by Harmon, AJ
Emma sighed. “So you aren’t in love with Gerald?”
“Heavens no!”
“You’re in love with Tim?”
It was Beth’s turn to sigh. “Maybe.”
“I need to leave in an hour. Gerald is going to pick me up on his way to the airport.”
“Oh Em…I’m sorry…”
“No! No, it’s fine. I don’t mind. In fact, I rather enjoy spending time with him.”
Beth threw the blanket off her head. “Really?”
“Yeah, I mean, he’s got gobs of money, Mum likes him, he’s not that bad to look at…”
“He’s yours,” Beth offered.
“I don’t know if he’s interested, but…”
“Huh…you and Gerald? Really?”
Emma shrugged. “He’s as good as anyone else.” She slid off the bed to go and finish packing.
I don’t want ‘as good as anyone else’, she thought. That’s a terrible way to pick a husband! But if it makes Emma happy…oh well.
*****
Tim didn’t attend church with his family on Sunday morning. He’d gone home to his apartment after the benefit and had stayed there, ignoring the phone as each member of his family called to check on him.
Janie had called again first thing that morning and she’d left a message when he didn’t answer.
“I’d better see you at dinner,” she’d said. “And if you don’t show, I can guarantee that we’ll be coming over to your place…ALL of us.”
He’d decided he’d better just go and get it over with.
Walking through the door on the lower level of the Lathem family brownstone, he was immediately bombarded with questions from Andrew and Rory, who were the first to see him.
“I’m fine,” he replied as he walked through the maze of toys on the floor. Isabelle demanded that he pick her up, to which he obliged. He kissed her cheek and she kissed him back. As he put her down he felt a hand around his arm.
“Come with me,” she said.
He followed Janie into the kitchen and she nodded at the bar stool. “Sit,” she commanded.
He did what he was told and waited.
“Are you okay?” she asked. Concern filled her voice.
Tim nodded. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Who’s Beth?”
“Yeah. Who’s Beth?” said a voice in the doorway.
“Kitchen’s closed!” she said to Ben. “Go. Away.”
Ben did as he was told.
“Who’s Beth?” she asked again.
Tim sighed.
“You’re not leaving this room until we’ve talked so you will not gain anything by stalling.” She placed her hands on her hips.
Tim recognized the stance. She’d been married to his oldest brother for a few years now and while she was the sweetest and kindest woman Tim had ever met, Janie was a force to be reckoned with when she wanted to be. She rivaled his mother.
“I dated her last year a few times. I actually rescued her dog from a fire and…well, after that our paths crossed again and…but it’s nothing now.”
“You want more?” her voice had softened.
Tim shrugged. “She stopped returning my calls. Not much more I can do?”
“Did you get the feeling that she liked you too?”
“See that’s the thing.” His back straightened. “She did! I’m sure of it! And then I took her and her sister out for dinner, she was visiting from England, and then… nothing!”
“But you wanted more? Want more?”
“What’s the point of going over this Janie?”
“Going over what?” Mark said from the doorway.
“Kitchen’s closed!” Janie firmly stated.
Mark cowered and hastily retreated.
“She’s not interested,” Tim said.
“Oh I’ve heard this story before,” she said. “Don’t move.” She swung around and walked out of the room.
“Matt?” she yelled, surprising everyone in the house. “MATT!!”
He appeared at the bottom of the stairs. “What’s wrong?” He ran to her, eyes open wide. “You okay?”
“Get in there and talk to your idiot brother.”
“What?” Matt was totally confused.
Janie shoved him into the kitchen.
“Everything okay?” Rory asked as he peeked his head around the corner.
“Kitchen’s closed,” Tim sighed, accepting his confinement.
Rory shrugged and disappeared.
Janie looked at Matt. “The mysterious Beth is a woman Tim is in love with and…”
“I didn’t say I was in love with her!” Tim exclaimed.
