by Amy Cecil
When I saw Emma arrive at the explosion sight, my heart ached and I wanted to run to her. I wanted to make sure that she was ok. I hated being away from her, and I could only hope that when this was all over, she would understand and forgive me for the things that I’d done. It took all the restraint I had not to show myself right then and there and let her know that I was still alive. I wanted to hold her and kiss her and tell her that I loved her. But I couldn’t. I had to remain hidden. At least she had Hawk and Honey. It was comforting to know that she had people to lean on. More importantly, they were people I could trust. They were there for her and I knew they would take good care of her. I knew I shouldn’t have left those flowers for her, but I just needed her to know that everything would be ok. I wonder if she got them yet? It was the only option I had right now. I needed to leave her alone until I got all this shit straightened out. Fuck! This is going to be so much harder than I originally thought when I came up with this godforsaken plan. But, if it all works out, we will all be better off.
Chapter 3
Emma
A few hours later I pulled up to what was left of the Knights’ clubhouse. I saw several people digging through the rubble, most of whom were members of the club. Thank God, I thought to myself, they aren’t all dead. I imagined they were looking for anything that they could salvage, but from what I could see from my car, they weren’t going to have much luck. Part of the building still stood: the half where Caden’s room had been. The other half of the building was completely demolished—it was nothing but stone, broken-up wood, and glass shards.
I canvassed the people, looking for anyone that I knew or recognized, hoping to spot Caden—but he wasn’t there, and nobody looked familiar to me. Then I spotted Rebel. I got out of my car and walked toward him. When I got closer, I said, “Oh my gosh, Rebel, what’s happened? Did anyone get hurt? Are you ok? Where’s Caden?”
I spouted off the questions so fast; I didn’t give him a chance to answer. But when I stopped he still didn’t speak. He didn’t answer for a long time, looking at me as if he was looking at a ghost. He hesitantly said, “How are you here? We thought you were dead.” He paused briefly and then added, “Never mind me, are you ok?” Before I could say a word to him, he gave me a hug and added, “Emma, I’m so sorry. I was supposed to protect you.” He looked devastated. I felt bad for him. None of this was his fault, yet he was carrying the burden on his shoulders.
“Rebel, stop that. I am fine. You did everything you could to protect me. As to how I am here … Mark let me go yesterday. I came here first, but nobody was here. I went back to my apartment and hoped to find a voice mail or a note, but there was nothing. I came back today, hoping that I would find someone here so I could get some answers as to what’s going on. Where’s Caden?”
He wouldn’t look at me. Something was going on, and I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like it. Where is Caden? Why can’t Rebel look me in the eye? Has my worst nightmare come true?
Just then Hawk walked up looking pretty solemn. “Emma,” he asked, seeming confused, “you’re alive?”
“Yes, I am. Why is everyone so surprised to see me? I would have thought that Mark had let you all know that he released me. Actually, I assumed Caden or the club had something to do with it somehow.”
“Nobody told us that you had been released. Nobody told us that you were still alive. We just assumed you both didn’t survive.” He quickly stopped talking, as if he was saying more than he should.
What did he mean by “you both?” Surely he didn’t mean Caden. “I came to see Ice.”
He looked at me hesitantly, seeming uncertain of what to say next. He looked over to Rebel and they had an unspoken conversation as if I wasn’t even there. I was really starting to worry. Where was Caden?
“Emma, I’m guessing that you don’t know,” Hawk said.
“Don’t know what?” I asked. He was starting to scare me.
He took a step closer to me and motioned for me to walk with him. He looked back at Rebel, hesitated for a moment, and then continued on walking. I followed. “I’m not sure what happened to you, and I have to say I am a bit surprised to see you here.”
“Actually, I doubt that you would believe everything that happened to me. I am having trouble believing it myself,” I replied.
“Perhaps once we get this mess straightened out,” he said, glancing around at the destruction around him, “we can talk and you can fill me in on the details.”
His small talk was all well and good, but I was done with the idle chitchat. “Hawk, where’s Ice?” I asked again, frustrated. There was something he wasn’t telling me.
“Emma, sweetheart, I’m really sorry to have to tell you this, but Ice is gone.”
I had prepared myself for those words, but after actually hearing them coming from Hawk, I could not accept them. It just couldn’t be true. I stopped walking and turned toward Hawk and said, “What do you mean he’s gone? Where did he go?”
“Emma, I don’t think you understand. He didn’t go anywhere … he’s gone, sweetheart.”
My heart stopped. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think. I was losing my grip on reality, falling into a darkness that I knew I would never emerge from. My last thought was of Caden before everything went black.
When I came to, I was lying in the back of a van parked in what was left of the Knights’ clubhouse parking lot. Hawk and Honey were hovering over me like worried parents. I couldn’t understand what had happened. Why am I lying in the back of this van? Where is Caden? Then, like a ton of bricks being flung at me all at once, reality hit me and I remembered. I remembered the kidnapping, the destruction of the clubhouse, and the last thing that Hawk had told me. Ice was dead. Ice was dead. My Cade was dead. The tears began to flow uncontrollably and I started having trouble breathing. Hawk and Honey both encouraged me to take deep breaths. They said I would feel better if I let in as much oxygen as I could into my lungs. They were right; taking deep breaths helped. When my breathing got under control, I turned to Hawk and asked, “What happened?”
