“Mason has agreed to start immediately, and the sooner the search is under way, the sooner you can meet your birth mother…. If you want to go ahead with it, that is.”
Regardless of past differences, Mason would respect her privacy. “What matters most is finding my mother.”
“Thatta girl,” Tank said, relief evident on his face as he went to the door.
“Come in, Mason.”
Mason walked to the chair next to Lisa and sat down, putting him within touching distance. But touching him was out of the question. She edged away.
She listened while Tank ran through the provisions of the will, including funds set aside for locating Carolyn Lewis. Yet it was as if they were talking about someone she had no real connection with—and she didn’t. Not yet.
But that was a situation she planned to resolve, with or without Mason’s help. Still, as she listened to Tank, she caught herself hoping that she and Mason would be able to work together. Mason had always been a man of his word, someone she could rely on. It was one of his best qualities, as far as her parents were concerned. And he’d made her feel safe, which had seemed so contradictory, given his pull-out-all the-stops attitude toward life.
Seeing the concentration on his face, the way he was so comfortable in his own skin, his powerful hands resting on the arms of the chair, she was aware of how easy it would be to rely on him once again.
“This would be a professional relationship, nothing more,” she told him after Tank had finished his explanation.
“What other kind of relationship is there?” he asked with the barest hint of a smile on his face.
Those words reminded her of other words, earlier words, spoken in another time and place, laced with anger and pain. “None that fits this particular situation,” she said, tucking her arms against her body.
And yet, what they’d shared had been so special, so much a part of her dreams. When she’d been with Mason, everything had seemed possible. She didn’t want to admit that she still felt tiny pinpricks of regret. Had they made a huge mistake in letting their relationship go?
No, Mason dared to dream big, take risks…and in the end, she couldn’t see herself in a world like that.
He leaned toward her, his gaze direct, uncompromising. “Lisa, you don’t have to worry. I will not let our past interfere with doing my job. You need my professional help, and you can depend on me to deliver.”
Trapped by his gaze, she fought to hide her sadness that somehow their relationship had gone so wrong, so quickly. “I appreciate that,” she said. “And I am counting on it.”
MASON’S GUT ACHED seeing Lisa sitting there, so close yet out of reach. It hurt to hear her voice, so soft and sure, a voice that had once been a beacon of stability for him.
The blue of her eyes drew him into her space with the promise of how much she cared for those she loved—and a few years ago he’d been one of those lucky people.
Meeting her eyes, he reminded himself how different they were in their approach to life. How those differences had meant the end of their relationship.
She wanted certainty and being able to rely on a future bright with contented sameness. She didn’t seem to have the capacity to cope with change. And nothing he’d said had altered her position.
He could finally admit that as he sat next to her.
Lisa’s determination to maintain the status quo had been one thing, but it had been her refusal to consider having a family that had sounded the death knell for any future together.
He hadn’t understood her back then and he still didn’t. Lisa had every advantage in life, while he’d worked for everything he had. Yet she was afraid to take a chance on life, on him or anything outside her predictable world.
Meanwhile, he’d found a comfortable level of enjoyment, if not outright happiness, in his life after Lisa, even after his failed marriage. Despite the changes in his life, he’d often thought of her, if she’d found her own happiness without him.
But watching Lisa now forced him to admit how lonely she was, how much of an emotional blow learning about her birth mother had been. He’d been well aware of how deeply she’d yearned to know her birth parents, to be part of a family she could call her own, not those stiff-necked relatives on her mother’s side.
When Tank had initially filled him in on the case, Mason had believed that Alice and Jim Clarke’s actions were cruel, especially considering that they’d known better than anyone how lonely Lisa had been all these years.
Given the complication of his and Lisa’s past and its potential influence on the case, he had wanted to turn down the job, but the sad truth was that he needed the money to get his business on a sound financial footing. He would hardly be seen as anybody’s hero by including his financial welfare as part of his reason for taking Lisa’s case. But he had to get his finances straightened out if he was going to be able to provide for his son, Peter.
And the retainer from Lisa’s case would cover his agency’s expenses for at least a month—enough time to expand his client list.
In addition to the advantages a cash retainer gave his struggling agency, there was another issue, a much more fundamental one. If Lisa had to learn bad news about her birth mother, he owed it to her to be the one to tell her. She probably wouldn’t agree that he was the best person to do it, but seeing her brought forward feelings he’d never admitted to anyone. Not even to himself. When they were together, he’d wanted to be the one she turned to, the one she could trust. He’d blown it then, but now he had the chance to make it up to her.
Before he’d walked in here today he’d convinced himself he could handle this job. Sitting there now, seeing her obvious distress, made him a little less sure.
“Lisa, I won’t take the case if it makes you uncomfortable.”
She started to say something, then caught herself. “I want you to find my mother,” she said, determination flowing through every word.
“I’ll do whatever I can,” he responded, seeing how tightly she gripped the arms of the chair. At least she wasn’t doing her best to ignore him the way she had the few times they’d met over the past five years.
