Emma’s stomach made a strange, loud, gurgling sound. She knew she should eat something, but she didn’t want to gain weight. In her mind, anything she ate had the potential to transform her into Jane—and the mere thought of that sent shivers up her spine.
She opened the refrigerator and looked at all of the fattening foods that Jane bought and prepared. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, barbecued ribs...disgusting. She looked in the freezer and found a container of chocolate ice cream, frozen vegetables, meats, waffles, bagged bagels, a bag of mozzarella sticks and a bag of frozen ravioli.
Next, Emma walked to the pantry and browsed the contents within. To her dismay, it was full of even more fattening foods: bags of potato chips, cheese-flavored crackers, cake mixes, cookie mixes, brownie mixes, tubs of frosting, boxes of snack cakes, a jar of honey roasted peanuts, a bag of pretzels, boxes of pasta, jars of sauce, peanut butter, etc.
There was not a single decent thing to eat. She spotted a bunch of ripe bananas on the far end of the counter top. She walked over and pulled off the smallest one of the bunch. She peeled it halfway and walked into the living room. She took a small bite of the banana and chewed it slowly. She took another bite, then another. She reached for the television remote control.
She had eaten about a third of the banana when she noticed her reflection on the television screen. She looked fat...huge...and...”oh my God!” Emma said hysterically, dropping the banana to the floor. Did she have a double chin? She spit out the mouthful of mashed banana she had left in her mouth and patted her chin and neck frantically. Though completely firm, it felt flabby to Emma.
Leaving her uneaten banana and the mess she spit up on the carpet, Emma dashed into the kitchen and pulled out a big garbage bag from a box in a cabinet underneath the sink. She shook the bag open and threw open the pantry door. She began pulling boxes of snack cakes and dessert mixes off the shelves and tossing them into the bag. She then threw away bags of chips—even the unopened ones, crackers, peanuts, boxes of pasta—anything “fatty.” By the time she was done, the shelves were bare and the garbage bag was
almost too heavy for her to carry. But she wasn’t finished yet.
She dragged the bag over to the refrigerator and threw away containers full of chicken, ribs, pasta, potatoes, a box of mini cheesecakes, a jar of mayonnaise, salad dressings, and packages of cold cuts. She opened the freezer and threw away the ice cream, mozzarella sticks, waffles and about half of the frozen meats that looked too “fatty” to her.
Leaving the bag where it was by the refrigerator, she walked over to the sink. She washed her hands thoroughly, as if just by touching the “fatty” foods she would become contaminated by Jane’s obesity.
The relatively small amount of energy she had exerted exhausted her and she slowly walked back to the living room, passed the mess on the floor, and dropped onto the couch. Using the remote control, she turned on the television and flipped through the channels in search of something entertaining. She settled on an old comedy sitcom and sat back, placing her feet up on the coffee table. She put her head back, closed her eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.
When Emma opened her eyes again, nearly two and a half hours had gone by. She was completely disoriented. There was a soap opera playing on the television. She stretched and sat up to change the channel. She was surprised that she had fallen asleep and had slept for so long. Her head was pounding and her mouth was dry.
Emma stood up slowly. Her whole body ached. She walked to the kitchen and filled a glass with water. She opened a nearby cabinet and pulled out a small bottle of ibuprofen tablets. She shook two tablets out of the bottle and into the palm of her hand. She left the unopened bottle on the countertop and swallowed the two tablets, washing them down with big gulps of water.
Feeling like she’d been thrown against a cement wall, she slowly walked back to the couch. She wanted to go upstairs to use her computer, but she didn’t think she’d have the energy to make it all the way upstairs to her room.
With her head against the armrest of the couch, Emma watched television for the rest of the afternoon. Her head and body still ached and she felt weak. She was glad that she at least had enough strength to destroy Jane’s picture and laptop. She wondered what Jane would do to her when she realized what she had done. She began worrying about it at first, then relaxed.