“Of course you did!” Janie frowned. “Tell him what you almost lost forever,” she said to Matt.
He chuckled at his wife and nodded then sat on the stool next to his brother.
As Janie left the kitchen she heard him say, “Tim? I’ve got a story to tell you.”
*****
By the time the family all sat down to dinner, they all knew the basics as to who Beth was and how Tim felt about her and every one of them encouraged him to fight for her, well, except for Ben who said he could find another woman in a heartbeat. Janie had smacked him across the back of the head.
“You know,” Mark said as he dished up the roasted potatoes, “I wouldn’t be married to my best friend if I hadn’t been persistent.” He smiled at Katy.
“True,” she agreed.
“And I wouldn’t be married to my best friend if I hadn’t been persistent,” Paul added, and hugged Nic who was seated next to him.
“Oh enough!” Ben pretended to stick his finger down his throat.
“How old are you?” Maureen chastised her son. “One day Ben, you’re going to meet a woman and you’re going to understand exactly what your brothers are talking about.”
“In your dreams,” he muttered under his breath.
Peter put his knife and fork down on his plate and tented his hands in front of his face. “You know,” he began, “When I was a young man…”
“You’re not young Grandpa!” Ella laughed. “You’re old!”
Peter chuckled. “Yes sweetheart. I’m old now. But a long, long, long time ago I wasn’t old. And I didn’t want to get married. But then I saw Grandma across the diner sitting at a table with her friend…her friend?”
“Rosalie,” Maureen added.
“Yes! Rosalie! And my heart literally skipped a beat. My palms got all sweaty and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She had the most beautiful eyes I’d ever seen.”
Maureen actually blushed a little.
“Finally, Rosalie got up and went to the ladies room and I swooped in and took the chance of a lifetime and here we are fifty…fifty something years later and seven sons and four daughters-in-law and one son-in-law and six grandchildren later. My life would have been nothing…nothing without your mother.”
Everyone sighed. It was so sweet.
“So you remember that young man. Until you meet that woman who actually makes your heart stop, you shouldn’t get married. Wait for her. You deserve that and she deserves that.”
“That was beautiful,” Lindsey said, her eyes full of tears.
Ben shook his head and took a mouthful of broccoli, but Tim knew exactly what his dad was talking about. He was talking about Beth!
14.
Beth hugged her little sister goodbye and then watched out of the window as she disappeared into the black town car parked at the curb.
“He didn’t get out of the car for me,” she muttered to herself when she watched Gerald hold the car door for her and then slide in behind her.
Beth crawled back into bed, Cleo sitting on the floor with her snout resting on the bed next to Beth. Before the benefit, Beth thought she’d been doing pretty well getting on with her life…not thinking about Tim…too often, anyway. As she lay staring up at the ceiling, the memory of that night…that one night came flooding back. Although the sex had been incredible, the best she’d ever had or would pro
bably ever have, it wasn’t just that that had made it so special. It was the conversation at dinner, the ease she felt in his company, the fact he loved Cleo, and his attention to her needs and desires that he put before his own.
Her mother’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “Get out of bed and act like a Collins,” she’d said a hundred times while Beth had been a teenager. “Sulking will get you nowhere.” Beth hadn’t been a teenager in many years, and her mother was thousands of miles away, but the words still reverberated in her head.
Thirty years old and still letting my mother tell me what to do, she sighed.
“Not anymore!” Beth said out loud. Cleo’s ears wiggled and she tilted her head. “Nope! Not anymore. I get to live my life the way I want to live it. I’m not going to marry a man because my mother likes him! I’m going to marry the man that I’m in love with. I’m not planning on going back to England to live anyway. I’m staying here, in New York.” She jumped from the bed and walked into the closet looking for something to wear. “White collar – blue collar – barrister – fireman - I don’t care! I’ll marry a garbage man if he loves me and I love him.” Cleo tilted her head again as if trying to understand Beth’s words.