Lisa had been a dutiful, loving daughter to her parents, the same parents who’d let her down. Lisa’s dedication to them was one of the reasons he’d been attracted to her in the beginning. Lisa had never failed to organize birthday parties for her mom and dad. She’d once told him that one of her reasons for becoming a nurse was to be there for them when they needed nursing care.
Although Lisa seemed to be accepting the loss of her mother quite well, Mason knew that deep down she had to be hurting. Easing her pain was another justification for doing what he could to help her.
“Thank you,” she said.
Seeing the apprehension on her face, he ached to take her into his arms. But what would be the point? He didn’t need the grief of revisiting an old relationship and all the mistakes lurking there. With Lisa, he’d made the kind of mistakes that couldn’t be undone.
“Great. Now that Mason’s on board, we’re all set,” Tank said. “Lisa, I’ll keep you informed of Mason’s progress on the case.”
“So that’s it? There’s nothing left to do?” Lisa asked in a calm voice.
“Only to wait for Mason’s report,” Tank said, turning his attention to Mason.
Taking that as his cue to get on with the job, Mason stood. “I’ll be in touch.”
He’d almost made it to the door when he heard her.
“Mason, I need to speak to you.”
Tank gave a nervous chuckle. “Then I’ll leave you two young people alone.” Tank was up and out the door before either of them could respond.
Lisa came toward Mason, her back straight. She was, as usual, immaculately groomed. Not a strand of her highlighted blond hair had escaped from her ponytail. Her pearl earrings matched her pearl-drop necklace. Her short black skirt showed off her legs as she moved.
“What can I do for you?” he asked, trying to ig
nore the memory of how right she felt in his arms, how the perfume she always wore made his blood run hot.
“When you locate my mother, I expect you to call me immediately. I want to see her as soon as I can.”
Hope shone from her eyes, but Mason had worked in missing persons and knew the devastation hope could cause when the search turned sour.
“I understand how you feel, but have you considered that this might not be a positive experience? Maybe your parents didn’t tell you about your birth mother for a good reason.”
Shock darkened her eyes. She lifted her chin. “I don’t care what the reasons are. If she’s alive, I’m going to meet her.”
He saw the purposeful set to her jaw, but pressed on, anyway. “Lisa, sometimes there are things we’re better off not uncovering.”
“Not in this case. If I’d been told about my mother, I would’ve found her years ago.” She worked her fingers through the strap of her black leather bag, her eyes holding his. “My mother deserves to know who I am, what I’ve become. That I turned out just fine…without her.”
Her voice dropped to an emphatic whisper. “I need to meet her.”
He recognized something in her eyes he’d only seen when they’d talked about his chaotic life growing up in a family of six kids.
Naked longing.
“You’re hoping you have a sister or a brother.”
A whimper of protest slipped past her lips, and her eyes widened. “Please find my mother as soon as possible.”
It wasn’t as if he was flush with cases. And with that look in her eyes, it wouldn’t have mattered, anyway. “I’ll make this my priority.”
He saw her reach for him, then pull back. He understood that her reaching out was an act of relief rather than any caring for him. But he’d taken away her reason to care with his impulsive behavior. He’d do what he could to support her through this. He owed her that much.
The breakup had been his fault because in his shock and anger at her insistence that she didn’t want children he’d said some pretty nasty things about her selfishness, her stubbornness and the cold heart she had to have not to want to share her life with a child. He’d regretted his words afterward, but it was too late to take them back. He could never heal the hurt he’d seen in her eyes, and he’d never been able to erase that look from his mind. “Here’s my business card and cell number. Call me anytime.”
“Thank you,” she said, and for the first time since he’d entered the room a smile raised the corners of her mouth.
As she turned to leave, Mason wished they could somehow connect, despite everything that had gone wrong between them. He needed her appreciation, her respect, as much now as he had back then.
Back when they’d loved each other, he had believed she could change—that loving Lisa the way he had would give her the courage to take a chance on their love, their future together.
He’d learned the hard way that Lisa Clarke wouldn’t risk her emotionally safe way of life, regardless of what was at stake.
CHAPTER TWO
SEEING MASON HAD BEEN unsettling to say the least. Trying to overcome the crazy and confusing emotions his return to her life had created, Lisa spent the next two weeks, in between shifts at the hospital, working on all the estate paperwork and financial issues that still had to be dealt with.
Tank was right—money would not be a problem for her, which meant she was free to do whatever it took to locate her birth mother.
Despite her earlier misgivings, the idea that her mother might be out there somewhere filled her with excitement and hope for the future.
She missed her adoptive mother a great deal, but Alice’s overprotective and fearful attitude had been a source of anxiety in Lisa’s life.
Although Alice Clarke had never said it in so many words, Lisa had understood that as much as her mother loved her, she hadn’t been at ease with raising her. Children were cause for concern. Children were accidents waiting to happen.
