“You went away,” he whispered after he finished his second portion, as if he was finally able to strike up a conversation now that he had food in him.
I looked down at him, staring into his big dark eyes, and guilt flowed through me. “I’m sorry. I was only next door—here. We didn’t want to wake you.” I reached over to ruffle his hair, and then changed my mind at the last minute, letting my hand fall away.
He looked back down at his empty plate and began smearing his fingers around it, wiping up any leftover grains. I wasn’t sure if he was totally satisfied by my answer or not, but at least he had stopped with the guilt trip and I could finish my own food in peace. I scooped the remaining rice into my mouth, appreciating the herbs Joan had put in, because they really did taste good. Good…my meal tasted good and it was hot and filling. I smiled without thinking—a sleepy, vaguely satisfied smile, but a smile all the same.
“She smiles,” Nova commented, and I rolled my eyes even though I didn’t bother to look up at her.
After eating, there really wasn’t any question about what I would do next because my eyeballs were beginning to feel like there was sand stuck to them. I yawned, feeling like my jaw was going to dislocate.
“I need to sleep,” I mumbled, stumbling to my feet. The combination of food and sweaty body heat in the small room was making me drowsy. I yawned again, making my eyes tear up. “I’m gonna go lay down. Someone keep guard and shit.”
“That’s a bad word,” Adam said quietly behind me.
“Sorry, kid,” I replied unapologetically.
I made my way into the next room and climbed onto the bed, finding the space where Adam had slept only an hour ago. It smelled of him, and not in a good way. That kid hadn’t washed in years, in his stench was pungent on the pillow. I flipped the pillow over and gripped the edge of the blanket before pulling it up over myself, and then I closed my eyes and let myself be sucked into a deep sleep.
I wasn’t sure how long I had been asleep, but I felt the bed stir and I sluggishly opened my eyes. I blinked to clear the sleep from my head, but I was still too tired to wake up properly. A small form was tucked against the front of my body. Adam. I smiled and wrapped an arm over him, holding him close as we both drifted off back to sleep.
I woke several hours later, feeling stiff and sore from being still for so long. The room was getting dark, and when I listened hard, I realized the rain had finally stopped. I sat up at the sound of laughter—not the deep, gruff sound of Mikey or the loud guffaw of Nova, and definitely not the horrendous cackle of Joan. This laugh was light and innocent, a natural sound that came from a child. I sat up, seeing that Adam wasn’t with me now, and I stumbled off the bed and through the door.
Mikey, Nova, Joan, and little Adam were sitting on the bed playing cards. The curtain was pulled about halfway across to let in some of the waning light from the day, but it was still quite dark. I yawned and stretched, and Mikey looked over at me with a wink just as Adam turned around and gave me a toothy smile. I hadn’t realized before that his two lower front teeth were missing. Or maybe it was just that he hadn’t smiled so big before.
“It stopped raining,” Nova said.
“So I heard.” I yawned again. “God, what I’d do for a coffee,” I said, and moved to sit down on the edge of the bed closest to Mikey. He put an arm around me and I leaned into him, the gesture feeling completely natural.
“My mom drank coffee,” Adam said. “It made her breath smell funny.”
“Yeah, it gave me bad breath too,” I sighed. “Still miss it though.”
They resumed their game of cards and I went and sat by the window. I pulled the chair out from under the little wooden table. It was cheap and old-looking, scratched and stained through years of abuse, much like myself. I pulled the musty curtains back a little further and stared out at the parking lot. The deader bodies were still there—not that I expected them to have moved, but you never knew what was going to stay dead anymore.
FORTY-THREE.
The chair opposite me slipped out from under the table, and Nova sat herself down in it. She clasped her hands in front of herself and stared at me silently.
“What?” I snapped, still cranky from waking up and my severe lack of caffeine.
“Nothin’, I was just sitting with you. What’s up your ass?” she bit out.
