As my magic snapped and popped around me in an anxious cloud of readiness, I prepared my mind too. There were plenty of things I wasn’t primed for. And I wasn’t delusional enough to deny that this wouldn’t be hard and I wouldn’t be rusty.
But the prospect of leaving this Citadel with a mission on the horizon made me the most alive I had felt in a long time.
Chapter Thirteen
Silence.
Finally.
The day had been spent in all kinds of preparations to leave. With Kiran here, I didn’t think it would be a big deal if I just slipped out for a bit to go chase down Terletov and kill the bastard. But apparently it was a very big deal.
Or Angelica was making it one because she didn’t want me to go.
And then Talbott jumped in the argument to complicate matters, demanding to know why I didn’t want to use the trained Titan Guard when they were at my complete disposal. He didn’t take it too well when I explained that the main reason I wasn’t taking them was because I honestly hadn’t thought about using them.
They had been enslaved by birth, made soldiers because they were born a Titan and not because of any personal desire to serve the Crown. Even though most of them had been soldiers long enough to be completely dedicated and gladly lay down their life for the cause of this crown, I couldn’t in good faith ask them to sacrifice their lives for me for any reason.
Plus, and this was splitting hairs, I didn’t trust them to perform at their maximum potential in this kind of environment. The rest of the Titans were theoretically trained in covert ops, but had never needed to use their training in real life. I trusted my team over them. Plain and simple
And then there was that.
I had been on a team once. I had trusted men and women with my life and they felt the same toward me. I could have assembled a Titan team that didn’t let me do any of the dirty work and reacted to my every order. Or I could assemble the only people in this world I trusted with my life more than myself, other than Eden of course. The same people that knew exactly how I operated a mission, who took orders from me while complaining and questioning my every decision and the same people I missed deeply.
Although I would never admit it to them.
Or maybe I would.
So I had called them all, interrupted their life-after-war lives and asked them to join me in this endeavor for justice. Titus, Xander, Xavier, Jericho and Roxie were more than willing to meet up with me in Moscow before we headed deep into Siberia for this mission.
Despite the ugly circumstances, it was hard not to get anxious for this mission.
Which was why I had come out here to think things through. I didn’t want to just get caught up in being back on the field and mess things up. I enjoyed the idea of getting out of the castle, and I realized how important it was for me to find a freaking activity to occupy my time when we were back to peace, but right now I needed to focus and put this guy down. He kidnapped my sister, and now he was experimenting on my people. Words could not accurately describe how much I wanted to end this guy’s life.
The full moon shone down on the dying garden around me, as I sat alone in the middle of the overgrown maze. The leaves had started to fall off the chaotic bushes, leaving jagged, sharp branches sticking out into every path and twisting toward the sky in an effort to find freedom. I sat on a stone bench, tucked away in a little alcove and closed my eyes. I thought through the next few days like professional athletes thought through their next match, visualizing every step, every move, every possibility.
I couldn’t predict everything. Or anything really….
But I could visualize my own actions, my own reactions to every possible scenario and emotion. If conditions were far worse than I could possibly imagine, I would be ready. If we were headed into a trap, I would be ready. And if this led to a dead end, I would be ready.
This was a ritual I had performed countless times and it helped slow the riotous nerves that were pounding inside my veins and causing my heart to beat desperately trying to break free from the prison of my body. I vaguely wondered if I shouldn’t head off into the wilderness and practice some of my old familiar steps and offensive and defensive moves, when another magic approaching made my senses flare to life.
I opened my eyes just in time to catch Amelia trying to turn back the other way without me noticing her. Not a chance.
“Amelia?” I laughed, hoping to make her feel a little bit awkward for trying to avoid me. “What are you doing?”
She paused with her back to me, her shoulders frozen scrunched up around her neck like she had been tip-toeing out of here old-cartoon-style. I heard her take a deep breath and then watched as she relaxed her shoulders while she exhaled. She turned around quickly, her dark hair flipping around with her. She gave me a sheepish grin that proved how embarrassed she was to be caught, but all I saw was how the full moon lit up the air around her, shining on the prettiest features of her face and bathing her in a seductive light.
“I was uh…. I just wanted walk. I mean, take a walk. I wanted to take a walk. I’m leaving in the morning, there is this conference thing in Kenya that I’m meeting my mom at and I needed to walk through the gardens,” she cringed when it was clear she wasn’t making sense and I bit down on my thumbnail to keep from laughing at how adorable she was all flustered and blushing. “I love these gardens and I hadn’t had a chance to walk through them yet. That’s what I was doing, just checking on the gardens.” She breathed more evenly when her sentences started making sense.
“Would you like some company?” I asked, giving her one of my best hopeful looks, one that I knew for a fact worked on every girl.
“Oh, no, that’s fine. You sit. Here. Stay,” she cleared her throat and offered me an apologetic smile. “I mean, you’re not a dog…. Uh, do whatever you want to do, but you just look like you’re busy.”
I laughed at her effort to get out of walking with me, and decided I couldn’t give up. Her cheeks were the sweetest shade of red and her golden brown eyes were shimmering with nerves. There was no way in hell I was giving this up now.
