by Rachel Lee
He hesitated, a spoonful of chili on the way to his mouth, watching her pull out a few crackers and place them in her bowl. “You’re thirty. Why would you be worried about what they might say?”
Stupid question, and he knew it. Earl was always kibitzing about Wyatt’s life. But it bothered him that she didn’t want to tell her father. He’d have thought a woman in her situation would want to talk to family. Instead she had chosen him.
When it came to issues like this, he was about as inexperienced as it was possible to be. Looking firmly down at his bowl, he began to eat.
Amber was quiet for a while, except to tell him how delicious the chili was. Then she asked, “So you have a variety of recipes?”
“I collect them. Some are better than others, of course, but I find it a whole lot easier to entertain a group of people with a meal like this.”
“Do you entertain often?”
“I have friends. Some will be coming over Saturday night. Then there are the others.”
“Others?”
He winked at her. “Yeah, the people I have to be polite to because of my job. County commissioners, city councilmen, a couple of local magistrates who help handle my caseload, other important people.”
“You don’t like them?” She didn’t seem shocked by the idea.
“It’s not that I don’t like them. They’re just not my closest friends. I have more friends in the sheriff’s department, for some reason. Then there’s a couple of schoolteachers, some ranchers, oh, a whole assortment. You’ll get to meet some of them.”
He couldn’t interpret her reaction. Her face revealed nothing, but finally she said, “That’ll be nice.”
“It’s not a work thing,” he said, then regretted the tone of his voice. He didn’t want to add any more discomfort to her plate. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”
“I’ll come,” she said quietly. “It’d probably be good for people to learn who I am. Just an old friend visiting.”
What was going on here? He had begun to think they were getting past the awkwardness, then she had run upstairs for a couple of hours and come back with swollen eyes, which meant she must have been crying. Why couldn’t she share that with him? Why go hide away when she might most need some kind of understanding and comfort?
He didn’t think he was particularly special, but he could listen. He’d expected to do a lot of it when she arrived here. He had figured she’d want to rant about how everything had gone to hell, maybe cry a bit, maybe start thinking about options and talking about them.
Instead... It struck him as odd, but he didn’t remember her being so remote when they were in law school. But maybe he just didn’t remember correctly. He wondered what had built those cold walls around her. What had made her feel she needed to hide herself.
Hell, he was mostly an open book. Of course, he lived in a town where he could hardly have been anything else. But what had shut Amber down like this?
He made up his mind then and there that he was going to find out.
* * *
She helped him clean up after dinner, then he announced he had some work to do.
“Decisions from last week,” he said. “I picked them up this morning, so I need to read them over then sign them. You can come into my office with me down the hall if you want, or I can show you the entertainment room.”
She blinked. She’d dealt with a lot of rich muckety-mucks in her career, but she would never have expected Wyatt to be in the class who could afford that. “You have an entertainment room?”
He laughed. “A spare room. I kinda rattle around in here by myself, if you haven’t noticed. So I just put the TV, DVDs and sound system in there and left the living room for when I have people over. And...you’ll find a lot of books in there, too. We’ve always been a family for buying books.”
She eyed him, feeling inexplicably amused. “No e-reader?”
“Of course I have one. I even have both a computer and a tablet for working on. Modern in every way.”
His wink drew a laugh from her. He made her feel good, she realized. But he always had, she thought, looking back over the years. Even in law school when she’d been so overwhelmed, he’d had a way of getting her to relax and keep things in proportion. She could definitely use some proportion now.
But gazing at him, she also found her mind wandering a different path. How could she ever have been attracted to Tom? Because he flattered her? Because he was the only guy around that she could manage to have a relationship with, and the only one willing to risk the difficulties of a romantic relationship with a colleague?
Because he was her only choice?
But so soon after some of the biggest shocks and disappointment of her life, she was feeling a strong attraction to Wyatt. Was she crazy? A stupid question to ask herself when she thought back to their law school days and the huge, secret crush she had had on him. Wyatt was the only guy in school she’d wanted to date, and as a result she didn’t date at all.
He was an attractive man with a fine physique of broad shoulders and narrow hips. His face was strong, almost patrician, but one of the things she liked most was the way the corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled. Everything about him physically would draw the female eye, but nothing about his behavior invited it. She wondered if it was Ellie, his past interest, who had caused him to put up the off-limits signs she sensed, or if they’d always been there. Or if it was just her. He’d definitely been off-limits to her back in law school.
It did seem odd that he hadn’t been snatched up at his age, though. She doubted this place was crawling with so many eligible bachelors that he would have been overlooked. Yet here he was, unattached.
And gorgeous.
She looked down, hoping she hadn’t revealed her sexual response to him. Now that could make things very uncomfortable for them both. He’d offered her a place out of the storm to collect herself. That wouldn’t last long if she made him feel uncomfortable in his own house.
So she opted for the entertainment room and some reality TV show that she hardly saw. She was sure that if she’d followed him to his office, she would have sat staring at him like a starstruck kid.
Because for the first time since law school, Amber looked past the end of her own nose and saw once again the man she had wanted years ago. Attraction had slipped past the edges of the nightmare and awakened her to never-fulfilled possibilities.
