by Tara Brown
My mother nods slowly, “Yes. What a wonderful notion that is, but what about the angels?”
A man next to the blue-veined one gives Lillith a fierce look, “The angels? You would dare to ask me about the very traitors who betrayed us from the start? You will always be one of them, Lillith.” Her mouth opens, but instead of hearing her words, we are sucked backwards. Mona holds my hand tightly as we are flung backwards. It is as if a vacuum pulls us down the stairs. When we get back to the door where the dead are, we wake.
I open my eyes, seeing Mona next to me on our bed. She smiles at me, “Did that just happen?”
I scowl, “What?”
She cocks an eyebrow, “Jon Hamm’s penis and the crystal throne and your mother?”
My brow pulls together, “I don’t remember. Did we see the penis? Did you come into my dream?”
She smiles, “I do remember, no we never saw the penis, and yes, I did join you in that bizarre dream walk.”
She tells me a story and I don’t recall anything. I pace the room, trying desperately to envision the dream the way she recalls it. “I just wish…” I stop myself, “Oh my God, I have an idea.” I grab her hand and drag her off the bed. We run down the hallway to the room with the fire. I smile at Stella who is listening to music with Michelle on the couch.
“Stella, can you get the images from Mona’s head and put them in mine?”
She cocks an eyebrow, “What?”
I nod.
She looks at Mona, smiling devilishly. “Of course.” She gets up and saunters over to Mona who has a nervous look on her face. “Is this going to hurt?”
Stella shakes her head, “Only if you want it to.”
Mona scowls, “I don’t want it to, at all.”
Stella puts her hands on Mona’s head, “Stay very still.”
Mona nods.
Stella lowers her lips on Mona’s. Mona freezes for a second before returning the kiss to Stella. Stella bites down gently on her lower lips, sucking it. Mona moans into the kiss.
Constantine walks into the room, still looking wounded. He sees the kiss and I know he’s jealous. He narrows his eyes, “What is this?”
Stella sucks a little more before pulling back. She takes my hand and looks into my eyes deeply, “You will read my mind and remember everything you see.”
I nod, “I will.” The sound of my voice is weak and trancelike.
Her pupils dilate and instantly the images flood my mind. My heart cracks a little at the sight of her face—my mother’s face. She is unchanged, young, and exactly as I recall her.
Stella steps back, smiling at Mona again. Michelle stands up, looking confused, “What was that shit?”
I grin, “Jon Hamm’s penis, a crystal throne, and my mother.”
Michelle smiles, “I so need to see Jon Hamm’s cock. He has a forearm in there, I swear it.”
Me, Mona and Stella laugh.
Two
He doesn’t meet my eyes as I retell the dream to him. Constantine paces in front of the fireplace, “So she is a captive? We are to believe that regardless of leaving several times, she is a captive?”
I shrug, “That’s how it seemed.”
He shakes his head but Gretel nods, “That makes perfect sense.”
I scowl, “What?”
She nods, “It does. If the fae took her in with the hopes of using her to end the world, she wouldn’t be able to escape. They are more powerful than anything. There is no way they will let you in with a dagger though. The garden doesn’t allow sin in and it doesn’t allow violence.”
I scowl, “Holding her captive isn’t a sin?”
Gretel shakes her head, “Not if they believe in their hearts they are doing it to save the Earth. That could be a legitimate thing for them.”
Wyatt enters the room. He doesn’t meet my eyes either. I know inside of me, my hearts—all five of them are breaking. Liana and Ezara for our mother. Maggie and Ellie for Constantine. Me for Wyatt, Constantine, and my mother.
He sits on the couch next to Sarah, “What have I missed?”
I get up and leave the room. I don’t want to be in there with them, retelling the story and living through all three things that are hurting me.
Mona runs after me, “Do you think you and I could find the garden?”
I look back at her, “We need to.”
Mona scowls, “Where are you going?”
I grab the door to the cellar, “I’ll be back in a bit.” She folds her arms, “I saw on the news that pillaging has gotten so bad that they’re doing food rationing and only allowing people to take so much per week.”