“My mother will no longer dictate what I do with my life. I am in charge!” She pulled a lightweight sweater and some jeans from a shelf and grabbed a pair of teal colored sneakers from the shoe rack.
She showered and dressed and put her hair in a loose braid. She used some tinted moisturizer to smooth out her complexion and added a swish of blush and some mascara.
“Let’s go find our destiny,” she said to Cleo as they left the apartment.
*****
Tim sat in his apartment flicking through channels on the television. He couldn’t concentrate so he pushed the OFF button and browsed the internet. That didn’t hold his attention either, so he closed his laptop and went through to the spare bedroom where he had his Bowflex set up. He changed into shorts and a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and began his routine. He began with his upper body and then worked down. It was the same routine he did all week. It kept him strong and lean and able to do his job to the best of his ability. After sixty minutes the sweat was dripping off him like he’d just stepped out of the shower. He grabbed a hand towel and wiped down his face and arms then threw the towel around his neck and walked to the kitchen to get a tall glass of water.
Every time he closed his eyes he could still see her face. He could see her eyes squeezed shut and her biting her lower lip as he brought her to orgasm. He saw her laughing as they sat eating dinner and sharing stories of their wild antics as children. He saw her hurry out of the ballroom.
He was still in shock she was there. If she hadn’t made a spectacle of herself as she knocked over the chair, he would have never seen her. Did she run because of him? Where did she disappear to after? He had tried to forget her over the few months and it hadn’t worked and seeing her again had only intensified the feelings he had.
Matt’s words rung in his ears. “I was scared. A woman had never made me feel the way I felt about Janie and it fucking scared the shit out of me. I couldn’t risk that she didn’t feel the same way so I protected myself by letting her walk away.”
Tim had known the general story of how Matt and Janie had gotten together, but Matt had never shared with him how vulnerable he’d felt. Tim had never known his brother to be unsure of anything, so to have him tell him how he’d almost screwed up his entire future because he was afraid really sank in. Tim didn’t want to find himself regretting not going after the women he wanted.
“I’m just glad that when I finally had the balls to tell her how I felt, she felt the same, although she rightfully punished me for a few hours before she told me so. You’ll never know until you tell her,” Matt had told him. “And isn’t it better to tell her and have her tell you there’s no future for you together, than to spend your future without her wondering if you’d had a future together? At least you’ll know…one way or another.”
Tim headed for the shower. He needed to grow a pair in the next thirty minutes because he was going to tell Beth how he felt…it was by far the scariest thing he would ever do…and he wasn’t going to wait.
*****
Beth stood on the corner across from Ladder 5 holding Cleo’s leash. Cleo wanted to run into the station but Beth held her firmly in her grasp. She’d walked her with the purpose of seeing Tim…of telling him how sorry she was for ignoring his calls…to tell him she was an idiot and to beg for his forgiveness. But now that she was there, just feet from him, she lost her nerve. It was dark so she stood in the shadows and waited nervously, waited to build up the courage to do what she’d come to do.
Her feet wouldn’t move and her heart was beating so hard it was almost painful. What if he’s dating someone else? What if he doesn’t even remember me? The thoughts made her chin quiver. Have I blown my chance?
Cleo barked and made her look down at her faithful companion. It was as if she was giving words of encouragement, something Beth sorely needed. She’d come this far. She could walk a few more steps and cross the street. She straightened her spine, lifted her chin, waited for a break in the traffic and marched into the firehouse.
According to the fireman wiping down the truck, Tim wasn’t working today.
*****
Grabbing the door as a couple of teenagers walked out, Tim entered Beth’s building and took the elevator to her floor. With a determined walk he made his way down the hall and stood in front of her door and knocked three times. After waiting several seconds he knocked again, a little harder. There was still no answer, but the door behind him swung open. He turned to see Beth’s neighbors looking at him.
“I’m looking for Beth. Do you know if she’s home?”