He looked as if he hadn’t slept in days. I hadn’t realized that before, but now that I got a closer look at him, I could see the worry and sadness in his eyes. He said, “Emma, I don’t know much more than you do.” He looked over at Honey and continued, “Honey saw him last, and most of the information I’ve gotten has been from her.”
I turned to Honey. “Where is he? What happened?”
Reluctantly, Honey replied, “I don’t know. He was frantic trying to find you. He was on the phone in the clubhouse when he realized there was a bomb and he yelled for everyone to get out. When he was sure that everyone was out of the building, he left and the building blew. We all just stood in disbelief for what seemed like an eternity. After he was sure everyone was whole, he made a call. I don’t know who he called and was too far away to make out what was said. After he finished the call he walked over to me and told me to tell Hawk what had happened, that he’d found you, and that he had to go.”
“Did he say anything else?” I asked, irritated—no, not irritated. I was jealous that she was the last person to see him, to talk to him … but at least someone did see him and speak to him. I guess I should be thankful for that. Does he know that I love him? I can’t remember, did I tell him? No! No! He’s not dead. I refuse to believe it.
She hesitated for a minute, and then glanced over at Hawk as if asking his permission to reveal more. Hawk nodded. She continued, “He said that he would be back.”
Well, then why are they thinking that he is dead? They have all lost their minds. “Then you all are wrong!” I exclaimed. “You all think you know Caden, but you don’t. None of you know him like I do. If Caden Jackson says he will be back, then you can be damn sure he will!” I was frustrated and angry. These two were probably two of the closest people to him, and here I was trying to convince them that he would come back. Or was I actually trying to convince myself? No! He can’t be gone. If he were gone, I woul
dn’t feel his presence. And I still feel him!
“Emma, you are not seeing the big picture here. I think I know him pretty well. The man I know would have taken care of his business and then returned to his club where he was needed most. He wouldn’t have left us to pick up the pieces without him.” As much as I hated to admit it, Hawk was right. Caden would have rescued me, taken care of Mark, and hightailed it back to his club where he was needed. Hawk continued, “Emma, I know what you’re feeling, sweetheart. I want him here too; he was my best friend. But I think you’re grasping at straws, trying to change what is real. I’m sorry, sweetheart, but he’s gone.”
Just then Rebel walked up. “Hawk, I’m heading out to get Ari. Do you need anything before I go?”
Oh my God, Ari. I totally forgot about her. I said, “Does Ari know?” Rebel shook his head. “Who’s gonna tell her?”
“I am,” Rebel said, sadly.
“Rebel, I have not seen Ari in a long time, but I think it would be better if I told her. We grew up together, and I believe she always looked up to me as a big sister.”
Hawk shook his head. “Actually, Emma, she needs Rebel now.” He turned back toward Rebel and said, “Reb, you go. Be careful and bring our girl back safe and sound.”
“You got it, Hawk.”
I interrupted again. “But Hawk …”
“Emma, please. Don’t interfere with club business.”
When did Ari become club business? I thought to myself.
Hawk continued, “Trust me on this; I know what I’m doing. Ari and Reb are very close. He is whom she will need. It’s what Ice would have wanted.”
Well, hell. I guess I don’t know either one of them as well as I thought. I nodded in agreement.
Chapter 4
Caden
Rebel was the only club member that I had talked to since I disappeared. He knew everything. I had to have someone on the inside who knew what I was up to and to explain things to Hawk when the time was right. Plus, he had to take care of Ari. He had to assure her that I was ok, and she wouldn’t believe anyone but him. Those two had an obvious connection, but neither of them would commit to the other. I thought, Maybe after all the dust settles and things get back to normal those two will finally admit their feelings to each other and me. The tension between them could be overbearing at times.
But I had more important things to worry about. I needed to call Rebel. He was probably almost in Gettysburg by now. I dialed his number and he answered on the first ring. “Yeah?”
“Hey, it’s me. Are you on your way to get Ari?”
“Sure am. Are you sure you want me to tell her that you’re still alive?” he asked.
“Yes. She will be able to play along for the others and I need her to be convincing. I am guessing that Hawk, Honey, and Emma have just realized that I am alive. They’ve been to Grayson’s house and seen my handiwork.”
“Ice, man, you are one crazy fucker.”
“He fucked with the wrong person. He threatened my girl, my club, and my sister! Fucker deserved everything he got and more.”
“I don’t know, man, something just doesn’t sit right with me about all this.”
“Reb, trust me. I know what I am doing. By the time I resurface, it will be safe for our club and our families. I’m tired of this shit,” I said.
“I know, boss, I do. I just hate having to keep up this charade. Do you really think the girls can pull it off?”
“I do. Women are amazing actresses. They can do it. I’m more worried about you and Hawk,” I said with a laugh. It was true. I knew if anyone would slip about me still being alive, it would one of them.