What could Jane really do to her anyway? Turning off her cell phone service was the harshest thing she’d ever done to her, and she had already done that. Sure, she would scream and shout and rant and rave. Big deal, Emma thought. She’d just go to her room and turn her music up. She didn’t have to listen to it. And if it got really bad, she’d just slap her again. With that thought, Emma sighed and changed the channel on the television. She would stay right on the couch until Jane came home. She needed to conserve her strength in case she needed it later....
~13~
Jane glanced up at the clock on the wall for the tenth time in the past couple of hours. She had made up her mind; she would call Eric when she got home from work. She had been nervous and anxious since then and the day seemed to be dragging on as if time were moving backward.
She wished she could just take the rest of the day off. It was such a waste being there. It wasn’t busy at all and there was no way she could concentrate on work anyway. Yet, Jane knew that she had to walk on eggshells at work. The last thing she needed was to lose her job and benefits.
Zachary had approached her a short while ago to apologize again and explain himself. Jane pretended that she was on the phone and waved him on. He could tell that she was still upset and didn’t wait around to talk to her, though he said he would stop by later.
Jane knew deep down that Zachary would never do anything to hurt her or Emma. Yet she could not stop herself from being so angry at him. She had confided in him, bared her soul—not because she wanted to disgrace Emma, only because she had been so upset and needed to vent her emotions. In return, Zachary stabbed her in the back by betraying her trust. He should have respected her enough to keep his mouth shut, not add further complications to an already volatile relationship. Jane didn’t know if she and Emma would ever survive the damage he’d done.
Amidst thoughts of Zachary’s breach of confidence, the phone rang. Jane welcomed the disruption of her atypically toxic thoughts.
“K & A Insurance Company, this is Jane speaking, how may I help you?” she asked in a professional, courteous tone.
“You can hang up and call me back like you promised to,” a man’s voice replied. It took Jane a second to realize that it was Eric. Her face turned red and hot. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach, which was usually not a bad feeling, but today only added to her existing pain.
“Eric? How did you get my work number?” Jane asked.
“Don’t you remember, you gave it to me,” Eric responded.
It took Jane a moment to remember that she had given him her business card. It contained only her work telephone number on it, not her cell phone number or home number. Maybe he had tried calling after all.
“I’m so sorry,” Jane apologized. “I should have given you my cell phone number. Can you tell I’m new at this?” she joked nervously.
“I thought maybe you were blowing me off after I tried calling you and got the voicemail for a business.”
“Not at all...to be honest, I was hoping to hear from you all day yesterday. I figured you were just taking pity on me Saturday.”
“You know, you could have called me...I distinctly remember you saying that you would,” Eric teased.
“A couple of times I almost did, I guess I chickened out,” Jane replied, feeling embarrassed.
“At least you didn’t say that you lost my number.”
“Well now I’ll have to make it up to you,” Jane remarked.
“What do you propose?”
“How about dinner at my house?”
“When?” Eric asked.
“Are you free tonight?”
/>
“What about your daughter?”
“She’s never home anymore. She’ll probably be at her friend’s house.”
“If you’re sure it’ll be okay,” Eric answered hesitantly.
“It’ll be fine. How does six thirty sound?”
“Great. What can I bring?”
“Just bring your appetite,” Jane replied, while wondering what she should prepare. Fortunately, she had gone grocery shopping just a few days ago. She had some steaks that she could defrost and quickly marinate.
“You do realize that you’ll have to tell me where you live....” Eric said charmingly.
Jane was halfway to cloud nine. Eric’s voice was music to her ears.
“Of course! I live at 67 Garnett Drive in Wilton.”
“Nice! I’ll see you at six thirty then,” Eric said.
“I’ll see you then,” Jane said trying to contain the excitement she felt.
