‘You can’t go now.’
‘I won’t be gone long. When I come back, we’ll work out what to do. I can continue with the search here and I’m sure I can find somewhere safe for you to stay while I do.’
‘No, you’re not listening. I’m not going anywhere,’ she spat as anger burst inside her, a firework erupting. ‘You can send me away but I’ll just come back. Do you hear me? I’ll just come back.’
‘Elena.’
‘I’ll walk through the streets of London to get to you. I’ll be alone too. All alone.’
‘No, you won’t,’ he growled with frustration.
‘Oh, I will, and you’ll have to keep a close eye on me then because I’ll put myself into every conceivable situation of danger until you come for me. Do you get it? Do you want to test me?’ She rushed to the door and opened it. ‘You want me out here, wandering the streets, where it’s most dangerous? Fine. I’ll go. Maybe then you’ll listen.’
‘Elena, come back here. Now.’
She walked out into the hallway, her heart so raw it hurt to breathe. She had no idea where she’d go, but it didn’t stop her. She had to make him understand, to see sense. The sound of footsteps thudded behind as he rushed to her. She continued on to the lifts and hit the button.
He grabbed her arm. ‘Okay, you’ve made your point.’
She flung it away and turned to face him. ‘I haven’t begun to make my point,’ she cried. ‘You gave me a choice, and I made it. I turned my world upside down to be with you. My choice, Ethan. Mine. And you’re not going to take that away from me.’
‘Do you think I want this?’ he said as he grabbed her hands. ‘I want nothing more than to keep you here with me, forever, but I’m not going to be responsible for destroying the one good thing that’s come into my life.’
‘But you’re not destroying me. I’m happy. For once in my life, I’m happy. Fucked up as that may be. But if you carry on with this, you’ll be destroying us, and I won’t let you do that.’
They stared at one another, locked in battle, as the lift pinged and the doors parted. The man inside, ready to leave, blinked back his surprise at the sight of them and their heated silence. They composed themselves and stepped aside, allowing him to go on his way. The awkwardness of the moment calmed them.
‘What do you want?’ she asked as the doors closed and the lift began its descent. ‘What more do you want me to do to prove how much I need to be with you. Do you want me to drop to my knees? To beg?’
‘No, of course I don’t.’
‘Well, stop it, just stop it.’
He looked her over and gently smoothed away the hair that clung to her face, wet with tears. ‘Come back with me,’ he said, frustration still simmering in his eyes. ‘We don’t need to have this drama out here.’
He wrapped his arm around her and walked her back towards his apartment.
Chapter 26
Ethan closed the door and dropped the keys onto the table. The storm had passed, leaving them spent, and with nothing left to do but assess the damage. Elena went to the sofa and sat down.
‘Ethan, please talk to me,’ she said. ‘We need to work this out, because I am not going anywhere. I mean it.’
He sighed, looked to the ceiling, and joined her on the sofa. Sitting forwards in the seat, resting his arms on his legs, he began. ‘I’m fighting demons every day with you,’ he said. ‘I want you, I’ve never hidden that, but it’s all consuming, as I knew it would be. So I had to be in control of it, and I was doing okay, but you’re like my blue touch paper. Seeing the fire in your eyes earlier just tipped me over the edge.’
‘But you can’t control everything,’ she said, reaching out to place her hand on his back. ‘Especially your emotions. Or mine.’
He nodded and stared into the distance. ‘My parents died when I was fifteen. You know this. My brother was two years younger and fell apart. A complete breakdown. It was truly the worst thing. I was expected to hold it all together. Everyone said I had to be strong, and I was happy to do it – for him. I wanted to help him, look after him, and in some way, it helped me too. Gave me a purpose.’
She was desperate to hold him, take away his pain, as she imagined how hard it would have been for him. The grief he must have gone through, all alone, only a teenage boy, just starting out in life. The sudden expectation of having to be the adult, to cope. But she resisted and let him continue.