“I don’t know how to help them. The air witches said we don’t kill the horsemen, but that feels wrong. I need to end my parents and be done with the devils so I can face the antichrist.”
Her eyes glisten like she might lose it any second.
I nod, “I know how you feel. This has been a very bullshit year.” I stomp down the dark hallway to the nixie.
When I get to the cliff, I can feel the dead. They’re trying to tell me something, but they aren’t using their words. The day is gray and cold. The ocean is covered in white caps and froth. I hold myself for a second, thinking about what I’m about to do.
“The queen, the sea queen. That’s who you need.” When I hear Wyatt’s voice, my guts burn. I turn back to see him in the tunnel. He winces, “I don’t care. I don’t care what you did with him, before. When you were the other girls.” His eyes burn like my stomach does. He steps towards me, “I love you. You. The person you are right now. I don’t know those other girls; I don’t even really care about them. I love you. I adore you. You scare me more than anything in the whole world, because like I told you before, I don’t think I can live without you.”
I walk to him, “I didn’t know he and Ellie did that. I swear I didn’t.”
He nods, “I know. You were too scared to know. I could see that you didn’t know.”
I take his hands in mine, kissing the palms of them both, “I love you. I can’t feel it right now. I can’t even feel your words. My heart is splintered into the five pieces of my soulless soul. But I know I love you.”
He smiles, “I’ll take that. I’ll take a fifth of the love you can give.” He lowers his face, brushing his lips against mine. The feathery kiss is delicate and something we don’t normally do. I like the smell of him, the feel of him, and the warmth of his body against mine. I wince into the kiss as my wings burst from my back. I grab onto him and leap. We soar up into the air, like a backwards swan dive. My wings pull in as we break the cold surface of the ocean.
The redhead from before is there. She smiles, “Have you seen your mother?”
I nod. Wyatt leans over me, “Take us to the queen, please.”
She looks like she might say no, but she glances at me again and offers me a hand.
I take Wyatt’s and suddenly we are pulled down. We go down for a long time. We pass an old, rusted shipwreck, fish, and weeds. Then we pass into darkness like I have never seen. Her eyes glow like mine. I can see, and yet, I cannot. It is dark and there is nothing to see. We pass through the darkness until it gets light again. There, in the water below, is a series of miniature palaces. When we get closer, I realize how far down they are; they’re huge.
We soar towards them, gaining speed. I am ready to burst my wings like a parachute when she slows us and we float down. There is gravity. It is like a regular place. I could walk if I chose to. It’s not the same as the ground above. I can float and swim, but I float down to the surface.
We pass sea life, rocks, and plants. It’s like an aquarium. I don’t even have words for it. Wyatt doesn’t either. He is staring like me. She pulls us to the largest of the palaces. It is made of shells and sparkles in an unnatural way; the light is unnatural. It is blue and effervescent.
She looks back at me, “He doesn’t speak, no matter what.”
I nod. I don’t need to look at him. He knows this shit better than
I do.
We get into the palace, and instantly I am regretting my decision to seek out the sea queen. She looks like a fairy, but she has sharp teeth and scales. She looks evil and cartoonish. Her features are sharp and tragically beautiful. Her glowing white eyes land on me, “Sin eater.”
I nod, “Your highness.” I bow again. I have to. She smiles, “You are exactly as I imagined you would be.” She holds her nose a little higher, “I saw you coming. I predicted it. I knew you would look this way and be this way.”
I don’t say a thing. She makes me nervous, that I can feel. I think all five of us are freaking out.
She does a swim-walk back to the shell throne. “You wish to know how to get into the garden?”
I nod, “Please.”
“The garden will come to you when you desire something pure of it. If you want a thing, it will never come. You must truly wish to lie at the feet of Lillith and worship, and gain nothing from it.” She is smug. She and Wyatt should talk, they would get on like a house on fire.
I offer her my hand, “My mother is a captive of the fae.”
