what was going on, especially the part about Kyle. Nic, I don’t believe he had anything to do with the video.”
Maybe not and she said as much to her friend, but he had his chance to respond. Plus, there were other factors to take in. She may not have liked the way thing went down between them, but with all the free time she’d had lately and distance giving her hormones a rest, now she saw it was for the best.
It’s what she kept telling herself on the short drive from the barracks over to the Trial Service Office. When they arrived, she turned off the ignition and sat, unable to move. Heart beating like the wings of a hummingbird, she looked to her friends.
“I don’t know if I can do this, if I can face Stone or listen to his lies and see the pity in the judge and everyone’s eyes.” Tears burned at the backs of her eyes. Damn it. She was so sick and tired of crying. It seemed like it was all she did anymore. Fanning her face, she looked skyward. “I want my life back.”
“Sugar, I can march in there and tell the prosecutor that you can’t testify if you want.” Cherise took hold of her hand and Linds scooted forward to place her hand on Nic’s shoulder for support.
“Sweetie, with or without you, they’re going to pay for what they did.” Lindsey had practically climbed up on the console between the seats to get Nic’s full attention. “But with your testimony they’ll get a harsher punishment. We’ll be there for you the whole time. Yo
u’re not alone and you can do this.”
That’s what Kyle said and where was he now that she needed his strength? Nowhere in sight.
Neither friend pressured her any further. They laid out her options and left it for her to decide. They trusted her to do the right thing. To choose wisely.
Unlike the men in her life…and then it hit her. Sitting there, thinking about not testifying, thinking she couldn’t do it, that she wasn’t strong enough was exactly what she’d accused them of thinking about her. She was living up to their expectation of her failing.
Well, screw that and the idea of taking the coward’s way out.
Her mom didn’t raise a quitter. It took a woman of strength and determination to stand up to the likes of her dad, and she’d been known to do so on multiple occasions. She pulled a tissue out from the pack she kept in her glove box and wiped her eyes, then rubbed her cheeks to bring the color back to her face and reached for the door handle.
“Let’s go show these boys what real women are made of.”
Nic and her bodyguards, at least that’s how she thought of them as Cherise and Lindsey flanked her on each side, followed the Legalman through the office to the conference room used for hearings. As she rounded a corner her eyes locked with Kyle’s. For a moment time stood still, everyone around them disappeared, sound ceased, it was just him and her. They could have been anywhere and for that briefest of moments they were back in the bar in Boston noticing each other for the first time.
Nervous, happy butterflies danced in her belly, heat stole over her and the memory of his soft lips trailing kisses down her neck while his hands did amazing and erotic things to her body.
Then the blue of his eyes darkened to stormy clouds, the corners of his mouth turned down and he looked away. Soft voices rushed at her ears. The click-clacking of heels on tile and the distant ring of a phone jolted her back to the present.
They passed the door Kyle had disappeared into and rounded another corner and went up the stairs. The place was like a maze. The last thing she expected to see as they reached the top was the crowd of people outside the conference room. Not just any crowd, but members of her crew: officers, chiefs, and enlisted.
Had the counselors planned to call everyone in as witnesses?
They’d be in court until winter.
Master Chief Ronquillo stepped up to her first. “Ma’am, Commander Holloway and Lieutenant Commander Ward are already in the room. Until I’ve testified, prosecution has asked that I wait downstairs.”
“Of course, Master Chief.”
He shot a look over his shoulder. “If they could, the entire Goat Locker would be here to lend you support.” Another look at someone in the crowd and a shake of his head and he was off down the stairs.
Odd, but then most people were in one way or another. Bryant worked his way out of the crowd of men with a smile on his face at the sight of Cherise before disappearing as he turned to Nic.
“No one wanted to wait at the boat, but the skipper won’t let everyone in for the hearing. As it is the prosecution is making Mace, Kyle, and me wait in separate rooms downstairs until he calls us to testify. Remember no matter what is said in there today, you’re one of us. You’ve earned the right to serve and none of us would have it any other way. We are family. Got it?”
“Got it.” She nodded and he held out his hand and did some kind of complicated handshake, or at least tried to, until they both laughed and he promised to teach it to her on their next deployment.
Excusing himself, he pulled Cherise to the side and Nic looked around for Lindsey who had disappeared a moment ago. Nic didn’t know if she was supposed to go into the conference room, a.k.a. courtroom or wait out here. The trial counselor had gone over every step with her, but that was days ago and a fuzzy memory at this point.
The crew talked quietly giving her space, a few flashed smiles and asked how she was holding up, but most sensed that what she really needed this morning was their presence and not the chatter. With the exception of Stone and his buddies, the rest of the guys were great. Sure there were a few who if she’d met at a party or in some other social environment she’d steer clear of, a couple of others she didn’t know too well as they were the quiet ones, and of course the braggarts. No family was perfect.
But they were hers.
And she was theirs.