Possibilities that weren’t for her. And certainly not when she was pregnant with another man’s child.
Chapter Five
Amber awoke in the morning to realize she’d slept all night in front of the TV. Some morning show was on, murmuring quietly, but she wasn’t interested.
Sitting up slowly, she felt a little stiff, even though the recliner had been comfortable. Not moving at all while she slept wasn’t a good thing. Events and the long trip must have taken more out of her than she realized.
The clock on the box beneath the TV told her it was past nine. She must have slept close to twelve hours.
The minute she stood up, however, she felt sick, so sick that she ran for the hall bath and had dry heaves for a few minutes. Sweating and shaking, she sat on the bathroom floor and waited for the nausea to pass.
It didn’t pass, but it settled a bit. Morning sickness? She couldn’t remember what her doctor had said about it if anything, but she had the impression it should have started earlier. Or maybe not. She was still in her first trimester. Wyatt was right, she had to get to an obstetrician, because suddenly she was staring straight at the reality of her condition and accepting the fact that she didn’t know a damn thing about it. Not one thing.
If she’d needed another wakeup call, she’d just gotten it.
Eventually, she dared to stand, waiting a couple of minutes to be sure things ha
d settled a bit. She finally took a shower and changed into fresh clothes, all the while wondering if the nausea would ever quit.
Downstairs she found a note from Wyatt in the kitchen.
I’ll be in court for a trial, don’t know exactly when I’ll be done. The fridge and cupboards are full, so help yourself to anything. P.S. Asked a friend to stop by and look in on you.
Oh, great. She didn’t know if she was ready for that, especially the way she felt now.
Eating seemed impossible. Searching the refrigerator, she found some apple juice that looked possible. She poured a small glass and tested herself with a single sip. It stayed down.
Obstetrician, she reminded herself, except she didn’t see a phone book anywhere. Of course not. Who used phone books anymore?
After she finished about four ounces of apple juice, she decided to go look for Wyatt’s office. He had a computer in there, and maybe even that old-fashioned notion called a phone book. She had her laptop in her car, but she’d have no idea where or how to hook it up here.
Pulling her cardigan closer about her, she noticed for the first time that some sun was showing outside and leaves were no longer whirling around. Inside, however, she felt chilly. She wondered if it was warmer out there.
She also knew the weather was the last thing that should be preoccupying her. There were serious matters on her plate, and she was evading them.
Six weeks ago, she’d learned the truth about Tom. Two weeks after that she’d taken a home pregnancy test and found out the worst. A month ago, after talking to Wyatt, she’d given her notice at the firm, accepted a generous severance package even though she didn’t deserve it—she was pretty sure she knew why it had been offered, however—and the firm had sent her on her way without letting her finish out her notice. They apparently wanted her gone as much as she wanted to be gone.
All very civilized, but a whole lot of butt covering for everyone, including her. Bad enough she’d had an affair with a married junior partner. How much worse if they’d learned of the pregnancy.
So she’d skedaddled, packed up, escaped her lease and headed straight for one of the only people on earth she felt she could trust.
And during all this, she’d been nursing some painful emotional wounds, trying to adjust to a different self-image and failing, and not considering what she was going to do next.
She’d been overwhelmed again, like the first week of law school. And once again there was Wyatt. She hoped he didn’t feel used, because she feared that was exactly what she was doing.
Before she could look for Wyatt’s office, the doorbell rang and she froze. This must be the friend he’d sent. A wave of rebellion rose in her and she considered not answering. Then she felt like an idiot for not wanting to.
“Stop dithering,” she said aloud. This wasn’t like her.
Marching to the front door, she opened it and found a lovely woman standing there. “Hi,” the woman said, tossing her blond hair back from her face. “I’m Hope Cashford, a friend of Wyatt’s. He asked me to stop by and look in on you when I dropped my daughter off at preschool.”
Amber blinked, surprised. When Wyatt had written friend on his note, she’d expected a guy. Or an older woman. Certainly not a beauty.
“Hi, I’m Amber Towers. Would you like to come in?”
“Love to,” Hope said.
Amber didn’t quite know whether to take her to the living room or kitchen, but shouldn’t she make coffee or something?
“It’s hard being a new guest in someone else’s house,” Hope said. She slipped her arm through Amber’s and led the way straight to the kitchen. “I’ll make coffee even though I guess you don’t want any. Do you mind?”
“How could I mind and why wouldn’t I want any?”
Hope paused midstep to look at her. “Morning sickness?” she asked gently.
Amber gasped. “Does it show?”
“No,” Hope said cheerfully. “Wyatt told me you’re pregnant. And trust me, I have a similar story, so we’ve got a lot to talk about.”
Astonished, all Amber could do was sit at the table while Hope made coffee as if she knew her way around the kitchen. “How are we similar?” she asked.
“To the extent that we were both done wrong by men and got pregnant, I think we’ve got something in common.”
“Maybe,” Amber agreed, waiting to hear more. This was so frank that it surprised her. This woman didn’t know her at all.