She laughs instantly, “You are a fool if you believe them capable of evil. They are the keepers of this world.”
I nod, “They want the world back. They want the humans dead.”
She stops laughing and motions for me to come closer. I go closer, offering her my hand. I don’t know why I feel like I should, but the dead are urging me to do it. They are whispering that she will read me.
She snatches my hand, bringing it to her face. I don’t expect the intense pain I receive and cry out. Her sharp teeth bite down hard on the palm of my hand. I stand there, tense and trembling until she lets go, “Who has planted this memory?”
I shake my head, “It is the memory of a dream walk in the garden. The dead took me.”
She looks stunned, less smug for sure. She gets up, pacing back and forth. Her dress moves around her like a bunch of snakes or eels. She turns sharply, “You must take him with you. That is all I have for you. The best place to have the garden show itself to you is a stream in Ireland. She will take you there now. Leave and never come back.”
She turns her back. I have shamed her or something, but either way, she is not going to help me again. She speaks without looking back at us, “Seven of our strongest will go with you. He must be cleansed before he can go. Take them to the shores of the riverbank.”
Wyatt looks sickened. He opens his mouth, but the redhead gives him a look. She grabs my hand and I grab his. My hand is throbbing still where she bit me. The redhead pulls us up, fast. I swear my head feels like it’s going to explode. When we break the surface, we are not on the cliffs near Constantine’s but Constantine is there. He offers me a smug smile. I crawl from the ocean to where the riverbank is, but Wyatt stays behind.
The first nixie offers her throat to him.
Constantine shakes his head, “Let me.”
The nixie scowls, but he is gone in a puff of smoke and then behind her. He bites into her throat, pulling the essence into him. He screams as he swallows. There is a sizzle as the nixie essence goes in his mouth. The next one swims up. She holds her head to the side.
“Constantine stop, we need Wyatt to come into the garden with me. Stop!”
He smiles, “If I eat their essence from them, I can come instead.”
Wyatt tries to grab at Constantine, but he is gone and the nixie are too. Wyatt slaps the water, “What the hell is he doing?”
I shake my head, scanning the water for them. Constantine is next to me on the shore, dripping wet and angry looking. He smiles, but I can see the pain in his eyes. “You can fill me in while we wait for the gate.”
We walk up to the stream we are in front of. I am shivering and aching. Constantine gives me a look, “Hungry?”
I nod. He grabs my face, kissing me harshly. I suck instantly. His kiss is filled with the last of the bad things he has done. Wyatt grabs my hand, but I am pulled into the food. I can feel when it changes over, and I am no longer getting evil from him. He continues to kiss me. I push him back and land in Wyatt’s embrace. Constantine’s eyes dart from my face to Wyatt’s. I wipe my lips, “Where is your unending supply of evil?”
He laughs, “I am clean as a whistle again. Nixie essence is truly a miracle drug. I saved you the last little bit, just in case you hadn’t remembered to eat. I recall that about you. Always starving and then attacking.” He walks up to the creek, “So, when does the garden gate come to us?”
“How did you know where we were?”
“The nixie. There was one at the shores when you dove in, a blonde who stayed behind. When I ate her, I could see everything. The nixie are linked. They speak to each other without speaking.”
“Like you and Stella.”
He nods, “And the air witches. The fae do it too. Only the earth and fire have lost that. Too mixed with the humans.”
Wyatt gives him a sneer, “The gate probably won’t come for you.”
Constantine smiles, “You doubt my resolve in this, don’t you?” he leans into Wyatt, “The thing you don’t realize is that I have been on this path for hundreds of years, with her. Your six months and weird Van Helsing juju is nothing, compared to the undying love I have for her. I wish for nothing but her success, and I will die to see it happen.”
Wyatt laughs, “You think I wouldn’t?”
Constantine shrugs. They give each other the same arrogant and cocky expression. Constantine smiles, “I know this much, when push comes to shove and I die for her, you better be ready to step into my boots, son. They’re big boots to fill, and you have to be up to the task.”
“Oh, don’t you worry about me, old man. I got this.”