But what her adoptive mother had done or not done was in the past. The important thing now was to hear from Mason about Carolyn Lewis. How would it feel to see the woman who’d given birth to her? What would her mother look like and how would she sound?
There were moments she couldn’t believe Carolyn was still alive. That the morning in Tank’s office had been a dream.
When Alice became ill, Lisa had given up her apartment and moved home to manage her mother’s care with the help of a home nurse. This morning, finding it difficult to sleep in her parents’ empty house, Lisa went to work early for her day shift at Duke Medical.
Two years ago, she’d left her job as a nurse in the emergency department to go to the pediatric unit to better understand why children made her so anxious. Despite her initial fear she had been surprised at how much she enjoyed working in pediatrics. When a position had opened up for head nurse of the unit, she’d cranked up her courage and applied. A month ago she’d gone in for the interview and she was hopeful. If she got the job it would be proof that she could be responsible for a child—at least of their physical needs. Whether or not she could tend to their emotional needs by coming to grips with her own feelings was still unlikely. But it was a step in the right direction and she was proud of how far she’d gotten in the process.
Although she defended her decision not to have her own children that night in the restaurant to Mason, his words had had an impact.
And her time in the pediatric ward had forced her to face the root of her anxieties. Sure, her mother had influenced how she behaved around kids, but the real reason was Linda Jean Bemrose and the night the little girl had nearly died when Lisa was babysitting. All because she’d been talking on the phone instead of watching Linda Jean.
“I didn’t expect you to be here this early,” Melanie Campbell said as Lisa entered the unit. “How are you doing?”
Lisa hadn’t seen Sara’s sister for a couple of weeks, due to different nursing rotations. “I’m doing quite well, really.”
“You’re sure? I was worried the pressure of caring for your mother and then going through the funeral might be too upsetting for you. If it were me, I’d be so tired.” Melanie slumped down in her chair.
Lisa wished she could tell Melanie about her birth mother, but it would mean a whole lot of explaining she couldn’t handle right now.
It embarrassed her that she felt she couldn’t share something important in her life with a friend, but that was how private issues had been dealt with in her family. The only person she’d ever talked to about being adopted was Mason. He’d been so understanding when she’d told him how much she wished she’d known her birth parents. That confession had brought them closer—until that night at the restaurant. She wondered afterward if maybe he’d been looking for an excuse to break up with her; he’d never made an issue of children before that night. When she’d heard he’d married Sara a short time later, her suspicions were confirmed.
“It’s been a difficult time,” she said, “but each day gets a little easier.”
“I have the perfect tonic for you. Sara’s rock band is playing a Fourth of July concert right here in Durham, and I have two free tickets.”
Sara’s band wasn’t her type of music. Lisa preferred light classical, but it was sweet of Melanie to offer her a ticket. “Thank you for thinking of me, but maybe another time.”
Enthusiasm radiated from Melanie’s brown eyes. “You’re going to miss a great night. Sara said an L.A. talent agent is going to be at the July 4th show. She’s already met him a couple of times and she’s sure that he’s going to offer her a contract.” Her smile faded. “Then the band would have to move to L.A.”
Mason and Sara were divorced, but what would happen if Sara took Peter away with her? How would Mason feel about that? But it was no longer her concern; besides, she needed to concentrate on her own life.
“Your sister’s braver than I am. I wouldn’t want to move away from here. Especially to a place like Los Angeles.”
; “Me, neither, but Sara’s music career is important to her.”
Lisa merely nodded but underneath her calm exterior, she felt a strange sense of loss. Regardless of how he’d behaved with her, she’d always known what family meant to Mason. He would want Peter to be around people who loved him, especially Mason’s large family.
HOURS LATER, WEARY BUT feeling good about her workday, Lisa parked by her house. As she entered, she was acutely aware of the silence. Without the sounds of the TV and the caregiver chatting and playing cribbage with her mother, the house had no life.
On nights like this the idea of listing the house made sense to her. She put her keys and purse on the granite counter and slipped her arms out of her jacket.
As she’d done for the past two weeks, she checked for messages, and this time there was one—from Mason. He was in Florida and wanted her to call him on his cell.
Barely able to contain her excitement, she dialed the number. Mason answered on the first ring. “Thanks for getting back to me,” he said.
She clutched the phone. “You found my mother.”
“I did. Carolyn Lewis is in a nursing home outside Melbourne.”
Carolyn Lewis. Her mother. Despite all the times she’d imagined meeting her, she was suddenly over come with dread at the prospect.
“Is she okay? What did she say when you told her I was looking for her?”
There was a long pause.
“What’s wrong? Mason, please, if there’s a problem, I need to know. Is she okay?” Then a thought struck her. “Is my mother ill?”
“No, she seems all right, Lisa. But I didn’t talk to her. That’s up to you. How soon can you get down here?”
If she could trade a couple of shifts… “I’ll be there the day after tomorrow. Where exactly are you?”
“Have you got a pen handy?”
She searched the kitchen drawer, unearthing a pen and pad of paper from under the material the real estate agent had left her. “Go ahead.”
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