Hope came to the table as the coffee started brewing, reached into her jacket pocket and took out a business card. “This is a great obstetrical practice. I use them, and now there’s a woman doctor there as well, if that matters to you. I was further along when Cash took me in, but this guy didn’t even scold me. His new partner seems every bit as nice. Anyway, you keep that card.”
Amber put her fingers on it and smiled weakly. “I was just thinking about this before you arrived. Thank you.”
“Wyatt said you needed a doc. So...” She grinned and pulled a mug out of the cupboard. “You can have a cup if you haven’t already, or should I make you something else?”
“My stomach’s upset. Thank you, but I don’t feel like eating or drinking anything right now.”
“Ah, so it is the dreaded morning sickness. Have you met the soda cracker?”
“Cracker?”
Hope grinned and slipped her jacket off, hanging it over the back of a chair. “Let me get you a few. Try them slowly. They might settle your tummy.”
Soon Hope had placed a half dozen crackers on a plate in front of her, along with a glass of water. “I kept the dang things beside my bed the first three months. I couldn’t even get up until I’d eaten a few. You don’t seem as bad.”
Amber had to smile back. “If you don’t count my time in the bathroom this morning.”
“Then you definitely need to see the doc soon. Anyway.” She finally sat with her mug of coffee, still smiling at Amber. “You may not want to tell me much about what happened to you, but I’ll gladly share my story. It kind of made the rounds thanks to my husband’s teenage daughter. Not that I’m surprised. I was raised in Dallas and there were few secrets in my circle there, I can tell you.”
Amber nibbled a cracker slowly, feeling her curiosity growing. “How’d you get here?”
“I went on the run.” Hope’s face shadowed. “My fiancé, who had been tapped to become a candidate for the US Senate, raped me.”
Amber gasped, feeling her heart squeeze. “Oh, my God.”
Hope shrugged. “I’m over it, thanks to Cash. But long story short, my family had a lot of money, my fiancé Scott was the perfect choice for them, I was apparently the perfect choice to be his wife and none of them were going to let a little rape and a pregnancy get in the way. I was a prisoner in my own home with two choices—have an abortion or marry Scott quickly. You can imagine how I felt about that. So I ran as soon as I had the opportunity. I wound up here with only a hundred dollars left to my name, and Cash hired me to be a nanny to his daughter.” She smiled. “I am so glad about how it all turned out.”
“And Wyatt became your friend?” Certainly a good enough friend that Wyatt had felt free to tell her about Amber and her pregnancy, and her need for a doctor.
“Yeah, actually. Cash has known him most of his life, and when we decided I should adopt Cash’s daughter, Wyatt helped. But I had the chance to meet him before then. He’s a nice man. He mentioned that you became friends in law school?”
Amber nodded and nibbled another cracker. It was staying down, and the nausea eased a bit. She hoped it kept easing. “I was in my first year, he was in his last, and he was a great help. I’m not sure I would have survived without his advice.”
Hope laughed quietly. “I can imagine that man being a great help, but don’t put yourself down. You’d probably hav
e made it, even if it was harder. So...what happened to you?”
Amber hesitated. Hope hadn’t given her many details, so she supposed she could skim over the most humiliating stuff and just give an outline. “Bad office romance. I had to leave and he doesn’t know I’m pregnant.”
Hope held her mug to her face with both hands and regarded Amber over it. “Did he lie to you?”
“Hell, yes. I didn’t know he was married.” And it felt so surprisingly good to just say it. There it was, the ugly thing, out there in plain view. She hadn’t been reluctant to tell Wyatt, but she had no desire to tell anyone else—yet she just had.
“What a creep,” Hope remarked. “And don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. Certainly not my mouthy eldest daughter, who spread my own story far and wide. But how awful for you!”
“Not as bad as a rape,” Amber said weakly, fighting the all-too-familiar urge to just slip into a hole and pull the ground in over her. Her chest had begun to tighten again, making it harder to breathe. But it had felt good to say it. Why did she want to run from it again?
“Oh, I don’t know,” Hope said. “You were violated in a different way. Used. I know what that feels like. You come away feeling dirty and humiliated even when it wasn’t your own fault.”
Amber lifted her gaze, the hard knot that had been growing in her chest easing some. “That’s true,” she admitted. This woman did understand, and she wasn’t judging Amber. She drew a long, shaky breath.
“It gets better,” Hope said gently. “What’s more, there’s life for us after the bad men. Even some good men around. So hang on, Amber. Eventually you get past the shock, then you get past the anger, and then life begins again. I hope yours turns out as well as mine has.”
“I hope so, too.”
“Well,” Hope continued, “when I arrived here I was at the end of my rope, emotionally and financially. All I knew was I had to figure out a way to take care of my baby. That was all I had left to hang on to. You hang on to that, Amber.” Then she rose.
“Cash insists our younger daughter go to preschool because he doesn’t want her to miss the social interaction like she would out on the ranch. But this is also my free time to catch up with errands, and I only have a few hours.” She turned and pulled a piece of paper off the memo pad on the refrigerator door and scribbled down her number. “Here’s my number. Don’t be afraid to call for any reason at all.”