His lip curled into the faintest smile as he remembered. ‘I managed it, Elena. I took care of everything and looked after my brother. Obviously, we were too young to be left alone, so we lived with an aunt and uncle. We were in their care, but I created the routine for him. I kept us in school, kept things stable – for him and for me. I kept all the balls in the air and took over, but it took control and that gave me what I needed. I began to live my life by it – control in all things. I made the decisions.’ He ran his fingers through his hair. ‘I lived my life and it was fine, it was easy. Don’t get me wrong, I was no monk, but I didn’t let anyone get too close to me and that was fine too, because then I didn’t have to feel.’
He sat back and reached his arm around Elena, pulling her towards him. She let him do it and tucked herself under his arm, gripping tightly, cleaving herself to him. He had given her too much rope. He would have to prize her body off him before she’d let him go now, but he seemed happy to let her do so as he continued.
‘But then you came along, and I knew that was it. Something inside me fired into life again at that house.’ He smiled. ‘I wanted to keep you safe, but it was more than that. I wanted you. I was well aware of what I was doing. I charmed you, made you feel safe enough to want me too, enough to be confident that you’d call the number eventually. I kidded myself that it was as simple as wanting you, so I had to have you. And maybe it was, at the beginning. But now, it’s so much more than that. I need you, Elena, there’s no doubt about it. You make my life worthwhile. You give me something pure, something decent. You make me want to be a better person. Better than I was before. But sometimes the demons come out to play, and when that happens, how can I be sure that it won’t tip into something more damaging?’ He looked in her eyes. ‘Look at you, so, so beautiful, looking at me like that. What if it’s already happened?’
‘I don’t care,’ she said without hesitation. ‘There’s nothing wrong about you and me. It’s complicated and a little… strange… but it’s not wrong.’
‘And that answer just proves what I’ve done, Elena,’ he said.
She smiled. ‘No, it doesn’t. I don’t care what you say. You’re a man with a conscience, that’s all.’ She moved to kneel beside him, taking his face in her hands. She kissed him.
‘So many demons,’ he whispered.
‘I know, Ethan,’ she said as she held him. ‘But I want all of you, including your demons. It’s what makes you who you are.’ She offered another kiss. ‘Let me make you happy. I can do that.’
His breath caught, and he moaned.
She traced her finger over his jaw, watching his resistance give a little, breaking down the barriers. ‘I belong with you,’ she murmured, her fingertips warm and enticing against his skin. ‘You won’t hurt me. I know it. Only if you make me leave.’
‘Elena.’ His eyes scanned hers, heavy with the knowledge that he was losing the will to fight the conflict in his mind. ‘I’d tear down the stars for you.’
Taking his hands in hers, she placed them on her body. ‘If I’m not with you, I’ll have nothing. Is that what you want?’
He shook his head. She kissed him, gently, languidly, pouring all the feelings she had for him in it. All the want, the need. The addiction.
She leant in closer. ‘Come back to me,’ she whispered as she drew him close. ‘I want you as you are, the Ethan I know.’
He pulled her close and kissed her, taking control. She allowed it, encouraged it as his touch set off an explosion of desire within her.
He was careful at first but gained his equilibrium as he he
ld her and pressed his hands firmly against her. She went willingly and savoured the feeling that this little drama was passing them by. She raised her hands and buried them in his hair as the hot sensation of longing radiated through her body, picking up again, where it had been abruptly cut short earlier.
A new feeling raged through her with fierce ambition. She was never going to leave him and, more than that, she was never going to let his conscience get in the way of their relationship again.
***
Music from the radio filled the room as Elena worked the coffee machine. The morning had been perfect. They had woken, tangled together in Ethan’s bed, bathed in morning light, letting the world and all of its chaos pass them by. Hands had trailed over warm skin, finding a newness in everything they touched. Eyes had searched, connecting on a deeper level, and their bodies had moved together, giving and receiving pleasure.
Now, thrust back into the reality of their situation, she carried the two mugs of coffee to the office, and Ethan, and pushed aside a cluster of wires to place the mugs down.