“You don’t need to worry about us. I got this, and so does Hawk. He doesn’t know I know yet, but when I get back, he will.” He paused for a moment then added, “So, do you want me to take Ari to your house?”
“Yes, I think that would be good.” The house was out of the way, and very few people even knew I had a house outside of the clubhouse. I never stayed there. I thought about it and then added, “I want you to get Emma moved into the house as well. I don’t want her in that apartment alone anymore. Especially now.”
“You got it, boss. Anything else?”
“Yes. Honey. Bring her to the house too. She has no other place to go and I don’t want her wasting money on a hotel until we have a new clubhouse. She has always had a home with us and I want her to continue to know that.”
“Anything else?”
“Nope, I think we are good for now. You got anything you want to say to me?” Rebel had had a thing for my kid sister I think from day one, but he had never acted on it. I believed Ari liked him too. Before she left for school, they were always together. I thought for sure they would hook up, but they never did. I was always trying to get him to admit it to me, but he never would. Sometimes, I just liked fucking with his head.
“One more thing. I’m almost in Gettysburg. It’s roughly 4:00 pm. Got any idea where she might be?”
I laughed. “And here I expected you to know that. Don’t mess with me, buddy, I know you keep tabs on her.”
“I don’t know what you are talking about,” he said defensively.
“Look, man, I know you have a thing for my sister, and I also know that you struggle with the age difference and how your relationship affects me. Believe me, I’ve been down that road myself with Emma. You are my brother and I trust you with her. But let me tell you—you fucking hurt her, and I will kill you. Got it?”
“Got it!”
“Ok, now go get my sister and bring her home safe. There is nobody else I trust her safety with more than you,” I said and then hung up the phone.
Emma
I was beginning to feel ill. The news about Caden, fainting, and all this devastation around me … it was all getting to me. I needed to be alone. I had to process everything, and being hovered over by Hawk and Honey was not helping. There were too many connections to Caden here.
“I need to go,” I said.
“Are you sure, sweetheart? You are still looking a little pale,” Hawk said. “You can stay here as long as you like.”
“Thank you, Hawk, I really appreciate that. But I need to be alone for a while.” As I started to get up out of the van, I turned back toward Hawk and asked weakly, “Are you really sure he is dead?”
Hawk looked confused by my question. “I am.”
“Hawk, just hear me out for a minute.” I took a second to get my thoughts together and then said; “Caden didn't contact any of you after he left the clubhouse. So nobody has seen nor heard from him. Correct?”
“Yes,” Honey replied. “Like I said before, I am pretty sure I was the last person he spoke to in the club.”
“Ok, so if nobody has heard from him and nobody has talked to him, what makes you both so sure he is dead. Maybe he has some grand plan to fix this? Maybe he is still with Mark? And, although I am stating the obvious here, let me add, you don’t have his body.”
Hawk looked over to Honey and said, “She’s got a point.” He turned back toward me and said, “I do still believe, however, that if he were alive he would’ve contacted us.”
“I agree,” I said, “But what if he can’t? What if he is still being held captive in the same place that Mark held me, only in a different room? I mean think about this. If he had gone to rescue me, wouldn’t the most likely place he would go is where I was. I even yelled for him when I left in case he was there. I wanted him to know that Mark was letting me go. If he was planning any type of attack against Grayson, he would have waited until he knew I was safe.”
“Well shit Emma, I didn’t think of any of that.” Hawk replied. Then he added, “You shame me. I should’ve thought this through more thoroughly.”
“Well you did have other things on your mind, like a blown up clubhouse.” I stated sarcastically. Then I added, “I think we should look for him first before we pronounce him dead. And I know where you can start.” I said proudly.
Hawk imm
ediately looked up to me in surprise. I don’t think he realized that I knew where I was after I’d been released. “How could you possibly know that?”
“Because I have a pretty good idea where I was being held.”
“So you know where Grayson was keeping you?” he asked hopefully.
“I don’t know the exact address, but I have a good idea. I bet if we retraced my steps, I could find it again,” I said encouragingly.
“What do you mean retrace your steps?” he asked.
“When Mark released me, he basically just kicked me out. I didn’t have a car, and I had no idea where I was. So I started walking until I came across a gas station and used their phone to call a cab.”
Looking hopeful, he said, “Look, Emma, I realize that you have been through a horrific ordeal, but you could really help us out a lot if you and I sat down somewhere and you told me everything that has transpired over the last 48 hours.”
I nodded. He was right. As much as I wanted to be left alone, if there was anything I knew that could lead us to Caden, I was willing to put my own needs aside and help all that I could. “Yes, I will do what I can to help you,” I said.
Hawk smiled. It was the first time I had seen him smile since I had gotten there. “Thank you. I’m sure this will be difficult for you, but any information you could provide would help a lot.” He paused for a moment and then added, “Why don’t we get out of here? We’ll go grab a cup of coffee and we can talk. I’ve been working on a new location for the club but it will be weeks until it is ready. I’ve secured the vacant space above Betty’s Dinor until we have something permanent. We can talk there.”