I rubbed a hand down my face and then looked at her apologetically. “Sorry, I’m still waking up. I never was much of a morning person.”
Nova snorted out a dry laugh. “You’re not much of a day person, either. Or a night person, or a—”
“All right!” I snapped again. “I get it.” I turned away from her, slinking back into my own thoughts. I couldn’t help how hurt I felt at her assessment of me. I felt different inside, and thought that meant maybe I wasn’t as toxic as I used to be. That maybe I was turning over a new leaf and heading into “not a total bitch” land.
“I thought I had changed,” I mumbled out, keeping my eyes looking out the window so as to avoid her stare. “At least a little.”
“You have,” she replied automatically. “But you’re still you.”
I finally tore my gaze away from the rotting bodies and met her stare.
“So what are you telling me? That there’s no hope for me? That I’m destined to be the bitch that everyone hates no matter what I do?” I huffed out an annoyed breath and tried to calm myself. I was taking this way too personally, and I wasn’t quite sure how we had gotten to this standoff.
Mikey cleared his throat from across the room, and I glanced across to him to see that both Joan and Adam were staring at me open-mouthed. Heat traveled up my neck and embarrassment flooded me.
“You said the B word again,” Adam said with a shake of his head. “But it’s okay, I can tell that you’re upset. Mom used to use bad words when she was upset.”
I looked away from his big round eyes, resting my gaze on the wooden table. I fought for something to change the subject, anything to draw the attention away from my stupid, overly dramatic outburst.
“Stop being so melodramatic.” Nova rolled her eyes at me. “Seriously, chew some bubble gum and lighten the fuck up.” She slid a fresh piece of gum across to me.
“When are we leaving?” I asked, clearing my throat. “It’s stopped raining.”
“That’s what I said,” Nova replied.
“We’ll leave soon,” Mikey said, still looking at me with concern in his eyes.
I hated that look. It made me feel weak and pathetic. And there was one thing I knew after all this time out here: I was not weak. Even when I felt I was really weak, when I didn’t think I had the strength to fight through another day, I did, because I was strong.
“If we leave now we might not get there in time for nightfall, and I hate driving at night. It attracts too much attention.”
I nodded and turned away. Nova was still staring at me, and I had an unnatural urge to scream really loudly in her face just to scare the shit out of her.
I pushed my chair back and stood up. “I’m going out,” I said, moving toward the door.
“I’ll come with you,” Nova said, standing up.
“No, I want some space. I need some space,” I replied sharply, emphasizing the need.
“No one goes out on their own. You know that, Nina,” Mikey said calmly. “Calm down and sit down.”
His words had the opposite effect on me and instead incensed me to leave this stuffy little room even more. I could hardly breathe with everyone’s stare, with their condescending, judgmental looks. I hated it. And I hated the thought that I would always be seen as this snippy bitch.And my attitude at the moment wasn’t helping me win anyone over. But I couldn’t help it.
“I’m just stepping outside. I’ll be fine. I won’t go from right outside,” I pleaded.
I stared at Mikey and he stared right back. Of course if I wanted to go, I damn well could, but we were a team, and we worked as a team, and I was trying really hard to b
e a part of it. I swallowed, feeling the suffocating, stale air make its way down my throat and into my lungs.
“You stay where we can see you, and I’ll be at the window watching,” he said, his words gruff.
I really wanted to tell him to stop acting like an over protective boyfriend, but in reality, I knew he’d do this if it were anyone and I wasn’t getting any special treatment. Still, it pissed me off. A lot.
“Fine,” I snapped. I pulled on the handle and opened the door, already starting to feel better when the fresh air hit my face.
“Nina!” Mikey barked, out making me jump.
“What?”
“Machete?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.
I patted my opposite hip and he nodded unhappily, and I finally stepped out into the fresh air.
I clicked the door shut softly, ignoring the little voice inside me that wanted to slam it hard enough to make pictures fall off the walls, and then I began to pace. I moved out from under the small canopy that covered the motel room door and let the heat of the day soak into my skin.