She sat and watched as he concentrated, lost in his world as he flicked between screens.
She glanced at the screens too, watching lines of code scroll up in one continuous roll. ‘How do you do it?’
‘Do what?’
‘Get into people’s systems.’
‘A bit of java script goes a long way,’ he said with a smile. ‘You write some code, manipulate the order of things; confuse the system. It creates a weakness I can work on until I’m in.’
The computer beeped, interrupting their conversation.
‘What’s that?’ she asked as she cupped her mug in her hands.
‘It’s just the system’s attempt to get into another file,’ he said. ‘It’s encrypted and won’t break. It’s so heavily protected, whoever owns it has chucked everything at it. That’s what you’re hearing, all of my coded attempts to confuse. It’ll break, but it might take a while, that’s all.’
‘And what’s that,’ she asked, pointing to another screen. ‘Whose details are you looking at there?’
‘Those are Maxim’s files.’
‘You’re hacking him again?’ she said, suddenly afraid. ‘But I thought you two agreed to leave each other alone?’
‘Don’t panic, we did. I’ve just gone through the information I already had on him.’ He grabbed his mug of coffee. ‘A set of dates in his diary, around the time of your abduction. I didn’t pay it much attention before, but something about this is off somehow.’
‘But he organised the abduction. It makes sense that he would have dates.’
‘Yes, and that’s exactly why I skimmed over it. But looking at them again I noticed these two specific dates he’s kept in his diary,’ he said, highlighting them on the screen. ‘One of them is not consistent with when you were taken. It’s too far in advance.’
‘Maybe he was micro managing the situation at the beginning?’
‘Yeah, but that’s not how he works. He keeps his involvement as minimal as possible and gets others to do his work for him. He puts out the word, fixes up the basics and then takes his payment. The less he’s involved, the less the police can tie him to the event and that’s just how he likes it. But this is different. He’s taken a risk for you here, and that’s out of character.’
‘And what’s the other date?’ she asked, wanting desperately to believe they were edging closer to the truth.
‘Three days into your abduction.’
She stared at him. ‘But what does that mean?’
‘I don’t know, but if we find the person he met, we find the person responsible.’
‘Speaking of which, do you have any more on my uncle?’ she asked.
‘Nothing, his lack of technology makes him frustratingly invisible. I can see that he’s used his passport though. He’s out of the country right now.’
‘Really, he gets to holiday?’ she said and tutted. ‘Not sure if that makes me unbelievably happy that he’s not around, or furious that he gets to take off with no worries, while I’m here, fighting for survival.’
‘I think we’ll go with happy,’ he replied. ‘At least he’s not around to cause any trouble.’
The screen beeped again.
‘Now what is it?’ she said.
‘Another document,’ he said, sitting up in his chair. ‘Well, this is interesting.’
Ethan stared at the screen for a moment and then enlarged the details which showed an online bank statement. ‘Your brother. It would appear he’s been very busy too.’
She leant in to get a closer look at the long list of transactions as her mind began to race. What she saw were innocent enough indications of where he was during the month and what he was doing. Nothing wrong there. But at the end of each month, a sum of money would show up, always five thousand pounds, and always titled ‘Rental’.
‘Rental?’ she murmured. ‘What does that mean? My brother lives alone, and although he owns two properties, neither are rented out.’ She looked at Ethan. ‘What has he been doing?’
‘I’m not sure. I’ll need to check it out, but I think he’s been syphoning money from his employer for himself.’ He pointed to an account. ‘You see this,’ he said as he highlighted the digits. ‘This is the account where his salary originates.’ He moved to the other. ‘There are a few differences between this account and his salary account, but the source is the same. I think he’s managed to open another company account without their knowledge and has been transferring money over each month.’
‘I can’t believe it,’ she murmured. ‘I know he’s capable of many things, but this? He’s paid a fortune; he doesn’t need to do this.’
