by C. P. Odom
“It was the pain in your eyes that kept returning to me.” Darcy closed his eyes as though in painful memory, and Elizabeth could not believe he could not hear the painful throbbing of her heart in her chest.
“My comprehension was slow in coming. It took months, and I resisted accepting it. Such thoughts were not at all pleasant to dwell on, and because I never intended to cause you pain, I could not be held responsible for your distress. Especially since I was content with the strictures my parents impressed on me regarding which young ladies were suitable choices as a wife, the woman who would carry the Darcy name.”
Darcy’s eyes finally met Elizabeth’s directly. “When I met your aunt and uncle at Pemberley while you remained at Lambton, true to your declaration, I decided I could not let matters continue as they were. I simply had to return to Hertfordshire and resolve…settle…the unfinished business between us one way or the other. I thought it was entirely possible you might now hate me for the pain I caused you, and I could not blame you. It was unintentionally done, but I knew it might matter little to you. If it were so, it would at least be a resolution to what plagued me.”
Elizabeth was bewildered, and she could not respond to these softly spoken words. She could not believe they could possibly have any significance for her. She wanted to believe it, but it simply could not be true. She must have misheard or misinterpreted what Darcy said.
“So I decided to come to Netherfield, not with a defined purpose in mind, except possibly to find answers to what troubled me so I could go on with my life.”
“So my mother was right!” Elizabeth heard herself say. “You did have Netherfield opened! I would not believe her. And I did not believe your aunt when she said the same thing.”
“Which leads to a question of my own,” Darcy said with a new and different tone in his voice. “What in Heaven’s name was Lady Catherine doing at Longbourn?”
Elizabeth could not answer this simple question at first. To do so would require her to say things aloud she dared not say. Her cheeks colored, and she looked everywhere about the cave except at the man who so unbelievably held her in his arms. It was long moments before she could force herself to meet Darcy’s eyes again.
“She came to…to demand a…a promise from me. A promise…that I would not accept an offer of marriage from you.”
“Why on earth would she do such a thing?” Darcy said, showing none of the offense Elizabeth had been petrified he would. “No one knew what I planned except Major McDunn, and nothing could drag information from that man’s lips that he did not wish to disclose.”
“I can easily believe that!” Elizabeth said as the first slight smile of the morning played about her lips. “All I know is that my elder sister wrote to my mother to tell her you asked Mr. Bingley whether you might stay at Netherfield. And my mother wrote to my other sister, Mrs. Collins—”
“—who told her husband,” Darcy said in a rush, “who then informed my aunt, who leaped to the conclusion that I intended to pay court to you and was coming to Longbourn to do so!”
“She was most abusive and intolerant,” Elizabeth said, a quaver in her voice as she remembered the terrible confrontation. “I was terribly angry and hurt and confused. I tried to keep it inside, to control myself, but I finally could take no more. I simply had to escape, and I ran from the house to find relief as I usually did in walking about the country. You know just how poor a decision that proved to be.”
“I shall speak with my aunt about this, and it shall not be a pleasant conversation—not in the slightest. I never thought a member of my family could conduct themselves in such an improper and outrageous manner. You could have died!”
“I would have died had you not found me,” Elizabeth said, unable to repress a shiver at her memory of the bitter cold. She knew the ghosts of helpless terror had to be easily discernible on her face. “I was not thinking very clearly…or even thinking at all…when I left the house. I walked until I finally realized my peril and turned for home. But I had waited too late, and the rain began coming down in sheets. By the time you found me, I was shaking terribly from the cold, but I was too exhausted to care. All I could do was to keep walking since I knew if I collapsed, I would surely die.”
“Only an impulse led me to change my mind and stop briefly at Longbourn before riding to Netherfield,” Darcy said, his tone grave. “I found you gone from the house, and no one had any idea what to do. Your parents had no inkling of which direction you might have gone. It was mere chance that one of your sisters mentioned Oakham Mount. I knew the way, so I decided to search in this direction while McDunn rode to Meryton and call at your aunt’s house.”
“You came looking for me yourself?”
“Well, I had to,” he said with a wry smile. “How would we settle things between us if you died of the cold? But I had not planned on my horse bolting into the night when lightning struck.”
His face sobered suddenly, and she felt the intentness of his gaze. “Of course, we shall not be able to settle things as I had anticipated. Not now.”
Elizabeth’s brow furrowed. “What…what do you mean?” she asked, her words brittle and frightened.
“We have both been absent from Longbourn all evening, Miss Bennet,” he said, the gentleness of his words soothing her fears. “There will be the assumption I spent the night having carnal knowledge of you in the most improper manner as my reward for saving your life.”
“But…but you came out in a rainstorm to find me!” she said in consternation. “And you did! You did save my life! There was nothing improper in what you did!”
“Yes, I know, but I have been thinking on this much of the night. Perhaps we might convince your father of our innocence, but I know assumptions will be made by ungenerous people since we were not, of course, chaperoned in any way last evening.”