“I look busy sitting here on this bench all alone?” I pressed, making her squirm uncomfortably, her hands twisted together in front of her.
“Yes, very busy,” she confirmed quietly.
“Well, I’m not,” I stood up so that I could take a step closer to her. “Busy that is.” The air around her was intoxicated with her scent, vanilla and lilacs and beauty. She looked up at me while I towered over her and I had the strongest urge to pull her against me and kiss her senseless. I couldn’t kiss her just yet, she needed to be aware that she wanted to kiss me and I wasn’t entirely convinced she was ready to admit the strong attraction between us to herself yet. So instead of kissing those perfect red lips, I did the next best thing. I made my intentions as clear as I could, “Would you like to take a walk with me, Amelia?” I dipped my head so that our mouths were only inches apart and heard her audibly gasp as I completely invaded her personal space.
“I, um…. sure,” she resigned and I didn’t miss the small sound of disappointment in her voice.
Maybe this attraction was only one sided after all.
Damn.
I turned so that we were standing side by side and started walking into the maze of towering bushes. I had to hold several branches out of the way in order to stay side by side with her, but it was a small price to pay. Besides every time there was a branch, it gave me an excuse to brush up against her, our bare arms pressing against each other and her perfect head of hair just barely reaching underneath my chin. Touching Amelia was quickly becoming something of an addiction for me.
“Tell me what’s in Kenya, Amelia,” I demanded gently, not wanting to give her an option to refuse to answer.
“Mimi,” she corrected, softly pleading with me. I nodded my head, but knew there was no way I would call her by a nickname when I loved the sound of her full name hanging in the tension between us. “I’m meeting my mom
for a conference on AIDS.”
“Ah,” I nodded my head, but suddenly I was really against Amelia gallivanting off to the middle of Africa. “Do you think that’s a good idea right now?” I tried to question her decision casually, as if I didn’t really want to use my power as King to order her to stay home.
Even though I did.
“Why wouldn’t it be a good idea?” She asked and then thankfully reason dawned on her. “Oh, because of the whole Terletov thing?”
‘Yes,” I chuckled at her indifference. “Because of the whole…. Terletov thing.”
“Avalon, we’ll be fine,” she assured me with a roll of her eyes, which actually didn’t assure me at all. “It’s just Kenya. And we’ll only be there for two weeks or so.”
“I thought Kiran debriefed the entire castle, did he not make it clear just how dangerous this guy is?” I demanded a little sharply.
“Please,” she snorted. “Kiran made it perfectly clear how dangerous Terletov is, but that doesn’t mean I can spend my time hiding away until someone finds him,” she reasoned obnoxiously. “I have commitments and scheduled engagements that actually means something to other people. My work with humanity is important, Avalon,” she finished sincerely.
I looked over at her, and saw the authenticity in her eyes, the depth of her compassion. I couldn’t deny her that. I couldn’t tell her to stop her work just because I was irrationally and unsubstantially worried about her. Besides it wasn’t my place to be worried about her, she had made that abundantly clear.
“At least let me send a few of my Guard with you. It would make me feel so much better,” I offered and then knew I had to play a card I not only resented, but knew she would to. “Please, as your King, I need to know that all my people are as safe as they can be. I need you to be responsible.”
“Oh, I see. The King is worried about my safety,” Amelia nodded patronizingly. “And is this the same King that plans to hunt down Terletov himself?”
“Why yes it is,” I nodded, hoping to have made some progress with my side of the debate.
“How is that fair? You rule an entire Kingdom, but you’re allowed to put yourself right in the middle of the drama?” I opened my mouth to respond, but Amelia shook her head at me and continued with her rant. “What if something happened to you? How is hunting down bad guys responsible of you? I’m just attending a conference. You are putting yourself directly in the line of fire. If anyone needs to be surrounded by a bunch of Titan Guards it’s you, not me.”
“It might not be fair, but it’s the way things are. And because I rule an entire Kingdom, I’m the one that gets to make these decisions,” I argued, but when she looked at me like I was the biggest asshole on the planet I decided to explain further, to say out loud words I hadn’t even verbalized to Eden yet. “I have to go, Amelia. He’s threatening my people and the freedom I worked my ass off to give to these people,” I clarified with a passionate but infinitely softer voice. “I have been bombarded over the last eight hours with opinions on how foolish I am for going. Everyone loves to give me their opinion on what a king should do and how a king should act. But what they don’t understand is that the crown means nothing to me, less than nothing actually. It is the freedom that my people enjoy for the first time in thousands of years that keeps me where I‘m at, that made me give up my own personal freedom so that they feel safe. And I would give it all up, all of this wealth and power; I would sacrifice everything, even my own life if I needed to, just to ensure that they stay free.”
“Oh,” Amelia looked up at me with wide eyes and I realized that I stopped walking.
And that she stayed.
“Yes, the people need freedom, but they also need you Avalon,” she practically whispered and I felt her words burning in my core. She was right. But it was more complicated than that. “You’re their King. The first King in our history that has let them live their lives without governing each and every little detail.”