‘Considering the small amount and the fact that it’s such a large company, it’s likely to go unnoticed. For a while anyway. But look, it’s disappearing. Each month it’s being transferred.’ He clicked to run another scan. ‘I need to investigate this, find out where it’s going.’
She sat back. ‘He obviously needs the money for something. Maybe he’s being blackmailed? Maybe he’s got a secret to protect.’
Ethan nodded. ‘Well, perhaps, but this could be drug use, or some other form of unhealthy pastime, but you’re right, it could be blackmail. I understand very well the lengths people go to ensure dirty secrets never come out into the open. Perhaps he’s no different.’ He glanced at her. ‘But I’m not the one doing it.’
‘I know,’ she said with a faint smile just as a realisation hit her, suddenly and without warning. ‘Oh,’ she whispered. ‘What if that’s true? What if he is being blackmailed? And what if the blackmailers wanted more? A higher amount. Considerably higher.’ She stared at him, wide-eyed. ‘Like an amount that could be obtained from a ransom demand?’
He nodded. ‘Exactly like that.’
‘I’ve got to do something,’ she said. ‘I should go to my parents, let them know.’ She placed her mug down and stood. ‘No, I can’t do that. Not right now,’ she said, pacing now. ‘Things are too strained. What should we do, Ethan? Where do we go from here?’
‘Elena, slow down,’ he said as he moved to her.
She nodded, but couldn’t shake the feeling that the four walls of the room were closing in on her. ‘Could it really be my own brother?’ she asked, needing to take large gulps of air. ‘I mean, what if it is? The bastard.’
He took her by the hand, his brow furrowed with concern. ‘Take it easy. Take a couple of breaths,’ he said, rubbing her cold hands, giving her a moment to calm.
Saying nothing, she nodded and focused on her breathing, trying to calm her heart rate.
‘That’s better,’ he said and smiled. ‘As with your uncle, we don’t want to panic your brother. We don’t want to give him time to destroy files or evidence either. But I think now is the time to bring in DS McAllister.’
‘Yes, absolutely,’ she agreed. ‘We need to go to the police. We can’t wait any longer. And we need to hand over the information on my uncle too. They need
to see it all.’
Ethan nodded his agreement. ‘I’ll get my keys.’
‘What?’
‘I’ll drive us there.’
‘No way,’ she said firmly, at the very limit of her patience. ‘There is absolutely no way I’m strolling into a police station with you. That is not happening.’
‘Well, there’s no way I’m letting you do this alone,’ he shot back. ‘They’ll have no idea who I am. You know I’ve made sure there’s no links between me and your abduction.’
‘I don’t care, I’m not risking it,’ she snapped. ‘I haven’t gone through all this, uprooted my life, to lose you if you’re arrested now. Your presence will be difficult enough to explain and it might make them dig a little deeper.’
‘You need to think about this, take more care.’
‘Oh, for God’s sake, what can possibly happen to me?’ she said, bucking against logic like a frustrated child.
‘What, like the day you were snatched off the street, in broad daylight?’
His words halted her. They injured her too, a harsh reminder of their history. ‘I can take a cab. Where’s the danger in that?’
‘Where do you want me to start?’ he snapped back, angry now. Angry that she refused to see it. ‘You are not travelling alone. It’s simply not happening. I can drop the information into DS McAllister’s inbox, or something.’
‘How will that help when it’s likely to bring him round to mine to ask if I know anything about it, only to find I’m not there? He could go sniffing to my parents and they’ll waste no time informing him about you, then where will we be?’ she argued, refusing to back down. ‘Where’s the danger? Edmund is out of the country, and I’ll make sure Milo is accounted for at his office before I leave.’ She sighed, feeling suffocated by the weight of her situation. ‘I’m not some stupid damsel in distress that needs saving. I need you here, you have that file to break into. It might be important.’
‘I don’t know, Elena.’
‘I need to do this, Ethan. I won’t change my mind.’ She edged closer and reached out to touch him. ‘Please, I can’t risk you going to the police with me. I can’t lose you.’
When I Know Your Name Page 24