Over the past few weeks, especially when the panic attacks hit she had thought of quitting. Calling in on one of her dad’s favors.
Not letting down her crew is what kept her coming back each day.
She almost let them down that morning. Thinking about what was to come she wandered over to a corner to read or rather stare at a plaque on the wall. As much as she appreciated everyone’s support, the walls were inching in and air was getting a little scarcer.
Closing her eyes, she counted backwards from twenty while picturing herself standing in the middle of an empty meadow. With each count she focused on slowing her breathing down, on thinking happy thoughts and when it didn’t fully work the first time she started over at twenty and repeated the process.
The squeak of a door brought the conversation to a stop. Nic closed her eyes, said a prayer and turned around to see the trial counselor. He made eye contact and then turned back to the room at large.
“I’m sure that I speak for Lieutenant Riley when I say thank you all for coming today. Your show of support is what makes us a superior fighting force. However, I’m sorry to say we cannot accommodate everyone in the courtroom for the trial. There is a large conference room down the hall that has been set up for your use, complete with coffee.”
As each officer made their way past her they gave her a high five, fist bump or a love tap on the shoulder.
“Ma’am.” Petty Officers Wu and Brooks stopped in front of her and she smiled. “We want you to know that we, the enlisted crewmembers, have your six, ma’am. What Stone, Tarasov and even Smitty did was wrong. We’d stay and wait in the conference room with the others, but we have to get back to the boat—”
“Someone’s got to work,” Brooks cut in.
“I appreciate you both coming down today. Thank you,” Nic said.
“Master Chief Ronquillo has promised to keep the crew updated throughout the day or there would have been a mutiny.” Wu chuckled. “We think you’re a great officer and leader and we’re proud to serve with you, ma’am.”
Both snapped to attention.
Nic returned the salute and released both men, touched by their words and actions. She knew she had to face Stone today and the guys had made it easier for her. The verdict was still out on whether she could handle an underway or if the panic attacks would sideline her. If they did, at least she wouldn’t have let them down on this day.
“Lieutenant, I brought you a little something to help you through the day.” Chief Boone handed her a brown paper bag. “Figured you wouldn’t eat much before this started and I know you’ve got a soft spot for my blueberry muffins.”
At his words she peeked in the bag and then held it up to her nose and inhaled deeply. Cinnamon, sugar, and sweet Maine blueberries. She didn’t know why some lady hadn’t swooped him up yet because he had skills in the kitchen. Normally she’d be diving in, but this morning her stomach threatened to rebel if she so much as took another look. She rolled the bag shut and tucked it into her purse for later.
“Thank you. I’ll just save this for after I get on the stand.”
“You’ll do fine.” He fidgeted for a moment, shifting from foot to foot either not sure what to say or do. “I’ll go in now and if you start to get nervous, look at me. I know this is hard…had a sister who was mugged once. Facing her attacker in court, it was rough, but she did it and you’re a lot like her. Tougher on the inside than you look.”
“I thought the master chief ordered you all to stay at the boat today.”
“He did and he can write me up if he likes.” A spark lit up his eyes as h
e glanced at the courtroom. “Then again, I might forget how he likes his favorite meal too.”
“Consider it an order from me to stay, Chief,” Nic said.
As the man slipped through the conference room doors Nic found herself chuckling quietly. Shocked at her ability to find her sense of humor at such a time she looked around to find the waiting area cleared out. Faint voices from down the hall from where her crew had adjourned to kept her from feeling completely alone. Not a peep came from the courtroom and after a few minutes Nic started pacing. How long did it take to read the charges against Stone? She’d never sat in on a court martial before so the exact proceeding details were unknown to her.
Probably a lot like regular court and both counselors had to talk first.
For a second, she thought about putting her ear up to the door to see if she could hear what was going on, then changed her mind and resumed her lap around the room. About half around, she jumped when her phone buzzed in her purse. Her brothers. She considered ignoring both of their messages since neither had enough guts to actually call her after their stunt with Kyle. It would serve the two busybodies right to sweat it out.
Groaning, she clicked on the icon and read first Liam’s note and then Reece’s and smiled. They may be interfering idiots, but they were hers and she loved them. Both wanted to be there today for her, and would have if it hadn’t been for the direct order received from their father to stay away. Both made sure to tell her that was the only reason they weren’t standing by her side. She understood.
Not the first sacrifice they’d made as a military family, most likely not the last.
If he could, if it wouldn’t jeopardize the outcome of the trial, Pops would be here for her. But not everyone would see him a Patrick Riley, father. The defense could claim he used his position as SUBLANT to sway the panel or judge. No way were they giving Stone anything he could use in an appeal.
Like it or not, he was going down today.
She sent a quick response to her brothers and turned off the phone before shoving it back in her purse. The last thing she needed was the constant buzzing as they sent follow up texts asking for updates while sitting on the stand.
Love Runs Deep Page 23