by Elks, Carrie
“Then there’s really nothing to talk about.” Nate went to walk away again, but his fingers were curled around the back of his chair and for some reason it was impossible to release them. As if his body wanted to stay right where it was.
“Did you know that when Ally’s mom died I was dating a woman called Marnie?” Grant continued, ignoring Nate’s gritted replies. “She used to work in Frank Megassey’s store. That’s how we met. She was a few years younger than me.”
“Fifteen, or so I hear.”
Grant laughed. “For a man who’s not interested you seem to know an awful lot about me.”
Nate shrugged but said nothing.
“Marnie wasn’t interested in having kids. She didn’t like to put roots down for long enough to have them. She’d been in Angel Sands for three years and as far as she was concerned, that was long enough. Just before my ex-wife died she was trying to persuade me to leave town and join her on a trip to Australia.”
“But you didn’t.”
“No. Circumstances took over. And being a good father was more important than being a good boyfriend right then.”
Nate said nothing.
“I know you probably think I’m a terrible father. But I didn’t want to be. I was determined to take care of Ally and make sure she was okay.” Grant nodded his head at the chair. “Can you sit back down? Looking up at you is making my neck ache.”
Grudgingly, Nate took his seat.
“I expect Ally told you that Marnie and I broke up soon after Ally came to live with us.”
“She did.”
“And did she tell you I never dated again?”
Nate blinked. “Never?” His voice was full of shock. “You didn’t have another relationship?”
“No.”
“I didn’t know that. Why not?”
Grant gave him a half-smile. “Because of Ally. She and Marnie had clashed like crazy. It had made things so much worse for her. Her grades dipped at school, and then she dropped out of the athletics squad.” He cleared his throat. “Did she tell you she used to run for state? There was talk of her going to the Olympics one day.”
“I heard.”
“Her dropping out was all my fault. If I’d been there for her more, spent less time with Marnie or at the café, then maybe she would have coped a little better. After I split with Marnie I didn’t want to introduce anybody to Ally. Didn’t want to upset her any more than she already was. So it became just the two of us, the two musketeers.” He rubbed his chin with his thumb. “We were so close that people used to remark on it all the time. What a lovely family we were, what a great dad I was.” Grant winced. “But I wasn’t a good father at all.”
“I’m not exactly running for father of the year myself.”
“Do you know the biggest mistake I made?” Grant asked, leaning forward on the chair.
“What?” At some point in the last few minutes Nate had gone from wanting to walk away to needing to hear more.
“I forgot that part of my role as a father was to prepare my daughter for the real world. To let her make mistakes. To let her face her fears. To let her feel sadness and learn how to deal with it. I thought I wanted to protect her, but really I wanted to protect myself from seeing her in pain or crying or anything else that every teenager has to go through whether or not they’ve lost a parent.” He let out a sigh. “I made it so she didn’t think she could live without me. She wouldn’t even leave town to go to college, did you know that? She got a scholarship and everything, but on the day I was supposed to drive her up there, she started unpacking all her bags. And that was my fault. All mine. I let her down.
“I let myself down, too,” Grant told him. “Because I neglected myself. Didn’t think about my own needs. And eventually I became a prisoner of my own choices.”
“That’s why you left?” Nate asked, a frown pulling at the skin between his brows.
“Call it a late mid life crisis. Or call it being a bad father.” Grant shrugged. “Or maybe even being a good father. It got to the point where the café was no good for me. I was desperate to sell it but Ally refused to let it go.”
“So, you let her go.” Nate swallowed, but the bad taste remained in his mouth.
“I did it all wrong. I should have talked to her more. Explained how I was feeling. But I had this stupid idea that she was my daughter and didn’t need to know any of that. I didn’t want her to think I wasn’t strong. But then I did the weakest thing I could ever do and I ran away.”
Nate looked at him. “You hurt her.”
Grant nodded. “I know I did. And I’ll regret that forever. But one good thing has come out of this. Ally’s learned to see her own strength. She’s realized she doesn’t need me to get through life and that she can stand on her own two feet. She’s the strongest woman I know and I’m damn proud of her for that.”
“You should be proud.” Nate’s throat tightened at the thought of her. At the memory of how she’d felt when he kissed her. How they’d laughed together as they played that damn Echoes of War – and he’d been killed every time. Thinking about her made his chest hurt.
She might have been strong, but he felt anything but.
Grant shifted in his chair. “I’m not going to tell you how to raise your child. Nor am I going to tell you how you should be treating mine. But man to man I’m going to give you one piece of advice that I wish somebody had given me.”
Nate raised an eyebrow. “Okay.” He was too curious not to hear more.
“Don’t assume anything. Not about what’s best for your daughter. Talk to her and listen to what she has to say.” He rolled his shoulders. “Good luck with the café. My happiest memories are here. I hope yours will be, too.” He held his hand out, and Nate stood to take it. And once they’d shaken hands, he watched the older man walk out of the door, turning left and meandering along the boardwalk.
In spite of himself he liked Ally’s dad. His honesty had touched Nate in a way he hadn’t expected. And the questions that had been swirling around his head were joined by newer, deeper ones.
