by Rose, Ashley
Car’s eyes surveyed the stack of magazines filled with sex stories, sex positions, oral sex, sex secrets, the works. “I’m game.”
Kendall grinned. “We hoped you’d say that.”
“Why?”
Kendall looked around at the girls. Kiley spoke up. “Well, we all know that you’re...one of the most experienced girls here. At least, as of late. We have questions.”
“Oh, uh...I don’t know if I’m qualified...”
“Nothing like that, just...Beck...is he amazing or what?”
And so the talk went on. They browsed through the magazines, everyone laughing and picking their favorite sex position from the little diagrams shown. Car held a vote and they decided Hugh Jackman was indeed the hottest man on Earth.
The topic went from sex positions, to embarrassing stories, to who’s-done-what, to screaming, to hands jobs and finally to oral. For some reason, they all turned to Kendall for this topic.
“What?” she asked.
“Well,” Torie said. “We all you know and Andy used to mess around a lot but never had sex. Sooo...spill!”
Kendall blushed for the first time in the conversation. “Oh...no, I...”
“So you haven’t gone down on him?” Alli asked.
“Well, of course, but...I don’t know if I can...it’s...come on, guys!”
“No way,” Car said. “You made us all talk about our stories. It’s your turn to give us some details.”
All the girls agreed.
Kendall sighed. “Okay, fine. What do you want to know?”
Kiley spoke up first. “Is it fun?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, like...it sounds like a lot of girls hate it. They just do it because they feel obligated. Is there an upside to it?”
“Well, yeah! I wouldn’t do it otherwise.”
“Sooo...?” Torie prodded. “What does it feel like?”
“Let me get this straight, not one of you has ever given a guy head?”
“Nope.”
“No.”
“Never had sex of any sort.”
“I want to.”
Kendall nodded. “Alli?”
“You know that I have, and you know that I don’t share. It’s fucking sexy, and I love doing it. End.”
“Not helpful.” Car turned to Kendall. “Come on, Ken, tell us.”
“Well, yeah, I liked it. A lot. And not just because it was fun but...it usually drives the guy crazy. Andy loved it.” She paused slightly, as if she was dealing with some lingering emotions. “I liked it even more because of how much he enjoyed it, if that makes sense.”
“What about...did you ever...choke?” Tor asked.
Kendall blushed some more, but seemed to be growing more and more comfortable as the talk went on. “I don’t know, not once you learn how to do it. At first...you know, the gag reflex kicks in, but once your body kind of gets used to it, it’s fine.”
“Doesn’t it taste bad?” Kiley asked.
Ken and Alli laughed. “No, I mean, you want to shower before, especially if it’s with like...an athlete right after practice.” Kendall looked pointedly at Car. “But other than that...no, it’s pretty much just sexy.”
Alli nodded in agreement.
“So...how do you actually...do it?” Sydney asked the question that was on Car’s mind.
“You just kind of have to go with it and learn as you go. I mean, the first time me and Andy...you know…I was really nervous but I really wanted to. He was awesome and he helped teach me. We just went really slowly and eventually you work up to the heavier stuff.”
“Like what?” Car asked.
“Like...you know...deep throat.” Kendall sounded increasingly embarrassed. “And once there’s the right level of trust he can...I let Andy, you know, take control and...I don’t know how to put this...”
“Fuck your mouth and throat?” Alli offered, very nonchalant.
A series of shocked gasps were followed by giggles.
Kiley almost choked on her soda. “People do that?”
Kendall smiled. “Yeah.”
“Doesn’t it hurt?”
She shook her head. “Not if he does it right.”
“Gently, you mean?” Car asked.
“Not necessarily. He can do it hard and keep it from hurting. But like I said, you have to have a good amount of trust. The guy has to know and care about what he’s doing.”
“But does it feel good?” Tor asked.
“Yeah. I mean, not in the same way as regular sex might, or even getting oral, but...the feel of it...you know. You just have to relax and...kind of surrender to it. It makes it so amazing.”
“What positions did you use?”
“Well, that depends. If I was just giving him a blowjob then we did a lot of different stuff. But when he wanted to...you know...”
“Fuck your mouth and throat,” Alli repeated.
“Yeah.” Kendall rolled her eyes. “When we did that, I was usually kneeling in front of him and his hands held the back of my head.”
“What did you do with your hands when you guys did it like that?” Sydney asked.
Kendall blushed furiously. “I usually kept them behind my back.”
Torie frowned. “Why?”
Kendall glanced around the room. “Oh, you know...they were usually...locked back there.”
The girls looked intrigued.
“You were handcuffed?” Kiley asked.
“Umm, well, not exactly. Andy and I had leather wrist and ankle cuffs that you lock on and then can lock to each other. He used those. Well, it wasn’t real leather because Andy doesn’t like skinning cows but you know, it felt like leather.”
The girls absorbed this information, though it wasn’t news to Carmondy. “You said wrist and ankle cuffs?”
“Yeah.”
“What other things did you use them for?” Alli asked.
“Lots of stuff. You can use them to lock someone up into positions. Or the more hardcore stuff.”