It wasn’t exactly warm, but it was warmer than it had been in a long time—as if the storm of the past couple of days had blown away the last of winter, and spring was now well underway. That thought put things into perspective and made me smile. I had made it through another winter—my first winter outside the walls. I had come so far, learned so much, and yes, I had lost a lot, but each loss had made me stronger, and I truly felt ready to take on anything and anyone.
I walked, listening to the sound of my boots crunching the stones underfoot. I stepped around the corpses and tried my best to see the beauty of the day: the trees that were beginning to bud with leaves, the color of flowers ready to open, the fact that the sky was freaking blue! Blue…it had been gray or white for so long, I had almost forgotten that it could be blue.
I sat down on the hood of an old, beat-up Mustang, pulling myself up until I was comfy and then I took in the motel. It was rusted and falling apart from years of weather abuse and neglect, and I wished I could have seen it in its previous state. Sure, it was a shitty place and one I wouldn’t have ever been seen dead in, but there was also a hidden beauty to it. If you looked past the cheapness, it was also quaint. Or maybe it had never been cheap and broken; maybe it had always been pretty and quaint but I hadn’t taken the time to see it properly.
In many ways, nothing was what it seemed anymore, and nothing was to be truly trusted. People, things, places—there was always another side to them, and not always bad. There could be good in the world…if you took the time to look.
I thought of where I had come from, and how far I had come, and then my thoughts drifted to the other people from behind the walls—the many people that were still being forced to live under somebody’s rule. People that were starving and dying, and being sentenced to death because of the people running those places.
And then I thought of the Forgotten.
I squeezed my eyes shut, hating that they were still inside my head, haunting me. The memories of what they did to me and what they forced Mikey to do were suddenly fresh. For a while I had put them aside, but now I felt angry—not just for me, but because they could do so much good. They could help other people if they wanted to. If they knew the truth, they could save those people.
I slid off the hood and made my way back to the motel, standing outside the door, knowing that Mikey was at the window watching me and knowing that Nova thought I couldn’t truly change, that I was selfish and always would be selfish. And then there was Adam, the little boy inside, an orphan who’d survived out here on his own for all this time, despite all the odds stacked against him.
But we’d made it this far, and as much as I wanted to run and hide at Ben’s parents’ cabin, there would be a time for that, but right then I knew what we needed to do. Because Emily had said it to me months ago, and yet somewhere along the road we had forgotten—I had forgotten. Or maybe not forgotten, but I’d been too afraid to do it. But now that Emily was gone, now that I didn’t have her to worry about, I knew that now was the time.
I opened the door and all eyes turned to me. No one said anything, and after several long, tense moments I broke the silence. “Sorry, that was a little dramatic. But then, what I have to say is pretty dramatic.” I swallowed, my throat feeling dry. “I have a plan. But I’ll need some help.”
“A plan?” Nova asked, lighting a cigarette.
“Well, not a plan, more of an idea.” I rolled my eyes.
“An idea?” Mikey said, coming toward me.
“Well,” I shrugged, “I guess it’s more of a vague, very loose concept.”
Mikey smirked. “Well, go on then. Tell us this vague, loose concept of a plan that you’ve just thought of.” He folded his arms across his chest and waited.
“Yeah, get on with it,” Nova said through a mouth full of smoke. “The suspense is killing me,” she added drolly.
Joan raised her hand in the air.
“What?” I asked.
“Did you find it?” she asked with a smile.
“Did I find what?”
“Nova said you were going to find yourself, did you find it? If you find yourself, maybe there’s hope for me! I lost myself a long time ago and haven’t been able to find myself since,” she said with hope.
“Oh,” I replied. “Well, yeah, I guess I did find myself, in a way.”
“So your plan?” Mikey asked, ignoring Joan completely. “Or your vague concept. Because I thought we had a plan that was more solid than whatever thing you’ve just thought up.”