When she hung up, she yelled “YEEESSS!” a little too loudly. It drew too much attention to herself. Before she knew it, Zachary was back at her desk. As upset as she was at him, even he could not dampen her spirits now...she hoped. He looked pleased to see her happy.
“Good news?” he asked cheerfully, hoping that whatever caused her good mood would detract from the hurt and anger he had unintentionally caused her.
The smile slowly faded from Jane’s face as she began thinking about the things he may have said to Emma.
“No,” she said dryly.
“C’mon Jane, you have to know how sorry I am. I know it was poor judgment on my part, but I just couldn’t sit there and listen to Emma lie about you and insult you.”
“I really don’t want to talk about it,” Jane replied.
“I don’t want this to ruin our friendship,” Zachary said softly. “You’re like my sister.”
“What about my relationship with Emma? Did you even stop and think what you’ve done to that?”
“Not at the time, no, I was just defending you and trying to get Emma to stop being so physically and emotionally abusive toward you.”
“I don’t need you fighting my battles, I can take care of myself,” Jane said angrily.
“I know, I know. I’m sorry, Janey. The last thing I intended to do was cause more problems between you and Emma.”
Jane nodded. She knew that Zachary would never purposefully make matters worse.
“Let me make it up to you, come over tonight and I’ll make my famous chili—the one you love so much,” Zachary pleaded.
“I’m busy tonight,” Jane said curtly. Zachary thought she was being less than honest with him.
“Really?” he asked a little too sarcastically for Jane’s liking. “Is that so?”
“Yes that’s so. What? Poor, pathetic, fat Jane can’t be busy?”
“You know that’s not what I meant at all. When have I ever insulted you in any way?”
Jane knew she was being too hard on Zachary. She was acting childish—no better than Emma.
“I’m sorry Zach,” she said softly, with a humble smile on her face.
Zachary was relieved to see the Jane he knew and loved return to him. He had literally lost sleep worrying that their friendship was in jeopardy. He had rehearsed his apology to her more than a dozen times in his head and practically had a list of reasons why she should overlook his foolish mistake and forgive him. He was fully prepared to bribe her with his irresistible chili, mounds of ice cream, a Hawaiian vacation—whatever it took.
“I don’t know what’s come over me lately. One minute I’m depressed, then happy, then angry...I’m losing my mind,” she added.
Zachary leaned over and hugged her.
“You don’t have to apologize, Janey, you were right, I shouldn’t have interfered. I’ll never betray your trust in me again, I promise.” He pulled up a chair and sat beside her.
“I know you won’t. I missed you, even though I was totally angry at you. There’s so much I wanted to tell you,” Jane said, grinning like a school girl, and Zachary had a good idea as to why.
“Is this about that photographer guy?” he asked enthusiastically.
Jane nodded excitedly, her wide smile from ear to ear.
“His name is Eric,” she said, giggling.
“Is that who you have plans with tonight?”
Jane nodded in a way that reminded Zachary of a love-struck teenager.
“He’s coming over for dinner tonight,” she said gleefully.
“That’s fantastic news! It’s exactly what you need in your life right now.”
“I still can’t believe it...and he’s handsome too,” Jane said dreamily.
“As long as he doesn’t break your heart,” Zachary said, hoping that Eric was truly a good match for Jane. She was a good, caring woman and she deserved the best. Zachary knew that men overlooked Jane just because of her weight. He had known her when she was as thin as a high school girl and loved her no less because of the pounds that she had packed on during the last few years. He hoped that Eric wouldn’t lead her on or cheat on her or hurt her in any way. She had been through so much in such a short
amount of time and she seemed so fragile.
“I know it’s too early to tell, but I’ve got a good feeling about him,” Jane said, her eyes aglow with hope.
“I hope you’re right, it’s been a long time since I’ve been to a wedding,” Zachary teased.
The smile on Jane’s face quickly faded, replaced by a panicked look.
“Oh my God,” she said frantically. “I’m still a married woman.”