Would he and Riley be as happy here as Grant and Ally once had been? Right now Nate had no idea.
30
“Dad?” Riley’s voice echoed through the hallway. Nate was sitting at his desk, staring at the spreadsheet that had been on his screen for the past half hour. He couldn’t focus on the numbers. They seemed to be dancing on the screen, little inky blurs that made no sense at all.
“There you are.” Riley was breathless. “I thought you were working in the coffee shop today.”
Nate turned his head to look at her. “I had some work to do here.” Urgent work, too. He needed to sign off on the proposals for the Coastal Café chain. The bank had agreed to extend a line of credit to make it happen, and his investors were on board, too. Five locations along the Californian coast had been earmarked for purchase. All it needed was for him to give the go-ahead.
“How was school?” he asked her.
“It was okay.”
“And detention?”
She shrugged. “I got my homework done so that’s good.” She’d been in afternoon detentions since the day her principal had allowed her to go back to school, and she hadn’t complained about them at all. If anything her relief at not being removed from another school had made her throw herself into it with enthusiasm. “I also volunteered to help out at the elementary school once a week.” She held out a piece of paper. “But I need your permission.”
“You volunteered to do something?” His eyes widened. “And with little kids?”
“I figure I have a year to make my college applications look good. Volunteering always pleases the recruiters, or so my teachers tell me.”
Yeah, well it pleased him, too. A lot more than he’d ever tell his daughter.
“What are you doing?” she asked, walking over to where Nate was sitting. She leaned against the front of his desk and squinted her eyes as she stared at the screen. “Oh, numbers,” she said, wrinkling her nos
e. “I thought it would be something exciting.”
“It’s the business plan for the new venture.” Nate leaned to turn off his laptop, the screen flickering before it turned black. “But yeah, the numbers on their own aren’t that exciting.” He twisted in his chair until he was facing her. “What do you want to do for dinner?” he asked. “I have some steaks in the refrigerator.”
Riley shifted from her left foot onto her right. “Um, I was going to ask you if I could go out tonight.” She swallowed hard. “Laura asked me over for dinner.”
“I thought you and Laura fell out.”
“We did. But she apologized and I accepted.” Riley shrugged. “And she and Leo broke up so I figured she’s okay now.”
“I don’t know…” He leaned back on the chair, considering her request. It had been a few days since they’d come back from Boston, and she’d complied with every punishment she’d been given. He hadn’t heard a word of complaint from her since they’d stepped back on Californian soil. And yet he had an urge to keep her with him. Not to punish, but to protect. Even if Laura and Leo weren’t an item anymore, there would be somebody who would hurt her again, leaving him to pick up the pieces.
“Laura’s mom said you can call her if you’d like. She even said you could come and eat there, too.” Riley’s eyes were wide. “But you won’t, will you? Because that would be super embarrassing.”
“No, I won’t,” he bit down a smile at her tone.
Riley’s eyes lit up. “Does that mean I can go?”
“Yeah, you can go. But only for dinner. I want you home by nine.”
“Sure.” She nodded quickly.
“And you need to be in bed by ten.”
“Of course.”
He racked his brain to think of another condition but came up empty. She was complying with everything he’d asked. And more, if you counted her volunteering. “Okay, I guess it’s steak for one here,” he said.
“You could invite somebody over to eat the other one,” Riley said, the smallest of smiles pulling up the corner of her lips. “Like Ally, for example.”
“I’m pretty sure she’d say no. But thanks for the suggestion.”
The smile slipped off Riley’s face. “I miss her,” she said quietly. “It’s quiet around here without her.”
Yeah, well he missed Ally, too. More than he’d ever tell his daughter. How many times had he lifted his phone to call her, or stood beside his car and thought about driving to her house and begging her to take him back?
But all he could remember were the words she’d said when she’d given him her resignation letter. That she didn’t want him to contact her.
It was killing him to abide by her wishes.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay on your own?” Riley asked him, still hovering by the desk. “I can stay and eat steak with you if you’d like?”
Her words made him think of Ally’s father and the conversation they had. Of how he’d described the way he’d held Ally back. Nate didn’t want to make the same mistake. “Of course I’ll be okay,” he said, forcing a smile on his face. “Now get out of here. I’ve got work to do.”
She nodded and went to walk away, but then turned on her foot and walked back toward him. Before he had a chance to ask her what she was doing, she threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. “I love you, Dad,” she whispered.
“I love you too, sweetheart.” His throat tightened as she walked out of the office, her footsteps echoing in the hallway. Another half hour and he’d be on his own again. And that was okay.
Wasn’t it?
* * *
Ally glanced around the restaurant until she could see Ember, Brooke, and Lucas already sitting at a large table. Ember’s mom was there, too, along with Deenie Russell. Next to her was her husband, Wallace, and a few people that Ember worked with at school. Squaring her shoulders, Ally walked over with her crutches, painting a smile on her face as they all stood to greet her.
“Happy birthday,” she said to Ember, holding a pink and silver gift bag out to her.
“It’s so good to see you.” Ember hugged her tightly. “Thank you for the gift, you sweet thing.”