Nova frowned. “You two thought up plans without me? What am I, a fuckin’ leper?”
“Bad word,” Adam mumbled.
Nova scowled at him. “The world full of bad words, bad people, and bad things, kid.”
“I’m leaving,” I said to her, drawing her attention back to me.
“Correction, we’re leaving,” Mikey interjected.
“When? What do you mean you’re leaving?” Nova stood up, her scowl growing by the second.
“Once we get back to the mall, I want to go out on my own.” I rushed out the words, feeling like a traitor for saying them.
“Is this because of what I did? Because I killed the zombie kid? I thought we’d sorted that shit out?” Her nostrils flared in anger, and I sensed Mikey staring at both me and her in confusion. We hadn’t ever really told him what had happened when we found Deacon and the baby—just that the whole trip had been a waste since Hilary was dead—and I realized that I probably should have told him the full story.
“No, it’s not because of that, and in some ways yeah, it’s everything to do with that. And more.” I held up my hands when she tried to interrupt me. “This is all beside the point.”
“Like fuck it is,” she snapped angrily.
“Bad word,” Adam said again, placing his hands over his ears.
I pinched between my brows. “No, it really is, because I don’t want to leave now—at least not yet.” I hurried out before she could yell at me again. “I’m not leaving.”
“We’re not?” Mikey asked, looking thoroughly confused. “And please start including me in the whole ‘are we or aren’t we leaving’ thing,” he said with an edge of pissiness solely directed at me.
I rolled my eyes at him dramatically before speaking. “No, we’re not.”
“Why not?” he asked, still sounding pissy enough that I wanted to shake him. I guess I hadn’t realized how much he had been looking forward to going off the grid with me.
I looked down at my feet, knowing the next thing out of my mouth would cause the most arguments, but it had to come out regardless. I took a deep breath before looking up. “Emily said that she wanted to kill the Forgotten for what they did, and I want to live out that wish.”
“Nina!” both Mikey and Nova said at the same time.
I hushed them both and hurried on. “Not all of them. Just Fallon. If we can kill him, then I think we could get the o
thers to listen to us.” Because obviously killing people is my thing now, I thought sourly.
“Listen to what, though?” Nova asked, still looking angry but curiosity winning her over now. “What do you want to say to any of them?”
“We’re not going back there,” Mikey said.
I glanced over, seeing his body rippling with tension.
“I want to help the people behind the walls, and to do that we need an army. We need the Forgotten,” I said, mumbling the last part because really, I wasn’t so sure of my loose concept of a plan now that I had said it out loud. It was clearly a death sentence…just hopefully not for us.
Silence had descended upon the group, and Adam finally took his hands down from his ears and continued shuffling the cards.
Joan looked up at me, her expression soft. “I’m in.” She smiled, her chin high.
“Umm, thanks,” I replied, not bothering to tell her that there was no way in hell that she was coming with me, and yet feeling equally pleased that someone was on my side.
“Where are we going?” She smiled again, looking from me to Mikey, and then over to Nova. “Will they have mojitos?”
FORTY-FOUR.
The mood was somber in the truck the following morning. Mikey had barely said a word to me since the previous night’s discussion, and I couldn’t entirely blame him, I guess. Well, I could—of course I could—but I was choosing to be a responsible adult for once and lay the blame at my own feet. It sucked.
Nova had briefly spoken to me, and had apologized over and over for killing Deacon and “the thing,” as she referred to it, begging me not to leave. The whole thing just made me all the more frustrated, because she was missing the entire point. I wasn’t fucking leaving! At least not quite yet, and only if I made it out alive.
Which I had every intention of doing.
Now that my own strength had been proven to me, I knew I could survive anything. Well, almost anything. Some things would just make a girl dead no matter how strong you were. Like a bullet to the brain, for instance, which I’m sure Fallon—the leader of the Forgotten and his band of merry psychos—would have no problem in doing.
The Dead Saga (Book 3): Odium III Page 29