“What? Oh, well, technically you are, only on paper though.”
“But what if that bothers him? What if he’s one of those people who won’t date a married person?” Jane looked horrified at the possibility.
“It’s not like you’d be sneaking around or cheating, you and Greg have been separated for over two years now. I’m sure Eric would totally understand,” Zachary said reassuringly.
“But what if he doesn’t? What if it screws everything up between us?”
“You worry too much, you know that?” Zachary teased, but he knew it was a real concern for Jane. He reached out and touched her shoulder.
Jane gasped suddenly, startling Zachary. She took slow, deep breaths as she grabbed her stomach. Her dark auburn hair looked crimson against her pallid face. Zachary could tell she was in pain.
“Janey, what’s wrong?” he asked anxiously. “Should I call an ambulance?”
Without saying anything, Jane shook her head nervously.
“I’m okay,” she panted.
“You don’t look okay,” Zachary replied, worriedly.
“I will in a minute,” she huffed.
It was as though someone had kicked her fiercely in the stomach, knocking the wind out of her. One moment she was fine, the next she was clutching her stomach and trying to catch her breath.
“Has this happened to you before?” Zachary asked.
Jane nodded slowly.
“A lot of times, it’s nothing to worry about.”
“Have you seen a doctor?”
“A while back I did. They’re just panic attacks,” Jane said, slowly catching her breath. “They’re harmless.”
“It didn’t seem harmless at all,” Zachary said, holding his chest.
“You scared me to death!”
“I’m sorry, it came on so suddenly, I didn’t have a chance to warn you.”
“Do you take medication for that?”
“The doctor tried to give me something but you know I don’t like taking drugs. I learned some breathing techniques instead.”
“Janey, you should really see a doctor. I’d bet anything it’s stress-induced.”
“It is stress-induced, that’s all anxiety basically is, silly,” she joked.
She had started feeling a little better. Her stomach still burned, but it wasn’t unbearable. She tried not to think about how Eric might react to the fact that she was still married. That’s
what had triggered the panic attack in the first place. She hoped the subject wouldn’t come up. If it didn’t, she wouldn’t say anything to him about it tonight, but she knew she would have to before things got serious. If they got serious, she reminded herself. She still didn’t want to get her hopes up, but she couldn’t help it...it had been a long, long time since she felt that way about anyone and she was definitely ready for a romantic relationship.
Zachary was on the verge of his own panic attack worrying about Jane—not just her mental state now, but also her physical well-being. The phone rang. Jane answered it quickly. It was Colleen calling for Zachary. Zachary found it strange that Colleen was calling him so late in the day...calling him at all, really. The less they spoke, the less they argued. He listened intently for any clues as to the nature of the call.
“Hi Colleen, how are things?...Oh, no, I’m so sorry to hear that...sure, I’ll tell him to pick up right away.”
Jane put Colleen’s call on hold and looked somberly at Zachary.
“What’s wrong?” he asked glumly. “Who passed away?”
“Colleen’s mother, she lost her battle with cancer,” Jane replied sadly.
“Shit,” Zachary uttered. “I’ll take it in my office,” he said as he stood up quickly and strode off.
Colleen’s mother, Elizabeth, had been a heavy chain smoker since she was a teenager. She had been diagnosed with lung cancer three years ago, and had developed emphysema to further complicate
matters. Her death was not unexpected, but certainly unwelcome.
Jane had met Elizabeth only a few times when she visited Zachary and Colleen. She had lived with her current husband, Colleen’s stepfather Mike, in California. Colleen’s father had passed away when she was thirteen years old and her mother married Mike two years later. Colleen had always resented him for taking her father’s place, but truth be known, he was always kind and nurturing to her and provided well for the family. Elizabeth and Mike had two children together, Caitlin and Robert, Colleen’s step-siblings, neither of whom she’d seen in more than ten years. Colleen had always resented them too, though to a far lesser extent.
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