“Like what?” Kiley asked, very curious.
“Well, like locking someone to something, like a bed or whatever. Or for spreader bars and things like that.”
“Spreader bars?” Tor asked.
“Yeah, like instead of locking the ankles together, you attach each cuff to a bar, usually...three feet or more.”
“How do you walk?” Kiley asked.
Kendall shook her head. “You can’t. Or if you can, it’s really hard. That’s kind of the point. Again, it’s a trust thing.”
Kiley shook her head. “I don’t understand how that is a turn on. Why would you want to do that?”
“It’s hard to explain to someone who’s never tried it or isn’t into it. It’s like you’re exposed. There’s nothing you can do about it. It’s a huge turn on to know that the guy can do what he wants.”
“Isn’t it scary?”
“Not if you trust him.” Ken looked to Car for backup.
“Yeah, I know it can sound scary,” Carmondy explained, “but if you trust them, it’s not a bad kind of scary. It’s a sexy, excited, huge turn-on kind of scary.”
“But still scary?” Kiley asked.
“Not scary because you think he’ll hurt you. It’s scary to not be in control of your own body. You’re not actually scared of him, but of what you know he can do. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah,” Torie said.
Sydney nodded. “Like a scary movie—it’s scary as hell but you still love watching it.”
Car grinned. “Exactly. Screaming and all.”
Kiley looked shocked. She had obviously never had any kind of exposure to the kinky side of sex. “Not all guys...I mean...right? Do all guys want...it that way?”
Kendall shook her head firmly. “No. Definitely not. It’s just something Andy and I were into, and Beck and Car have dabbled in. It’s a mutual thing anyway. So even if I guy is into it, the girl doesn’t have to be.”
Kiley looked immensely relieved
. “So you and Andy always did it like that?”
“Not always, but usually in some form. But we switched roles often—he liked to take it just as much as he liked to give it.”
Car smiled. “So it’s just as fun to pull the dominatrix on them?”
“Definitely. It’s different, but still amazing.” Kendall smiled fondly.
Carmondy laughed. “Okay, stop fantasizing about Andy. This is a girls’ night. So let’s move on to a more girly topic.”
“What’s more girly than sex?” Alli asked.
“Lots of things,” Car said. “Besides, I think we’ve traumatized poor Kiley.”
They all looked at the younger girl, who just sat there munching on potato chips, staring off into space.
“So no more sex talk?” Torie asked.
“I think we’ve had our fill,” Carmondy said.
“Probably true,” Sydney said. “But at least you get to do more than talk about it.”
“Yeah,” Alli said. “You’re so damn lucky. I mean...Beck? Sex god.”
“I thought we’ve been through this. What Beck and I have is just physical.”
“You sure about that?” Ken asked.
Carmondy opened her mouth but then realized she didn’t have an answer. Her mind flashed to Beck and how he’d kissed her just a few hours ago.
Her friend gave her a knowing smile. “That’s what I thought.”
Chapter Sixteen
“I don’t understand,” Carmondy said, really confused as she sat in the vice-principal’s office.
“Mr. Nicholson has requested someone else to act as his scribe for his first period accounting class.”
“Why?” She hadn’t spoken to Beck since the day before when he had been acting weird.
“He doesn’t need a reason, Ms. Hamilton. He is allowed to choose at his discretion as long as the person he chooses signs the correct paperwork, as you did.”
“So he didn’t say why?”
“No.”
Carmondy shook her head. It just didn’t make sense. “Okay...well, I guess I don’t really have a say in the matter, do I?”
“No, I’m sorry. Like I said, it’s all up to Mr. Nicholson.”
“Who did he replace me with?”
He glanced down at a sheet of paper in Beck’s open file. “Stephanie Blackler.”
She’d never heard of her. “What am I going to do then?”
“Well, we obviously can’t put you back into Algebra this late in the course, so I’m assigning you as a teacher’s assistant for first period. You’ll work with Mrs. Addler’s health class. You’ll report there for first period for the rest of the school year.”
Carmondy just nodded, still completely at a loss as to why Beck would do that. She just wanted to get out of this office so she could talk to him.
“All right, I’ll have the registrar take care of your scheduling changes. You’re free to go.”
She got out of there as fast as she could and headed down the hall toward her locker, searching for Beck.
A few minutes later, she found him standing alone near his locker, looking bored. He didn’t look like the Beck she had grown to know over the past couple of weeks. He looked like the Beck she seen on her first day of school: cold, detached and isolated.
“Beck,” she snapped as she approached him.
He looked up, his eyes dead.
“What is going on?”
He looked bored. “What are you talking about?”
“You canceled me as your scribe.”
He gave an annoyed sigh. “Look. I don’t think this is going to work.”
“What?”
“This...whatever we had. I’m not interested anymore.”
She shook her head. “I don’t understand. The scribe thing or the...everything?”
“The everything. I thought it would be okay but...I’m bored now. It’s over.”
Her breath caught in her throat, and she felt as though she’d been punched in the stomach. “I thought everything was going well.”
“Your mistake.” He turned to go to class.
“Beck!” She grabbed his arm.