“Oh I remember you,” Vince said as he pointed at Tim. “You’re the dishy fireman that Beth likes.”
Tim had to break that statement into two parts. First, Vince thought he was cute. No thanks, he thought. But secondly, they thought Beth liked him. That made him happy…gave him hope that perhaps...
“I am a fireman and I hope I am the fireman,” he chuckled. “Do you happen to know where she is?”
“Emma left today, didn’t she?” Jerry asked Vince.
“I think you’re right,” Vince replied. “So she could be at the airport.”
“It’s after eight though,” Jerry wrinkled his nose. “She would have been back hours ago.”
“Why don’t you come in and wait with us? We’ll keep you company,” Vince grinned.
Tim chuckled again. “Thanks for the offer, but I’ll come back another time.”
“Please?” Vince begged. “We don’t get many visitors.”
“You’re very kind, but I’m gonna get going.” Tim headed back to the elevator.
“Drat,” sighed Jerry. “I could just sit and stare at him all day.”
Tim grinned as the elevator doors closed and it began moving down to the lobby. Jerry and Vince seemed to be nice old guys. He guessed they were in their sixties and he wasn’t at all threatened or unnerved by their offer. In fact, he probably would have had a great time hanging out with the old broads, but he was going to watch for Beth. He wasn’t leaving the building until he’d had the chance to talk to her. He sat on the bench by the glass front door and waited. He’d stay all night if he had to.
*****
It took a lot to wear out Cleo, but Beth had finally succeeded. They’d stopped at the park on their way home and Beth had found a tennis ball next to one of the benches. She’d thrown it over and over again, and Cleo had raced after it and returned it to her only to do it again…and again. Beth had purchased a bottle of water and drank half of it and then Cleo had lapped up the rest. They’d sat in the park, Beth on the bench, Cleo at her feet on the grass, ‘til it got dark and then they started the walk home.
Punching her access code into the keypad, the front door buzzed open and she ushered Cleo inside. As the door shut behind
her she screamed as a voice called her name. She jumped back and hit the door as Tim appeared in front of her.
“Bloody hell!” she gasped. “You scared the life out of me.”
“Sorry,” he frowned. “I didn’t mean to.”
“I know,” she conceded. “What are you doing here?”
“Waiting for you.”
“Oh.”
There was an uncomfortable silence as Beth looked away and Tim scratched Cleo behind her ears. Finally Beth spoke.
“Would you like to come up?”
“Yes,” he said too quickly, almost cutting her off. “I would,” he smiled.
15.
Beth figured Tim was about six feet and an inch or two tall and probably around two hundred pounds. Beth’s apartment was about twelve hundred square feet, a rather large space in New York, but Tim seemed to overwhelm her apartment as he followed her inside. She couldn’t breathe.
“Make yourself comfortable,” she said as she unhooked Cleo’s leash. “I’ll be right back.” She heard him talking to the dog as she hurried down the hall to her room. She shut the door behind her and leaned back, inhaling deeply and trying to calm her rapid pulse.
As she tried to wrap her mind around him being here, waiting for her, she realized she shouldn’t be nervous. I was going to see him, she told herself. I wanted to see him. Beth walked into her bathroom and splashed cool water on her face and neck. She couldn’t hide in there all night, however. She needed to say to him the things she needed to say. Whether or not he felt the same, she had to tell him she was sorry. Sorry for not returning his calls and sorry for being a coward.
Tim was sitting on the floor leaning back against the arm of the sofa with Cleo lying on her back next to his legs. He was rubbing her tummy and the expression on Cleo’s face was priceless.
“She looks stoned,” Beth laughed.
“I think she’s enjoying it,” Tim replied. His attention was now solely on her.
“I wanted…”
“I saw you…”
They both began speaking at the same time. They both stopped.
“You go first,” he offered.
She took a deep breath and began again. “I wanted to apologize for not returning your calls. That was rude and I’m sorry.”