“But with the rain and the cold, how could anything improper have happened?” she said, almost sputtering in outrage.
Darcy shrugged eloquently and smiled. “I did not say it was fair, Miss Bennet. I said it was a fact. All your neighbors will soon be aware of what has happened if they are not aware of it already. You have undoubtedly heard about rumors spreading like wildfire and twice as swiftly as the wind. Your reputation will be affected—perhaps ruined—and that of your family also.”
“But…but…it is so unjust! You did nothing ungentlemanly!”
“Actually, it may not be the full and complete truth. I had to remove your wet clothing before I could wrap you in those blankets. Otherwise, I would not have been able to get you warm.”
She stared at him as a sudden shock of realization came to her, and she said slowly, “Now I remember…at least a little bit.”
“The fact cannot be concealed when I arrive at Longbourn with you in my arms and wrapped only in blankets. I shall have to walk since I am sure my horse will not return. In fact, I may never see him again. But the pertinent fact is that everyone, most especially your mother and father, will soon be aware that I have seen you completely unclothed.”
Elizabeth blushed scarlet and averted her eyes. Finally, she managed to whisper, “Completely?”
“I had to remove everything, Miss Bennet. Even your shoes.”
She wriggled her feet and ran her hands along her bare skin under the blankets as she realized the truth of what he had said.
“I could put my wet clothing on before I return home,” she said in desperation. “We can dry it before your fire and—”
He shook his head contritely. “I had to cut everything off, Miss Bennet. You could not remove your clothing by yourself, and my fingers were too numb from the cold to assist you. I see a few shreds of cloth about the cave, but most everything went into the fire.”
“Well, I can at least put on my shoes and arrive on my two feet, even wrapped in these blankets—”
; “Doubtful,” he said, holding up one of her shoes, which looked like a gutted fish ready for the frying pan.
“Just how sharp is your knife, Mr. Darcy?” she asked, her eyes wide at the complete destruction of her attire.
“Very sharp, Miss Bennet. It is a gift from Major McDunn, and I carry it in a sheath down my boot. As he says, ‘You must always carry a knife since you will never need one until you need it very badly indeed.’”
She cleared her throat. “An interesting man, your Major McDunn.”
“You do not know the least of it, Miss Bennet. As I was saying, as soon as we arrive at Longbourn, I fully expect your father to demand we marry and quickly. I cannot blame him. He will have no other choice.”
“Marry?” she asked in apparent confusion, but the truth was she was totally nonplussed by the sudden surge of hope sweeping through her as though she had been struck by the same lightning that so frightened Darcy’s horse.
“It is the usual mode of salvaging a damaged reputation for a young lady such as yourself, as I am sure you are aware. And I am not opposed to it myself, not any longer, though I was not aware during the night of just how you might react.”
He looked directly into her eyes. “I could not know your present opinion of me. As I said, I could not blame you if you had formed a deep hatred of me. Even if I did not cause your grief, I was still the reason for it. But none of this matters any longer compared to our grievous breach of all propriety. We are going to be brought to task, and I see no alternative, no matter what each of us might wish to do.”
He spoke gravely, and Elizabeth could see anxiety on his face.
“After my shameless behavior in the garden at Netherfield, Mr. Darcy,” she said very softly, “can you have any doubt how I feel? Can you doubt the passion I felt then?”
“That was then, Miss Bennet, and this is almost a year later. I am well aware your opinion of me might have changed dramatically and in ways I cannot imagine.”
She shook her head firmly at this, ignoring the desperate passion of her heart as she steeled herself to say what must be said in the interests of honesty. “My opinion has not changed—not at all. Whatever my own wishes might be, I shall not allow you to be forced into a marriage against your will.”
“As I have said, I am not at all opposed, Miss Bennet. Anxious, of course, but not opposed.”
“But…your view of a suitable wife,” she said, with some trepidation. “Your parents—”
“Somehow, those objections seem to have been dispelled over the months,” he said with a crooked smile that had more warmth in it than she had seen since early in the night at Netherfield. “I was not aware of it until early this morning when I was thinking long and hard on this. Perhaps it was the knowledge that neither of us has an alternative that would salvage our reputations. But whatever the reason, I found myself comfortable with a prospect that, given our past, is sure to leave you mystified.
“And I must marry, Miss Bennet, so would it not be much better for me—since you appear worried on my behalf—if the lady I married felt for me as deeply as you appear to feel? I am certain I will, in time, respond in kind and hopefully provide some solace for what you have endured.”
***
Elizabeth looked up at him with an intensity he had never seen before. Her eyes were almost ablaze as she licked her dry lips, and the hope in her face was so desperate, it made his heart ache at the raw emotion he saw.