Constantine gives him a smug smile, “We’ll see, won’t we?”
I grab them both, “Pretty sure arrogance isn’t going to get us in the gate. You two shut the hell up and start wishing you could lie at my mother’s feet for no other reason than to see her succeed.”
We sit on a mossy stump. I’m shaking, cold, and tired. I’m tired of friggin’ winter, cold water, swimming with the friggin’ nixie, and the damned cold wind in England and Ireland. I need a vacation, somewhere warm. I need to sleep with the dead for a year.
Wyatt leans against me, “People are starving everywhere. The first horse has come and gone. The rich are fine, still eating what is left in the warehouses. The military is guarding them and delivering the food to the people who can afford it the most.”
I shake my head, “That’s sick. I do wish my mom could succeed in her goal. I wish the world was free of the bad things people do.”
Constantine nods from beneath the tree across from me, “Yes. Humans have long lived a life of greed and selfishness. Lillith and the fae have the right idea.”
I feel my eyes threatening to close, but I push the dead away. They sparkle around me, wanting me to follow them to sleep, but I can’t. We have a goal.
The last thing I see is Constantine shouting at me. He disappears as I close my eyes.
When I wake, I am in my bed at Constantine’s again. There is warmth next to me. I see Wyatt’s face, not Mona’s. I smile, “Why are we here?”
He laughs, “You passed out. We waited for two days and then we both got hungry and mean, and decided to come home. The nixie swam us back the castle.”
Constantine comes into the room. His eyes are pained when he sees us on the bed. He sighs, “There is something unbelievable in the courtyard.”
I get up, noticing the dead there. They’re sparkling and twirling about me. Wyatt takes my hand, pulling me behind Constantine through the halls.
“What is it?”
He shakes his head, “I cannot even describe it. You need to see it to believe it.”
I scowl, “Okay.”
We walk out the front door and I stop instantly. There is a lineup of people. They are starved and ragged looking. They are weak and tired. They have sores, and in some cases, severe injuries. I don’t ev
en know what to say or do. I can smell and almost taste the evil in them. My stomach rumbles.
Constantine smiles, “I know, right?”
I give him a confused look, “Why are they here?”
Stella comes walking around the corner with a man in her arms and blood dripping from her lips, “They want to die. God told them to come to you for absolution.”
I stumble down the stairs, “I can’t help you. I’m sorry. God was wrong. I can’t kill you all.”
A man walks to me, “You are the sin eater; you must bless us and let us go to him. You are our redemption.”
I look around as the crowd starts to come towards me, “Why are you giving up? Why don’t you want to fight and save this place? Why not fight together to kill the horsemen and save the Earth from Lucifer?”
I look back at Wyatt. His jaw is set, I can see he is ready to fight. I shake my head, “We cannot sin.”
He smiles, “Self defense is not a sin.”
“Wyatt, I need the light of the world. I need it from my mother. I have to get into that garden.”
He nods, offering me his hand. He pulls me to him. Constantine looks around and then at Stella, “End them, sister. No one wants a bunch of cowards on the Earth anyway.”
Stella starts to laugh. I hurry back into the house with Constantine and Wyatt. My stomach is burning from hunger. I drop to my knees, pressing my hand against the door and leaning my exhausted head.
Constantine drops to his knees too, “We need to go now. We need to find that garden.”
Mona walks over, “I’m coming. I have a feeling I’m supposed to.”
I glance over at Michelle. She shakes her head, “No way. Not even for the road trip. I’m staying here. That’s the freaking Z-Apoc out there. You guys go ahead.” She has slowly become less of a human. I suppose not having a soul has ruined the person she used to be. The person I loved.
I look at Wyatt, “I’m taking Mona and him. When I ate from Constantine, you would have absorbed some of my evil; the taint will be on you. You’re not the sin eater, you’re just tainted.”
He opens his mouth but his mother comes forward from the couch, “She is right. The sin eater has reason for eating sin, you do not.” She smiles, “I need your help anyway.”