He rounded on her, yanking his arm out of her grasp. “Face it. You don’t satisfy me anymore. And since sex was all that there was to our relationship, it’s over. I don’t need you doing my homework and don’t want you in my bed, or anywhere else for that matter.”
Car was totally dumbstruck. How the heck did things turn around this fast? Everything had been great and then all of a sudden... this. The last time she’d seen him, they’d had the most incredible sex they’d had yet and then shared that moment of tenderness, and now he wanted to end it?
“You’re scared,” she said softly, suddenly knowing that was true. “You were letting me in and that scared the hell out of you.” She tried to reach out and grab his hand but he jerked it away. “It’s ok, Beck. I promise. Let’s just work through this.”
“No!” he said, taking a step back. “This is all getting too heavy. You’re trying to make me say I care about you, but I don’t. I thought we had an understanding. I thought you knew that I don’t want any of that emotional shit.”
Beck spun around and this time Carmondy didn’t try to stop him.
She proceeded numbly to her new first period class, still trying to figure out what had just happened.
Carmondy filled Kendall in on the situation before their PE class. “I don’t understand it.”
“What happened between you two yesterday? You seemed fine when I walked in.”
“We were. We had really amazing sex but when he was leaving, he was suddenly all weird. Today, he’s like his old self.”
“I hope it wasn’t because I walked in.”
“I doubt it. He didn’t seem fazed by that at all.” She shook her head. “No, something’s up and we both know there is no way Beck is going to talk about it. He doesn’t talk about anything regarding his feelings.”
“Maybe he’ll...I don’t know, get over it in a day or so,” Kendall suggested.
“I don’t know. He seemed pretty adamant.”
“I don’t know what to tell you then. Other than guys are dumb-shits.”
This made Car smile just a little. “I’m gonna go see if Andy knows anything.”
After class, she tracked Andy down in the hallway by their lockers.
“Hey.” Car smiled at Andy, who was leaning against the wall, looking a little down.
He looked up and gave her a smile back. “Hey, gorgeous.”
She gave him a tight hug because he looked like he needed it, and honestly, she did too. “What’s wrong?”
“Do you know what’s going on with Beck?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
Carmondy relayed the story, and Andy just looked puzzled.
“Wow, no. I had no idea. He said that?”
“Yeah, I don’t know what’s going on. He was serious though.”
“And he doesn’t want you as his scribe anymore?”
“Nope.”
Anderson shook his head, exasperated. “You know, he doesn’t look like it, but that boy has some of the most extreme moods swings I’ve ever seen. He’s like a child, I swear.”
“Yeah well...” She looked down and fiddled with her shirt hem. “It still hurts. He said that I didn’t satisfy him.”
“What?”
Car nodded, feeling tears coming on, which was ridiculous. She had promised herself she would never cry over a boy again, but this wasn’t like he had just broken up with her—he had said something he knew she was insecure about, something that would hit her where it hurt.
“Damn it,” Anderson snapped, wrapping his arms around her. “I’m sorry he’s such an asshole. He’s my best friend but he knows how to hurt people when he wants to.”
She nodded and pulled away. If he held her any longer, she was going to fall apart. “I don’t understand why he wants to, though. I thought everything was going great. I mean we talked about his
sister and everything. We—” She stopped herself. Andy didn’t need to know the details.
“What is it?”
She sighed. “We had really amazing sex. He was so sweet and everything seemed fine but when he left, he was definitely a little off.”
“I’ll see what I can find out. Let’s go,” He grabbed her hand and led her into the gym.
The rest of the day was pretty much the same for Carmondy. So was Wednesday. She continued to go alone to her first period. Beck distanced himself in PE and during History, they didn’t speak.
She was still confused as hell but had given up wondering why. Beck was going to do what he was going to do, even if it didn’t make sense.
Yeah, it hurt. He had said stuff to hurt her on purpose, which meant he was serious. He didn’t want anything to do with her anymore and she was just going to have to deal with it.
She tried to let it go, let him go. She needed to focus on the rest of her life. She needed to focus on basketball, especially today. It was game day.
It was going to take time to get over Beck Nicholson.
* * *
By the time Friday rolled around, Carmondy was tired. She hadn’t really slept at all. Her eyes were bloodshot and her face was pale. The sweats and old T-shirt she was wearing didn’t do much for her looks either, but she didn’t care.
Kendall took one look at her and sighed. She slid her arm around her shoulders and directed her toward the locker room. “Come on, girl. Let’s get you cleaned up a bit.”
Carmondy just nodded.
Kendall pulled her hair out of the messy ponytail and combed it out with her fingers. “Well, it was kind of expected. You never really had a breakdown.”
“Is that a requirement?”
“For hormone-crazed teenagers? Yes, it is.” Kendall continued working on her hair. “I mean, you can’t deny that you and Beck had a connection, right?”
“Well, yeah. I mean, I guess we did.”
“And a lot of trust was built. Right?”
“Yeah.”
“And then he just turns around and crushes it all without warning or anything. That’s a tough thing. You started to think he was nice but then he goes all asshole again. I’m telling you, Car, he’s not worth it.”