“I always knew my hopes…my desires…were impossible,” she said. “I have dreamed a thousand times of being with you always, bearing your children, sharing your life, but I knew they were a hopeless illusion. Now, you say you will marry me—”
“I chose my words carefully to show how my opinions have changed, but they do not describe my wishes completely. Yes, we have no choice but to marry, else cruel whispers will follow both of us for the rest of our lives. I have dismissed many of the constraints my parents laid on me, and I am now certain you will be an excellent wife. You are, in fact, more than I deserve, and I am looking forward to learning more about you, making a life with you, all the things you just said—”
He stopped speaking abruptly since Elizabeth was squirming about in his lap, struggling against the blankets that swathed her in a cocoon. She finally freed her arm and reached up to lay her hand on his cheek.
“I cannot believe this is happening,” she said, the expression on her face full of tenderness as her fingers explored the lines of his unshaven face. “When I awoke and saw you sleeping above me, I could not comprehend what was happening. I never expected anything like this.”
Darcy took her hand, brought it to his lips, and kissed her palm. He heard her sharp intake of breath as he ran his lips over her smooth, soft skin. Her bare arm stuck out from the blankets to her shoulders, and he thought he had never seen anything so desirable. His lips moved to her fingers, just as hers had done months earlier, and he kissed each finger tenderly, running his lips along the slim, elegant line of each of the fingers of her small hand. Elizabeth laid her head back and closed her eyes in visible contentment as he continued slowly and thoroughly.
“I never dared hope to feel anything like the touch of your lips. Your touch…so gentle.”
Darcy’s throat tightened at the look of happiness on her sweet face. Elizabeth opened her eyes, and he was enthralled by the intensity of her gaze as she gently pulled her hand from his grasp and raised it to his neck, pulling his head down to hers.
Darcy was not the man of the world Elizabeth likely expected, but he was more than aware that her kiss was one of virginal innocence and exploration. The feel of her lips under his own kindled a passion in him, and he pulled her to him, even as her arm tightened around his neck. Their kiss deepened, and both of them lost track of the passage of time.
At length, Elizabeth’s soft moans made him aware of the extent to which each of them was becoming aroused, and he reluctantly broke the kiss and raised his head.
“I think we should save any more kissing until we are safely married,” he said playfully. “But it seems you have put my worries about your opinion of me to rest, and—”
“Just one more kiss,” she asked beseechingly, and he lowered his head down to meet hers once more as he kissed her lips, her cheeks, and even her closed eyes.
Elizabeth’s breath was ragged when they finally pulled apart. “I love you so! I wish we did not have to stop.”
“It would seem advisable,” Darcy said dryly. “We are not quite in control of our emotions at the moment. But it does seem as though all questions between us have been answered.”
“I suppose you are right.”
She nestled herself against him and rested her head against his chest, and Darcy felt it to be one of the most endearing and touching things he had known in his life.
“I cannot believe we will be married,” she said, her voice muffled. “It is like a dream I never let myself have. I have no fortune, you know, and—”
“Hush, Elizabeth,” he said softly, his finger on her lips. “I think we should start back to Longbourn.”
“But…what shall I call you, sir? I love the way you call me Elizabeth. It is ever so much more intimate than Lizzy or Eliza, which are what most people call me. But I absolutely refuse to call you Mr. Darcy any longer, though I know many wives do so. I am too impertinent, you know.”
“Georgiana calls me William though my given name is Fitzwilliam after my mother’s family. But I do not like it—not at all. So call me William.”
“Very well,” she said, settling herself against him as he took her in his arms again, stood, and carefully scattered the embers of the dying fire about, grinding them into the waterlogged ground outside the cave. Then, careful of his burden, he began to make his way out of the cave and toward the road to Longbourn.
***
W
ednesday, September 17, 1812
Longbourn, Hertfordshire
It took most of an hour of walking before they spied a trio of mounted grooms coming toward them from the direction of Longbourn. The road had been so muddy, Darcy had spent much of the time picking his way through the tall grass beside the road, but he had occasionally been forced to slog through the mud. His trouser legs were sodden to the knees, and both boots were so encased in mud, they felt as though they each weighed ten pounds.
The grooms were jubilant to see their master’s daughter still hale and hearty, and one of them quickly galloped back to Longbourn to bring the good news while the other two assisted him to mount one of the horses before handing Elizabeth’s blanket-swathed body up to him.
Darcy learned from Elizabeth’s comments that he had been entirely disoriented the previous night. What he thought was the way to Longbourn had been incorrect, and if he had tried to find his way to the house in the dark, it was likely both of them would have been dead before morning.
“We seem to have attracted a crowd,” he said, motioning with his chin toward Longbourn where a gathering of people milled about.
Elizabeth had been resting as Darcy held her close, lulled into a drowsy state by the motion of their mount. They had been proceeding at a walk with the unmounted groomsman leading their horse. Elizabeth’s head had been tucked into his chest, but she turned to look toward her home.
“Oh, my word! You are right! Look at all of them!”
“I can recognize Sir William and his wife from here and your sisters along with your friend Miss Lucas, but no one else.”
“There are my Aunt and Uncle Philips standing next to my mother. And then there are her friends the Gouldings and Mrs. Long along with Hill, our housekeeper. You were absolutely correct about everyone learning everything, William. What was my mother thinking?”