“That’s not true, they have Eden and Kiran,” I countered, searching her eyes for where her argument was coming from. Did she say these things because she actually cared about me? Or was she just compassionate enough to be tapped into the pulse of the Kingdom?
“They’re not the same and you know that. Besides they haven’t even been around these last few years. Why you? Why does it have to be you that goes?” She demanded.
And because her eyes had turned steely with her demands and her lips had pursed into a frown, because she wasn’t going to accept any kind of bullshit answer and because for the first time ever I wanted to be honest with a girl that wasn’t my sister, I was, I was completely honest.
“Because I’m afraid to stay,” I whispered, scared if I said it too loud even the trees would laugh at me.
“You? You’re afraid of something?” Amelia gasped, clearly disbelieving.
I laughed humorlessly, hardly believing I just admitted that out loud. But I was too far into this to stop now. “Yes! I’m terrified of staying here. I’m terrified that I’m going to live forever and at twenty-one years old I’m already bored to death! I don’t get to die. I have this whole future laid out for eternity and I’m terrified I am going to have to suffer through it bored and alone…. And I’m even more afraid that I’m addicted to this dangerous lifestyle and what that will mean for me if I really can keep my promise of peace. I have to go on this mission. I have to sort through all the bullshit in my head and find myself again. Because I cannot stay here any longer and endure this monotony while other people go and fight my battles.”
I finished with a huge breath of relief, exhaling all of the pent up craziness that had been stewing inside me for way to long.
Amelia just looked at me for a long time as if trying to figure out whether I was telling the truth or not. I could have promised her it was the most honest I had been in my entire life, but I decided to let her come to her own conclusions.
“They won’t understand that,” she answered sadly. “They won’t want you to go.”
I ignored her and asked my own question.
“What do you want, Amelia?” I looked down at her, silently demanding that her eyes meet mine. I was rewarded with an intense gaze that saw all the way through me. She had come to her own conclusions about me and for the first time since she walked back into my life I began to hope that whatever this was that I felt was not so one-sided.
“Avalon, you should not call me Amelia,” she practically begged. My eyes drifted to the sexy lines of her throat as she visibly swallowed.
I took a step closer to her, our bodies nearly touching. “What do you want, Amelia?” my voice dropped to a lower timber that rumbled in the air between us and not completely on purpose, but I was readying myself for a whole new kind of battle and I wanted to be as prepared as I could.
Instead of answering, she turned her head away from me and said, “Is it weird that coming back here is like coming home? I thought it would feel weird after…. everything, but I can’t help it. It’s like this place knows me better than I know myself.”
Her voice was light and meant to be distracting. And after she finished talking she moved like she was going to continue with our walk. But it was those words that made me reach out to her, those words that I had berated myself over countless times in the last three years. It was those words, spoken by her at this perfect moment that made me take her by the arm and pull her back to me.
I placed both of my hands on her arms like I was holding her in place, but my grip was loose so that if she wanted to walk away she could. I stared down at her and watched as her expression turned from surprise to confusion to dark with the same desire I felt heating my blood and spinning my mind.
Her lips parted as if she was going to talk me out of this, but my body was three steps ahead of my mind and I covered her mouth with mine before I could talk myself out of it.
She let out a squeak of surprise as I pressed my lips against the softness of hers. She practically melted into me, he
r body going limp in my arms, her head tilted up so she could reach me better. I dropped my hands from her arms to her waist and pulled her flush against me. She responded by slipping her arms around my neck and pulling me down to her. Her body fit mine like it was designed for me, like we were two pieces of a puzzle and only when we were together did we make sense…. only then were we complete.
I slid my tongue along her plump bottom lip and she opened her mouth for a deeper kiss. I held back a moan of approval not wanting to scare her, but this was the best kiss of my life. I pulled her closer to me, not satisfied with even a breath of space separating us. She wiggled against me and my head became completely fuzzy with the need for her.
Before this kiss I had felt an undeniable attraction to her, a need to get to know her better and maybe even a hope in what could be between us; but with her pressed against me and my mouth claiming hers, an overwhelming sense of protectiveness and possession unfurled inside of me. It was slow at first, as if just awakening and then it flooded my veins in a rampant attempt to control me. I wanted Amelia to be mine. And even if I didn’t completely understand what that meant yet, I knew I didn’t want her kissing anyone else like this. These lips were meant for me only, her perfect little body only meant to press so seductively against mine.
Our kiss grew more frenzied with each revelation that passed through my mind. I chased her tongue with mine, hungry to claim her. One of her hands tangled in my hair, the other tight against the back of my neck. She was as desperate as I was, her breathing labored as her chest heaved against my own.
I could easily have let this kiss get carried away.
But this was Amelia.
My Amelia.
And so I slowed the kiss down. Instead of fiercely ravenous, I kissed her gently and carefully. Treating her perfect lips with the reverence they deserved.
She was the first to break away. And somehow I always knew that she would be, because I could have stood their kissing her forever.
The Reluctant King (The Star-Crossed Series) Page 11