The next few minutes were taken up with hellos. When she’d greeted everybody, and exchanged pleasantries with Ember’s mom and Lucas’ folks, Ally slid into a chair between her two best friends.
“How are you doing?” Brooke asked, her voice low. There was enough chatter at the table for nobody to pay attention to them. “How are things going with your dad?”
“Okay. He’s moving back into his house tomorrow. I’m not sure whether I’m looking forward to it or not.” The truth was she’d gotten used to having him around again.
“You could have asked him to come tonight. He would have been welcome,” Ember added.
“It’s fine. He dropped me off here and headed out to meet Lorne. The two of them are going to play pool.”
“Are you enjoying working at Lorne’s?” Brooke asked her. Ally had the feeling her friends were both skating around what they really wanted to ask, but it was all good with her.
“It’s okay,” she told them. “Different. Slower paced. Plus Lorne keeps everything in such a mess. If I try to tidy up after him he complains he can’t find anything. I don’t think it’s a long term option for me.”
“Did you put your resume in at the Silver Sands Resort?” Brooke asked, giving her a sympathetic smile.
“I loaded it up on the website yesterday, but I don’t think they’ll be recruiting for a while. They’ve barely started renovating the place.”
“Bulldozering it you mean?” Brooke said, wrinkling her nose. “Every time I drive past it’s like a sandstorm. I keep thinking of all the birds and animals that have made it their home. I hope they’re watching out for them.”
Ember and Ally exchanged an amused look. Brooke had always loved animals, ever since they were all in Kindergarten. It was typical of her to worry about them.
“So you’re in limbo?”
Ally pointed at her cast. “I don’t think I’m going to be doing the limbo any time soon.”
The waiter came to take their orders. Their conversation was silenced as he went from one person to the next, writing down their starters and entrees. Lucas ordered some champagne and the next few minutes were taken up with toasts to Ember. She blushed as Lucas kissed her, hugging her close as he wished her a happy birthday.
“They’re so damn cute, aren’t they?” Brooke whispered, following Ally’s gaze. “I keep wishing he had a brother or something. He’s such a good guy.”
Ally’s heart contracted. She missed being held the way Lucas was holding Ember. Missed being kissed, too. But more than anything she missed him.
She shook her head. Tonight was supposed to be happy. Not spent moping over lost loves.
Lucas turned to smile at Ally. “How’s the leg doing?” he asked.
“It’s okay. I’m due to go back to the orthopedist next week for another x-ray. I’m hoping for good news.”
“I bet you can’t wait to get back in your running shoes,” Ember said, sitting down with her two friends.
Couldn’t wait was an understatement. The events of the past few weeks had put her whole body on edge. Every time she thought about Nate all she wanted to do was fling herself at the sand and run until it stopped hurting. But instead she was trapped with her thoughts. And no matter how hard she tried, they wouldn’t be ignored.
“Yeah, but it may be a while before that happens.”
“More champagne?” Lucas asked, pouring the sparkling liquid into Ally’s glass when she nodded at him. He wandered around the table, filling glasses. His mom said something to him and he laughed, leaning down to join his parents’ conversation. To her right, Ember was talking to her principal from school, her face animated as she described what had happened at recess that morning. And Brooke was talking to Ember’s mom, the two of them laughing at something Ember had said.
She realized she was the
only one that wasn’t speaking with somebody. Even worse, she didn’t want to talk, because the one guy she wanted to talk with wasn’t here.
Remembering she’d lost him made her hurt all over again.
Taking a sip of her champagne, she closed her eyes for a moment, trying to center herself. She was strong. She’d be okay. She really would. One day she’d even be happy.
But right now that day seemed very far away.
* * *
Nate checked his watch. How could it only be seven-thirty? He’d cooked himself a dinner that he’d hardly been able to eat, and stared at that spreadsheet again until the numbers started to swim in front of his eyes. That’s when he found himself wandering around the house, looking for something to do other than think.
But everywhere he looked reminded him of her.
The dent in the sofa where she’d sat and played video games. The side of his bed where she’d curled up and held him tightly. The guest room that still smelled of her flowery scent, and the bed he still hadn’t let the maid strip and remake.
Even when he closed his eyes he could see her. That long, blonde hair and those deep eyes that seemed to see right through him. What would he give to touch her one last time?
By a quarter to eight he was practically bouncing off the walls. He thought about calling Kirsten just to shoot the breeze, but then remembered she was three hours ahead and was probably heading for bed. He switched the TV on to see if there was something worth watching, then flicked it off almost as soon as the screen flickered to life.
Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he found himself pressing the number of the last person he should be calling in that moment.
Riley answered as soon as the call connected. “Dad? Is everything okay? I’m not late, am I?”
“No,” Nate replied, shaking his head even though she couldn’t see him. “I just wanted to ask you a question.”
“Okay…” She sounded suspicious. “Shoot.”
“Do you like Ally?”
There was silence, followed by laughter. “Oh, Dad, of course I do. I love Ally. That’s why I think it’s crazy that you won’t talk to her. But it’s your life.”